tommy

marcosan is far less goofy when he's serious.

steven, i can't speak wilfrid et al, but i'm pretty sure that we are all in agreement. but again, what to do? the simple fact of the matter is that not everyone knows the "official" etiquette, and they sure as hell ain't reading this thread. it has been suggested (i'm not sure if it was on this thread or in a "real" conversation) that most people, when getting up, say "start without me if the food comes." i suppose that if people find that others still don't, we'll have to start following that up with "...i'm serious you assholes." you and i think alike. i'm forever explaning my well-thought-out decisions to people so my actions don't seem rude. thoughts on that revolving door?

not with this fucking lot i don't. only with friends. ...

you're right. now, if egullet was read by every person that i know, then we'd all be more comfortable, as everyone would eat their hot food whilst i'm relieving myself or on the phone. but as it turns out, it's not likely that will happen any time soon. so, given the fact that most people tend to wait, what are we to do? i know that i generally announce to the table "hey, if the food comes, start eating, as i'm dropping the kids off at the pool, and this might take a while." anything short of that, the most uncomfortable person in the situation where one is in the restroom while others are at the table with food is the person in the restroom wondering if their constipation causing everyone else discomfort. i don't see where books or quotes come into play here. it's simply the way it happens. hey, when a man is walking with a woman towards a revolving door, does the man let the lady go first? what do the books say about that? i'll give you the correct answer, as far as i'm concerned. and i'm not sure that anyone, at this point in my life, will convince me that my approach is wrong. this, to paraphrase fatus, is just another firmly held belief, and a belief that pages of discussion will most likely not sway...cause my grandma told me what to do, and that's what it is.

it seems to me that etiquette, as valuable as it is to us today, what with most of it being set in stone 300 years ago, is something that changes with society. one could argue that societal standards eventually effect etiquette. i'm not sure how to tie that into this discussion, but maybe someone else can as i'm off to the pub where i'm sure i know how to act appropriately.

3a) Why are you using "expect" instead of "want"? because frankly *i* don't care. but they might think that i do, and while taking peoples' feelings into consideration seems to sometimes be a foreign concept, that's how i'd "expect" them to react. i wouldn't "expect it of them," as in, "expect nothing less," as i wouldn't be passing judgment, but rather kinda guessing what they'd do. 3b) What would count as compromising a meal? if i've been called away from the table for a call, or i've been complaining about stomach pains and excused myself from the table 10 seconds before service, or any other situation where it's pretty clear that i'm not around and won't be for some time. of course, this all comes down to time that the dish sits on the plate, in front of the diners. i wouldn't go as far as to say that "temp" is the only factor here, as foodstuffs' consistency and texture, among other qualities, can change over time regardless of whether it's a hot dish or a room temp dish. ediot for speeling and clarity.

it might be helpful if we simply illustrated each example, and had people respond with how they'd react. again, i think we're muddying the waters by bringing banquette style dining, among other factors, into this. to address fatus's points: 3) Would you want people to wait for you, were you away from the table when they were served in a restaurant. i would expect they would, unless my absence compromised their meal. 4) How do you rule on a hypothetical situation where all eight people at a table are seated but only seven are served and the eighth says, "Please go ahead and eat. Your food is hot." At that point should the seven eat? yes. What if the seven don't eat and the eighth follows up with, "Really, there's no reason for you to eat cold food just because the restaurant has provided poor service. In fact, I'm feeling very self-conscious and uncomfortable on account of your waiting. If you eat, it will make me happy." i would begin eating.

I really think you're barking up the wrong tree here. Again, you're failing to distinguish between right conduct by the restaurant and the customer. it seems like g is trying to prove what we already know (that it's not acceptable to begin eating before everyone has begun) by pointing out the fact that we all agree on which is restaurants go out of their way to ensure that food arrives at the same time and when everyone is seated. ediot: typed as g was answering.

indeed. from a logical standpoint, the arugment of wanting to "sample the dish at the temperature the chef intented" is a bit flimsy, considering the lag time and btwn removing the food from the heat source and the eventual presentation of the dish, and all of the factors affecting time/temperature therein.

of course i don't. i'm just trying to point out the absurdity of the other argument.

who. what. edit: thanks for the clarification. how is it not applicable? if the food is on the table, and getting cold, i would have to assume that the "rules" would kick in. i don't see how one person being in the bathroom while everyone's food is on the table is different from one person being in the kitchen washing his hands and turning off the stove while everyone's food is on the table, as far as this discussion goes.

what is appropriate when it's known that the host or even a few members at the table prefer to say grace when the food is in front of them? my family never said grace in the buffet line, but rather waited until everyone was seated. and i'm pretty sure god strikes you dead if you eat before saying grace. oh what a dilemma.

i generally use a lot of black pepper when i'm cooking, and yet it never ceases to amaze me how much i have to put in the potatoes. crazy amounts. Because they're crying out for it. Tons of it. Didn't I just say that? Pay attention, tommy. yeah yeah, that's what i'm saying. i agree that they are crying out for it. tons of it.

i generally use a lot of black pepper when i'm cooking, and yet it never ceases to amaze me how much i have to put in the potatoes. crazy amounts.

Page one was just clearing our throats and clarifying the question. Off you go. no no, page one was about assigning blame. it's the first (and arguably the most important) step when resolving any problem. didn't they teach you that at school?

macrosan, is it somehow offensive to people ordering off the menu to see a buffet?

fat guy has a desk?

agreed. we're not talking about that specific situation. although clearly stating this probably won't do anything to generalize this conversation.

unforunately, fat guy hasn't really posed a question here, so this will end up being a free-for-all even more quickly than it normally would. ho hum.

i've already got Hemant's name tatooed on the back of my hand. of this i can assure you.

where does "blame" play a role here? additionally, even at many no-star restaurants in the US there's generally likely to be at least a short time gap between the removal of a dish and the arrival of the next dish.

i've been there several times (for lunch), and always for the buffet. it's just the midtown indian food ordering default. it's a good way to get cheap friends to come out as well. however, i will no doubt be ordering from the menu the next time, and i'm looking foward to seeing some of those appropriate wines on the list!

should we make the distinction now before it gets too confusing btwn the 2 disparate issues: 1) food is brought out for everyone except 1 person. 2) food is brought out for everyone and 1 person isn't present.

i've never heard anyone say "yes, i mind. don't start." not a very good barometer for judging a date!

ut-oh. this is going to get good. people in my family and my friends don't read books. we wait until everyone is served unless told to proceed by the person who's foodless.