"No, really, you shouldn't have!"

[petite tête de chou]

Put a bit of water in them and float a candle or single blossom? Use them for plant starts in a sunny window? Give them away as a prize at a New Years Eve party? Throw a Grecian theme dinner and joyfully bash them against the tiles of a fireplace?

[Vancitygirl]

Joie,

If you don't like the glasses I sent, please just call me. I am very ashamed that you had to make this so public. I suppose you didn't like the plastic chandelier I sent last month either.

Oh well.

At least you have good taste in shoes.

Edited December 30, 2005 by Vancitygirl (log)

[Badiane]

[Ghastly.  That's a great word for them.  I laughed pretty darn hard when I read about your Jovan Musk perfume... I thought that fragrance (and I use that word loosely) died a slow and painful death in the seventies.  But 'brie in a can' and 'UBrew Ice Wine'?!  Seriously? 

[

←

The worst part about the perfume is that it came from my husband... It's extra fancy because it's "Pink Musk". Alrighty then. I love him anyway.

The brie is indeed locked tight inside a can. Doesn't require refrigeration, either. It was accompanied by one of those cheese board sets that is so large it has a drawer. It's under the bed because we don't know where to put it or what to do with it. We'd need about 8 pounds of cheese to fill it up. Of course it is just the two of us, and we only entertain outside of our miniscule apartment....I may set up that new dress as a tent and have a neighbourhood cheese tasting.

And the ice wine...all 18 bottles...is a decidedly urine yellow. I can tell because it is bottled in clear beer bottles. With a screw top. We opened one last night in the interest of culinary science. Kind of like cough syrup. Might be okay in a vat of fruit punch where you just want to get some kind of booze into it to drown the pain of being at yet another event where they are serving fruit punch

[Peter B Wolf]

Gift, Huh ?

Remember the English word "Gift" is "Geschenk" in German

and

The German word "Gift" is "Poison" in English

So, gift is poison, well some gifts are. Is the pictured one, one of them?

[jackal10]

I think those glasses for german wines, and in particular for sekt.

Other awful presents (fortunately not this year)

Any sort of flavoured oils or vinegars, especially in fancy bottles

Decorations of plastic pickles

Framed cutsy pix of food

ANy cookbook with "the 100 best" or something similar in its title

[snacky_cat]

At least there are only four of the little monstrosities. Just invite the gifters over in sextets from now on and if they ask about the glasses, tell them you only had six stems in another pattern. Of course, this runs the terrible risk that they'll give you two more of the ghastly things as a hostess gift sometime.

Okay, so yeah, scratch that idea. Give 'em away as gag gifts at the next Burger Club or other dinner. I will add my contribution to the pile - a similarly coloured small liquor decanter and matching glasses from Mr. Cat's brother in law. The decanter and 3 of the glasses in shades of blue aren't *too* bad, but the eggplant, orange and green glasses are something else. I doubt there is a liquor out there - even vodka for heaven's sake - that would look remotely appetizing in one of these.

[Daddy-A]

Joie,

I know a place where you could find a hot BBQ on New Years Day. Perhaps you could melt them into ashtrays or something?

The only questionable gifts received in the Daddy-A household this year were some items from a gift basket. One was a cinnamon/sugar grinder whose contents were all melted together. We cleaned it out and discovered it will grind rock salt just fine.

We addressed this situation a few years back. No gifts are exchanged with friends. If people insist of gifts, we ask that donations are made to local charities.

A.

[Mooshmouse]

i'm just guessing that those giftie-glasses CAN'T be broken...

←

Yeah. Kinda like no-run pantyhose. And you know you want summa dat.

I just had a thought, after looking at the photo again.  Turn them upside-down and stick candles in the hollow bases of the stems.

←

No such luck. Solid as a rock. I could use them for crushing peppercorns or nuts, perhaps even tenderizing meat, and they still wouldn't break.

Put a bit of water in them and float a candle or single blossom? Use them for plant starts in a sunny window? Give them away as a prize at a New Years Eve party? Throw a Grecian theme dinner and joyfully bash them against the tiles of a fireplace? 

←

I'll take the latter!

Joie,

If you don't like the glasses I sent,  please just call me.  I am very ashamed that you had to make this so public.  I suppose you didn't like the plastic chandelier I sent last month either.

Oh well.

At least you have good taste in shoes.

