Grub

The professionally approved manner in which to deal with poorly behaved children in restaurants, is to quietly -- but firmly -- take them aside, and whisper, "If you make any more noise, I will fill your mouth with spiders," according to the Concil of Competely Irresponsible People. Hey, I saw it in a Jean-Claude VanDamme movie once -- it worked!

Oh, "docking" -- great, thanks for the advice, I'll definitely remember that one for next time. Do you have a recipe for this Pain L'ancienne?

Here's my pizza attempt. First time, so be gentle Well, it's that time of the year, so I figured I'd try grilling a couple of pizzas. I tried to document this as best I could -- but towards the end, the battery died on my camera, and the spare was dead, in spite of showing a "fully charged" light while in the charger. Oh well. Some of the pictures, and descriptions are out of sequence, for the sake of continuity. Okay, that sounds a little contradictory, but well -- it's true. I used a Wolfgang Puck dough recipe: 1 packet yeast, 1 tsp honey, 1 cup warm water, 3 cups flour, 1 tsp salt, 1 tbsp oil. First, dissolve the yeast and honey in a quarter cup of hot water... ...mix flour, oil and salt... ...add yeast mixture and rest of water... ...mix together ...and dump on floured surface, knead until smooth... ...add some oil, cover with damp towel and set aside somewhere warm and draft-free... ...and let rise for 30-60 min... ... split in two, form into balls and set aside to rise again, 30 min. After this, wrap in plastic and keep in refrigerator until ready to use -- up to 2 days... Next, the toppings: Basel, roughly chopped... ...tomatoes (using a sharp ceramic knife with broken tip ) ...and my favorite -- this improves ANY pizza -- caramelized onions... ...2.5 onions renders down to this, over warm/low heat, in about 3 hours... ...and gotta bash up some garlic to go with the oil I'm brushing the pizzas with... Here are the toppings: Sliced mozzarella, grated parmesan, prosciutto, black olives, caramelized onions, basil and tomatoes. For the second pizza, I'd use anchovies instead of the prosciutto. The pizza breads rolled out (the one in the back required a bit more attention -- I was going to make them oblong rather than circular, but that one got a little out of control). And yeah, Does Equis makes for a splendid rolling pin. I used to have a long, thin bottle of vodka for that purpose, but it mysteriously evaporated some time ago. Strangely enough, so did the Dos Equis. It's like a veritable Bermuda Triangle around here. The prosciutto pizza all dressed up and ready to go. I started with the tomatoes, then mozzarella, onions, olives, basil, and prosciutto -- and a few pieces of mozzarella on top. I was going to add parmesan towards the end, but forgot. The anchovy pizza. Same order as above, but with anchovies instead of prosciutto, and also, I added the parmesan at the start. Note the nice grill-marks. I use a simple coal grill, and a stove. No pre-soaked, or liquids -- as fun as that can be, mind you. I've covered half of the grill with tinfoil, for indirect cooking Coals are nice and hot, and ready to go... ...so they're dumped out. Grill is oiled, and allowed to heat up properly: First up, I make the first pizza bread (note that this obviously took place, before I assembled the toppings): Argh! I left it ontoo long before turning it, and burned the bottom! First pizza on the right, cooking very slowly, over indirect heat. The second pizza would only stay over the coals for a minute or two, before being moved back inside, to receive its toppings. The rest of the time, the lid was on the grill, which (I hope) would reflect extra heat onto the pizza on the right. Notice how the heat makes the pizza bread fluff up -- I think this is a sign that it is getting too hot. The first bread ballooned up really badly (and was burned much worse than this one). Second pizza turned -- slightly less burned. I didn't spread the coals out enough, and it concentrated the heat, which caused uneven heating and burns... Ironically enough, I used too FEW coals, to cook the pizza on the right through indirect heating. It was going so slow, that I loaded up more coals, and turned the grill around, so that the tinfoil was directly over the coals -- bad mistake. The additional heat burned my first pizza very badly, and the bottom of the crust was completely charred. I'm not sure if I was frustrated or relieved, but the camera's battery ran out at this point. so that was the end of my photographic pizza journey... The anchovy pizza came out pretty good though. First try at grilling pizza like this -- it's an interesting approach, but I'm not sure it adds anything beyond what I'd get out of a regular oven, though... Maybe, if I could manage to control the heat a bit better, and use a simpler recipe (I kinda overloaded the toppings this time), I'd see a difference. But boy oh boy -- taking pictures AND cooking sure adds a bit of work -- washing hands while kneading dough, so I could take pictures etc... Plus I made some Creme Caramelles at the same time, that didn't come out very good either. Oh well -- crummy food, but interesting pictures, I guess.

