Have you ever registered for china, silver...

[Gifted Gourmet]

NY Times article

Love may wax and wane, but the opportunity to stock a kitchen comes once in a lifetime. Gift registries provide opportunities for cooks to fulfill their wildest dreams of marble pastry boards and fish poachers, at someone else's expense... Most guests still prefer to give a more domestic gift... weddings, graduations, baby showers, housewarmings and even hurricanes now qualify as major life events that provide opportunities for directed gift-giving

Seems appropriate for June ... If you ever had the excitement which registering for wedding and/or shower gifts affords, you will know a great deal about what this entails ...

* Did you choose a much larger number of items than you actually expected to receive?

* Did you choose more expensive culinary gifts knowing that you would not be able to purchase them for yourself?

* If you registered for china, small kitchen appliances, silverware, stainless, crystal, etc. a long time ago, would you love to have a kitchen shower in your life now to "upgrade" your early choices?

* Did your early choices for items change over time? Fancier? Simpler? More modern?

* Wish you had registered for more gifts? Fewer gifts?

Love to hear from you ... whether you registered many years ago or just recently!

[nakji]

I didn't register for china, crystal or silverware. I was 23 when I got married, and it was pretty irrelevant to my lifestyle at that point. My husband and I had a tiny apartment, and I thought those things would spend years crammed into corners and under beds until I had the money, space, and inclination to use them. And I thought by the time THAT time rolled around my tastes would have changed anyway. So I didn't bother, and asked for things that I did need, like sheets, towels, furniture that weren't thrift store finds...

Needless to say, the 'ladies' of the family were scandalized.

My impulses were good, though, as after three years of marriage, my husband and I moved overseas, leaving all of our things (wedding gifts included) behind. Although I packed the sheets and towels!

And it turns out I found lots of dishes to my taste in China anyway, so it all worked out.

[Sugarella]

Not married or engaged, but the gift registry would definitely be the added bonus, wouldn't it!?

Doing wedding cakes for a (side) living though, I can tell you that some customers have reported that they're paring down their initial wedidng budgets to purchase items for themselves later on instead. Some stores offer up to 25% off the price of items leftover on the registry, for a year after the wedding date.

[oneidaone]

24 years ago when we got married I didn't register for china/silver/crystal. I did the registry

through Marshall Field's where I worked for many many years prior and after the wedding. I did

register for 2 sets of boxed stoneware which I got. Since we'd lived together for 3 years already

there was not much to ask for. We did ask for big coffee table books that were luxuries that we

could not afford then. A gorgeous book by Jacque Cousteau, China, American Indian Art and so

forth. We also thought the Perrier Jouet champagne and glasses set would be a nice gift too. We

hit all price ranges and ended up with some very nice things. To this day we do not have china

but my husband's grandmother left service of silver for 24 (!) that no one wanted so I got it

piece by piece whenever my MIL visited and brought some in her luggage. I agree that my

tastes would have changed and have by now and I always saw other people get odd lots of

place settings then either having uncompleted sets and/or buying the balance themselves.

Since the wedding for any milestone anniversary we've celebrated we've requested "no gifts"

and offer that people either donate to the Hawaiian Humane Society or Hawaii Foodbank in

our name or their own favorite charity. A hui hou!

Oh, no one got us the Perrier Jouet set So my husband bought it for me for I think

our 8th anniversary

[indybear]

When we got married 13 years ago, we were both in our thirties and had lived on our own (separately and together) for a while. We had all the everyday stuff we could use and more. I had also inherited china from both sides of my family. So I registered for Spode Christmas Tree dishes. We use them every Thanksgiving and Christmas, and I still like them. Some of my parents' friends insisted on getting us frou-frou stuff - nice but not really wanted - and I've gradually been selling it off on eBay.

Edited June 16, 2006 by indybear (log)

[Kim Shook]

I am a properly indoctrinated Southern girl, so, even though I was only 23 years old when we got married, I registered for china and sterling. I still adore it and have added to it over the years. We chose a classic Haviland pattern for the china and have been able to add pieces that go with, but aren't exactly the same pattern from ebay, antique stores, etc. I tell my daughter that she will never be sorry for chosing good china and silver.

