Condiment theft

[squids]

To play devil's advocate, I need to point out a situation that happened just last week. **Disclaimer: I am guilty as the next guy, as I take two or three Splenda when it's available, if I've forgotten to replenish the stock I carry in my purse, for those occasions when I am at a restaurant or other place that does not carry it. I will not, however, take handfuls of anything.**

There is a small sandwich shop at the entrance to my building at work, and last week I was getting coffee and couldn't locate the Splenda, which they used to stock. When I inquired, as I am on a very friendly basis with the owners, I was told that they couldn't afford to keep it stocked, as every few days a worker from Staples next door comes in and takes handfuls (plural) of the Splenda. Another Staples worker will at least buy a bagel or something else small, before she loads up her bag with plastic knives and forks. All in good fun to some, yet it is the bottom line in someone else's pocket.

Edited January 1, 2006 by squids (log)

[Fresser]

I reserve my theft for only one particular condiment, and only because there's no way for me to buy any quantity of it -- Arby's Horsey Sauce. If you could buy it in a store or if the Arby's locations sold it in jars you could take home, I'd refrain from stealing them.

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This is entrapment, Jason. Plain and simple.

Should the authorities try to prosecute you in court, I shall represent you pro bono, my lack of a law degree notwithstanding.

The similarly addictive Peter Luger Steak Sauce is available through retail outlets, and with good reason. Absent this fix, hordes of gravy-boat-wielding carnivores would flee Williamsburg while being chased by angry Lugers waiters. Not a pretty sight.

[Lady T]

Ohhh, the horror. Imagine the grim, pursuing waiters wearing the contents of those gravy boats, launched by desperate Luger's aficionados in getaway attempts.

Not to be considered. I will put together my own horseradish/mayo sauce at need here in Chi-town, and deal with Luger's if/when I am next in NYC.

In the seated position, thank you.

[annecros]

I worked at an Arby's in High School, and once upon a time, you could purchase the Horsey Sauce in a bottle.

I never cared for it, but boy I loved the Jamocha Shake!

[bleudauvergne]

I only took extra condiments once. I was at a Taco Bell on my visit home. When I go home I have to have taco bell once. We were at the checkout, and I paid with the visa. I lapsed into a daydream and the girl said, if you approve of the total, press OK. I did, and then I realized that the total sum was $1.00 more than the 6 dollar cost, I had been charged an extra dollar. Confused, I told the girl I thought the total was wrong. I looked at the machine, and there was a sticker that said simply: "$1 charge". When I had seen it at first I didn't realized that it meant they were going to charge each and every transaction and extra $1. I told the girl I did not realize that I was going to be charged about 18% extra for lunch just be using the card, and wanted to cancel the transaction. She looked at me with a flat challenging stare and said: "You pressed OK". I felt justified in filling my take out sack with all flavors of salsa. We brought them back to France. Silly, I know. Blame the whole thing on culture shock.

[I_call_the_duck]

I've made horseradish mayo before, but there must be something about the processed aspect of Arby's. I think that you probably would need to give the mayo several weeks to mature in order to get that really smooth flavor, and I dont think you can achieve that fine processed texture at home that you can under manufacturing conditions.

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Maybe it's the fact that it's been sitting out unrefridgerated for hours at a time?

*The sample tray at the Super Fresh deli counter is a relatively recent addition to the store, making its first appearance about six months after Whole Foods opened its South Street store right next door.  One of the nicer things about shopping at Whole Paycheck is that they are promiscuous with their sample offerings, especially at the cheese counter. 

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Sandy, the deli stuff at the Super Fresh is so disappointing after we make our rounds at the Whole Foods. We once noticed a sign at WF by their salsa/guacamole/hummus station that looked something like:

sam-ple

A portion, piece, or segment that is representative of a whole.

(Please be considerate and take only one.)

[annecros]

I only took extra condiments once.  I was at a Taco Bell on my visit home.  When I go home I have to have taco bell once.  We were at the checkout, and I paid with the visa.    I lapsed into a daydream and the girl said, if you approve of the total, press OK.  I did, and then I realized that the total sum was $1.00 more than the 6 dollar cost, I had been charged an extra dollar.  Confused, I told the girl I thought the total was wrong.  I looked at the machine, and there was a sticker that said simply:  "$1 charge".  When I had seen it at first I didn't realized that it meant they were going to charge each and every transaction and extra $1.  I told the girl I did not realize that I was going to be charged about 18% extra for lunch just be using the card, and wanted to cancel the transaction.  She looked at me with a flat challenging stare and said:  "You pressed OK".  I felt justified in filling my take out sack with all flavors of salsa.  We brought them back to France.  Silly, I know.  Blame the whole thing on culture shock.

