Jaymes

This is fun.

Have you ever tried vinegar? Either and/or. It's a close call, but I think I prefer it.

No more expensive than it is to mail a package anywhere in the US. You don't have to send it "overseas." It transfers from the US mail system right to the military one. You use an APO/FPO address. Just get something small and light. It'll be quite affordable, and they'll appreciate anything. Even a card that says, "Thanks and we appreciate you." PS - Another thing I send that seems to be well-used are those small, complimentary bottles of shampoo, soap, bath gel, mouthwash, lotion, etc., that you get in hotels.

From what I understand, that IS allowed in the Middle East. Quite common, in fact, I think.

If you like, after you get this all made, you can fry it. The way you'd do that (if you want to be Mexican about it), would be to get some lard sizzling in a large pot or Dutch oven, and then pour some of the salsa in. You stir and fry while it pops and sizzles (which it does a lot of, which is why you need a deep pan). Think "scrambled eggs," only it doesn't harden. And then when it looks "right," you pour it out. Many Mexican salsas are fried that way. You can use these same proportions and use fresh tomatoes, and fry it in lard as well. If you do that, be sure to peel the tomatoes first, and leave out the oil in the recipe. You can also use fresh garlic and chop the jalapenos and fry it all up together (although I still prefer to blister the jalapenos separately). But I just usually do it the "shortcut" way. Much easier, and better for you than frying it in lard.

The tomatoes, too, are "cooked." Just not by you.

