Division of Labor

[maggiethecat]

We're having a small dinner party tonight, and in reviewing what's to be done with my husband I realized that I have 1)Cleaning duty )The individual Yorkshire puds 3) shop for flowers. Lou has commandeered the menu-planning and the rest of the cooking.

I's been this way for awhile. When we were foodie newlyweds, cooking our happy way through Julia, I did 75% of the cooking. Now I'm basically Prep Drone and occasional pastrychef. But not tonight...he's making the rustic apple tart too.

We are both good cooks. But somehow, I realize that I've been givien the ol' heave ho from my own kitchen. My friends say "Are you nuts? He's handsome and does all the cooking too? Are you complaing or something?"

And I'm not complaining. Last year I had a job that involved getting home at midnight, and every single night: well conceived menu. Good cookin'. Plating, garnish etc. And a martini in the shaker.

Was wondering how it works in your kitchens. Do you Do it All? Or does your spouse, SO, roomate, parent have his/her hand firmly on the chef's knife?

Edited January 12, 2003 by maggiethecat (log)

[tommy]

there as a thread on this a while back. i'll try to find it.

i do about 90% of the cooking. whoever doesn't cook, cleans. although, mrs. tommy is generally in charge of salads.

[maggiethecat]

there as a thread on this a while back.  i'll try to find it.

i do about 90% of the cooking.  whoever doesn't cook, cleans.  although, mrs. tommy is generally in charge of salads.

Sorry! Come to think of it, I may have posted.

[Varmint]

My wife cooks for our children during the week (thank goodness for vitamins!), but I cook for us, the family during the weekends, and any dinner parties. Mrs. Varmint doesn't do a thing with the cooking (although she's good at opening the wine!). She does most of the clean-up for dinner parties, although there are some friends (who get repeated invitations) who insist on helping with the clean-up!!

[tommy]

not the same thread, but related. i need to go back and make sure that i have the same answer as i do above. otherwise, people might realize that i'm generally talking shit.

here it be.

[Suzanne F]

For regular dinners, I plan and cook and He Who Only Eats (aka Paul) ... no, actually, he almost always makes the salad. And he suggests the wine, at my prodding. He also helps clear the table, and some proportion of the time also loads and later empties the dishwasher. The only thing he NEVER does is wash the All-Clad or cast-iron pots.

When we have people over, it's pretty much the same (now that I've told him that if he wants salad, he has to make it). Oh, and then he also makes the coffee or tea.

He used to be good at cooking steak, but he's been out of practice for over 25 years now. He still makes GREAT chewy oatmeal, though. Just did this morning, in fact.

[Kim WB]

Tommy, thanks for finding the thread...when I read the question, I recalled that we discussed it...and WOW! Things have changed! I cook so much more during the week, and such healthier, better food...the weekends are still the same team effort, but I am proud to be reminded of how far I've come... we've gotten into braised food, and a lot more effort has gone into the vegetable and rice/grain/potatoe side dishes.

[Jinmyo]

Kim, that's great. 'Tis the season for braising: daube au bouef, lamb shoulder, shanks, osso bucco, pork belly...

And vegetables are great braised as well.

[Kim WB]

And Jin, I am really determined to perfect braised Brussel sprouts...every morning by 7am, I have a different version on the burner...6 days of BS, and each day better than the last. By this week,it will b eth eperfect recipe. ( and what a differnece in cooking times between those fromt he stalk atthe farmer's market,and those int he produce Dept at the big chain.

A concerted effort at one dish really familiarizes you with the components of freshness, heat, and how a differnt herb or ingrediant will change the entire dish...pancetta and shallots vs. pignoli nuts and garlic, or nutmeg and walnuts.

[Kim WB]

He also helps clear the table, and some proportion of the time also loads and later empties the dishwasher.

Which is a trait not to be overlooked or minimized! when we redid our kitchen, I put in two dishwashers...which just turned in to another dishwasher for me to unload.

In all fairness, however, I don't like where my kids or husband puts things...the classic control freak problem...but like I tell them..they can put he LAUNDRY anywhere..just put my knives and strainers in the RIGHT PLACE!!! ( I have a stainless canister set that I don't use for flour or sugar..its just for whisks, non-stick implements, spatulas, etc...BUT its size oriented. Please, no big wooden spoons with the mallets or kitchen sheers..they are different heights.. Oh, man, even as I type this I realize I sound weird!

[Dave the Cook]

Oh, man, even as I type this I realize I sound weird!

No, you sound like me.

[maggiethecat]

As Jinmyo mentioned, daubes rule. Case in point:

Our guests tonight were my sister and brother-in-law, and (I'd forgottenshe was coming) their two year old grandaughter, in the full trauma of potty training. Mary Cate is cute, and didn't torment the cat too much. Only one crisis when she started to wail because she hadn't hit the potty soon enough. As my mother used to say: "No one goes to college in Pampers. Not to worry."

Lou's sister and husband are..how to put it?...conservative in their food tastes. We had TJ's ass't snackies. His sister 's aperitif is Sprite. We served a beef stew...basically Judy Rodger's daube, pigfoot and all (removed before Lou's sister saw it and fainted) but in large cube form. Roast carrots, onions, mush and parsnips. Sauce in the sauceboat. Fennel, orange and chickory salad. St. Jacques's individual Yorkshire puds. Aforementioned apple tart.