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Taco Bell is notorious for the upcharge. There was one close to where I worked, and I would snag a taco salad from time to time. There was simply not enough sour cream on the thing to make me happy, and they always charged me for the extra squirt or two from the sour cream gun they kept.

I think Taco Bell is obssessive about its portion control. The manager must get bonused based upon it. I have never heard of them charging less for an item prepared sans something. Of course, I have never heard of anyone else doing this.

I hate their salsa, too.

[Jason Perlow]

http://rankinbass.com/rudolph10.html

Hours? Try weeks. Its got preservatives in it to make it shelf stable.

[MarketStEl]

*The sample tray at the Super Fresh deli counter is a relatively recent addition to the store, making its first appearance about six months after Whole Foods opened its South Street store right next door.  One of the nicer things about shopping at Whole Paycheck is that they are promiscuous with their sample offerings, especially at the cheese counter. 

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Sandy, the deli stuff at the Super Fresh is so disappointing after we make our rounds at the Whole Foods. We once noticed a sign at WF by their salsa/guacamole/hummus station that looked something like:

sam-ple

A portion, piece, or segment that is representative of a whole.

(Please be considerate and take only one.)

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Gotta second your overall assessment of the Whole Foods vs. Super Fresh deli counters. Their deli Cheddar's Tillamook (as opposed to Hoffmann's or Master Choice processed), and their rotisserie chicken is better, too.

Hmmmm....wonder if their prices reflect the cost of feeding all us shoppers off their sample trays?

[moosnsqrl]

Hmmmm....wonder if their prices reflect the cost of feeding all us shoppers off their sample trays? 

You bet they do. But they also (IMHO) give better service generally than their mainstream counterparts, offer wider variety and higher quality, and have very liberal "satisfaction guaranteed" policies, meaning higher waste percentages, among other things. Sure, it's expensive, but there is a value proposition there. And their costs are up-front -- the non-organic stuff (and mass-produced foods of all kinds) have hidden costs (remediating chemical pesticides, health care costs for workers who suffer repetitive motion being just two examples). So, realizing that not everyone can afford to shop there (or other natural food stores, either chains or mom-and-pop), if you can afford to, it's probably a good thing to do.

[jgm]

I, too, am guilty of condiment theft, but it was for a noble cause.

About a year ago, my mother was hospitalized in the cardiac area of a local hospital. One day when I called her from work to see how she was feeling, I asked her if I could bring her anything when I came to see her that evening.

She was desperate for a good meal. And she was desperate for salt.

I do understand that cardiac patients must watch what they eat. My mother does. She is a tiny woman, ever in danger of becoming tinier. (Unfortunately, her body type genes must be recessive... my sister got them, but I certainly didn't.) After her major heart attack in 1987, she quit smoking and monitored her diet to the point where almost 20 years later, she's never had any clogged-artery problems again. And her blood pressure, if anything, tends to be on the low side, so salt really isn't an issue for her. But being a cardiac patient in that hospital means everything you are served is as bland and tasteless as possible.

So I stopped by a certain upscale cafe in town, known for its excellent food, and placed an order for her. And on the way out, I stopped by the condiment station that they keep for take-out orders, and grabbed a handful of salt packets. They were purloined out of the restaurant, and stuffed into my pocket when I got in the car. At the hospital, they were stashed in her tissue box.

Later that night, I was summoned back to the hospital after my mother coded. She'd been overdosed on lidocaine, and it shut down her respiratory system. As they moved her into the cardiac intensive care wing, various staff members trailed out of her room, carrying her belongings. One had a plastic bag with her books in it; she also carried the tissue box in one hand and the fistfull of salt packets in the other. She was smiling as she showed it to another nurse.

"Well, do you blame her?" the other nurse said.

Epilogue: Mom, as of yesterday, is alive and well and making great soup, appropriately seasoned.

