Thank you for all of these good ideas! Earnest and otherwise.
Because it just so happens, I have a WHOLE LOT of tights that I don't seem to ever wear anymore, and could stand to be repurposed . . . .
ETA: Shelby, I think that bag could be rigged with some small cardboard pieces surrounding the tomato sleeve, to keep it from knocking against the cucumbers and other goodies. You'd still have to deal with vertical friction, but tissue paper or anything easy could probably ameliorate that problem.