mizducky

The buffet table at the potluck Christmas dinner I attended today at the Unitarian church of which I am a member. Yes, that's not one but two gelatin concoctions you see on the table, both in the traditional 9"x13" configuration. See? Even Unitarians do jello molds for church suppers! I have no explanation for the symbol marked in Cool Whip on the pink one; knowing Unitarians, I'm guessing it was an attempt to make a peace sign (as opposed to a Mercedes Benz logo). I did have some of the pink one, which was labeled as an ambrosia salad (signified by coconut among the embedded ingredients). It tasted nice enough. I didn't have room on my plate for the green one on the first trip through the line, and by the time I made the second trip it was gone. Personally, I don't have anything against jello salads as such. After all, they're (distant) relatives of aspics and other savory jelled dishes, which I love. The horrid ones I think would be horrid nomatter what the ingredients were embedded in. The good ones are nice enough ... it's just that there are lots of things I like lots better. (This was a very decent potluck, by the way--there are some good cooks in this congregation. My contribution was a sorta-deliberately non-traditional Asian noodle salad. I made a huge amount, and was gratified to see that most of it was vaccuumed up, leaving just enough for me to make a late-night dinner.)

Heh. After all that, I think you earned the culinary equivalent of a Purple Heart.

Jonathan Day, that is a most wonderful story! Not to mention that it confirms all my worst prejudices about old-style Home Ec teachers (sez she who suffered through a Home Ec class whose teacher could neither cook nor sew well--geez, what the heck's left?!? )

I suppose everybody's seen this time-honored parody floating about the Net, but in case there are a couple of people who missed it, here is the classic "Night Before Christmas Jewish Chinese Restaurant Parody". Enjoy!

Zuke--given your droll sense of humor, I think you'll appreciate this: every time I see your blog's tagline, "A Merry Zucchini Christmas", my brain keeps hearing that line sung to the tune of a song from the Disney animated version of Alice in Wonderland, "A Very Merry Unbirthday." So--a Very Merry Zucchini to you and your delightful family as you all continue to prepare for the holiday feast! P.S. I love the photo of your dad helping with the turkey-stuffing (it is a whole lot easier with someone holding the bird up to receive the goods, innit?)

Heh. I have definitely had my share of funky-tasting Hanukkah gelt in my time, so it's kind of nice to see that experience validated. I always liked the way the gelt looked and felt in the hand while still wrapped. But between the grainy, not-very-chocolatey chocolate, and the difficulty getting the danged wrappers off, they mostly seemed more trouble than they were worth except for the traditionalism of it all. Now I'll have to duck into my local See's to, well, see if their version is the improvement the WP taste-testers say it is. (Provided the local See's has got 'em.)

Given my broad-shouldered build, I tend to look like half of the Hans und Franz duo when I wear sweats. Combine that with my Spongebob crying pillow and I look like a pubescent member of the East German womens' swim team. Time for a group portrait? As far as the eye candy, Genny, I presume you mean Tyson--and I ain't talkin' Tyson chicken, Girlfriend! So what does that make me--an eye appetizer, at least? ← An eye-forshpeis, perhaps? Speaking of which, it's getting close to that time of month for me too, I can feel it coming on ... just in time for some holiday fressing (not to take your nickname in vain, Fresser... ) I've got tons of food in the house right now... but NO CHOCOLATE, so I'm going to have to fix that right away!

Late breakfast: big bowl of congee with sliced scallions, fermented bean curd, and a dollop of dark soy sauce. I'm getting to be a major congee fan here (kudos to the established congee fans here on eGullet for encouraging me). I suspect I make the stuff a whole lot thicker than is traditional, but I like it that way. Very soothing to the system.

The Duck went to Hahvahd? (Radcliffe?) I would imagine the soup du jour there would be clam chowder, not cream o' mushroom. ← Oh dear. The subject of culinary atrocities perpetrated on the students of Fair Harvard by their dining halls, while fascinating in that train-wreck way shared by some of the tales in this thread, would probably lead us way off-topic. Suffice it to say that a goodly amount of the stuff they attempted to feed us would make even a GBC made with canned green beans look like haute cuisine in comparison. Whatever that school was doing with the money we paid 'em, very little of it involved buying good food.

They can find their way to a FAQ on the Internet but they can't measure water, let alone boil it? No worries, I'm doing more than enough snickering for you and me both. Other random comments: Sandy: Isn't "inner Oreo" sorta-kinda redundant? I mean, given that the point of the metaphor is the white innards of the cookie? Oh, and folks, in case you didn't pick it up, Sandy and I met in college, so I can personally attest to him being a Brotha in good standing. (And an order of magnitude less Oreo than certain high mucky-mucks in the administration of said college at the time we were attending... )

Actually, I do hope the stuff comes out tasting great--because then I can make it for friends, and weird them out by telling them about the "secret ingredient" after they've tasted it.

Surely you mean, "Beware of men with gorgeous gams driving PT Cruisers!" And since we've broached the subject in the "Wild Women" thread, let it be known that Pontormo herself wants me to dress up and join the Ladies Who Lunch brigade. Just where DO they sell the red hat & purple dress ensemble, RachelD? ← Jumping in on behalf of Rachel, because I just can't resist--clickie here

Cook's snack. (IMO it's just a little too strong-flavored to include in the giblet gravy or stuffing. Or more accurately, it wouldn't be too strong for me personally, but liver-loathing friends I've cooked for wouldn't be happy.)

Once again, this singleton will be going to church for the Christmas Day meal--this time a potluck just for members of the congregation, for which I understand the volunteer-elves will be making several turkeys and encouraging others to bring all kinds of sides. I've decided to go distinctly non-traditional with my contribution: I'll be making some kind of Asian rice noodle salad. I'm pretty sure, from prior experience, that other folks' contributions will range from traditional to far afield--that's what makes it interesting. (Unlike the tales from the topic on scary potluck dishes we have known, my church tends to be pretty decent to pretty danged good with the potluck thang.)

