NeroW

My vote is NO to all dates in Sept. Sorry, guys. October is open.

I know what you mean. I cut my wrist on one of those rolls the other day.

I was worried you would say that about the wine. Actually, I thought about it. Craig Camp, I would love to drink better wine! Send me some. Lamb, mass consumption runs in my family. We are hearty, strong-backed Scandinavians, who like nothing more than a joint of meat, raucous conversations at table, and drink after a long day of work. You ought to see some of my uncles, or my sister, Fritz Brenner. They make me look like a wuss. Seriously--please keep in mind that this blog was written over a "holiday" week for me. Family in town, the wedding of my oldest friend, etc. I *do not* normally behave in this manner. Also, these items were consumed over 24-hour periods. If I crammed all that into, say, 2 hours, I'd be worried. And probably dead. As an example of a more "normal" intake, and as my last post, here is yesterday. Monday, August 18: 2 cups coffee 1 sesame-seed bagel with cream cheese Baking 101: 1 slice white pan-bread, 1 white dinner roll, 2 slices of my baguette (came out great) with thick slatherings of Brie lifted from the dairy coolers. 1 peanut-butter cookie A bowl of couscous and red-lentil soup that my roommate made. I must teach her about salt. I threw some peanuts in the bowl for crunch. Midnight snack: Breton Wheat Crackers with homemade roasted-garlic hummous. See? NO Mountain Dew. NO booze. NO dope. ONLY 2 cups of coffee. NO Chardonnay. And now, I pass this on to Soba. Thanks everyone.

Oh my God! Before she picked up a knife she dropped acid?

That's . . . whoa.

Bell's the *worst* beer? You must've drank some good beers in your time, my friend

Holy shit! Is that legal?

It was during Wednesday's tapas with my mother and her friends. Somehow we got on the topic of dental care.

Must . . . eat . . . this . . . KateW, congratulations on your life sentence! When I eat alone, it's not special. Cooking for myself is no fun--when it's just me, it's strictly "food as fuel" time. Bagels. Chips. Giant heaping salami and cheese sandwiches that I'd never eat in front of another person. Sometimes I make a pasta or a burger, if I'm feeling saucy. But those purchased soups that have 7,000,000 mg of sodium--those really rock my world.

Maggie-- Four-inch heels?! I wore very low heels to the wedding on Saturday. Lately, when I actually get to *take my clogs off*, my feet seem strange, and for some reason, I feel guilty looking at them--like neglected pets I once loved, but no longer have time for. Saturday, August 17: One very bad cup of coffee at a diner. I put cream in it, which doesn't happen unless the coffee is extraordinarily bad--which this was. One runny-ass egg. A few bites of "American fries," no ketchup. I've been having mixed feelings about ketchup for the past few weeks. One half of one piece of wheat toast with "fruit spread." One piece of bacon. 2 of these weird little parsley-seed oil capsules that promise "fresh breath for hours!" They really work. Seriously. And they only cost a quarter! They erased the evil-coffee taste from my mouth. 2 cups of REAL coffee when I got home. A bowl of Mac 'n Cheese while looking at eG. A few sips of my friend's homebrew--a Stout (indifferent) and a red Ale, which was damn tasty. Dinner was eggplant parm (my mom's fiance makes the best), and for those who don't like eggplants, there was spaghetti with an all-day simmered tomato sauce, containing big-ass pieces of pork, sauteed shrooms, etc. Garlicky bread. Salad. I've been *blah* about salad lately. And an indeterminate amount of white wine. Lindemans Chard. I think over the course of the evening, 8-10 glasses is a safe estimate. And another JD with the Boy. On the rocks.