[shrek]

We registered 15 years ago for china, silverware and crystal and we received a lot of the items we chose. We also used cash gifts to complete the sets. We entertain frequently and use the china, silver and crystal every time. It still gives me a thrill to see the table decked out in the lovely things we chose and I wouldn't change a thing if I had to choose it all again.

We actually have a place settings for thirteen in the china pattern, because I thought that something would get broken over the years and it would be impossible to replace. So far, no breakage.

[Jaymes]

I registered for everything and got a great deal of my china, sterling and crystal. I really hadn't planned to, but MIL, a southern society lady, insisted. I told her several times that I wasn't going to because that just wasn't "me," but she said her many friends were driving her nuts about what to get us and would I please just register somewhere so that they'd all stop asking her.

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I went ahead and did it. I have entertained often through the years and the table always looked so beautiful. I've loved every single piece, and now have a daughter and two daughters-in-law that love it also. I'll be dividing it up among them when they finally haul me off to the 'home.'

I insisted my own daughter register as well, and even though she's only been married two years, we've already been to their home for three formal dinners.

Her table looks lovely.

I did give her some advice, though, which she took and which I'll pass on here.

It's true that as you age, your tastes change. It's fine if you want to get avant garde stainless that stands on its sides, or heavy, unwieldy square pottery plates, or awkward, oversized glasses, in the cheap stuff. Believe me, after a few years of trying to grasp those forks, and lift those plates, you'll eventually tire of them.

So when it comes to the expensive stuff, select simple and traditional styles. That's right, stuff that your mother and her friends would have selected. Those traditional styles will stand you in good stead through 20, 30, 40, and even 50 years of entertaining and setting all types of tables.

And if it does turn out that you don't use it, it'll be much easier to sell.

Edited June 18, 2006 by Jaymes (log)

[Idlewild]

I refused to register. Was grumpy enough about having to marry to get legal paperwork just to live with the man I love, without turning it into a festival of consumption. Yes, I was young. And cranky. Now I'm old and cranky and have a kitchen full of stuff and the china I want and so forth anyway, which we bought as we went along. Spending the first years of your marriage with shitty knives and pans builds character, right?

I think if I did it over, I still wouldn't register, but if people insisted on knowing what we wanted I might be more forthcoming with general suggestions rather than telling them that they don't have to provide gifts just to show they're happy for us. That didn't actually go over terribly well and we still ended up with decorative towels of a nature I will never use. (Thoughtful though, as the aunt who gave them had considered glassware and then realized that'd be much more hassle to move to another continent.)

I was kind of annoyed by the grabby tone of the NYT article. I think one of the tag lines was that you only get one chance to equip a kitchen so nicely. I know it was all tongue in cheek but I'm still not that keen on the wedding-as-household-building tradition. Oh sure, it's sensible and whatnot, it just rubs me the wrong way for some reason.

[snowangel]

I cannot tell you how happy I am that I went ahead and did it.  I have entertained often through the years and the table always looked so beautiful.  I've loved every single piece, and now have a daughter and two daughters-in-law that love it also.  I'll be dividing it up among them when they finally haul me off to the 'home.'

I insisted my own daughter register as well, and even though she's only been married two years, we've already been to their home for three formal dinners.

Her table looks lovely.

I did give her some advice, though, which she took and which I'll pass on here.

It's true that as you age, your tastes change.  It's fine if you want to get avant garde stainless that stands on its sides, or heavy, unwieldy square pottery plates, or awkward, oversized glasses, in the cheap stuff.  Believe me, after a few years of trying to grasp those forks, and lift those plates, you'll eventually tire of them.

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Absolutely correct. As a child of the late 60's/early 70's, I was into nothing. Give me tie-died. I registered for a very few things, including a cheap set of Farberware that has long since gone by the wayside.

Having recently moved into a house that is idea for entertaining, and now almost 50, I love setting a beatufiul table. I just hosted a big do-dah for my folks 50th, and when my mom said to my sister "just what should I do for Susan," my sister replied "give her your sterling." A set for 24, complete with everything. Iced tea spoons, fish forks, the whole nine yards. Nothing has been more special. I just wish my mom hadn't sold her china, or had given it to me.