Sort of off on a tangent: does anyone know why this technique is called "velveting"? Is it called "velveting" in any of the Chinese dialects, or does the word or words for this translate literally as something else? Just curious, as the texture it gives to meat doesn't necessarily make me think of velvet (the fabric). ← Velveting required marinating with oil, seasonings and cornstarch first before cooking the meat. This process gives the texture known as " wat in Cantonese, wot in Toisanese". These terms translate to smooth, silky. The surface of the meat, I suppose, reminds one of the texture of the surface of velvet. It's a mouth-feel. "wat or wot" does not translate to the English word velvet. ← Aha. Now "silky" as a descriptor does make sense to me. Thanks!

While we're on this subject, I would dearly love to find a brand of instant ramen whose seasoning packet is not so jam-packed with sodium. I realize I could just discard the packet and make a broth of my own. But I kinda miss the flavor of those packets. It's just that nowadays I can't consume them without my feet turning into little dirigibles. I've looked at a few brands of "healthy" ramen, but they had huge amounts of sodium too. Maybe I just didn't find the right stuff.

Sort of off on a tangent: does anyone know why this technique is called "velveting"? Is it called "velveting" in any of the Chinese dialects, or does the word or words for this translate literally as something else? Just curious, as the texture it gives to meat doesn't necessarily make me think of velvet (the fabric).

What is this salmon candy you speak of? Inquiring minds, and all that. (I'm envisioning something analogous to the pork candy from Daniel's celebrated Oink topic.)

Speaking of forays, mizducky please don't get me or Sandy started on sweet potato pie vs. pumpkin pie! ← Heh. Too tempting. I've had both, and I think sweet potato pie has a definite edge over the pumpkin. Although that may have more than a little to do with the way my mom made pumpkin pie, again following Good Housekeeping/Better Homes, using canned pumpkin and frozen store-bought piecrusts.

Right now I'm chowing down on a whole bunch of extremely spicy Szechuan ... braised pork kidney, "boiled" fish fillet in hot sauce, spicy chicken giblets, Husband and Wife (beef and beef tendon) ... The chiles are sure to make my GERD act up, and all that meat, especially organ meat, is bound to provoke my gout, but man does it hurt so good! (At least I've got a bottle each of Tums and cherry juice for internal first aid afterward ...)

This topic is yet another demonstration of why I enjoy eGullet. Where else can you get such entertaining forays into cultural anthropology? I'm wondering if exposure to the wonders of green bean casserole (or tuna noodle casserole, for that matter) had something to do with the cultural image of a certain time period as well as certain demographic groups. I remember leafing through those Better Homes and Gardens and Good Housekeeping Cookbooks of my mom's, from which she learned to make such concoctions. She acquired the books in the late 1950s/early 1960s timeframe, when the family made the big move to suburbia, and boy did they ever reflect the times! They had all these unrealistically cutesy home entertainment suggestions, like doing little theme parties with tchatchked-up desserts and molded salads and the whole nine yards. Stuff like Goal-Post Cupcakes for the Superbowl party--even as a kid I could see that going over like a lead balloon! Where's the goddam beer?!? Okay, I made the cupcakes up, but that kind of thing really was typical of the stuff in those books. They seemed to be trying to spin a whole fantasy of Ozzy and Harriet suburban tract-house bliss, with Mom cooking a whole galaxy of convenience-food based creations while wearing pearls and a cute little half-apron over her Jackie K-style sheath dress. Very mid-20th-century. Or are these just my own personal mental associations with these kinds of casseroles? Throwing it out for further consideration...

That recipe for Velveeta fudge gives me The Fear.

Now I don't have the data to say whether it's an *exclusively* white thing. But given that tuna noodle hot dish, to give it its proper Minnesotan name, has been the butt of many jokes on "Prairie Home Companion," including a whole ballad that Keillor sang as a duet with Jean Redpath many moons ago, I'd say that dish does have some pretty sturdy roots in a notably pale-complected community.

Oh. my. goddess. That odd noise you might have heard emanating from a couple thousand miles due south of you was that of me laughing hysterically. That line about "Goddess of wheat and teet" was what put me right over the edge. That, and the photo of your fetching attire. Too bad there are no cats in this household for me to scare with the full-fledged ROFLASC routine. Just brilliant. Thank you.

Yeah, Sandy ... somewhere in the great Cosmic Scheme of Things, Culinary Division, it was decreed that green bean casserole would grace the holiday tables of white households, while baked mac-and-cheese would be the purvue of holiday feasts in black households. For a change, I think the black folks actually came out better in this deal. My mom did that danged green bean casserole every Thanksgiving. She got it either out of her Better Homes and Gardens cookbook or her Betty Crocker cookbook, along with all her other Thanksgiving recipes--after all, what did a first-generation American girl straight out of the Jewish ghetto of New York's Lower East Side know from American Thanksgiving? So I guess when she started to assimilate that holiday into her cooking repertoire, she saw the green bean casserole on a suggested Thanksgiving menu in one of those cookbooks and thought, okay, so that must be traditional too. I'm just glad she didn't also adopt the marshmallows-on-sweet-potatos thang. (shudder) Nowadays I might consider making the green bean casserole as a retro-nostalgia joke--except of course I'd have to gussy it up to complete the foodie-jokiness of it, y'know? Maybe use haricots vertes, a made-from-scratch white sauce with shiitakes ... but still keep the goddam canned Durkee fried onions on top. Those onion rings were always the best part of the original version as far as I'm concerned ... does anybody even use those things for any other dish at any other time of the year?