I don't want to think about it, but tanabutler is mostly right--only it's not a cocktail, per se, it's more of a shot. You drop a shot-glass full of either whisky (in the case of an Irish Car Bomb) or Bailey's into a half-pint of Guinness, and then drink it fastfastfast, before it "curdles." Saturday, August 17 5 cups coffee, again, Upson's beans, this time at the Boy's house--he's buying it now, and so should you: Upson Web Shop 1 "Works" bagel with cream cheese, more coffee (part of a small cup) a handful of reduced-fat CheezIts on the way to the wedding (not bad!) 5 cubes cheddar cheese, 5 or 6 cubes swiss cheese, a few swipes of Boursin, and a little triangle of Brie from the "cheese platter". I also ate one of the crackers from the platter, just plain old wheat crackers, but they were soft, exactly as if a baby had drooled all over them. If that happened with the caterer at *my* wedding, I'd be ripping somebody a new one. But cheese is always fine on its own, especially Boursin, which I prefer to just eat with my fingers. 3 glasses Chardonnay while waiting for dinner service (I believe it was Robert Mondavi they were pouring. At least, that's what my headache tells me right now). 1 dinner roll with soft butter that had been molded into pretty flower shapes, which I thoroughly enjoyed deconstructing. I, being pretty much a lifelong meat-eater, had placed an order for the Prime Rib. FritzBrenner, my date, and a recently-converted meat-eater, somehow got stuck with the Chicken. The Prime Rib came with what *looked* to be potatoes dauphinoise (capital-G Garlic too, let me tell you), and 5 green beans wrapped in a thin slice of carrot ( ). It was a gigantic slab of meat and I was pleased to see it. The Chicken came in a pineapple (I believe it was pineapple) gravy , with a wild-rice pilaf and the same bean-carrot parcel. The Chicken was woefully overcooked--and I do mean woefully. They, as we say at school, cooked the f**k out of it. I had 2 more glasses of Chardonnay while we were eating. Then several hours of Eddie Money, Al Green, Elvis, and 50 Cent ensued. My guess is that I had around 4 more glasses of wine during this time, but I can't remember the exact number. The Limbo Stick came out at about 12:30 AM, and Fritz Brenner showed everyone who was boss on the Limbo tip. I remember I had at least 1 glass of wine while I watched the Limbo--so maybe I had 5 more after dinner. I had one bite of the wedding cake, which I wasn't going to eat. But I was sitting next to this horrid specimen in black and pearls who looked *just* like Amanda Peet (at least according to Fritz Brenner, I have no idea who the hell Amanda Peet is). She weighed about 8 pounds, and she was whining to her boyfriend (who also weighed about 8 pounds)--"please, honey, please help me eat this cake, I've had like 3 pieces, do you understand I'm on my THIRD piece of cake, plus I ate all that meat and you hardly ate ANYTHING, please don't let me eat anything tomorrow, God, I'm like the big fat girlfriend and you're the anorexic boyfriend." Finally the poor embattled man said he'd try the damn cake, so she fed him a microscopic piece of it, and then proceeded to start all over again: "Please, honey, help me eat this cake, I'm so fat and you're so skinny, why are you so skinny?" He said: "I can't help it, I don't really like food." At this point, I said "I'll eat that piece of cake if you guys don't want it." So I had part of a piece of marble cake. Also, I just remembered, I had a Bud Light with some golfers who'd crashed the wedding--they all had names like "Bud" and "Dan" and I think they really believed I was going back to their room with them, even though I implied no such thing. If "illegal drugs" count as something to include in a Foodblog, I smoked a joint, too, with a few of my mom's friends, behind the lodge where the reception was. Can I get arrested for that? Are there eGullet po-lice? Then I went over to the Boy's house and we had a glass of Jack Daniels before bed. On the rocks.

Thursday, August 14 (stopped weighing self) 4 cups Upson's coffee 1 can Mountain Dew Soups and Sauces Class. Hollandaise day, therefore: 3 tasting-spoonfuls of hollandaise 3 (OK, maybe 4 or 5) tasting-spoonfuls bernaise 1 tasting-spoonful of "Asian" hollandaise (reg. hollandaise + soy, sesame, cilantro, and minced ginger) 2 corn and queso fresco quesadillas while waiting for the mole to cook--my Chef was born in Mexico and considers mole to be *the* mother sauce, which is just fine with me. So, a big plateful of simplified mole: Roasted tomatoes, onions, garlic, ancho/habaneros, peanuts, sesame seeds, raisins, chocolate, etc., with a chicken breast and a pile of "Mexican" rice and several corn tortillas. Another Mountain Dew. Then, 3 glasses of Pinot Grigio at the bar. A few hours after the mole ( ), my share of the following tapas-- Marinated olives, baked goat cheese with tomato-basil sauce, grilled salmon with green peppercorn sauce, beef tenderloin brochettes with fries and caramalized onions, grilled chorizo and blood sausauge, smoked salmon with capers and dill cream sauce, patatas bravas, marinated pork loin with homemade fries, grilled squid with EVOO, garlic, and lemon, grilled Iberico ham with manchego and tomato bread, and grilled shrimp with EVOO, garlic, and white wine. 7 (or more, prob. more) glasses of white sangria. 1 Baskin-Robbins chocolate-vanilla swirl cone, single scoop. Friday, August 15: 3 cups Upson's coffee 1 glass Naked juice 2 Bloody Mary's, one with beef-stick, the other in moving vehicle (I wasn't driving, folks) so no cop-attracting garnishes in that one a few crackers with some sort of cheese spread grilled bacon, cheese, and tomato sandwich on rye with fries one and one-half "Chicago-style" hotdogs and the rest of my mom's fries (sandwich, fries, and dogs consumed in same sitting) split a large Taco-Bell cup full of vodka and fruit punch with the Boy 2 Oberon's 1 quart Old Style (only $2 at The Green Top in Kalamazoo, MI!) 1 Stoli and tonic 1 "Car Bomb" a banana. Thank you, everyone, for your kind words and attention. Now I will go to a wedding, and lo and behold, I still fit into a size 8 dress.

Oh, dude, me neither.

No September for me.

I just don't like how they say shit like "here's your DELICIOUS Grande Latte" or "have a DELICIOUS cookie to go with that DELICIOUS Frappucino, won't you" or "so sorry, we're all out of DELICIOUS regular cream cheese, would you like lite cream cheese instead, it's also DELICIOUS."