[annecros]

I, too, am guilty of condiment theft, but it was for a noble cause.

About a year ago, my mother was hospitalized in the cardiac area of a local hospital.  One day when I called her from work to see how she was feeling, I asked her if I could bring her anything when I came to see her that evening.

She was desperate for a good meal.  And she was desperate for salt.

I do understand that cardiac patients must watch what they eat.  My mother does.  She is a tiny woman, ever in danger of becoming tinier.  (Unfortunately, her body type genes must be recessive... my sister got them, but I certainly didn't.)  After her major heart attack in 1987, she quit smoking and monitored her diet to the point where almost 20 years later, she's never had any clogged-artery problems again.    And her blood pressure, if anything, tends to be on the low side, so salt really isn't an issue for her.  But being a cardiac patient in that hospital means everything you are served is as bland and tasteless as possible.

So I stopped by a certain upscale cafe in town, known for its excellent food, and placed an order for her.  And on the way out, I stopped by the condiment station that they keep for take-out orders, and grabbed a handful of salt packets.  They were purloined out of the restaurant, and stuffed into my pocket when I got in the car.  At the hospital, they were stashed in her tissue box.

Later that night, I was summoned back to the hospital after my mother coded.  She'd been overdosed on lidocaine, and it shut down her respiratory system.  As they moved her into the cardiac intensive care wing, various staff members trailed out of her room, carrying her belongings.  One had a plastic bag with her books in it; she also carried the tissue box in one hand and the fistfull of salt packets in the other.  She was smiling as she showed it to another nurse. 

"Well, do you blame her?"  the other nurse said. 

Epilogue:  Mom,  as of yesterday, is alive and well and making great soup, appropriately seasoned.

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I did exactly the same thing for my mother, only I stashed them in the moss that covered the potting soil on the plant I gave her. I let the nurses know that I would water the bromeliad, as it required "special" handling.

She was so desperate for salt, was not a cardiac patient, and her blood pressure had always been very low.

I never understood why they put her on low sodium. But the funny thing is, this same hospital served the patients Campbells condensed when they wanted a bowl of soup.

[sadie_siamesecat]

Perhaps I could curtail myself from aforementioned purloining of condiments--I'm not a ketchup-household--however, try to keep me from keeping an inch-stack of napkins and I may have a problem. I don't think my parents have bought napkins in a long long while, so this is probably a genetic problem as well.

[mrbigjas]

Two words.

College student.

Quite often you will see them go in, get a sandwich, and leave with a POCKET FULL of condiments.

There must be something about condiments, that makes the mind more open to, lets say, something.

i believe i've told the story of the $.85 dinner from college before, but i'll do it again. wawa, the convienience store on the corner, sold hot dogs and sandwiches and soup. they had chili and cheese available for the dog, and saltines for the soup. many times dinner consisted of buying a chili cheese dog for $.85, grabbing a big handful of saltines, eating the chili and cheese with the crackers and then eating the hot dog. that way you could save the remainder of your $4 for a 40 of olde english 800. good times...

[MGLloyd]

ALERT! ALERT! ALERT! The recipe I posted above for the Arby's Horsey sauce no longer considered state of the art. The new and improved recipe, as from Todd Wilbur, is as follows:

1 TBS white vinegar

4 TSP white sugar

1/8 TSP salt

1 cup mayonnaise

2 TBS plus 2 TSP prepared horseradish

Dissolve sugar and salt in vinegar. Add liquid mixture, mayo and horseradish to blender and blend on medium speed for ten seconds.

I don't know if the changed recipe is a consequence of Arby's reformulating their recipe vs. further experimentation. But I thought that e-Gulleteers deserve the latest information.

[GordonCooks]

"Wendys Hot Chili Seasoning" by the bushel - I'm so ashamed

[elfin]

Soy sauce packets. I have an industrial sized Kikoman's SS I bought at Sam's. It is way too big to use and am afraid to open it as it is likely to go bad (if it has not already-5 plus years and counting-and does SS go bad?). The packets are perfect for home use for take outs but are a bitch when stir frying a meal ( a mound of empty plastic packets are next to the stove). Dijon mustard packets are great for picnics for pates etc. I have a few sugar substitute packets for guest coffee/tea. But when I am in cleaning mode the pilfered packets are the first to go.

