Fat Guy

I got a thing in the mail a little while back, from the publicist for a new venture called Stand Burger at 24 East 12th Street, between Fifth and University. There was a card good for two free burgers in the envelope, so I folded it up and stuck it in my pocket (aka "the filing cabinet," as my wife calls it). Today I was down at NYU for a seminar, and then I went over to Astor Place to get my hair cut, and as I went to pay I noticed the card in my pocket, did a quick calculation and realized I was only a few blocks from Stand Burger. Free lunch, how bad could it be? I was optimistic when I entered the place. It's a sit-down restaurant with table service and a bar, modern with about half black chairs and half padded benches in a color that I'm sure has a fancy name but is kind of mauve. On the table: Bertman's Ball Park mustard, Kewpie mayonnaise and Heinz ketchup. For $12 you can get a "classic" burger, small fries and a fountain soda. The burgers, alone, start at $9 for the classic without cheese -- it comes with lettuce, tomato, pickles and house-made ketchup -- and go up from there. Things went downhill from there, however. Service, while friendly, was bumbling. I wasn't close enough to the open kitchen to hear exactly what was going on, but there was an incredible amount of repetition and confusion surrounding the orders -- and there were only maybe five tables seated (I got there right at noon when the place opened). It took about 20 minutes to produce my medium rare burger, and fries. I fear the burger might have been cooking that entire time. It's emphasized on the menu, and again by the server, that the burgers are best medium rare, and that the kitchen defaults to medium rare. I ordered mine medium rare, just to be safe. It arrived well done. It was very pretty: nice bun, a pile of shredded lettuce, a not-bad tomato, good pickles. The burger's exterior was nicely charred. Unfortunately, so was its interior. There's nothing special about the meat as far as I can tell, and it's ground too fine. The fries, which were also pretty and a nice thickness (like Belgian frites), had the opposite problem: they were undercooked, by a lot. http://standburger.com/

We've had a couple of "favorite condiment" topics in the past (here and here). I was hoping we could try something a little different. I'm thinking not about favorite condiments, but about learning about the condiments of different nations and cultures the world over. I've been noticing more and more imported condiments available here in the US, but there are so many hundreds of them I have no idea where to start. So, if you're from an interesting place, or even an uninteresting place, please give us a glimpse of your local condiment culture.

Perhaps more noteworthy than the unreadable review is the readable but nutty Critic's Notebook piece where Bruni, among other things, excoriates Danny Meyer for selling his book at the Union Square Hospitality Group restaurants. This seems like utterly misguided criticism:

Don't you think this might be a root reason why some of us are bothered by the fact that this fee is charged by a third party who has no connection with the restaurant and provides no service beyond maintaining a pool of reservations? ← I'm just trying to isolate the objection. If the issue is that you'd rather pay the money to the restaurant than to a third party, I'm not sure I disagree in principle -- but the reality is that, for now, the restaurants aren't offering this service and the third party is.

I agree with the factual claim there, but would add that being ready to hover over the phone at 10:00 a.m. exactly 60 days before the date you want to visit is very much a "cost." Doing so is not "free" except to the person whose time has no value. The burden is not easily assigned a monetary value in the abstract, but the Prime Time Table service indicates that to many people it's worth $50 to avoid that cost.

Well, hotels don't do full-on auctions either. There are too many variables. So-called yield management pricing strategies are more fitting. It might be possible to auction a few tables, but to auction the entire restaurant would be unwieldy. In addition, full advance payment reduces the restaurant's opportunities for upselling. And restaurants still have to account for their repeat customers -- it wouldn't be wise to push them into an auction situation because then there's less incentive for them to return to your restaurant instead of bidding on tables elsewhere.

Simon, would you be more comfortable with the situation if the premium charged for prime time tables subsidized lower prices at other times?