Well, there's always beer-can chicken, but my favorite chicken isn't roasted -- just done in a pan: Kelly's Asian Chicken. From Gilroy's Garlic Lovers' Cookbook (unanimous first place winner in garlic recipe and cookoff). The only thing more amazing than its taste, is how unbelievably simple it is -- only 20 minutes. Chicken parted into serving pieces, and browned in a pan. Add 1 bulb garlic, coarsely chopped, couple of dried hot red peppers (according to taste, or left out if you're not fond of hot and spicy), 3/4 cup distilled white vinegar, 1/4 cup soy sauce, and 3 tablespoon honey. Simmer for about 10 minutes, and you've got some amazing, glazed chicken, with a really great sauce. Highly recommended.

Ah yeah, tri-tip! I never realized that there was anything particularly Californian about that, other than me not being able to find it in supermarkets elsewhere in the country... A slow-cooked tri-tip done over indirect heat on a BBQ/grill is superb... Rub some BBQ spices on it, wrap it up in heavy tinfoil -- but add some apple cider to the package to keep it moist. Set your grill up indirect heat, and cook it for 2-3 hours. Then, remove the package, rearrange the coals for direct heat, split the tinfoil package open and place the tri-tip over hot coals, to sear it on all sides. Let rest for 15 min. Heaven.

I'm bummed; I can't think of too much that is specifically Californian... I mean, the south has grits, barbeque -- Texas brisket, and the Carolinas their pulled pork shoulder, Maine has lobsters... Hm. There's sourdough bread, I guess. And dungeoness crab, avacados and artichokes. Chop Suey perhaps (although both California and New York lay claim to that one)? Sigh. Maybe just a frozen Wolfgang Puck pizza? Ugh. Great idea, though, that dinner. Get a couple of apples, some crackers and cheese for snack, along with plenty of wine, for watching the flick. Nearly as much fun as guzzling hard liquor and watching Mickey Rourke and Fay Dunnaway in Barfly! EditThat's dungeoness crab, not dungeoness crap. I hate them little Freudian moments.

Oh, shoot! I don't have the book myself -- I was just working off of the recipe jackal10 posted... Oh well, at least I won't strain it, the next time around. Thanks. Curious, why is there no chance you'd make that one? As the book says, authentic vindaloos don't have to be hot...

marybaker, sorry for not replying on that one -- yes, I did use British pints for both recipes (although from what I can see, it called for 1/2 pint with the ginger & garlic, and 2 pints with the onion mixture; 6.25 cups). But when I made the vindaloo, I strained the water out from the onion/garlic/ginger mixture, as per jackal10's instructions -- and this is resulted in the extremely thick and splattery consistency (and made me add water to thin it out). I'm confused about the need to strain the water out, because it seems I'm dumping a lot of good flavor out by doing this (and of course, I further diluted the flavors by adding water later)... But if it is the right thing to do, I'll do it -- but just keep the lid partially on, to avoid too much of a mess -- I think I've got a frying pan's splatter guard around here somewhere... And yeah, vindaloo is extremely hot. There's no way I could eat a proper one today -- I reckon the average American would need trauma counseling after encountering a genuine British vindaloo. But for now, I think I'll revert back to more authentic, non-British Indian dishes. I have no idea whether vinegar is used in British vindaloos, but from jackal10's recipe, it certainly seems so. My fave Indian cookbook is "Betty Crocker's Indian Home Cooking" -- don't laugh, it's really very good. Recipes by Raghavan Iyer. In addition to great recipes and nice pictures, it also provides a lot of great information, and this is what it has to say about Vindaloo:

Okay, I had another go at it tonight... Very mixed results. Most important thing I realized is, fenugreek leaves is definitely part of the "magic," as far as British Indian restaurant meals. Fenugreek seeds have little or no impact on this recipe. I used jackal10's recipe once again, but more as a base this time -- I did modify it (I added cumin and coriander. Also, I waited until the very end, before adding garam masala, since most recipes do this). This time, I did strain the onions, but it made the base sauce extremely thick, and caused that horrible, blurp-blurp-splatter type of effect that just splatters sauce all over the place, so I added some water to the sauce... Instead of using the chili powder, I used some proper, dried chili peppers (which are far more potent) -- but by the time it was done cooking, the heat was all gone. Likewise for the vinegar: I thought the dish was horribly vinegary, and way too hot -- but by the end of the cooking process (about 1:30 hours), it was relatively mild. All in all, the fenugreek leaves reminded me of British Indian restaurants, and I guess the vinegar sort of reminded me of a proper Vindaloo... But I'm still way off, as far as recreating that magic...