The cookware? I have collected just what I have wanted over the years, and has served me well. Unless you are very specific, and have pretended to cook with the stuff, don't register for it. And, do not register for a set of cookware -- be it pots/pans or knives. Select very carefully. I adore the mishmash of stuff that I have acquired over the years.

I wish I'd registered for beautiful stuff that would have done these tables I set with vintage linens (thanks to my grandparents and great aunt). The little stuff that I need -- the microplanes, the dutch ovens, just the right pan, I've bought for myself.

Tastes do change over the years. Back when I got married, I was never going to have kids, I was never going to be a stay-at-home mom, I was never going to cook, other than the occasional thing. Was going to be big and powerful and have a big-a-- career. I do -- it's a non-paying career and beyond rewarding. It's just way different than I thought.

I could, however, use another wedding shower some 25 years later for new sheets, new towels, etc. Oh, and a Bullet and a cold-smoker would be good gifts, too (as would be copious amounts of cherry and pecan chunks).

[lcdm]

My husband and I registered (17 years ago). We received all our china and flatware (already had silver from my great grandmother), we also received many practical items on the list (coffee maker, food processor, toaster......).

I don't know if we would have purchased the china ourselves if we didn't receive them as gifts (there always seems something more practical that the money could be used for).

I am glad we registered, and will happily buy items for people from a gift registry. Why not get people items they want?

[Cleo]

I got married 4 years ago and received just about everything that I registered for. Got all of the china, silver, crystal, stainless flatware, everyday dishes, plus a bunch of other stuff. I have used the china, crystal, and silver a few times since now Passover has become "my holiday". It's only been 4 years, but I still really like the patterns that I (we) picked out.

I wish that I actually registered for more stuff like Le Creuset's. It didn't occur to me at the time, since I really had no idea that I'd ever want or use them. Now I find myself asking for them as birthday gifts.

The other thing that I would do differently is where quanitities are concerned. I registered for 12 of everything. I should have gotten 16 place settings of china. I do have a set of dishes from my grandmother that I can mix in with my dishes when the crowd goes above 12, but I'd like them all to be the same. And when I picked out Waterford crystal, why did we need 12 Waterford champagne flutes? That was a waste. I ended up returning them all and getting additional Waterford wine and water glasses, so it actually worked out well.

Another quantity thing...I registered for 8 sets of everyday dishes from Crate and Barrel (but 12 stainless place settings). I wish that I would have gotten 12 sets of dishes. I can certainly go and buy the additional dishes at any time, but there just always seems to be so many other things that I want instead.

[KatieLoeb]

When I got married (I'm now divorced) we already had three households (mine, his, my mother's) worth of stuff combined so the usual things were really unnecessary and already existed in multiples. We registered for some good kitchen knives, small kitchen appliances, a KitchenAid mixer, a good pressure cooker, some decent wine glasses, etc. and were fortunate enough to have friends and family that were kind and generous enough to get us what we'd asked for. We also asked for cold hard cash and used that to pay for our belated honeymoon.

I still have two full sets of "formal" china, everyday dishes and flatware, mom's silver service, and all of the wedding gifts.

[Gifted Gourmet]

I still have two full sets of "formal" china, everyday dishes and flatware, mom's silver service, and all of the wedding gifts. 

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which would make for an interesting "personal ad":

Exquisite woman seeks similar male, option: entertaining lavishly. Has two full sets of china, flatware, and silver. Male must cook divinely, serving, optional. All wines included with running commentary. Matrimony after fine dining. Call Kate Loeb ...

[JanMcBaker]

I can't help it! I've never had occasion to register for anything, but the first two items on the thread list made me think of a possibility---- first was this, then 'food by mail'....... hmmmmm---- "Did you ever register for..."..."food by mail...." Wouldn't that be a neat thing if there was a way to register for some foods of the month club for a wedding present!

[KatieLoeb]

I still have two full sets of "formal" china, everyday dishes and flatware, mom's silver service, and all of the wedding gifts. 