If you pay hundreds of dollars for dinner at a fine restaurant, was your reservation still free? A reservation is similar to an option. When saying that reservations are currently free, what we mean is that right now restaurants give customers free options on meals. A third party has now come along and said that option has value. Undeniably, it does. So either somebody will make money from it, or there has to be rationing. In addition, while there is no charge right now for reservations, the fact that reservations are free options certainly does carry other kinds of costs. It's the reason restaurants have an overbooking problem, and it's therefore the reason parties aren't seated on time at so many restaurants. It also increases the cost of a meal, to the extent restaurants have to over-purchase inventory by a certain amount in order to address the unpredictability that cost-free cancellations cause. Whether or not there's a slippery slope, this event is only one small part of an existing pattern. For one thing, this is not by any means the first-ever attempt to sell or broker reservations -- it's simply the most brazen we know of to date. For another thing, restaurants already engage in many yield-based pricing practices, such as charging more for dinner than lunch, offering pre-theater discounts, and charging more for menus on holidays -- so we are already quite far along the slope towards also charging a premium for prime time tables. And for still another thing, the top restaurants already hold back most of their prime time tables for repeat customers and other VIPs. You're not competing with Prime Time Tables for the entire universe of prime time tables. You're competing for the small percentage of those tables that are made available to random callers. For that matter, Per Se is already using a credit card guarantee system, which essentially makes this whole "problem" go away -- once again leading the way into the future for other restaurants. A slippery slope to what? What's the worst case scenario here? We're talking about a very limited impact, even if every prime table gets assigned, say, a $50 premium (whether we think of that as "paying for the reservation" or a prime time surcharge is really more of a psychological issue than an economic one). We're talking about Thursday-Saturday nights at the very most popular restaurants, for the seatings between 6 and 9. So, if you don't want to pay extra for a table, you eat Sunday-Wednesday any time, or you take a 5:45 or 9:30 reservation Thursday-Saturday. It's no big deal.

The dining public demands that restaurants maintain certain fictions. Restaurants go along with this act, and as a result they paint themselves into a corner. For example, the public has a fantasy of the chef in the kitchen cooking all the food all the time, even though the reality is that they chef may never personally cook a plate of food, certainly takes days and shifts off (since most New York restaurants operate seven days) and may be in the kitchen one day every month or less (in a multiple restaurant ownership situation). So pretty much every chef fibs about kitchen presence or faces the wrath of an angry public fed by ignorant media, and restaurant language has evolved such that everything that comes out of the kitchen is the work product of "the chef" even if he's not there: "Chef thought you might enjoy X." So deeply rooted is the fantasy that customers, even the super-educated ones who are Society members, largely believe the food tastes better when the chef is in the kitchen. But the restaurant industry screws itself over through its complicity in this illusion, because when it comes time to expand to a multiple establishment operation the chef is stuck. Likewise, restaurants bend over backwards to create an illusion of egalitarianism in a wildly non-egalitarian business. Customers want to believe they're in an environment of democracy and equality, and restaurants do what they can to pretend this is the case even though they all hold back the best tables for VIPs, have off-menu items for VIPs, offer higher levels of everything to customers who buy $1,000 bottles of wine, etc. They do this as covertly as possible, because they know most of their customers can't handle the truth. The few restaurants that don't try to pretend -- like Le Cirque -- are subject to endless disapprobation. The enterprise of restaurant criticism has evolved to focus on the red herring of egalitarianism, at the expense of meaningful discussion of the actual food. The public emotional investment in the current reservation system is yet another instance of restaurants working hard to perpetuate an utterly self-defeating fantasy. The industry fears that credit-card guarantees and a hotel-like cancellation policy would cause the public to wake up one day and realize that, heaven forbid, the restaurant business is a business, that restaurants serve you food not because they're your friends but because you pay them. This Prime Time Tables service has brought the house down on itself not because it does anything unethical, but because it challenges the illusion. And that upsets people. But the illusion is just that: it's not real.