Grab your Alkaseltzer tablets and hold on to the backs of your toilets, folks, because by request, here comes my Foodblog. Wednesday, August 13, 151 lbs.: In the morning, before class, I drank 3 cups of W.J. Upson's coffee (beans purchased from my friends Lin and Larry Czapla, purveyors of the fantastic Upson's Wine/Coffee store in Kalamazoo, MI). Then I ate something called a Turkey and Swiss on Rye that I bought out of the vending machines at school for $1 USD. The Garde Manger class wasn't giving up the goods, so I had to take emergency measures. The sandwich was remarkably tasteless. I think it had a *hint* of rye. I think (but don't want to believe) that it had margarine on it as well. During class (Baking 101), I ate a spatula full of Vanilla Pound Cake batter. My finished cake was rather flat, as I had not incorporated enough air into the batter. Oh f***in' well. Then I ate a Devil's Food Cupcake with Chocolate Glaze, and a piece of Chocolate Chiffon Cake with Raspberry Filling and Chocolate Glaze on the top. Then I drank a Mountain Dew! During lecture, I ate three pieces of the aforementioned Pound Cake--one with all butter, one with all shortening, and one with half butter, half shortening. Just to taste the differences. I had a Wintergreen Life Saver somewhere in there as well. Also during lecture, we had a Product I.D. Quiz, which means I ate wet-fingerfuls of each of the following: Cream of Tartar. Baking Soda. Cinammon. Iodized and Kosher Salt. Granulated and Powdered Sugar. Nutmeg. Allspice. Vanilla. Vegetable Oil. Cornstarch. The Chef *insisted* that we taste each product before we identified it. Cream of Tartar tastes so bad, I refuse to believe you can't get a buzz off that shit. Then I had another Mountain Dew to wash it all down. After class, I had dinner with my mom, her friends, and FRITZ BRENNER. But before dinner, I drank about 5 glasses of Crow Canyon Chardonnay. I also ate several cracker-thingies with some sort of cheese. And cold shrimp, but the condo had no cocktail sauce fixings, so we bogarted a sauce out of ketchup and caper juice. Yum! And I had another Devil's Food Cupcake. Dinner was a leg of lamb in a port-wine glaze, fresh-picked green beans with a bit of butter and salt, warm baguettes, and a salad that had beets and some other stuff in it. We had red wine with dinner--I think--probably Fat Bastard. I ate only about 5 pieces of lamb. After dinner I had some more wine, maybe 3 more glasses, and another piece of Chocolate Chiffon Cake, and then I went home. As a midnight snack, while reading "Poland" by James Michener, I had a handful of Ruffles with Ridges. Thank you for your attention. I won't be able to post again until Friday, when I will post today's intake, which is shaping up to be *quite* heinous.

elyse, I would have killed *not* to be there.

Egad. A few maki short of a sushi platter that lad. That's one way to put it. That's not how the Chef put it, but . . . it's along the same lines.

Either hers or NeroW's, as well. I'll do one, but be warned: Most of my caloric consumption comes in the form of booze, or coffee. Sometimes gum. With the powers invested in me: Nero: You're it! So . . . do I do it here, or get a room?

Aw, come on, Jinmyo . . . what about the *garlic press*? You're kidding, right? Nothing more useless. I just use the heel of my hand or if I'm feeling fancy the handle of my chef's knife. And I'm usually doing twenty or so cloves if I'm peeling garlic. fresco, nice. Yes. I'm kidding.

Yargh, I hate that one! We get one in my neighborhood that plays "Do Your Ears Hang Low" and then this horrible lady's voice blares out: "Hello? He-ll-oooo?" It sits on the corner right outside my window for 10, 15 minutes at a time. I feel like waving a white flag at it. Hmmm, do any of the kids (or their parents, or the ice-cream men) realize that "Do Your Ears Hang Low" is just a sanitized version of the old wartime ditty, "Do Your B**** Hang Low"? Really, truly. Think about the words.... not sure how far back it goes though, if the soldiers sang that during the Civil or Revolutionary war. My mom used to sing it to us as "Do Your Tits Hang Low?"

I forgot, I made this too, only I couldn't find ricotta salata, so I used goat's cheese.

Tell him to come over to my house and empty my fridge door of all the Weird Shit that's in there. Seriously, I have a friend who eats Condiment Sandwiches. Ketchup and white bread is his favorite. He ate 4 of them, once, while we froze with our beers held halfway to our open mouths, staring in horror.

Either hers or NeroW's, as well. I'll do one, but be warned: Most of my caloric consumption comes in the form of booze, or coffee. Sometimes gum.

Tiny Salad! Big Salad! Jinmyo, are you hiring? When I first started cooking, I was making "homemade" macaroni and cheese (I believe Julia Child's, but I am not sure). I burned the bechamel, didn't realize it, and completed the dish. My boyfriend and I couldn't eat it, so we took it to a friend's house and told him it was "Smoked Macaroni." He loved it.