[Worst meal at someone's home - Part 1]

1) I tried to cook something relatively simple, the easiest recipe in the book Cooking for Bachelors, or something like that. Dijon chicken. It came out of the oven looking exactly the same way it did when it went into the oven. Part raw, part Michelin (the tire, not the guide

I've been served a bunch of home-cooked chicken dishes that sound like this. Usually a recipe out of a magazine (Not Saveur, but Elle), and the chicken is rubbery and pale. I find that at the very least putting it back under the broiler can give a better appearance and a little caramelization to the top. Won't make it any less dry.

My worst home cooked meals were when my Mom started a meal and my sister finished:

1) We were in high school and Mom called to tell sister to take the casserole out of the fridge and put it in the oven at 350. Luckily, when Mom brought it to the table and started spooning it out, she thought it was awful cheesy on top. "Ellen, you did take the saran wrap off the top, didn't you?" "Huh?"

2) Same time of life, Mom called Ellen and told her to take the steak out of the fridge and put it on the grille. Mom got home. "Ellen, did you take care fo the steak?" "I put it on the grill when you told me." "Did you watch it?" "Huh?" Well, it was steak for a rainbow of tastes, from burnt on the bottom to raw on the top.

[Beer may be good for you!]

Oatmeal stout is also reputed to have gobs of vitamins.

But to be honest, I'd drink the stuff even if it weren't good for me.

[Homebrewers?]

Use liquid yeast.  The easiest way to improve any beer.

Of course, buy Papazian's New Complete Joy of Homebrewing.

[Homebrewers?]

I did my first batch in my sister's small NY apartment. Of course, the wort boiled over and burned onto the stove. But pissing off the sibling was just an extra joy of the homebrewing process.

[Pulses and hard water]

Because misery loves company, I'll let you know that I have the same problem. They're always mealy/chalky or mushy/overdone.

[Injuries Whilst Eating]

I was making caramel ice cream wearing rubber slippers (thongs). I poured hot caramel on my foot while pouring the caramel in the cream. I managed to put the pan down in the sink before rushing to the hospital.

I was personing the grill at a recent BBQ when I failed to notice a glowing coal falling out the bottom and landing/sticking to my shoe. "That's an intense itch" I thought. Soon I knew how Bugs Bunny's enemies felt, as I hopped around to stick my foot in the beer tub.

(But this goes beyone the caveat in the original post, which is injuries whilst eating, not cooking. Mea culpa.)

[Caveat Emptor]

I hear that scallops are actually fish cheeks.

[Caveat Emptor]

Fat Guy on balsamico. It's all right there folks, I don't know why you'd go anywhere else.

[Injuries Whilst Eating]

Varmint, your uvula story reminds me of a story I read years ago about someone burning his esophagus with some micro-waved pie. (Sorry, Jin!).  Endied up in the hospital, and almost had his burn "go sour."  Might have been in NY Press or some other similar rag. 

I heard McDonald's "Hot Apple Pies" were the source of much personal injury litigation.

I was once dumped by a very lovely lady whilst eating dinner. I carry the scars to this day. Does that count?

[Cooking Myths]

Here's one: A watched pot never boils.

I've actually disproved this one many times.

(Waiting for the smug scientific bastards to explain this one.)

[Nags Head NC or Near By]

When I used to go to Nags Head, we never spent more than $10 on a meal. However, I remember a great little lunch joint, on the beach road up near Duck. I'm pretty sure it was John's or John's Fish Shack. Terrific fish sandwiches (fried and grilled).

Happy Anniversary.

[Injuries Whilst Eating]

Big Man:

Isn't that what popcorn is for? 

I've always put it only in my mouth. Obviously, I have much to learn.

[Injuries Whilst Eating]

More on good manners.  Five hundred years ago, the astronomer, Tacho de Brache didn't want to insult his guests by taking a leak during a banquet.  His bladder ruptured, then he died.

I believe he had some other acts of poor discretion, one of which resulted in his nose being lopped off in a duel with a student. Can't say whether food was involved.

[Injuries Whilst Eating]

Last week at the movies ("Signs"), I shoved some popcorn up my nose during a particularly startling moment.  Timing :)

Please explain. Does popcorn have a soothing effect? I would think that the salt would exacerbate the fright. Perhaps you're using buttered popcorn?

[Injuries Whilst Eating]

One night in college we went to the diner after a long game of Turbo Quarters. I figured that since Jeff had spent the past 20 minutes throwing up in the bathroom and was still looking a little green he wouldn't want the sausage sitting on his plate. I was wrong, and the fork marks were visible in the back of my hand for years.