I don't make tamales myself. I have a close Mexican friend, and every December she has a "Tamalada" and I go to that. I can call her and ask her about the masa. Here is my best, most basic, Mexican recipe. It's for a cooked red salsa. It was given to me years ago by a friend that owned a beauty salon. She spoke no English. I had tasted her salsa and knew that it was what I wanted to be my "mainstay." She wouldn't tell me how she did it. One day, I went into her shop for a perm and she fried my hair. She was all upset and apologetic and (I think) maybe even afraid I'd sue. She asked what she could do to make it up to me. So here's the recipe. Most people that taste it ask for the recipe, and I don't mind giving it out like that because those people have had it and know it's good and will prepare it like I tell them to. But I don't normally give it out like this because I have to threaten people within an inch of their lives to do it the way I say. Unless they've tasted it, and are willing to follow instructions to create the thing they've sampled, people (especially people that consider themselves to be good cooks) absolutely cannot RESIST trying to fiddle with it from the gitgo. So I'm trusting you. Salsa This is a very basic recipe for a very basic salsa, most likely the number one type of salsa used in Mexican cooking. This is actually an exceedingly simple method of preparing a cooked salsa (it's just long because I'm so wordy). Canned whole tomatoes - look on label to be positive nothing has been added other than tomatoes and salt. No vegetables, not even "Mexican style." Don't use fresh tomatoes. This is a shortcut recipe for producing a "cooked salsa." If you've "put up" your own tomatoes, and used nothing but salt, then fine, use them. But NOT fresh tomatoes. Fresh jalapeños - find fat, bright green ones Garlic salt - again, look on label to be certain nothing has been added but garlic and salt. Be careful not to get "California Blend" which has other things in it. BASIC RECIPE: Wash and dry whole jalapeños. On hot, non-greased surface (I just use a skillet) blister whole jalapeños, turning often, and watching to be sure they don't burn. You want nice dark brown spots, and the entire pepper to have lost its shiny green color, instead being a dull avocado color (like kitchen appliances from the 70's). You can also do this in an oven or (best of all) on a barbecue grill or over other wood fire. I rarely bother. I make a lot of this, and don't always have time to fire up the grill. If I want a smoky flavor for some reason, I add it later (see bottom notes). Drain cans of tomatoes (you can reserve liquid for another use; for example, if you add a little salt and lemon juice, you can drink it just like regular tomato juice) and place tomatoes into blender or food processor. Pulse until desired consistency (I like mine kind of chunky, so don't process until it's too smooth) and pour into large mixing bowl. Continue doing this until you reach the amount of salsa you want. Take some of your pulsed tomatoes and return it to the blender/processor. Cut the stems from your cooked jalapeños and add. You can, obviously, add as many as you want for desired picante. I usually add about three whole jalapeños per blender-full of salsa, but this is entirely subjective depending on who's going to be doing the eating. (Note - if you want more flavor but less heat, you can remove the seeds and, most important, the veins, which are the source of the capsicum oil in the peppers that causes the heat. My friend didn't drain her tomatoes, and she added probably twenty jalapenos per blender, so her salsa was much runnier, and much hotter than mine. It was like liquid fire. But on the other hand, she was pleasing a houseful of Mexicans, whereas I had to please a houseful of gringos.) Now, pulse to chop the jalapeños, stopping before you pulverize the seeds, which makes it bitter. Pour your chopped jalapeños in with your tomatoes. Add garlic salt "to taste" and I know this is subjective, but I "eyeball it" and all I can tell you is that if your salsa does not taste "right" it is undoubtedly because you haven't added enough, so add more and taste it again. Remember that salsa is a garnish so you want it a little salty, plus the flavor of salt decreases when the dish is cold (like cold soups, and salsa), so don't stint. This is your basic salsa. Do it like this FIRST and get the flavors right before you branch out. Okay. Now, you're ready to branch out. In addition to what I've already described, I always add: 1.) a little oil; can be any type of vegetable oil - I usually add olive oil; say a tablespoon per blender load, I guess. 2.) a little acid -- vinegar works just fine and is what I usually use, but also lemon or lime juice, or a mixture of all three -- again, sorry, "to taste," probably a tablespoon or so per blender load. 3.) cilantro - I like it and add it, usually right before the jalapeños and using the same method -- put a little of the tomatoes back into the blender/processor and add the cilantro and process, being very careful not to over-process. This is all I usually do, and my salsa is wonderful. Trust me on this and just make it like this a time or two. Don't immediately think to yourself, "I can make it better. I can add onions. I wonder why Jaymes didn't add onions. Maybe Jaymes has never heard of onions." I have heard of onions. But I do not usually add them. Nor anything else other than the tomatoes, garlic salt, jalapenos, oil, vinegar, cilantro. But sometimes, if I am going to use it for a dip, I will occasionally chop up and add: a fresh tomato (especially in the summer when the tomatoes are so wonderful); chopped onions (any kind will do -- green onions, whatever) and cubed avocado -- that makes a nice dip. But MOST of the time I don't! Other things you can eventually experiment with adding (only AFTER you've fixed it enough times to have the hang of it): liquid smoke, oregano, other kinds of peppers (habañeros, serranos, etc.), chile powder, cumin, sugar (yes, some people like a sweet salsa), Tapatío or other bottled Mexican hot sauce, or whatever else hits your imagination to try. But the secret is to first master the basic sauce and resist the urge to start adding stuff in order to "improve" it. Just wait a while before you try to get fancy, or you'll add so much stuff that you mess it up. (Remember that if you add a lot of chopped fresh tomatoes or avocados, you'll need to add more garlic salt as well.) Now that you've got your salsa all jarred up and waiting for you in the fridge, take a flour tortilla and lay some sliced mild cheddar onto half of it, fold the other half over to make a half-moon shape, zap it in the microwave a minute or two until the cheese melts, pour your cold salsa all over it and eat it. With some sliced avocados alongside, of course. This salsa is also wonderful with plain cheese omelets. And everything else that is good with salsa. Which in our house pretty much is everything else.

As you just said in the preceeding post. Which clearly I didn't read well enough.

I'm no vegetarian, so I don't know if turkey would be okay, but it's possible, isn't it, that there's some sort of vegetarian chorizo? Like maybe turkey, or soy, or tofu or something? Because obviously, regular chorizo (animal flesh stuffed into innards) is verboten for the veggie crowd.

I've found them in places that don't have good fresh tortillas. Alaska. Panama. Kansas. Nebraska. The Philippines. Europe. I think "Old El Paso" makes them, among other brands. Actually, you may have seen them, but since you weren't looking for them, didn't realize that's what they were. They come in a flat round can, just the size of....well....tortillas. So, about an 8" circumference, and maybe 2" high, if that. Like I said, they are certainly not so good as fresh, but they work pretty well, after dipping into hot oil, and then sauce, for things like enchiladas. And you can fry them for chilaquiles. They might be in your stores. I'd suggest that you ask.