←

Cassandra,

I would've phoned, but the brand-new hand-crank cordless phone that we got from Great-Great-Aunt-twice-removed-Louise wasn't working properly on Christmas morning. The glasses, not so much. The plastic chandelier, however, is an entirely different story... the birds love it. We spread it with peanut butter, sprinkled it with sunflower seeds and hung it from the tree in our back yard as a bird feeder. But word on the shoes... likewise.

Joie

Gift, Huh ?

Remember the English word "Gift" is "Geschenk" in German

                            and

The German word "Gift" is "Poison" in English

So, gift is poison, well some gifts are. Is the pictured one, one of them?

←

Brilliant! Nothing short of brilliant!

I think those glasses for german wines, and in particular for sekt.

Other awful presents (fortunately not this year)...

ANy cookbook with "the 100 best" or something similar in its title

←

Ooooh, are you the proud owner of The 100 Best Ways to Use Cream Cheese and Miracle Whip In The Same Dish?

And the ice wine...all 18 bottles...is a decidedly urine yellow.  I can tell because it is bottled in clear beer bottles.  With a screw top.  We opened one last night in the interest of culinary science.  Kind of like cough syrup.  Might be okay in a vat of fruit punch where you just want to get some kind of booze into it to drown the pain of being at yet another event where they are serving fruit punch 

←

See above two comments. I think I'm rewrapping these glasses and shipping them to your house for a New Year's present!

[Mooshmouse]

Okay, so yeah, scratch that idea. Give 'em away as gag gifts at the next Burger Club or other dinner. I will add my contribution to the pile - a similarly coloured small liquor decanter and matching glasses from Mr. Cat's brother in law. The decanter and 3 of the glasses in shades of blue aren't *too* bad, but the eggplant, orange and green glasses are something else. I doubt there is a liquor out there - even vodka for heaven's sake - that would look remotely appetizing in one of these.

←

That decanter set sounds, uhmmm, remarkable. But I firmly believe that my glasses would be a wonderful compliment to your burgeoning new collection of glassware. Instead of sending them to Badiane, I'll just give them to you as a housewarming present... that'd save me the mailing costs.

I know a place where you could find a hot BBQ on New Years Day.  Perhaps you could melt them into ashtrays or something? ...

We addressed this situation a few years back.  No gifts are exchanged with friends.  If people insist of gifts, we ask that donations are made to local charities.

←

Ding, ding, ding... we have a winner! I can bring these over to your house as a hostess gift! They'd look great on your shelf beside your antique tea set. Oooh, J. would just love me for that.

[bergerka]

Unbelievably, I got entirely great gifts this year, including a couple of food books (one called "What the World Eats," it's TOTALLY cool) that I'm enjoying. I baked little bitty cranberry breads and honey cakes for everyone and managed to give the one made with margarine to the correct brother-in-law (SEVERE milk allergy, never seen anything like it, one drop lands him in the bathroom for 24-48 HOURS, in great pain) and the one made with Splenda to my diabetic dad (nota bene: a mixture of white and brown Splenda is PERFECT in cranberry bread, but use less than you would sugar).

However, and I hope this is the appropriate place for this (it's not so much about a bad gift received, but a screw-up in GIVING), I hereby present (with her permission), from my brother's girlfriend, the story that has become known as "the great 2005 cookie clusterfuck." This is quoted verbatim from her email. Thus far, no one has died from eating the cookies. (the "Jesse" in the story is my brother). Be forewarned: much adult language follows.

"Alright, so i had no money for Christmas presents. Last year i made cookies for everyone, and it turned out quite well, so i thought i'd do the same this year. Making cookies is fun! Only this year EVERYTHING was to be homemade. So i make chocolate chip cookies first at the begining of December and I'll freeze them until it's time and they're all done. Not being a chocolate eater myself, Jesse eats them and tells me if they're any good. Some are a little under done, but that's not too bad, so i let it slide. Too late to put them back in the oven anyway. Then i get sick for two weeks and can't/won't make cookies. So it's the week of Christmas and in addition to not having cookies ready, i also haven't had the energy for Christmas shopping. I'm still feeling like shit, but i force myself to get everything done.

I make a double batch of sugar cookies that i got from my mom's recipe box and stick it in the fridge like you're supposed to. While that's chilling, i get to work on the gingerbread men. I'm following a recipe from a cookbook i have specifically for gingerbread men. As i'm mixing it with my crappy hand-held mixer, it is slinging gingerbread glop all over the kitchen. On me, on the phone, on the wall, on the door, on the fridge, on the floor. We all know what color gingerbread is, so needless to say it looks like shit has been slung all over my kitchen and myself.

