Joisey

I haven't gone back through the whole thread, but looking at those great pictures posted a few pages ago made me remember a tip when doing this: Before you cure the legs, take a paring knife and run it around the leg bone just below the knob, cutting through the meat and tendons. This will give you a much cleaner bone when serving later, as the cooking will pull back all the meat from the leg.

You can find these on Craigslist sometimes, too. I got mine on there for 10 bucks. It's great if you're getting into smoking/curing and you want to properly enjoy the fruits of your labor.

Carved Prime Rib for Adam Sandler (before he was famous, opening for a pre-TV phenomena Jerry Seinfeld). Also cooked for Henry Rollins (nice guy), George Thorogood (Drunken Ass), Charles Barkley (nailed our hot event coordinator), The Scorpions and the head roadie for the Allman Brothers (who got us backstage where all kinds of hijinks involving stolen bestiality porn and groupies ensued). Catered a private radio reception for a pre-famous (and pre-"out") Melissa Etheridge who was a really cool lady. The best was when Van Halen was snuck through our kitchen and up the service elevator to avoid a throng of fans. Didn't meet them, all I could see was a bunch of guys running by and Sammy Hagar's huge poodle perm.

--And sometimes, violence is just plain... fun.-- Swan: Why'd you do it? Why'd you kill Cyrus? Luther: No reason...I LIKE doing things like that!

For the pros...I'm in the middle of setting up a new kitchen and I'm wondering if a Pasta Cutter exists for a #12 Accessory Hub (as found on Hobart Mixers)...Something equivalent to a Kitchenaid pasta attachment but a little bigger. Anyone know if this exists? Couldn't find it after a couple of Google searches.

--If you give them one from the pantry, it's automatically and absolutely violent behavior, something that the waiter could not possibly have anticipated. It takes away the beauty of the act. -- Sometimes there are no lessons to be learned between the lines of gratuitous and abhorrent behavior.

--A could weeks later we sold HSKIADWA a nice fat bag of oregano, we took the proceeds and bought a whole boatload of beer.-- That's a classic. Amazing what some Oregano and a little pickling spice looks like.

Oh man, another great one that you have to reserve for someone you don't like is throwing ice chips in emulsified sauces they are making...I worked with an obnoxious bastard who thought he was god's gift. However, it seemed EVERY service right before we opened, his buerre blanc and hollandaise would shatter. He kept getting demos from the increasingly ill-tempered sous chef and chef until finally the Chef snapped out on him and sent him home. I found out later that another guy was icing his stuff down every night as we went to shift meal. Brutal.

The "Noob" portion of the thread: The Bucket of Steam is always cool, as are fictitious tools (left handed chicken stretcher). If you have time, set it up to have the Noob go from person to person, eventually leading back to you. I had some waitress looking for a "cucumber clamp" one busy lunch. She came back exasperated without it, and was all dramatic..."God, what are we going to do now??" Grimly, I said, "I guess I'll have to hold the cucumbers manually as I cut them".... Get a saute pan smoking hot and put some red pepper flakes in. Ask the Noob if this smells ok....hit the pan with a little white wine as you bring it up to his face to smell it. Another good "how does this smell?" is reducing balsamic vinegar.

Reef, if all that stuff is true than it IS an improvement. Had a few friends who did the cruise ship thing, and the stories were roaches, paint sticking to your feet and seasickness. What they also said was that basically you're a slave to the ship..15 hour days and they grab you on your rest if they need you. I gather it's a great way to make a lot of money quickly, provided you don't blow it at ports of call or gambling with other crew on the ship.

Reefpimp, I sense a kindred spirit in you as well. It's stuff like this that helps make the job bearable. A couple more off the top of my head: Putting honey on the handles of someone's ladles/tongs is always fun during the middle of service. You can have fun with the paper chef hats too. Whip some cream until it's barely aerated, then deftly put a dollop on the top of someone's hat where the air holes are (staff meals are a good time for this when hats are off). As the night goes on the cream melts and drips onto the person's head. OR if someone sweats through their hat, offer to get them another one. Make sure it's a busy night so minimal attention is paid. Get them another hat but write something in big letters above the white band.."DICK" or something else obnoxious. If you hand it to them quickly they won't notice and will wear it all night.

It was pretty interesting, but I just couldn't get past the dork factor. When Wylie Dufresne was on the show, I was actually rooting for him at the end. This time I was hoping Morimoto would hand Cantu his ass. My all time favorite was the Flay/Tourondel goat cheese battle.

Does anyone know anything about Robert Irvine? There was a hotshot Executive Chef in Atlantic City a few years ago with the same name, I'm wondering if it's him.