Much of what is so beloved about Mexican food is quick, fresh, easy. Tamales, obviously don't fit into that category, so I wouldn't start there. You cannot make decent Mexican food without having at least two or three salsas in your repertoire, so indeed that's a good place to start. You should be able to make one good cooked salsa, one good fresh salsa (salsa fresca, or pico de gallo), and one good green salsa. Also, if you start with the salsas, you can eat them on things you already know how to prepare, like eggs. You'll also need to know how to cook up a pot of decent Mexican beans. And how to properly serve them. You'll need them to go with lots of things. You'll need to know how to mash them into refritos. Next, I'd suggest enchiladas. Learn how to make red, green, cheese, chicken, beef. Carne guisada, (either red or green chile stew) is also a good basic dish to learn. The technique is the same as any stew, so you should already know that. It's just a matter of adjusting the ingredients. You should have no trouble mastering it. And guacamole. It's a good "go-with" and now that you know how to make a delicious Mexican dinner, your friends will expect you to invite them over, and they'll be expecting some guacamole. ¡Buen provecho!

I also send beef jerky. And in some places you can find canned corn tortillas. They're not as good as fresh, obviously, but when you dip them into oil or sauce, they do soften into something edible.

You can find crushed versions of most of those dried peppers in the small cellophane packets, which is what I send.

Actually, Fifi, I get Abuelita chocolate all the time from my local HEB up on the corner. I'm sure it's in yours as well. You've probably seen it, but just not paid any attention. It's in this cute bright yellow hexagonal box, and on the front, there's a photo of a grinning "abuelita" (granny) proferring a cup o' cocoa. And Maybelline, I'll be sending some stuff as well. And Stinger, thanks for that comprehensive list.

Okay. So I'm curious. How exactly do you go about this?

I, too, eat tuna sandwiches about once a week, and what I put into them depends entirely on my mood. Sometimes, I put nothing. Just a little mustard on the bread. Sometimes bell peppers and onions. Sometimes olives. Sometimes capers, green onions, dill pickles. I prefer Italian tuna in olive oil. But what I grew up on was tuna packed in water, with chopped onions, sweet relish, and Miracle Whip on Roman Meal bread. I never even tasted the "white stuff" (that my grandmother disparagingly referred to as "that ol' cotton bread") until I ate lunch at a neighbor's house when I was about ten. I still remember the sensation of having it dissolve into a glutinous mass that stuck to the roof of my mouth. I looked at my playmate, wondering if she was having the same problem. I was mystified that if she were, she gave no hint. So I plowed on. PS: And as for the southern Junior League cookbooks, in addition to those you mentioned, I really treasure two of the originals, and most famous: Charleston Receipts (1950) and River Roads (1959).

The original link is a bit off. Until corrected, this is the right one. From the Slate.com article: "What are these creatures? As I say, they're called spongmonkeys. I don't know why and neither did Hall. In your mail to me, you've called them: gerbils with birth defects; Mr. Potato Rats; drug-addled, castrato hamsters; and "hell lemurs" (which, while catchy, is not really accurate, as the lemur body type is far more ectomorphic). Whatever they are, they're clearly Photoshopped, and if pressed I would say the base element is a pygmy marmoset." A Real Spongmonkey? What? You couldn't find one grinning?

my guess is that commercials aren't rolled out into every market at the same time. Right. Where I live, I think the Spongs only have been running for a couple of weeks or so. But speaking of great commercials, although it's not food related, I have a new favorite. I love the one where the boy and girl are in the rowboat, and it springs a leak in the bottom and begins to sink, but the girl, clever and quick thinking lass that she is, plugs the hole with a tampon, which immediately swells to seal it perfectly, little string floating in the water. I can't recall ever before having seen so graphic, and effective, an illustration as to how a product works. It's hilarious. You go, girl.