The gingerbread isn't quite a dough consistancy, though. It's more like sludge, or mud. So Jesse calls his mom for help. She's not there, but his sister Carol comes to my rescue. I read her my recipe and she reads me her's from the Betty Crocker Cookbook. Well, ol' Betty's been around a lot longer than i have, so i try to modify my recipe to fit the one she has. So i add to my recipe, but it doesn't seem to help. It's still sludge. Or shit. Whatever. So his sister says "keep adding flour until it's thicker". So i do. The dough morphs into this weird looking glop of thick sludge. Thicker, yes, but not enough to roll and cut out. So i keep adding flour. My crappy hand-held mixer is now trying to keep up with me and is working really hard. Its motor pops and it dies in my hands. But not before tripping the breaker in the kitchen. Pissed, i get the power going again, throw the mixer in the trash, throw the dough in the fridge, and say fuck it, i'll deal with it later.

I cool off and come back to it about an hour later. I'll start with the sugar cookies. I throw the dough on the floured counter, take my rolling pin and whack the dough. It's as hard as a rock. It literally crumbles. Well that's obviously not going to make cookies. So a shit load of dough, time, and money goes into the garbage. Well let's check on the the gingerbread, shall we? Yep... that's crap too. More dough, time, and money in the garbage. I call Jesse and ask him to bring some premade dough home. He comes home with sugar cookie mix (says it make 3 dozen, but really makes 6 cookies) and some premade, precut gingerbread dough. Makes my job easier - sweet. So now we're dealing with minor trauma (the mix needs eggs and we're out, so Jesse goes and gets more).

Time to decorate. I get a "basic cookie frosting" recipe off of the C&H (the well known sugar people) website. It calls for shortening - not butter - shortening in the frosting. Ok. Well the mixer is broken so i'm whipping it by hand for like ten minutes. We're frosting the cookies. Jesse tastes the frosting. I taste the frosting. We gag. It leaves a nasty residue in our mouths. Great. The frosting joins my other baking attempts in the garbage, may they rest in peace. Jesse calls his mom for a frosting recipe that he knows will work. I try to stop him. My logical reasoning is that i have another frosting recipe we can use. Jesse has learned. I have not. He says, "honey, the other three recipes didn't work, what makes you think this next one will?" The man's got a point. So he gets a recipe he knows will work. I have decided that making cookies is not as fun as it first sounded and i'm crying on the couch. Jesse, is now trying to cheer me up and make the new frosting - i'm not helping. Fuck cookies.

Next year i better have a fucking job so i can BUY stuff for people - no more of this "from the heart, baked with love" shit. It's just not American.

Hope you all had a Merry friggin' Christmas."

:laugh:

[lesfen]

I received what appears to be a cookie plate and mug painted (badly) with pictures of gingerbread men and candy canes. They are really tacky. The kicker was the sticker on the bottom:

(Paraphrasing)

WARNING: This product contains materials that have been confirmed to cause cancer... etc.

I got this gift from a Secret Santa co-worker... who apparently hates me and wants me to get cancer.

I threw them away when I got home.

[I_call_the_duck]

I received what appears to be a cookie plate and mug painted (badly) with pictures of gingerbread men and candy canes.  They are really tacky.  The kicker was the sticker on the bottom:

(Paraphrasing)

WARNING: This product contains materials that have been confirmed to cause cancer... etc.

I got this gift from a Secret Santa co-worker... who apparently hates me and wants me to get cancer.

I threw them away when I got home.

←

OMG, I got something very similar a few years ago. From my cousins-in-law. Also very scary looking elf-head and nutcracker mugs. Shudder. I can never throw things out, so they'll either go to the Salvation Army or regifted.

This year, I got: a large bottle of sherry/madiera from my step-aunt and uncle-in-law (I think SAIL picked it out). Not the best drinking kind, so it's going to be used for cooking.

From my sister and her family: a bottle of temperanillo that was packaged in one of those wine bottle puzzles that look like this. Amusing at first, but loses its charm after a few minutes, particularly when you want to open that bottle.

For a wedding gift from one of my friends, I got this hideous toaster that was green with pink flowers. The slats aren't even wide enough to fit a half a bagel in it, and did I mention that it's absolutely hideous?

