Beanloaf

Many of the worst meals that I've ever been served have been at the hands of my father. In his defense, he's usually an OK cook. Everyone other than me is entitled to their off days. I remember sitting down to a steaming bowl of chili. He had spiced it so heavily with lord knows what that one bite immediately left me without the use of my taste buds. I'm not exagerating even a little bit. I also remember once, as a child asking for spaghetti. He was missing serveral key ingredients but, rather than admit defeat, my father cooked up a very special dish. Pasta & tuna fish in a provocative sauce composed of tomato soup and ketchup.

I'm in a bit of a panic this year about the cookie situation. I just don't have time to complete as many as I have in past years. My usual list goes something like this: Cut out type cookies - my special chocolate cinnamon cookies - plain old sugar cookies - gingerbread - shortbread Drop, Molded, etc - spritz - coconut macaroons - cornmeal & currant biscotti - something with peanutbutter to keep my husband happy - one or two new discoveries Candy - candy cane bark - truffles - dipped apricots - fudge What I used to do when I had a miserable desk job, was take the Friday before christmas off. I would start baking on Friday morning and finish up in time to be back at work on Monday, taking periodic naps in between. It was quite a production. I used to move the television into the kitchen to help keep me awake. This year it's not going to happen. I've found myself eyeing up the big tubs of premade cookie dough available at the local warehouse club store. What to do?

I once accidentaly purchased a package of Archway Low Fat Fudge cookies. I thought that I was reaching for the rocky road flavor. Upon returning home, I stood staring at the package,wondering how I could have made such an awful error. Just as I was about to return to the store that still, small voice inside of me rose up screamed, "For crying out sideways they're still chocolate!" So, I tried one. I am now a devoted fan and have been known to request them as birthday gifts.

I once accidentaly purchased a package of Archway Low Fat Fudge cookies. I thought that I was reaching for the rocky road flavor. Upon returning home, I stood staring at the package,wondering how I could have made such an awful error. Just as I was about to return to the store that still, small voice inside of me rose up screamed, "For crying out sideways they're still chocolate!" So, I tried one. I am now a devoted fan and have been known to request them as birthday gifts.

Beans Rice Tasty but Ugly homemade smoked sausage The last of the sorbet made with the last of the garden's strawberries ...and a late night run to the store because I "needed" potato chips.

A friend gifted me with a heap of key limes. So, I've been coming up with stuff to sneak them into. (The husband is not such a fan of anything that isn't related to a potato.) Last night chicken grilled w/coconut milk and key lime sauce assorted veggies from the garden, sauted and covered with parm. These two things do not necessarily belong on the same plate together but, at home, I refuse to be bothered.

A restaurant reality show. I'm truly surprised that it hasn't been totally "Burnett-a-fied". Something like ... at the end of each episode, the dishwashers get together and vote on which member of the waitstaff to kick off of the show... oooh oooh wait or maybe there's a "secret plot twist" where the waitstaff and the line cooks have to switch positions for an evening. Oh the madness that insues... Or perhaps a "food competition". Win and you get your produce order. Lose and all you get is this jar of peanut butter and half of a lemon.

I hesitate to divulge the recipe for danger pudding. Because, much like the name, it is dangerous (pause for spooky music). 1) Under cover of darkness, in grocery store five miles from your normal shopping location, where no one will recognize you, purchase one can of Eagle Brand Sweetened Condensed Milk 2) Upon arriving home, remove disguise. 3) Clean outside of can throughly. 4) Place can (unopened mind you) into a large pot of boiling water. Slam on a tight fitting lid. Boil it for at least an hour- I prefer to go about two hours but the wait can be a bit nerve wracking. 5) Open can. Insert spoon. Of course, the danger is the strong likelyhood that during the boiling time, the can will explode. If this does happen, don't bother trying to clean up the mess. Just pack your belongings and move to a new town. It will be much much easier that way. You have been warned.

I'm new here. Lord help me, this is the first forum that I've felt compelled to respond to... My fantasy white trash menu: Strawberry Pretzel Salad Chicken Ketcha-cola Velveeta Fudge Danger Pudding