Lord Michael Lewis

I thought it looked more like Diddy David Hamilton Come off it, this guy is clearly huge.

Peterpumkino, you bear a striking resemblance to the blond member of tiger-trickery illusionist duo 'Seigfreid and Roy'.

I have, and I'd recommend Hydrochloric. It also has the added bonus of being present in vomit.

What kind of acid?

Whiting, you are so very and depressingly right.

Welcome back Suvir. Any chance of the recipe for your famous tomato chutney?

Put the cloves you wish to peel in some very hot water for five minutes. If you've got time you could peel three or four heads, cover them with water and blitz them with a hand blender for a few seconds. You then strain the result and cover with decent olive oil. This will keep in the fridge for a couple of weeks. Very useful for refritos etc.

I found this wittiness on Chowhound: A while back I posted a message on a few boards including this one to get some "traditional" british party food for a farewell do for a British diplomat here in NYC - well here is the final menu as served last Friday night - a smashing success I might add We made it fun and whimsical as well as delicious. Hope you enjoy reading it. Continuous Passed Hors D'Ouerves and Stations of Food ***A Whimsical Fusion of British and American Traditions with a touch of Paradise Twists and Appealing Presentations*** Butler Passed Finger Food " Britain's Best - Mini Yorkshire Puddings of Roast Beef, Horseradish Cream & Gravy " G & T Olives - Gin Infused Giant Olives Wrapped in Puff Pastry " Maryland Crabcakes Drizzled with Wasabi Cream " Classic Two Bite Burger - Mini Opened Faced Angus Beef Burger with Pickle Chips & Heinz Ketchup " Bangers and Mash - English Sage & Herb Sausage with Piped Mash Potato Passed on a Silver Spoon " Bloody Mary Shrimp Shooters - Passed in Vodka & Tomato Infused Shot Glasses " Stilton Bytes - Stilton and Sundried Cranberry in Puff Pastry " Rosemary Lamb Satay with Mint Jelly " Cows in the Comforter - Kosher Beef Hotdogs in Pastry with Ball Park Mustard Dip served out of a Catcher's Mitt in a Field of Wheat Grass " American Gigilio Quesidilla - Grilled Cheese, Crispy Bacon, Tomato & Scallion -best grilled cheese ever!!! " Bagels and the Times - Bite Sized Bagels and Lox Served on the Sunday NY Times " Little Italy Mushroom Risotto Bundles - Luxurious Flavors in a Filo Package " Enchilada Tartlets - Southwestern Cheese and Chili Tartlets " Brighton Fish and Chips - Passed in Individual Paper Cones Fusion Food Stations Late Night Takeout Station, from NY to London and back - served in Chafing dishes and trays- plated in individual sized Chinese take out containers " Auntie Dai's Chicken Dumplings- " Stir Fried Veggies in Garlic and Black Bean Sauce " Chinese Fried Rice " Sassy Samosas - Crispy Piquant Samosas with Vegetarian Potato Fillings " Tandoori Chicken Marsala with Basmati Rice Pilaf Crudite Display with Cheese and Fruit Station Stilton, Darby, Rondele, Grapes and Strawberries Sunday Lunch Station served from chafers and platters and plated in a Martini Glass Tex Mex Sheppard's Pie Roast Loin of Pork with Cranberry Relish Georgia Sweet Potato Souffle Over the Pond Pacific Grilled Salmon with Bow Tie Pasta Cheesy Southern Corn Bread Vidalia Devilled Eggs I Scream You Scream We all Scream for ICE CREAM - make your own sundaes " Platters of Mini Cookies " Old Fashioned Creamy Ice Cream and Assorted Toppings - Hot Fudge, Sprinkles, Caramel, Fresh Fruit, Marshmellow Fluff, Nuts and Whipped Cream - Cones available " S'more Station - Cooked to order - toasted Marshmellows, Hershey's Chocolate Bars and Graham Cracker Goodness… Thanks tigerwoman.

Of course, of course.

On A Cook's Tour you're wearing an attractive camouflage tank-top. Is there an anecdote about this item of playwear? Also, despite having spent so much time in S.E. Asia there is no mention of Ladyboys in your writing. Are you holding this back for a subsequent publication, e.g. a coffee-table book?

I broke both ankles eating a Cornetto.

There is story about White at the Hyde Park Hotel. Tempted across the channel by White's largesse, top end French sous chefs would be auditioned with the instructions- "Prepare me your best dish!" The sous chef would do duly that and knock up a Michel Bras, or Guy Savoy or something from whoever they'd been working for. Regardless of whether the candidate was hired or not, many of these dishes found their way onto White's menus. This is of course generic hearsay, but credible generic hearsay from an impeccable source. As for the Blumenthal comments, it would seem that the man tailors everything he says in order to feed the media with dainty soundbites that will ever enhance his extraordinary public persona. And judging by the results he doesn't do this too badly

How? In what way? Have you ever had a never ending orgasm? If you have, you are orgasming now. Does this cause dehydration? What do you do with all the jizz? Can't you come up with better similies?

You need not feel pained at agreeing with me Lemon, as I have never said that the Fat Duck's food is bad. It's not, in fact, on quality alone the Fat Duck deserves its position amongst the better British restaurants. To clarify, my gripe has always been that Blumenthal's reputation as a uniquely original and gifted chef is undeserved due to his unethical use of other peoples' creations and claiming them as products, or allowing them to be claimed as products, of his own imagination.

Is it germane where he parks his tool?

I would rather Ducasse profits from his own success than have his talent hijacked by some wise-guy with an army of lawyers.

Here's an interesting link that details Plotinki's actual attitude to the creative process, creative rights and their subordination in the face of greed. http://www.robotcombat.com/history.html

This kind of reasoning is the standard money-man excuse for shafting creative talent. Marc Thorpe where are you?

I would dispute Duck a l'Orange's claim to classic status. Indeed, fashionable dishes are by their nature non-classic. For most, this attribution is made retrospectively.

Without knowledge of that which has been before how can anyone genuinely innovate? My own reflections on culinary creativity have brought me to the conclusion that the creative process is based on a discerning synthesis of input coupled with imagination and tempered by good-taste. If any of these elements are missing the result is the typical miasma to which Londoners have become so accustomed in recent years. The almost total lack of ability to distinguish actual creativity from its more common prosthetic renderings is the maddening hallmark of most of those who make their livings by commentating on the restaurant 'scene'.

I would have suggested to the lady in question that she mind her own business. Had she not been recently bereaved I would have reduced that to a simple 'fuck off', but then I've always been sentimental.

Cabrales, is this kind of uglification worth serious attention? Snails and porridge conjour up profound unpleasantness to me and indeed were I peverse enough to order it and were it just that (snails + porridge) it would indeed be so. However, the dish you describe is clearly not porridge, apart from oats it has no connection with porridge. Therefore it would hardly be controversial to suggest that by calling the dish 'snail porridge' its creator seeks to sensationalize his product. I read your excellent reports with interest but I find it difficult to understand how any, but the most jaded, can be swayed by this kind of gruesome showiness.

The perfect, while unnatainable, is a worthy goal. Where can one get closest to perfection; in the simple or the complex?

Regarding the Catalan chef Ferran Adria's influence on his British counterparts, are you a fan of so called Molecular Gastronomy? Is it a good thing; marketing gobbledygook for what curious chefs have been doing for millenia; or a reverse engineered rationale to justify silliness?

I have fond memories of a Butterscotch Tart from your time at the Lygon Arms. Any chance of the recipe?