A non food item a couple of years ago (from step-aunt and uncle-in-law) was a leopard-print backpack, which I regifted to my niece, who was into leopard-prints at the time. She loved it.

Speaking of regifting...here's an idea for everybody. Every year at the office, we have a "white elephant gift exchange". Regift some crappy gift and get something in return. It's completely anonymous, so nobody knows who actually gave that gift, though sometimes you can figure it out. And some people don't get the "white elephant" concept and give some nice stuff. I got a nice picture frame out of the deal this year.

Edited December 31, 2005 by I_call_the_duck (log)

[Jason Perlow]

So, come on.  Share your stories of gift-opening nightmares from special occasions past.  Consider it part of the cathartic healing process in your recovery from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

←

I hate to say it Moosh, but I really -like- those glasses. What's wrong with them? They're festive and they are useful. Perhaps not for use in formal dining situations, but if you have friends over for a party and want to make up a couple of margaritas, daquiris or pina coladas, what's wrong with them? As long as something has some utility you can't call it a bad gift.

Now, on the other hand, I recieved THIS from a close friend for the holidays.

An electronic wine cooler? C'mon. Talk about totally useless.

[hathor]

'Fess up.  I can't be the only victim of this.  Birthdays, anniversaries, Hanukkah, Christmas, whenever.  You open up a beautiful package only to find... absolutely useless, ugly crap that's been camouflaged by lovely gift wrap!  Tasteless swill disguised as wine, hideous dinner plates, cookbooks from which you'd never cook a dish.

Case in point:  Christmas morning.  Sitting around opening presents when, to our abject horror, we discover that we're the proud recipients of these babies.

Tell me.  What exactly am I supposed to do with these?  Can't re-gift them in good conscience.  Certainly can't display them with the rest of our glassware.  And what do we say when our friends come back from vacation and ask us how we like the new wine glasses? 

So, come on.  Share your stories of gift-opening nightmares from special occasions past.  Consider it part of the cathartic healing process in your recovery from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.

←

Oh, my! Could you serve some grain alcohol drink in them? Maybe no one would notice!

Have you ever gotten a bottle of the "cutesy" Christmas wine? Dear God, people - who thinks that's a good gift?

←

Save these glasses for the summertime and put a great, colorful berry sorbet desert in them. Goofy glases can be fun in the summer.

[peppyre]

I can now add my own atrocities that will sit in storage for god-knows how long until I finally decide to throw them out or take them to a consignment store.

I have to start this by saying that the first gift came from my Grandmother, who is normally very very good at gift giving. So good, in fact, my mom asked me "What do you think your real present is?". I'll give you the rundown of the last few years; Kitchenaid stand mixer, Cuisinart blender in chrome, Cuisinart Coffeepot in chrome, really expensive lever pull corkscrew etc. So when I opened this box, you can understand why I had a WTF!!!!! moment.

Tadaaaa!

A very cheap twirly thingy full of miscellaneous crap that I already have several of, or I found them to be such useless crap, I threw them out. WTF was she thinking. (I'll let you know after my birthday next week to find out if there was some hidden cheque from both her and my dad and this was just to throw me off gaurd....I really hope that's it.)

And then there was this:

Also picked out by Grandmother and given to me by her best friends. Crystal......serving....pieces....WHY! I must ask Why?! Sure, I have a few crystal glasses that I quite like, but....but....Why?

Anyhow, They now go into storage. Maybe some critter will move into their boxes and break them

[I_call_the_duck]

Now, on the other hand, I recieved THIS from a close friend for the holidays.

An electronic wine cooler? C'mon. Talk about totally useless.

←

Jason, it looks like something my husband would love. I can just hear him now "we can use it on the patio and it will stay cold for hours!" As if it will last that long!

Now Moosh, those glasses aren't all that bad.

In my previous post, I mentioned a toaster that I got as a wedding gift. Well, it looked like this! In all the years we've known each other, has she ever known me to like pink?

Edited December 31, 2005 by I_call_the_duck (log)

[*Deborah*]

Now, on the other hand, I recieved THIS from a close friend for the holidays.

An electronic wine cooler? C'mon. Talk about totally useless.

←

Jason, it looks like something my husband would love. I can just hear him now "we can use it on the patio and it will stay cold for hours!" As if it will last that long!

Now Moosh, those glasses aren't all that bad.

In my previous post, I mentioned a toaster that I got as a wedding gift. Well, it looked like this! In all the years we've known each other, has she ever known me to like pink?

