Competition: Round 21. Fatal Food
Posted 09 May 2004 - 06:17 PM
Maybe it's time to work a stage on the dark side. Write a short-short or a snippet of a screenplay where food is the murder weapon. You pick your genre. Eggs in a hard-boiled, crumpets in a cosy, poutine in a police procedural...
Forty lashes with a wet noodle is a slow, agonizing way to go. He had it coming.
Your slot on the docket: Slay us here.
Posted 09 May 2004 - 09:58 PM
Oh well, what man has done, no doubt man can do. Only because it's you - maybe, just maybe, I will kill again. The drink... oh my dear Hamlet, the drink!
Posted 09 May 2004 - 10:41 PM
Posted 09 May 2004 - 11:30 PM
Y'mean, I can't get away with Christopher Cerf's schtick of stabbing you with an icicle and then melting the weapon to water down Bloody Marys? Drat.
Maybe it's a warhorse, Lisa, but remember, it's a literary contest. Being clever enough to think of bludgeoning your husband with a frozen leg of lamb, then feed the roasted weapon to the investigating officers (nod to Sir Alfred); or to imagine dispatching the vicious neighbohood cur with ground-glass-laced Alpo (was that Bloch, maybe?) is not sufficient. You must be as stylish as Nabokov, you must plot like Turow and surprise like Porter. Sharpen your pencil along with your Sabatier; we expect big things from you.
I wasn't bitching about the warhorse-ness, I swear - I was just, in my shy, retiring and SUBTLE fashion, REMINDING anyone who hasn't yet NOTICED the circumstance that I just PUBLISHED a piece about having DINNER with the BORGIAS, and therefore NOT SO COINCIDENTALLY have for the past few months been STEEPED IN POISON, which ought to make me feel RIGHT AT HOME with this topic, if you get my drift.
But I wouldn't want to call attention to all that, so let's just keep this between you and me, OK?
If, that is, you know what's good for you....
Posted 20 May 2004 - 05:12 PM
Ten very nasty ways to die.