Eliza Cross

I think the Black-eyed Pea is onto us. Just received a postcard today addressed to "Resident." On the back: "Our Ribs are Hot." Yep, baby back ribs are on special (and you can add a Bud Light Draft for only a dollar). On the front of the card: spinach-artichoke dip. I am not making this up.

Yes! You're still looking at the menu, and the waiter says, "Would you like to start out with an appetizer -- some fried cheese or our artichoke dip, perhaps?"

I don't think I'm following you. Are you against tap water, or the way they're asking, or what? Personally, as someone with limited money that I'd prefer to spend on food rather than fancy water, I'd go for the tap water every time (and look back with nostalgia on places such as Japan where water is always provided for free, automatically, and topped up every time it gets low). ← It's the way they say "tap water," like it's a highly inferior product (compared to the $6 bottled water, of course)!

Okay, this is as basic as it gets: How about when you ask for a glass of water at a restaurant and the waiter asks, "Do you want Pellegrino, or ...... TAP WATER??" Oh, I want the nonpotable, tepid water from the hose out back - please!

Onion Blossoms -- with their greasy, thick, seasoning-salt-enhanced batter and gummy, undercooked insides. This gets my vote for blecchiest popular appetizer on the planet.