On the first afternoon/evening of every program at our first meeting as a group, program folders containing itineraries, menus, and other pertinent info are handed out as people enter. Most people peruse the folders and chat amongst themselves while waiting for others to arrive and for me to start things.
On this particular day, one woman, after looking over the menus, came up to me very angrily. “I cannot eat this stuff! I need 13 ounces of vegetables at every meal! And look at all this pork! I’m not sure I can even eat any of this. I’m Jewish!” I asked her if she’d specified her dietary needs in the pre-program information. “Well, I just assumed!” I looked over the info she’d provided, and saw that she’d specified gluten free. I let her know that she wouldn’t be having the tasso and chicken pasta dish that was on the menu, but a salad, a chicken breast, and steamed vegetables, so things should be fine for the first evening (we were dining at the hotel the first night). She declared that she wasn’t on a gluten free diet and there BETTER be at least 13 ounces of vegetables. I told her I’d request extra vegetables that night, but I couldn’t promise that she’d get her exact amount of veg at the different restaurants we were going to. She never softened her stance and was in an angry huff all night.
What a way to start! I had to be very diplomatic in my response because I didn’t want the group’s first impression of me to be a negative one.
I called the hotel restaurant and made sure she’d get the extra vegetables. I tried to let go of my first impression of her. If people have had a rough day of travel, sometimes they’re tired and frustrated that first night, and it doesn’t mean they’ll be problematic all week long. We all survived dinner, and things seemed fine.
Later that evening, I received an email from customer service. She’d called and told them I forced her to eat pork and that I told her she’d have to eat it all week. I was furious. She out and out lied.
The next morning, as I approached her in the breakfast room, she looked up with a big smile on her face. “Everything’s fine! I called my Overeater’s Anonymous sponsor and she calmed me down. She told me that it wasn’t your responsibility to keep me on track, so I will go to a grocery store and buy extra vegetables and things, and at restaurants, I’ll buy my own extras.” I said, “That’s great, but you called Road Scholar and told them I forced you to eat pork. I made sure you had chicken. That’s not okay.” She rolled her eyes and said, “I’m a New York Jew. This is how we are.” (I’ve had enough Jewish people from New York in my programs to know that this is false.)
As the week progressed, the tension between us lessened. I was sympathetic and empathetic about her need to stay on a specific diet as she tried not to be triggered into her old binge eating habits. But how was I to know any of that ahead of time? When you do group travel, you have to understand that there will be times your options are very limited.
One evening, as we were seated next to each other, she relayed this story. She’d gotten a job in Craft Services for Saturday Night Live. The problem was that she sometimes binge ate all of the food and then had to order more. She was finally fired when a guest star refused to work because all of the doughnuts were gone, and they realized she’d eaten them!
And about the not eating pork because she was Jewish? A couple of servers let me know that she heaped her plate with bacon every morning at the breakfast buffet!!