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which would make for an interesting "personal ad":

Exquisite woman seeks similar male, option: entertaining lavishly. Has two full sets of china, flatware, and silver. Male must cook divinely, serving, optional. All wines included with running commentary. Matrimony after fine dining. Call Kate Loeb ...

←

Savvy Sommeliere Seeks Similarly Sophisticated Soulmate....

[Gifted Gourmet]

Savvy Sommeliere Seeks Similarly Sophisticated Soulmate....

←

swwwwweeet!

somehow I think the addition of the word "sensuous" might do the trick ...

[phaelon56]

Apparently I'd have to get engaged with genuine intent to marry - thus I still haven't registered (not ruling it out but it's certainly not in my short term foreseeable future).

My dad did once confide in me that my mom bought a really nice set of formal china for me when I was in my early 30's and finally started growing up (a long slow process which I'm still actively pursuing). That was nearly twenty years ago. Apparently she got tired of waiting, pulled it out of the boxes and started using it for herself some years back

When I see that people have registered I'm far more inclined to just send cash in the hopes that they can or will use it to buy stuff they really want. I mean - really - doesn't nearly every married person you know have with a cheap "cappuccino machine" or a waffle maker sitting in a closet somewhere that they used once to be polite or perhaps it's still in the box?

[Jaymes]

Apparently I'd have to get engaged with genuine intent to marry - thus I still haven't registered (not ruling it out but it's certainly not in my short term foreseeable future).

My dad did once confide in me that my mom bought a really nice set of formal china for me when I was in my early 30's and finally started growing up (a long slow process which I'm still actively pursuing). That was nearly twenty years ago. Apparently she got tired of waiting, pulled it out of the boxes and started using it for herself some years  back

When I see that people have registered I'm far more inclined to just send cash in the hopes that they can or will use it to buy stuff they really want.   I mean -  really  - doesn't nearly every married person you know have with a cheap "cappuccino machine" or a waffle maker sitting in a  closet somewhere that they used once to be polite or perhaps it's still in the box?

You know, way back when I 'registered,' nobody registered for anything other than your patterns of china, sterling flatware and crystal at the nicest department store in town.

That makes a big difference, I think.

These days, when everyone registers for everything from expensive dining ware at Dillards to pots and pans and appliances at Bed Bath & Beyond to dish drainers and paper towel holders at Target to hammers and nails and saws and drills at Home Depot, it's a bit much for me.

Because I 'registered,' we got 14 complete place settings of my 'good' dishes, my sterling flatware, and my crystal. I'm forever grateful for that, because those were luxuries I never would have bought myself when I was a young, new bride.

Even our very first Thanksgiving, we had both sets of parents over, and our table looked lovely. We couldn't have done it without those wedding gifts. And because of that, my children grew up in a home with a nice table to gather around at special occasion meals. Neither I nor they would have been able to manage that until I was much older.

The saws and hammers and plywood and dishtowels, on the other hand, I was just fine buying on my own.

Edited June 20, 2006 by Jaymes (log)

[goldie]

When we got married at 23 we registered for everything- we just didn't own much of anything and none of it was very good quality. Basically we did the traditional thing- went to the nicest department store in town and picked out nice stuff. I got 16 sets of everyday, 16 sets of formal, a ton of crystal and a fair amount of silver. My mom has purchased serving pieces and filled in my silver as gifts over the years. I really love setting my table- it reminds me of our wedding day. If I had to give future registerees some advice I would suggest picking classsic patterns that you can build on over the years (also they are less likely to be discontinued). Over the years I have picked up interesting antiques to incorporate into myh settings. Also, I chose not to pick very expensive stuff so that none of it would be too dear to use regularly- stuff breaks, especially crystal! Also, if things are reasonably priced people are more likely to purchase more for you. My sister picked extremely expensive things and received very little.

A trend that I think is kind of interesting is women "registering" without being engaged. One of my sister's friends wanted to get some nice stuff, had no man in sight, and opted to register so that her (very large) family would stop getting her sweaters and stuff she wasn't remotely interested in and she could start building up her nice things.

