A few things to remember: Do you ever go to the deli and order; Give me a pound of shaved roast beef, and make it extra heavy? does it matter how you word it? Hey pal, I'm extra hungry, can you shave me some roast beef and make it extra heavy? If you go back later and your friend is working and he gives you extra and then leaves extra fat on the next one to cover the loss...who has done their job right? Should they be offended? Maybe if you had prefaced it with being extra hungry and not asked for extra maybe you would have gotten extra from both. Welcome to politics and the concept of graft. Realize that the vast majority of bar guests try to get a little extra. Whether by asking for it heavy or ordering it in a way they think will baffle or that the barkeep just won't get. My favorite? Can I have a martini on the rocks in a snifter? Hey aren't you gonna fill that up? The possiblities are endless, maybe the bartender just had ten of those people in a row, and overheard you say you were unemployed. Then wondered why you were ordering drinks and asking for them strong (extra). And pondering why you were spending any money on booze if you couldn't afford it. Why should the barkeep pay? Maybe in getting defensive it was displacement --just what came out instead of directly asking why... A relationship with a barkeep is a lot like dating, you have to have chemistry or it will seem hollow and mediocre. It requires a little give and take. I never went to bartending school. I don't know any good bartenders that have. But I would say that there be a class for people to order and sit at a bar. Or a decent restaurant for that matter. Other notes to remember. Leaving a big tip regularly may get you "in" at a place but that isn't necessarily a rule. Some people aren't worth the hassle even if they tip huge. Going to a place once and judging a barkeep on one visit is silly. Go back a few times, if you click great, if not go someplace where you have a better experience or go to a different bartender. Bartenders are personalities like, say, radio announcers. Would you fire H. Stern for saying please or a normally pleasant one for being short now and then? no Any manager who fires a good bartender for being snippy one time is my cue to get a new manager. As for the simple answer. Maybe his wife left him or maybe his kid told him "I hate you" right before work. I would say he was, for whatever reason, having a bad day as well and won't remember the incident the next time. Or will and will remember that he could have been more tactful and make up for it next time.... Oh yes please and thank you still go a loooong ways. out
