I will never again . . . (Part 1)

[Larry]

I tell myself everytime that this time the jalapenos will not hurt my fingers, and every time I am wrong.

Also, being too anxious in opening the oven that has been closed for an hour at 400 and putting your head right in to remove whatever is in there. Almost thought I had burned my corneas!

[jschyun]

I will never again slice celery without putting my fingers under my knuckles, thereby slicing off the end of my thumb. Luckily it was only skin and blood and it's growing back....

[Anna N]

It's a good idea to make sure that the timer you are so desperately trying to silence is the one actually beeping!

[hjshorter]

My husband will never again confuse pancetta for prosciutto. He made a sandwich and was wondering why it didn't taste right and was so hard to chew... I had to inform him that he was eating raw bacon.

[elyse]

Oh dear.

[pork]

. . . try to catch a knife that's falling off the counter . . .

didn't do it, but saw it:

industrial size box of tinfoil falling off a high shelf, the broilerman caught it...briefly. That hacksaw blade on the side of the box really works.

Oh, and I cleaned habeneros without gloves once. Had to make sure I didn't touch anything on me or the girlfriend for DAYS. My fingers were still burning two days later.

Edited December 6, 2003 by pork (log)

[pork]

Oh, almost forgot, for pros:

Never let a moron manager attempt to boil out a fryer during service next to a working fryer. Can you say volcano?

[Modern Day Hermit]

About five years ago:

I will never place marinated tofu into the oven at 11 o'clock at night and proceed to fall asleep. As I was awakened a few hours later by smoke and charcoal bricks in the oven. A little while longer, I would have had diamonds.

A couple days ago:

Never place cookies in the oven, think that while they are baking I will check my e-mail and after about 15 minutes think to myself, "What is that irritating beeping sound!"

[project]

Buy a ready to bake pizza 16 inches in diameter.

These pizzas are carefully designed so that when cooked and placed on cutting board for slicing, they will hang off both sides of the cutting board so that as soon as the first cut is made, one half will slide off the cutting board, then hang over the edge of the kitchen counter, slide off the counter, and land on the floor wet side down -- 100% of the time, without fail. Very sophisticated design!

[McDuff]

Beautiful summer morning. I'm the first guy into the country club kitchen as the baker. Big wedding that night, power had gone out the night before, walkins have mass quantities of dry ice, sublimating away all night, on every empty shelf so as not to lose thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of food, and I opened the door and walked in. Two breaths and I was on the floor, crawling for the door to save my life.

[s'kat]

Moral of the story is, I will never (and neither will my wife) attempt to move a pizza stone when it is hot.

You should invest in a couple of orkas- very easy to maneuver hot pizza stones while wearing these.

[browniebaker]

I will never again squeeze out a dirty dishrag right next to a freshly baked pumpkin pie. Squirt!

(But I carefully blotted up the dishwater off the surface of the pie, and no one was the wiser.)

[Suzanne F]

browniebaker: that's why god invented whipped cream.

[Anna N]

I will never again forget to dock my puff pastry discs before baking them. Puffballs anyone?

[elyse]

Beautiful summer morning. I'm the first guy into the country club kitchen as the baker. Big wedding that night, power had gone out the night before, walkins have mass quantities of dry ice, sublimating away all night, on every empty shelf so as not to lose thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of food, and I opened the door and walked in. Two breaths and I was on the floor, crawling for the door to save my life.

You're lucky you weren't out cold.

[megaira]

walkins have mass quantities of dry ice, sublimating away all night, on every empty shelf so as not to lose thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of food, and I opened the door and walked in. Two breaths and I was on the floor, crawling for the door to save my life.

? Does dry ice give off harmful fumes or something?

Orcas - they are *the bomb.* I have one and want another one. You can stick your hand into hot oil if necessary and never again will you have to worry about "wet oven mitt=PAIN!"

[fifi]

Dry ice is solid carbon dioxide. It, in itself, is not toxic but if the cooler is full of CO2 there isn't any oxygen. You were lucky, McDuff.

[elyse]

Alton Brown did a piece on freezing fresh strawberries by starting them off in a cooler with dry ice. He told us all to NOT stick your head down in the cooler when retrieving them to put in the freezer. I wonder how many people did not listen to that piece of advice.

[s'kat]

I will never again walk away, even for just 'a second', from a pot of boiling maple candy. Duh.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go buy my husband another 6-quart saucepot.

[OPJK]

With cocky bravado and jolly condescension, display how easy it is to use a friend's cheapie mandoline to make french fries. This friend being a very good cook and author of 6 cook books - she explained that the mandoline she owned just scared her. "HA!" I cried. "Stand back and let me show you how it's done!"

After a number of successful passes (with what was definitely a device designed to maximize the chances for self-mutilation), the general consensus was that it was indeed an easy-to-use and convenient device. After a few more potatoes, I excused myself to use the bathroom, but, really to examine if the fleshy part of base of my thumb was in ribbons or just scratched. Foruntately, it was closer to the latter than the former.

I returned to the kitchen to extoll the importance of fine knife technique, the undesirable features of the cheapie mandoline, and to exhibit the proper way to eat crow.

[denise_jer]

Not me... both my husband.

#1: sprinkle cinnamon in soup, thinking it's cayenne.

#2: use vanilla in a savory marinade, thinking it's soy sauce.

So I like to decant my ingredients into more attractive containers! Use your olfactory senses while cooking. I know what's where.

Not to be a tattle-tale, but one night, John Braise made me a nice cocktail with rum and chicken stock! Both the chicken stock and the juice were in those containers that stock comes in now (i.e. not the cans). It took me a couple of sips to figure out WHY it was so salty! It didn't taste so hot...

[denise_jer]

What do you think teeth are for?

I did that after I bandaged my finger!

[pariah_kerry]

I was making vinaigrette the other night. Simple, right?

I never measure anything, I just throw it together.

I dollop out some dijon, pour in some evoo, then I busy myself

with grabbing several spices (cayenne, etc.). I shake it all up, put in on

my salad and go.

totally forgot the rice vinegar.

DUH.

[Arey]

I will never again buy a bottle of white wine which will not fit standing up on my refridgerator door shelves, or if I do , I will make sure the cork is back in tight before I put it back on the hydrater cover in the fridge. Does anybody have a recipe that calls for 5 lbs of bread flour, 5 lbs of all-purpose flour, 2lbs of rye blend flour, 5 lemons, 10 carrots, a head of green leaf lettuce, 2 lbs of potatoes, 3 lbs of onions, 2 red onions, and 1/2 lb of shallots, which have been marinated in 2 cups of Trimbach Gewurtztraminer?

Oh well, I've really been meaning to clean the hydrators and the hydrator cover for the past 4 or 5 years. My housework philosophy is that there's no point in rushing around cleaning things because something's going to happen eventually that's going to make you clean it all over again anyway.

Arey - my role model is Onslow from "Keeping up Appearences"

[maggiethecat]

Not to be a tattle-tale, but one night, John Braise made me a nice cocktail with rum and chicken stock!

Snort. Splat. Spray. I love it.

"Chicken Soup for the Caribbean Soul."