Something fairly similar is described in this post: a new line cook gets a little overwhelmed by a large souffle order, so the exec chef steps in and takes over -- but doesn't check what the white stuff is, that he mixes in... Salty Grand Marnier souffles...

All the hoopla about the Wendy's Finger food case made me think of a cartoon I drew a few years ago... (Didn't know where else to put this -- it's cartoon, and thus media)

If the stereotypical mother and father knew how to cook, and how to fix a car -- respectively -- it would make no more sense for the son to be proud that he doesn't know a thing about cars, than it does for the daughter to consider it progress, that she doesn't how to cook. It's not the end of the world, but it'd be foolish to consider it progress. Unless, of course, a more rewarding skill has been learned in its place -- then it could certainly be a good thing. But to not learn how to do something -- as valuable as cooking -- certainly isn't a good thing, in its own right.

Ah, I'll definitely have to stock up on fenugreek leaves then! I've had my hands on quite a few spices, but this stuff really impressed me -- it has a really good flavor; seemed very authentic to me. Unfortunately, I only got to use it a couple of times, before it turned to mush... I've never seen anything quite like it, but it seemed as if some liquid had slipped into the plastic container (and I'm fairly certain that wasn't the case). I'll get some more, and try this again. Thanks, Mary! Oh yeah, and I totally agree about that elusive English curry taste... I've never found any flavor in any US Indian restaurant that comes close to it. But I've come across some fairly similar aromas when some friends of mine cooked Indian, twice -- always barbequed, incidentally (I figure this might make sense, seeing that the tandoor oven might create similar aromas).

No, I didn't strain the onions -- I saw no mention of that. Wouldn't this make the sauce base very liquid, though? I thought the onions added some body to the sauce? The Madras and Vindaloo recipes make use of fenugreek leaves, rather than just fenugreek (which I assumed to be fenugreek seeds). Was the first recipe supposed to be fenugreek leaves also? (I froze some left-over base sauce, and will try the Vindaloo recipe, once I've re-stocked the fenugreek leaves -- well, unless you tell me the base sauce can't be frozen, hehe. ) Thanks for answering my questions!

Whoa, that was quick! Thanks. Okay first off, I was using the right type of ginger then (although I'm freezing the stuff these days, to extend "shelf life"). The extra tomatoes did add liquid, but considering how much liquid was already in there, and how much liquid evaporates (this was cooked uncovered) I don't think it made much difference. But still, although I realize the red color of the Chicken Tandoori is food coloring -- Chicken Tikka uses different spices than Chicken Tandoori, right? I saw a couple of thread on the differences between Chicken Tikka Masala and Butter Chicken. Does the book have recipes for Vindaloo or Madras?

Tried this -- but was completely unimpressed... I lived at the end of Curry Mile in Manchester for a few years, so I reckon I know what a proper English curry should taste like. However, I don't claim to be a great cook by any measure, so maybe I did something wrong. I'll try to list what I did here, in case anyone's got any comments. I used more tomatoes than the recipe called for (since I had a 14.5 oz can rather than the 8 oz) and also, I didn't bother with any tomato puree (since I'm pureeing the tomato sauce mixture anyhow). I would normally be mortally afraid of deviating from a new recipe, BUT since this recipe's "Variations" section lists Tikka Masala as something you create from Tandoori chicken, I figured well -- you know, that's BS... Chicken Tikka Masala comes from Chicken Tikka, not Tandoori chicken. I only noticed this after I started cooking. So I used a bit more tomatoes, and no puree... I don't think this has any influence on the taste, but I went for the Dhopiaza variation. The recipe doesn't specify what to do, but during the simmering, I left it uncovered, since there's so much liquid, I figured it was meant to reduce. I used white onions. I used a stick blender to smooth the onion/ginger/garlic mix, but had to use a proper blender for the tomatoes. Also, I used fenugreek seeds, that I crushed in a mortar (along with cumin). I assumed fenugreek seeds is what the recipe called for -- I used to have some fenugreek leaves, that had a really fantastic flavor, but had run out. I was really disappointed by this... Mind you, what I ate in restaurants, were normally Madras or Vindaloos... Edit: Sorry, forgot: I used normal ginger, not "green ginger." What's green ginger?