You've no doubt seen our recent reorganization of the eG Forums non-regional areas by a crack team of volunteers. While that process was wrapping up, we also developed several new staff positions, and we're pleased to announce some of those today. Chris Amirault ("chrisamirault"), who recently stepped into the position of Director of Operations, eG Forums, will be supported in his eG Forums duties by a team of three eG Forums managers. Two were critical members of the reorganization team: Pamela Reiss ("Pam R") has been named Manager, eG Forums Kitchen, and Janet A. Zimmerman ("JAZ") will serve as Interim Manager, eG Forums Culinary Culture. A third manager, for eG Forums Regional, will be named after the regional forums reorganization slated for later this year. In addition, as the Society has started to transform both its internal organizational structure and its external structure to better serve its mission and the needs of its members, we've asked volunteers to take stock of their roles moving forward. We're grateful that several of our current managers will continue on as eG Forums hosts: Ron Kaplan ("ronnie_suburban"), Brooks Hamaker ("Mayhaw Man") and Dean McCord ("Varmint," who also serves as General Counsel). We also wish to thank those staff who are moving on to pursue other activities: Samuel Lloyd Kinsey ("slkinsey"), Holly Moore, Jonathan Day (who will continue to serve on the Board of Directors), Steve Klc, Linda LaRose ("fifi") and Lucy Vanel ("bleudauvergne") will join the ranks of our emeritus staff. With deep gratitude for their years of excellent service, we wish them luck and look forward to their continued participation in eG Forums discussions. Beyond eG Forums, Dave Scantland ("Dave the Cook") will be acting as Director of Operations, eG Features, which encompasses the Daily Gullet, eGullet Culinary Institute and eG Spotlight. In that capacity, Dave will be supported by the current directors of each of these segments -- Margaret McArthur, Janet Zimmerman, and Richard Kilgore -- in redesigning eG Features this spring. Check here for more information soon. Last but certainly not least, the steadfast Kris Yamaguchi ("torakris") will serve both the eG Forums and eG Features segments in her capacity as Manager, eG Forums Membership.

"True" market forces? This service seems a textbook example of market forces at work.

John, I'm curious: you've been throwing around the term "professional critics" and variants. How would you define that term? Do you think it has to do with credentials/qualifications? If so, what credentials/qualifications do you think Frank Bruni has that the average blogger doesn't have? Or is it simply that the information costs money? If so, I'd point out that the New York Times restaurant reviews are available for free online. So is ABC World News Tonight on television, for that matter. There are ads, but many blogs also carry ads. Or is it that the writer gets paid? If so, why does that matter? Does the fact that Adam Platt gets paid to write his amateur restaurant reviews in any way distinguish them from unpaid amateur reviews?

I understand there's a distinction, and that it feels important, but is it as we say in the law "a distinction without a difference"? Let's assume that the number of tables consumed by the service is minor -- at most one or two tables at any given restaurant. Let's further assume that all the reservations always get used. In such a scenario, what's the issue?

Would anybody have an objection to the service if it did things in a different sequence: - You call the service and say "Please get me a reservation at Daniel at X time on Y date." - The service speed dials, waits on hold, etc., negotiates the reservation and gets back to you with the information. - You pay $50 to the service. That would of course be no different than having a secretary make the reservation. Nothing wrong with that at all. It seems the difference is that the service makes the reservations first, then sells them to clients. But is it really all that different?

The "cover" (some places say "customer count") is an important metric for restaurants, because when combined with the "check average" it forms the basis for a lot of sales and inventory projections. Covers are mostly a concern of the back of the house. Servers tend to talk more in terms of tables. It actually takes about the same amount of labor to serve a two-top as it does to serve a four-top. So two servers serving 12 covers each could have very different nights if one has three four-tops and the other has six two-tops.

Any reputable mainstream media outlet does not permit its critics to accept comps. ← We've covered this ground so many times, it's surprising to me that you'd persist in making such an absolute statement. The New York Times, for example, allows most of its critics to accept comps: the theater critic, opera critic, etc., all get their admissions comped, as do the sports writers. Pretty much the only critics at the New York Times who aren't routinely comped are the food critics and travel writers(though other writers for the dining section and the paper in general are routinely comped meals, as is evident from attending various press previews where you can usually spot one or two Times writers along with many other "reputable" journalists mixed in among the disreputable riffraff). In addition, it's primarily the small subset of newspaper restaurant reviewers who operate under a no-comps policy. In the larger world of "reputable" food journalism, writers take comps all the time. You can be sure that most every restaurant-related article in the mainstream, reputable glossy food magazines, for example, is the result of numerous comps. The point being, no-comps policies are the exception not the norm. Moreover, it's rarely disclosed in mainstream media. Bloggers who accept comps and disclose those comps are actually adhering to a higher standard than most of the reputable mainstream outlets.