It was all good. But I knew that God was in his world when a very tired two year old kept saying: "More meat, please!" And sopped up the sauce with her pud.

We both did a whole LOT of dishes.

Heck: The tummy is full, we had fun, and the house is clean(ish.) The baby daffodils are sweet. Labor was shared and all's well .

Edited January 12, 2003 by maggiethecat (log)

[Dave the Cook]

For a Prep Drone , sounds like you acquitted yourself magnificiently.

I knew that God was in his world when a very tired two year old kept saying: "More meat, please!"  And sopped up the sauce with her pud.

Delightful child.

[snowangel]

Diana (age 12) and I cook and clean up. Paul keeps Peter (7) and Heidi (8) out of our way. It's a great time for Diana and I to create together, and I've noticed that all sorts of "stuff comes out" from her (about what's going on with school, her head, etc.). It's wonderful, because she can be so creative in the kitchen, and a good worker, to boot...not to mention spending time together AND getting something done! We work like a well-oiled machine. On the occasion that she cooks solo, I clean up as thanks.

Paul (husband) does awesome breakfasts (ably assisted by Peter, a masterful sausage link and bacon turner), but they leave the kitchen a disaster. It's an exercise in how much crap can we leave on the counter and how many more dishes can we use than is necessary.

[maggiethecat]

Diana (age 12) and I cook and clean up.

Snowangel: It's a good time for me to mention how your daughter Diana has charmed me in many of your posts. What a totally swell, intelligent and helpful young woman. It would be a pleasure to divide labor with her.

[Dave the Cook]

Diana (age 12) and I cook and clean up.

Snowangel: It's a good time for me to mention how your daughter Diana has charmed me in many of your posts. What a totally swell, intelligent and helpful young woman. It would be a pleasure to divide labor with her.

Ditto.

[Jinmyo]

Maggie what are St. Jacques Yorkshire puds? Frenchified Yorkies? Is nothing sacred?

[stellabella]

maggie, i want to start a separate but related thread, if you'll forgive me, but meanwhile really like this one and want to respond:

i cracked up my in-laws on xmas day talking about who rules the kitchen. my bro-in-law has a sometime-girlfriend whom he most certainly does NOT deserve--she seems to be a great and creative cook and loves his kitchen. amazingly, he appears to yield to her in most things food. she said that we need to get together and cook sometime and i told her i'd love to, since i rarely share the kitchen with anyone.

"Of course, I've peed in every corner of ours," i snapped. laughs all around.

you gotta know my husband. we plan dinner parties--we entertain in our house AT LEAST 25-30 times a year, because we live so far from civilization and because, well, we love to have people in. early on these were shared ventures. Dr. Science can cook if he wants to, but he never obsessed about it, as i became increasingly freakish about food. i started serving 10-12 people at a time and getting rave reviews. i started fantasizing about foods to cook. etc., etc. as i learned more and as i my cooking got better, his cooking started to scare me. we would have quarrels which always ended with him saying, Well, I'm SURE your way is BETTER, isn't it?

and of course it really was. i mean, yes, it was.

he thinks i'm a better cook now and "yields" to me, but i often feel a lot of the burden ends up on my shoulders. part of it is selfish wistfulness--i wish that he would love to cook as much as i and that we could share cooking--as i said, he's no shlub in the kitchen. he just doesn't love it anymore. he has other things to do. i want to take classes with him. not an option right now as we live really far from the city. BUT we're spending two weeks in oaxaca in june and he's been surfing the net looking for cooking schools there, and he's getting really excited--hurray--a little spark of food romance awaits!

[Jinmyo]

If both husband and wife like to cook, they should get seperate apartments and invite each over for dinner.

[maggiethecat]

Maggie what are St. Jacques Yorkshire puds? Frenchified Yorkies? Is nothing sacred?

No nothing is sacred. Trist those Frenchies!

St. Jacques has a recipe for individual Yorkshire Puddings in the J and J "Cooking at Home" book.

Like their humble twin/separated at birth sibling, the popover, they are greeted with shouts of joy. Nursery food all grown up and wonderful little bowls for sauce.

[malarkey]

If both husband and wife like to cook, they should get seperate apartments and invite each over for dinner.

its interesting you say this Jinmyo. why? would two foodies in the same kitchen just end up arguing? I can see how that would be a possibility. but I would think the joy of a shared passion would outweigh the "no you can't do a hollendaise like THAT" episodes.

[Suzanne F]

Methinks Jinmyo must be a martinet in the kitchen...

But what about our recent guests, Diane Forley and Michael Otsuka? They seem to get along -- although granted, they are not in the kitchen together all the time.

[col klink]

If both husband and wife like to cook, they should get seperate apartments and invite each over for dinner.

I just came from that (well, we're soon to be married I should say) and I am so completely happy that were not apart. Plus the new kitchen is better than our previous kitchens combined. But that wasn't hard to do.

[col klink]

Oh yeah, we're pretty even but there's a 60/40 split in my favor towards cooking. She's also put me in charge of everything meat.