How 'bout Coke & peanuts? I guess it goes into the "If they jump off a cliff, would you do it too?"-category, but as a kid, we saw some older kids open a bottle of Coke, take a drink from it, and then proceed to pour lots of peanuts into the bottle... To this day, I still occasionally do it, except in a glass (and with the diet, caffeine-free stuff). Makes the glass look extremely narly, mind you. (Edit: Me niet spel gud).

Well, there are establishments who serve Halal or Kosher foods -- it doesn't strike me as any less (or more) sensible to tie religion in with food... Last time I went to my favorite burger joint, a bug-eyed nut started lecturing us about the wonderfulness of Jesus. Next time, I'm gonna ask for a seat in the heathen-only section.

There's a Hamburger Mary in Sacramento. Good burgers, good service, but nothing spectacular. I heard afterwards, that it was supposed to be a gay hangout, but I never noticed anything like that, or otherwise unusual: it just seemed like a nice, well-decorated place with decent burgers. Mind you, I don't have a very good gaydar. I guess Hamburger Mary's is a gay, or gay-friendly chain, then? That's pretty neat.

Bud. Few years ago, I held a blind beer tasting evening. I highly recommend this -- it was very revealing... Everyone brought a few samples -- both regular beers, unique and fancy stuff -- anything. I made sure to include a few "ringers" like Budweiser, Coors Light, non-alcoholic beers. Then, we'd provide numbered cups for everyone, and all but one person would leave the room, while the pourer would fill the glasses up (we took turns doing this job), and make a note of what numbers held what beer. Then, everyone would taste it, and write down their comments (but without discussing it amongst each others). I learned the following: Pete's Wicked Summer Ale, which I'd enjoyed very much from a bottle, I really disliked from a glass. Obviously, drinking from a bottle, you get no nose, and don't taste the brew properly. I was very surprised to find that I really liked Dos Equis -- which I had lazily, subconsciously grouped together with Corona. I learned that Dos Equis is a "Vienna" style beer, and very different from Corona. A friend of mine, who is only a moderate beer snob, but who'd never wanna be caught dead drinking Coors Light, ended up making the following note for that beer: Very light, easy to drink. So this kinda blind taste-test cuts down on the snobbery. However, when it came to the Budweiser, I immediately jotted down "Very light color, no flavor, no taste, gotta be Bud" in spite of not having tasted the foul stuff for decades.