[lesfen]

"Wendys Hot Chili Seasoning" by the bushel - I'm so ashamed

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I love you.

That stuff is great... too bad you have to beg them for it.

[Rebecca263]

I once took paper napkins from somewhere on the turnpike during a road trip. We'd run out of road-use TP, and it was a long road trip. I still feel guilty about it, and I make amends by forcing myself to buy some mini Cinnabons at every outpost that I come across.

[GordonCooks]

"Wendys Hot Chili Seasoning" by the bushel - I'm so ashamed

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I love you.

That stuff is great... too bad you have to beg them for it.

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Please tell me you put it on your cheeseburgers

[lesfen]

"Wendys Hot Chili Seasoning" by the bushel - I'm so ashamed

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I love you.

That stuff is great... too bad you have to beg them for it.

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Please tell me you put it on your cheeseburgers

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I don't... but I'm gonna! I don't eat Wendy's cheeseburgers because the ones that I frequent seem to have a flagrant disregard for customer requests. I'd rather not have mayo on my burgers (especially their "mayo") and they just can't seem to comply. The local pub makes a provolone and mushroom burger that absolutely begs for a little something something tho'.

I actually keep them on the shelf above my stove with my other spices and use them whenever something just isn't quite... right. If I think something needs kicked up (please excuse the expression) I test a drop or two of that magical golden elixir and see what happens.

[fifi]

For Lesfen, the ever-busy Todd Wilbur has solved your problem as well:

Arby's sauce

1 cup ketchup

2 teaspoons water

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

1/4 teaspoon onion powder

1/4 teaspoon pepper

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon Tabasco pepper sauce

1. Combine all the ingredients in a small saucepan and cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until the sauce begins to boil, 5 to 10 minutes.

2. Remove the sauce from the heat. Cover and allow to cool.

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This can't possibly be right. No sugar or cloves. This one is closer. But I will swear that I taste cloves in there. Maybe from the Lea & Perrins?

Anyway, nothing makes those little cocktail sausage things like Arby's sauce. I got to know my local Arby's manager, brought in a jar and he filled it for me. Damn. Now I have to have an Arby's.

Yes . . . I confess to taking extra Horsey Sauce, too.

[lesfen]

Anyway, nothing makes those little cocktail sausage things like Arby's sauce. I got to know my local Arby's manager, brought in a jar and he filled it for me. Damn. Now I have to have an Arby's. 

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That... is... brilliant!!

Lesfen's "to do" list:

1. Make friends with an Arby's Manager. Do what you must.

2. Buy Lil' Smokies and toothpicks.

3. Get rid of husband and child for the evening.

[MGLloyd]

This can't possibly be right. No sugar or cloves. This one is closer. But I will swear that I taste cloves in there. Maybe from the Lea & Perrins?

On the Todd Wilbur site and other copycat recipe sites, there is much debate over this recipe. Many people say it tastes exactly the same, many people think they detect a hint of cinnamon, cloves or Worchestshire sauce in the sauce found at the actual Arby's.

I just went to the Arby's site and read the ingredients list for the Arby's sauce: it does not list Worchestshire sauce nor does it contain any ingredients consistent with Worchestershire sauce. It does list spice and spice extractives, so perhaps there is some cinnamon or clove flavoring in it. I have not been in an Arby's in years, since there are very few of them in the Seattle area. Perhaps you should make the recipe, split it in half, and to one half add a dash of cinnamon, and to the other half add a dash of clove. See which one tastes the closest to the original as you recall it.

[Joann]

This has got to be the worst afront to a resto-and I'm embarrassed for my fellow employees for this:

Group of 15-16 employees, all highly recognizable by their mandatory photo ID badges slung around their necks on lanyards. They alway appear for their monthly birthday luncheon at a chain resto (never twice in a row) just before Noon. First order of business-drinks. 2 sweet tea, 1 unsweet tea and 12 waters........and a bowl of lemons. They forage other tables for the sweetners, pocketing along the way. Salad bar orders are usually 1 heaping plate with 4 dueling forks like compass points. Multiply by 3. The teas usually sit huddled at one end of the 3 4-tops conjoined down the middle of the resto, thereby rendering the main dining area usless-even the booths along the walls are occupied by coats, purses, and presents. Seperate checks. We've been asked to NOT return to Applebees-ever.

I'm the unsweet tea.