liuzhou

I've been grappling with the moral dilemma of being totally open or subjecting the innocent to crimes against food, so have so far avoided any mention of the yellow peril, although it seriously limits my posting options. I will consult my psychiatrist and probation officer over the weekend and make my final decision. "To post or not to post. That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows or take arms against the yellow poison", as the 16th century pizza maker said.

Fresh out of shrimp for the above? Don't worry! Grab yourself a bunch of rice paddy eels. They also offer this eel and mango version, but warn that if they run out of said mango, they'll use pineapple instead. They seem to have forgotten the "mayo" this time, but I'm sceptical whether they'll deliver it with or not.

Spicy Pig's Ears.

Could be. And they probably look worse in real life!

It's a pizza only place about a quarter of a mile from my home. Fairly popular so far as I can see. I often pass it. It's been there for a few years now and they have opened a second branch so someone must be biting.

Japanese Kewpie Sweet "Mayonnaise".

Moving on through the menu, at last we get some protein in addition to the cheese but still with the fruit. A delightful Wasabi Sauce Mango Shrimp Pizza. I am near speechless. One thing I’m sure of, though; there is no wasabi on or near that. It’ll be the usual green-dyed horseradish. Obligatory squeezy bottle 'mayo' action!

It has some sort of industrial cheese on it. Maybe not tomato sauce. It isn't mentioned in the listing. (I've never eaten it, so can't be sure). I don't think it's particularly meant to be a desert; it's just they think that's a pizza.

羊肉粉 (yáng ròu fěn), Lamb Rice Noodles

I am not exaggerating odd things in the least. These are the first two pizzas on my local delivery app. Pizza Hut? Give me a break. They ship frozen pizzas from hundreds of miles away and reheat them in local stores. And they do durian pizza, too.

I'm convinced the Chinese are convinced pizza is a type of cake. In many places, the base is more like sponge cake than bread; sweet and well, spongy. Also, they love to stick fruit on top. The is below is described on the menu as "Fruit colourful pizza (seasonal fruit*)" and is of course, lathered with Japanese Kewpie sweet 'mayonnaise'. Curses on squeezy bottles and whoever introduced them to China. All sorts of inappropriate foods get covered by irrelevant squiggles. * Watermelon, dragon fruit and pineapple. And we thought "Hawaiian Pizza" was bad.

I use a flamethrower. Or dynamite.

That first tuna image is a work of art. I want to hang it on my kitchen wall.

According to the BBC, Walmart's Great Value label shrimp may be radioactive! They have recalled shrimp products sold under that label. Walmart recalls shrimp after FDA warns of radioactive isotopes

I've mentioned often that China hasn't a clue what pizza is except that it's round. Slight exaggeration but only slight. 20 years ago it was unknown. Most obviously they haven't a clue what to put on it. All sorts of atricities. So, it's time to present the evidence for the prosecution. All images are from my local delivery service listings. I'll start with the most egregious - the feared and loathed durian pizza. You didn't think I was going to buy one, did you?

But I don't eat durian pizza!

... and that's the best one! Although, I've always thought pizza is over-rated.

Succumbed to my annual pizza delivery, having missed two years. This is the only vaguely edible pizza in town. 黑松露帕尔马火腿比萨 (hēi sōng lù pà ěr mǎ huǒ tuǐ bǐ sà), Black Truffle, Parma Ham Pizza. The promised 'basil' turned out to be rocket / arugula and came in its own plastic bag to be put on top and wilt in the residual heat. It wasn't bad, but over-salted.

Yeah. I get that. I have friends here who will refuse to walk down certain streets because they contain fruit shops selling durian. I have no problem with coriander or asparagus pee, either. But other smells drive me mad.

I suppose it doesn't smell SO bad, but I don't find the smell SO bad in the first place. I think it's one of those things that some people are more sensitive to than others. I'll eat it fresh or frozen.

I haven't been posting many of my meals recently. The weather has been so hot I have no appetite. Also, when I have eaten something more substantial, it's been a dish I've posted here a hundred times before, so not so interesting. Such was the case with dinner last night, but I did finish off the meal with some of my favourite ice cream. Durian ice cream. Food of the gods!

I have some cans of paint and some engine oil. Will that work?

Common in the UK, too. It started in the 1970s and was confined to 'do lunch', 'do dinner' etc. From there it spread to menu items. Quite what they were going to do to the meal remains unclear. The restaurant does the chicken; not the diner! The one that gets my goat is "I'll go for the [menu item]". I want to tell them "We're going nowhere. We are eating here We've already come here, idiot!"

Yes. There's a huge taboo about knives at table. They remain strictly in the kitchen. I've seen people visibly uncomfortable in western restaurants in China and elsewhere.

Nearly all Chinese families never use knives at the dinner table. I seldom do.