Alton Brown: I'm a nerd, so Good Eats instantly appealed to me -- but now, I find myself far less pleased with him. It started when I got his book ("I'm just here for the food"), but found very few recipes that I actually wanted to cook -- and it also contains outlandish ideas such as cutting a hole in your Weber grill and running a hairdryer through it... I love his enthusiasm for educating the audience, and am particularly fond of the parallel he draws between cooking and navigation: A recipe just tells you to take the second left, turn right at the light, etc., but if the road is blocked (ie., you're missing a recipe component), you are completely lost. The way Alton does it, he includes so much information, that you actually know the entire landscape, which enables you to get to where you want to be (or very close), no matter what path you take... His shtick gets in the way of things, I think (the Scrap Iron Chef was entirely pointless, and offered me practically nothing, as far as actual knowledge that I could use to cook anything). And even though I'm a nerd at heart, I find that a lot of his science details have no practical value. In one show, he demonstrated how to cook pizza, by loading the oven with a bunch of bricks, running the oven through the cleaning cycle, and then moving the super-hot bricks into the garage, where he'd build a little, temporary pizza oven with them! (The "good" news was that it would stay hot enough to cook TWO pizzas). WTF? Was this a joke? Was he on crank? "Hello, this week on New Yankee Workshop, we'll learn how to cut down a tree ... with a herring!" But I can't hate Alton though -- he did include a Python spam reference at some point... Rachel Ray: Good, in very moderate doses, cause her "bubbly" personality gets pretty irritating. Her 30-min meals aren't very realistic, methinks -- I'd like to see something realistic, like at least 60-min meals... The show she does with celebrities is unbelievably horrible -- her fawning over Tony freakin' Danza was so bad it was good. When she got to meet an actual celebrity like Morgan Freeman, she was just constantly palpitating, squealing, and in constant risk of falling of her chair from full-body spasms. Emeril: Really, guys, his solo show isn't that bad. The live show -- now, I can understand the hatred everyone's got for him, but his clichéd catchphrases aren't really that much worse than Alton's general wackiness, or Rachel Ray's "bubbliness." Sara Moulton: Me like. Straight-forward, no-nonsense, no "hilarious" gimmicks, catchphrases or grating attempts to be cute. Just cooking. Bobby Flay: Seems too full of himself. I know, I've never met him, so that may not be true in real life -- but as a TV viewer, he just comes across as slightly arrogant and cocky. Tyler Florence: Very good stuff. His 911 and Ultimate are two of my favorite shows. The woman from How to Boil Water is horrible. The 911 show is the closest to a practical show, of anything on FoodTV: It's done in someone's kitchen, using their ingredients, their equipment, trying to make a recipe that they selected. No specialized, fancy-pants gear, no assistants to prep things for you, and no slopping things around and making a mess because you don't have to clean up after yourself. Realism. Giada: She's pleasing to the eye and everything, but I dunno, she just smiles way too frequently. Makes her seem kinda insincere. And she's way too hot for a chef. I'm weird that way, I can't concentrate on two things at the same time: I saw a news show once, where the news was read by a stripper -- I found the story extremely interesting, but my focus hopped back and forth between the story and uh, look: boobies! Me man, me do one thing, one time (*grunt*). Mario Batali: Just great. But haven't watched him as much as some of the others. One show I wish I could find again, is an English show by a guy named Keith Floyd. He'd do shows on locations throughout the world: Floyd on Spain, Floyd on France etc. He'd just stop in a field, steal some local veggies and cook a local specialty, and make lunch for some farm workers -- totally irreverent and off the hook. Sometimes his dishes would not turn out and he'd just kick the kettle over and declare that it was a bunch of crap. He'd normally be three sheets to the wind also. One episode he did (that I sadly never saw), Floyd on Australia, they hadn't gotten around to doing a proper barbeque, and the weather had turned bad towards the end of their stay. So in desperation, he did it in his hotel room (the camera work was like the early Naked Chef episodes), and set the fire alarm off. Floyd just said "sod it" and continued. The fire brigade broke into the room and pinned the crew up against the wall, lots of shouting and distress. In the end, they managed to convince them that they were a real TV crew, and ended up serving the firemen food. Sounded awesome.

Tried Bittman's dish tonight -- and it was great. Sesame seed-covered tilapia fillets with butter-ginger-soy sauce (and Rösti potato pancakes, asparagus) I used tilapia, which I'd say are every bit as firm as the suggested black sea bass or red snapper, but the fillets were quite thin, which caused a minor problem. 1 - Dipped them in sesame seeds and set aside (so that I could add them to the high-heat pan all at once). 2 - Added them to the pan, left to brown for 4-5 min each side. 3 - Removed from pan, placed on plate, covered with tin foil and placed in warm oven. 4 - Cleaned out pan, reduced heat to medium, added butter, microplaned lots of ginger, added soy sauce and water. 5 - Brought fillets out of oven, and added back to pan, left for 2-3 min. 6 - Plated, poured sauce over. Step 2 was kinda tricky, since I wanted to sear the fillets enough to brown them -- but if I cooked them too much, they'd fall apart. So I BARELY managed to brown them. Very good stuff, I'll definitely add this one to my repertoire.

Cooking is definitely good therapy. The process itself is one thing -- but just being able to serve the end result to someone who appreciates it -- that's therapy in its own right.

Very well written article, very enjoyable. I'm doing the sesame seed, ginger-butter-soy sauce dish tomorrow. From the article.

It just depends on the menu -- if I can get away with winging it, I will. Can't do it with stir-fry, since everything needs to be chopped and lined up -- and can't wing a new recipe either, unless it's very simple. Winging it requires a certain level of skill and experience. It's like music or martial arts -- you can only start experimenting, once you've built a solid foundation of the basic skills. I like to clean as I go, and as far as it is physically possible, I try to have everything cleaned by the time the meal is cooked -- to the extent that I'll resort to using paper towels or tinfoil for mise en place, rather than ramikens, for things that go in the dish at the last moment...