That Fiesta Americana in Mérida is absolutely exquisite. It does not feel like a chain at all. (And don't make the mistake -- like most "norteamericanos" do -- of thinking that the "Americana" in the name has anything to do with the U.S. Throughout the rest of "America" - i.e., Central, South America, etc., you often see references to "las Americas," because they believe they have as much right to the name as we do.) The location of the Fiesta Americana is also superb, right on the boulevard Paseo Montejo, just perfect for you to join the others strolling along on their morning walks. Mérida (MARE-ee-dah) is a very Mexican city. It is a beautiful example of colonial Mexico and contains the old cathedrals and other buildings that you expect. It's not on the beach and, although it draws a lot of visitors, there are not so many "tourists," as we have come to think of them. It has several nicknames, among them: "The White City"; "The City of Music"; "The Paris of Mexico." "The White City": Back in the olden days, the government decided that one way to soak the rich was to levy a hefty tax on colored paint. Colored paint was already more expensive than the cheap whitewash the poor people used. The theory was that only the rich were vain and wealthy enough to be able to afford so superficial a luxury as painting their houses in a color. But it turned out that everyone, rich and poor alike, was unwilling to pay about twice the going rate for whitewash just in order to proclaim their wasteful vanity for all the world to see. As a result, almost all the houses were painted white. "The City of Music": The people of Merida, more so than almost every other place I've been, really enjoy their city. They're out in it all the time. And they love music. Merida has many plazas and parks, and each provides a free, open-air concert on a different night of the week. And this isn't just the "folklorico" type of music, either, although they do have that. One night I heard a world-class tenor (and I've heard Pavorotti in concert, I might add), singing the most beautiful selections from various operas. "The Paris of Mexico": Merida was once one of the wealthiest cities in the Americas. They grew what they called "Green Gold." It was the sisal plant. Sisal was used to make the rope for the world. There were huge plantations of it. For example, all of the rope that the US Navy used in WWII was made with the sisal of the Yucatán. These wealthy landowners lived in Merida. They were sophisticated and well-traveled. In an attempt to recreate the Champs-Élysées, they put a broad boulevard (Paseo de Montejo) with wide sidewalks down the middle of Merida. All of the "best" people built mansions along the boulevard, importing architectural features from France, marble from Spain, etc. But then, someone invented nylon and the party was over. Many of these mansions fell into disrepair. Some were demolished, and offices were put in their place. But many remain. The Fiesta Americana, which I so adore, either still has a facade of one of these mansions or recreated one (I'm not sure which). You don't notice it when you arrive at the main front door, but when you stroll along the avenue, you can see it. It's just lovely. Another reason to stay in Merida is the opportunity for wonderful daytrips. For Mayan ruins, you are close to Chichen Itza, about which I'm sure I need say nothing. But you are also close to Uxmal, which many people prefer. And you are nearby Celestún, which is a flamingo preserve on the Gulf coast. It's very undeveloped, or at least was the last time I was there. I'm sure the hotel concierge desk can arrange an excursion there, or you can do what I do, which is to rent a car and drive over (about 50 miles west). Go to the Restaurant Celestún, which is open-air, right on the beach, easy to find. There will be boatmen hanging about. You can negotiate with one of them (Alberto Rodriguez has the best reputation) and they will take you on a tour. You will see egrets, sandpipers, cormorants, herons and many more. You will tour the mangrove "islands" where high in the trees, the flamingos nest; and down in the water, hungry crocodiles lie in wait for the unluckiest of the fledglings to fall. Also, there's a "cenote" (the sinkholes that riddle the pennisula) nearby which is popular for swiming (and diving, if you're into watery cave diving), so wear your bathing suit under your clothes. The Restaurant Celestún has delicious food featuring fish just pulled from the Gulf. It's a great spot for lunch. The little town of Celestun is quite small and "basic," so be sure to take cash. Other payment options (CC, check, etc.) are not feasible here. I have linked you here to a site that explores many of the delights of Mérida, including a description of the concerts at the different plazas each evening. Merida information PS -- In Playa, the two "high-end resort-type" hotels (that your sister likes) that I recommend are the Gran Porto Real, and the Iberostar Quetzal. Not only are these very good hotels, but they are within walking distance of the main square in Playa, which is, to me, very desirable unless you have a rental car. Many of the other hotels do offer shuttles into Playa, but they frequently only go once or twice in the morning (say, 9 & 10 am), and then back to the hotel once or twice in the afternoon. Otherwise, you are expected to take a cab, which can easily run $10 each way. Also, the hotel shuttles are usually small vans, and can fill up. Much nicer to be within walking distance, I think.

It's been a while since I lived in Arizona, but when I did, we very much enjoyed our visits to Sedona and really loved the food and ambiance at La Auberge de Sedona. However, as I say, it's been a while, so don't know if it is still as wonderful as it was then.

Hey, maybe the lil' gal just likes cowboys.

Ah yes, 'Kinky Friedman & the Texas Jewboys.' Gotta love the Kinkster. I'm votin' for him of course.

I second Merida. Wonderful city. Drive over there for a couple of days. The roads are good. You can either stay at the exquisite Fiesta Americana, or at the charming and cheap Hotel Caribe.

And, if nothing else, the Spongs sure have everybody talking. So I guess that's a good thing.

Yeah, me, too. Loved the little guy. But I read where the top executives of Taco Bell said that, adorable though he was, he didn't raise their sales figures one iota. So they canned him. "Yes," said the Taco Bell CEO by way of explanation, "the dog's cute and all. But we're not in the toy business."