Dungeness Crabs And Blackberry Cobblers: The Northwest Heritage Cookbook, by Janie Hibler, is part of the excellent Knopf Cooks American series. Definitely worth a look. Not particularly contemporary, but very well done.

For really nice steaks, I don't add anything because pretty much any sauce or condiment will drown out the subtle mineral and other notes of the best steaks. However, for pretty much any other steak, I like something with a little heat. One condiment I reach for frequently with lesser cuts (like shoulder London broil, or flank steak) is schug. It's a Yemenite hot sauce with a thick, spoonable consistency, very popular in Israel. The dominant flavors are hot peppers, coriander and garlic. In America the most common incarnation comes from the Sabra brand and is called "S'chug" and you can also find other brands in Middle Eastern markets with various spellings such as "Shug" and "Skhug."

If it is indeed not served as a condiment in pizzerias in Argentina (all I found online with a quick search was this reference to it being served in a pizzeria in Chile), that's even more interesting. It means it took the intervention of a third nation's food culture to realize the pairing.

I wouldn't categorize it as a pizza topping. A topping, to me, would be something that's baked on to the pizza, like pepperoni or mushrooms. The way I've seen chimichurri served is as a condiment, at the table. You take a little bit of it and spoon it over your pizza and spread it around. When you consider the condiments that are already on the table at a lot of pizzerias -- garlic, oregano, etc. -- chimichurri doesn't seem all that far off base. It's great.

I've been in a few Argentinean-owned pizzerias where chimichurri is offered as a pizza condiment. While it's no surprise to go most anywhere in the world and find local modifications to pizza, the remarkable thing about the pizza-chimichurri combination is how amazingly good it is. It's one of those globe-girdling ingredient combinations that make a mockery of "authenticity." Then again, there does seem to be some evolutionary linkage between pizza and chimichurri. The Italian influence in Argentina is significant, and the basic ingredient blend underlying chimichurri -- parsley, garlic and olive oil -- surely derives from pesto or a related European condiment. If you've never tried a little chimichurri on a slice of pizza, I highly recommend it.

Found this recent article in the Star-Ledger, a New Jersey newspaper. It covers a lot of ground. Unfortunately I think it might disappear behind a paywall soon, so do check it out. One relevant quote: ("Granata" refers to "Joe Granata of RLB Distributors in West Caldwell, which supplies produce to the Kings Super Markets") ("Palmer" refers to "Pete Palmer, director of retail communications with the Florida Department of Citrus in Lakeland")

Russ, when you say they're most of the Florida crop, do you know the disposition of that crop? Specifically, what's actually being sold as whole fruit in American supermarkets? I could easily see the white portion of the crop mostly being consumed by juice and export. Anecdotal evidence is surely suspect, but I rarely see white grapefruits anymore in the stores where I shop. I assume there's a statistical breakdown from one department of agriculture or another somewhere.

There are definitely ways to identify the good stuff, however someone with more specific knowledge will have to let us know the manufacturer names to look for. It's like with Bordeaux, or the Sabatier example above. As I understand it, Laguiole is not a brand but, rather, a place. I'm guessing your knife or at least parts of it have to be made in Laguiole or some defined region around there (or assembled there -- I bet there's a detailed regulation). Maybe you have to be a member of some consortium. But then there are different manufacturers (e.g., Forge de Laguiole) and probably lines. In the case of Sabatier, you have to be made in or around Thiers I think. So again, like Bordeaux: you have to be from there, you have to be made from certain grapes, but you don't have to be good.

I assume by snackfoods you mean crunchy snacks like chips, puffs and crisps, as opposed to cheese, pickles and salami. If so, I'm sure I'm not telling you anything you don't know when I say that pretzels are typically free not only of MSG but also of fat. A more general observation: I do enjoy various flavored crispy-crunchy snackfoods on occasion, but they really do seem to cause palate fatigue and desensitization, if not physically than at least psychologically. Meanwhile, unadorned (except for salt) potato chips, pretzels and popcorn are so delicious. And pretty much any powdered artificial flavor that's added to a chip is going to taste much better in its natural form as part of a dip. You can make your own sour cream and onion dip, for example, and it will taste approximately forty-million times better than the flavored dust on sour cream and onion chips. Oh yes, also corn chips and salsa.