←

I'm sorry, Karen, I can't say I'd want it on my counter, but it's kinda KEWT!

[Zucchini Mama]

[Ghastly.  That's a great word for them.  I laughed pretty darn hard when I read about your Jovan Musk perfume... I thought that fragrance (and I use that word loosely) died a slow and painful death in the seventies.  But 'brie in a can' and 'UBrew Ice Wine'?!  Seriously?  

[

←

And the ice wine...all 18 bottles...is a decidedly urine yellow. I can tell because it is bottled in clear beer bottles. With a screw top. We opened one last night in the interest of culinary science. Kind of like cough syrup. Might be okay in a vat of fruit punch where you just want to get some kind of booze into it to drown the pain of being at yet another event where they are serving fruit punch

←

badiane,

I have good news for you! My FIL has found that u-brew ice wine is the perfect bait for wasp traps!

Zuke

Sorry, I can't think of a use for the pink musk, though.

[mrbigjas]

In my previous post, I mentioned a toaster that I got as a wedding gift.  Well, it looked like this!  In all the years we've known each other, has she ever known me to like pink?

←

I'm sorry, Karen, I can't say I'd want it on my counter, but it's kinda KEWT!

←

also how can you resist a toaster that has this extra special feature:

the bread is ejected when toasting is complete.

[Mooshmouse]

"the great 2005 cookie clusterfuck..."

Fuck cookies.

Next year i better have a fucking job so i can BUY stuff for people - no more of this "from the heart, baked with love" shit. It's just not American.

Hope you all had a Merry friggin' Christmas."

:laugh:

←

Absolutely hilarious! It's even funnier when read aloud as I just did with Ian. His reply? "My sentiments exactly."

(Paraphrasing)

WARNING: This product contains materials that have been confirmed to cause cancer... etc.

←

These presents now supercede the anaphylaxis-causing party platters as the most lethal gifts this Christmas.

OMG, I got something very similar a few years ago.  From my cousins-in-law.  Also very scary looking elf-head and nutcracker mugs.  Shudder.  I can never throw things out, so they'll either go to the Salvation Army or regifted.

←

Oh, sure. Send or regift the carcinogenic kitchenware and try to kill someone else with it.

Now, on the other hand, I recieved THIS from a close friend for the holidays.

An electronic wine cooler? C'mon. Talk about totally useless.

←

Hmmmm. You could use it to... to... chill your sugar-cookie dough until it's ready to roll out, thus avoiding a 2006 repeat of the Great Cookie Clusterfuck.

[Mooshmouse]

Sorry, I can't think of a use for the pink musk, though.

←

Bear repellant?

also how can you resist a toaster that has this extra special feature:

the bread is ejected when toasting is complete.

←

[handmc]

This thread is so funny it hurts!

[andiesenji]

In my previous post, I mentioned a toaster that I got as a wedding gift.  Well, it looked like this!  In all the years we've known each other, has she ever known me to like pink?

←

I'm sorry, Karen, I can't say I'd want it on my counter, but it's kinda KEWT!

←

also how can you resist a toaster that has this extra special feature:

the bread is ejected when toasting is complete.

←

I received a toaster a few years back (because I know you collect toasters, Andie) with a bright yellow smiley face on each side - I mean the whole of each side was a bright yellow smiley face. It too had two slots, not wide enough for half a bagel and not even long enough for a standard slice of bread - the only breads that would fit in it were the small "compact" loaves marketed by Orowheat, etc.

My collection may be somewhat ecletic but not that weird. I couldn't stand smiley faces when they first became popular and still can't. That toaster didn't help! Talk about something with which to scare little children............

[andiesenji]

I just remembered another early Christmas gift, delivered in mid-December - a basket containing several kitchen and bath items made with lavender. This from someone who has been to my house many times - must know that I have a huge herb garden with -- no, wait for the intro --- lots of lavender, several types. And should know that I never use scented candles, do not use scented body scrubs, do not use scented lotions because they all contain things to which I am allergic. Lavender the plant is not a problem but the chemicals in lotions and soaps certainly are.

The bath "tea" bags were particularly interesting as all of my friends know that I have arthritis and the reason I have a rather "fancy" space-age shower with multiple shower heads and even warm air dryer nozzles, is because a tub bath is extremely difficult.

Fortunately my housekeeper likes the stuff......and likes to soak in a tub!