OK, here's the "bathroom" chapter of the thread. Everyone has probably heard about saran wrapping the bowl, this only works in a bathroom with not a lot of light. A better one is to put PC packs of mayo or another condiment underneath the rubber feet of the toilet seat. Someone sits down, and the "back of the leg dripping" fun begins. If you're REALLY cruel, take a habanero pepper, halve it and rub the pith on the handle of the bathroom door, especially one that you know male co workers will be using. What's the first thing that gets touched after the door handle? This guy I worked with had a couple of our cooks almost crying with this one..."My balls, oh Jesus my balls are on fire!!" May be the funniest thing I've ever seen in the kitchen. If you use thick sausage for anything, take it out of the casing still intact and throw it in the toilet. The more the better, whole rope preferred. Leave some hanging off the side for added effect. Finally, the coup de grace...Only do this to a manager or someone else you don't like, and only if it's a private bathroom. There's a thing called an "upper decker" where you defacate into the TOP tank of the toilet rather than the bowl. As things start breaking down, the water is always foul and smelly, and it will take a while to figure out why. I've seen this done at parties, and one of my co-workers did it in the executive bathroom at the Casino I worked at. DISCLAIMER: Only do this stuff to your coworkers in employee-approved bathrooms. I can't condone exposing customers to this juvenile activity.

--Oh and Ducasse in NY is a union shop, I don't think its hindered their approach to fine dining at all. -- Read the book. I'm telling you, if you've never worked in a Union Kitchen, you have no idea how pervasive the bad attitudes are. I'm not anti-union by any means, I have also belonged to the United Transportation Union (Railroad end) and believe me they are a complete necessity. You need to live it to fully understand how much integrity gets compromised by having an affiliation. I could write pages and pages of the shit I've seen that wouldn't fly in a regular joint. You absolutely get great pay and benefits. However, the "protection" that you supposedly get through a Union isn't always there. Also, because the relationship with management is so antagonized by all the ridiculous rules, they will work twice as hard to exploit every loophole they can against you. Believe it, I've seen it a hundred times, from both sides of the coin. The whole atmosphere is not conducive to a great final product and a good working environment.

Georges Perrier of Le Bec Fin in Philadelphia...don't know him personally but had a few friends who worked for him. One of those guys like Ramsay, talented as hell but extremely abusive and a perfectionist. Guys either leave him after 2 weeks or stay with him for 20 years. He turned into a bit of a celebrity towards the end of the time I lived in the area.

--2. I think I heard the new Chefography is going to include RR!!!!-- If they do it truthfully, a lot of opinions will change about her. She had nothing handed to her and built up what she has by working her ass off. She was also repeatedly insistent that she had no place on TV when they were trying to get her to sign on to do the show. Most of the better TV personalities are the ones who are naturals but don't know it/deny it.

I'm going to agree with the last two posters, I thought the gimmickry was absolutely ridiculous. The irony is that Morimoto beat Cantu on presentation, but Cantu beat Morimoto on taste. Obviously Cantu can cook, but it was like watching "Revenge Of The Nerds" in a kitchen.

I've been pretty lucky to have mostly normal experiences (although some quirky ones) with the chefs I've been around. HOWEVER, I had a humorous one with a part owner who THOUGHT he was the chef. I worked at a really nice restaurant/wine bar in a city in Upstate NY in the early 90s. Fine dining had just started taking off, so we were pretty hot. One of the "silent" partners was a rotund short guy with an out of control beard and a French accent. His name was Etienne and he was always coming through the kitchen telling us that we were shoemakers and he wanted superstars in his kitchen. The real chef, who was a great guy, had to put up with it because Etienne had a 1/3 share of the joint. He made our lives fucking miserable. Anyway, after I had left to take my first Chef position at another place, I happened to be talking to my banquet Chef about Etienne and he just started laughing. "That guy is a fraud, dude. His name isn't Etienne and he's not French, he's from Brooklyn and his name is Earl. I used to play poker with him and he hates when people know his real deal". Of course I had to go down to my old place that night after work for a drink and say "How's it going back there, EARL??" The mortified look on his face made all the hell he put me through worth it.

--One could also suggest that Atlantic City -- for all its charms-- has never been abd is not likely to becomea fine dining destination. -- We had enough talent in our kitchen to take things up a few levels. Maybe not Ducasse/Keller level, but a lot better than things were. The weak links were the ones that always threw the "union" shit in everyone's faces because they knew they were protected. Read Doug Psaltis' book "The Seasoning Of A Chef", there are a couple of parts talking about why Unions don't fit into kitchens.

We had a chef with a moderate seafood allergy, nothing fatal but highly irritating. When he got bitchy, someone would go into his office and rub shrimp stock on the inside of his jacket where his nipples would be.

Another good one is the old "load up the pasta/red sauce with habaneros" and leave it for an unsuspecting busboy or waiter to pick at. A neat twist to that is to then have a pitcher of white vinegar with ice cubes in it and some cups right next to the pasta. An all time classic is to take the spent grounds out of an espresso machine and pipe a little dab of whipped cream, maybe a berry or some creme anglaise, and leave it on the server's stand.

What are some of the best practical jokes you've ever seen or been a part of? Points for originality and mean-spiritedness. For instance, everyone has hot-plated a waiter they are having a problem with. A neat variation is to do it out of the pantry station...never expect a 200 degree salad plate.

--I worked as a guest chef for Charlie Trotter and he is all business, to a fault. He has absolutely no sense of humor and very limited interpersonal skills. -- I always figured that guy has a stick up his ass. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall during his Foie war with Rick Tramonto. I can picture him near-embolism..."HE SAID WHAT???"

Kitchen Confidential could turn into "Encyclpedia Britannica" size without much effort. This truly is a unique profession.