Interesting topic!

[Kris]

I'm 35 years old and I got married nearly 5 years ago We (hubby and I) registered for all sorts of things including "good" china, crystal, flatware, everyday dishes, a cuisinart food processor, tea kettle, blender, cappuccino machine and things I can't even remember.

We got quite a bit of stuff off the registry but not everything. Since I like to entertain, I filled in the china & crystal pieces little by little. I have very simple tastes so I registered for Lenox Eternal china which is an ivory plate with a gold band. Can't get more classic than that!

Unfortunately, my flatware and crystal patterns were both discontinued. So they're both expensive to add pieces to now. Luckily I can still find them at all on www.replacements.com

I have full service for 8, but I'd like to eventually have service for 12.

A beautifully set table always impresses your company. I recently hosted a small baby shower brunch for 7 ladies. I set my table with the china, crystal and my nice crystal hostess serving pieces. They were expecting the usual "baby shower themed" paper plates and napkins. They were all impressed at how beautiful everything looked. It just made the event so much more elegant and festive.

Needless to say I'm a fan of registries. I think it's nice to get gifts that you really want especially nice things like china, crystal and a few "frivolous" things that you'd never buy for yourself. :lol:

[Muskoka kid]

When I got married 2 years ago I registered for a simple pattern on white dishes. I went to my mother's house a day later to discover her china was the reverse of my pattern (mine was recessed dots, her's were raised). There is something to be said for simplicity. A co-worker got married around the same time as me and she registered for very expensive square plates (one of the fashion designers who decide to launch a home line, albeit at $600 a setting). She received all her china, but confided to me recently she has used it twice in two years and thinks it is out date now! What a waste!

I am truly glad I registered for Le Cruset. I absolutely love my pots and sauce pans. I use them weekly to prepare stocks and stews, best gifts my husband and I received! We never bothered to register for crystal stemware as my husband's discount from working in restaurants made retail prices seem like highway robbery.

[kristin_71]

When I got married I registered for good china, silver, crystal etc. I bought the knife set I wanted ( Chicago Cutlery) with wedding money cause I knew nobody would get them for me. I had a nice set of pots and pans but I was still learning to cook so I had a nice set of tfal which is fine for learning on. I still have that set, and will keep pieces of it because they are non stick and nice. However, I am now single again. So when I finish school I am going to seriously invest in the good stuff. My mom uses Le Creuset and I adore them! So I think I will use a mix of All Clad and Le Creuset. I will need to get some new knives, not sure what yet. As for my everyday china, its pfaltzgraf and I love it along with my fine china and silver. Not sure I want to keep the silver because of who bought it for us ( the mother in law) but for now why not. I love my fine crystal too. I recall having alot of fun registering. The only thing I think that has changed is that my taste in what I like has become much more sophisticated.

I should add that before I was married my mom and dad got me my everyday china so that I would have the pieces I wanted. My mom had gotten her everyday and never got the extra pieces when it became discontinued. I remember getting it for birthdays and Christmas which was nice because, while it is still a popular pattern, I don't have to worry if it does become discontinued. I think it is a nice thing for a woman to start her married life, or hell her single life with the basics.

[LaurieB]

"I could, however, use another wedding shower some 25 years later for new sheets, new towels, etc. Oh, and a Bullet and a cold-smoker would be good gifts, too (as would be copious amounts of cherry and pecan chunks)."

I have been a proponent of this idea for years. After 20+ years of marriage, your sheets and towels are worn, or rags; the plates/cups/bowls your kids broke are gone, and you probably need some new matching glassware. Forget an anniversary dinner. Host an anniversary re-shower

Laurie

PS, my friends all seem to agree that this is a great idea, but so far no one has stepped up to host one yet.

[Jaymes]

Not sure I want to keep the silver because of who bought it for us ( the mother in law) but for now why not.

If you like it, in my opinion you should keep it. After all, the silver doesn't know who bought it.

But should it continue to bring back unpleasant memories, I suggest you find another pattern you do like, and then go to Replacements.com, and sell the MIL silver, and buy the new pattern. In essence, you'd be 'trading.'