Jump to content
  • Welcome to the eG Forums, a service of the eGullet Society for Culinary Arts & Letters. The Society is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization dedicated to the advancement of the culinary arts. These advertising-free forums are provided free of charge through donations from Society members. Anyone may read the forums, but to post you must create a free account.

Dining and Discipline

Daily Gullet Staff

Recommended Posts

As I stood on Grand Street pondering the possibilities, he whispered into my ear, “You know, I’ve got lots of toys.”

“Toys?” I muttered. A warning light flickered in my head.

“Yes,” he said in a low voice. “I’ve been very bad, and I need to be disciplined.”

Had I written the script, this scene would have continued thusly:

You've never had anyone give you the Aunt Jemima ot ?

The name's Bond Girl, pal--not Bondage Girl!


Okay, I'll bite: What the Hell is the Aunt Jemima Treatment? Does it involve hot grease and a spatula? :hmmm: Now I'm not sure I want to know! :blink:

Inside me there is a thin woman screaming to get out, but I can usually keep the Bitch quiet: with CHOCOLATE!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Bond Girl:

Let me add my praise -- wonderful story ... and I can relate ... being a guy and having dated women whose eating habits/food thoughts were ... incompatible with mine.

I loved your story so much, I shared it with my daughter, who's been reading a lot of not so enjoyable "literature" for her classes ... she deserved a break, something nice to remind her that narrative doesn't have to be heavy, doesn't have to be dull, doesn't have to be work.

My only hesitation was having her learn about the Aunt Jemima treatment ... that was a new one to me ... frankly, an overshare!!

Keep on looking ... and keep on writing ... and best of luck!!



Philadelphia, PA, USA and Sandwich, Kent, UK

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, I loved this story!!

The only thing I didn't care for, was that it ended. :laugh:

I wanted to hear more!

Well done.

Oh, and I believe the Aunt Jemima treatment is a reference from the movie "Stripes" with Bill Murray.

Patti Davis


Link to comment
Share on other sites

I loved your story, Yah-Roo. I feel for you. I remember—not fondly—of the “interesting” men I met before I finally met Mr. Duck. In my dating days, one’s love of food was very high on my priority list. I may have even gone as far as saying “picky eaters need not respond” on my personal ads.

How's about those that needs to pointificate loudly on every food item before they eat it…

I once rejected a guy because he said something along the lines of, “…pesto, that’s a sauce made from chopped basil...” I didn’t bother telling him that not only did I know what pesto is and made it a great deal, but you can make it with other things besides basil. He said other pompous things as well during the course of the evening, but that one stuck.
A guy I was having dinner with got his fingers caught in the bathroom door…Now that date, I wanted to smack.

Good thing that didn’t happen to the Toyman…it would only have made him more enamored with you.

Aunt Jemima!! :laugh: When I were in college, we used to call Mrs. Buttersworth and ask why she tasted so good. And to this day the eight year old in me still chuckles about that.

Good luck, Ya-Roo. (BTW, my brother is available…very sweet guy. :wink: Loves kids and dogs. Not into toys.)

Edited by I_call_the_duck (log)

Karen C.

"Oh, suddenly life’s fun, suddenly there’s a reason to get up in the morning – it’s called bacon!" - Sookie St. James

Travelogue: Ten days in Tuscany

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Yah-Roo, very funny and a great flow. I wound up going back several times to see if I couldn't find anything in the food he ordered which might have dropped a hint of innate masochism. Maybe the lotus root? Something about poking your chopstick in the holes of those chewy little slices? Sorry, I better stop now, but thanks again.

--L. Rap

Blog and recipes at: Eating Away

Let the lamp affix its beam.

The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream.

--Wallace Stevens

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Having been on the other side of the table, one of the less than amusing issues that can be experienced is the date (in my case, a women) that has no idea what to order and who has less than well developed knowledge about food. Like they can only order chicken teriyaki in a Japanese restaurant or pasta with red sauce in an Italian restaurant and they no idea who to do if you bring them to anything even slightly upscale New American or French. It gets very painful.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know, I'm fairly sure he was talking about his Vita Mix, his $5000 Italian cappucino machine, his Rational Combi ovens, and his induction burner stove.

I totally thought this was where the article was going to go LOL.. Well, too bad. keep on looking Bond Girl. And keep on writing about your adventures!

Born Free, Now Expensive

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You know, I'm fairly sure he was talking about his Vita Mix, his $5000 Italian cappucino machine, his Rational Combi ovens, and his induction burner stove.

I totally thought this was where the article was going to go LOL.. Well, too bad. keep on looking Bond Girl. And keep on writing about your adventures!

This was a delightful article! I wish I was in the dating market (though not at my mid century age!) and could observe the different eating groups. I have observed women's eating patterns and how a friendship graduates from salad with dressing on the side and water to an all out wine induced evening with dessert. There also are the people who just don't GET eating and play hide and seek with the plate's contents and I abhor discussing the bill! Just split the damn thing!

The element of S&M was an excellent blind sider! I couldn't wait to see your decision!

Keep writing!


Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Thanks for the laugh, BondGirl!

I just got back from having coffee with this guy where we basically just talked about food, cooking, and how both are so important in our lives.

He didn't mention anything about "toys", but now I'm hoping he won't when I see him next Friday. :laugh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

while i appreciate the article, i think there is a nicer way of stating that you have never or hardly ever (the impression given from the article) had a pleasant meal with a vegan. it sounded more like an indictment of all vegans than just a casual observation about local dining experiences.

there are lots of groups of people that have very specific dietary needs: buddhists, orthodox jews, etc. substitute one of those groups with "vegan" and perhaps that captures my point.

enjoyable article otherwise.

cheers --

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Halloweencat, you must remember that I am just stating a personal opinion, which is very subjective, not giving the kill order to exterminate all vegans. :wink: Now, the Dr. Atkins followers....those are a different story.

Ya-Roo Yang aka "Bond Girl"

The Adventures of Bond Girl

I don't ask for much, but whatever you do give me, make it of the highest quality.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Clever dramatic writing.

Disastrous dating.

The US Social Security Trust Fund takes another hit.


WOW! <i>Dating</i> has <b>sure</b> changed since the last

times I was pursuing dating. Sounds like the dating

<i>scene</i> has gone a <b>very</b> long way downhill.

In particular, it very much sounds like you have been getting

wine from the very bottom of the barrel.


I would hope that there would be more significant and

meaningful ways to evaluate a date than extrapolating from

menu choices.

And, during the dinner, I would hope for some conversation

that at least touched on <b>something</b> with some


Gee, whatever happened to subjects such as cooking, higher

education, science, finance, business, movies, music, theater,

children, child rearing, education for children,

<i>socialization</i> of children and the influence of

<i>pop</i> culture, other aspects of parenting?

E.g., are SoX and the SEC making private companies, private

equity, M&A, and hedge funds more important than public

companies and the stock markets?

Why does J. Cramer never mention the CAPM?

Are the reds a little south of Beaune really a little lighter

than the ones a little north of Beaune?

If there is a <i>world financial market</i> without any

regulatory agency with world scope, is the world asking for

financial instability that would make the problems of

1929 look small?

E.g., does the <i>leverage</i> of financial derivatives bring

the same risks of cascading insolvency that the leverage of

buying on thin margin caused in 1929?

What the heck is Asian <i>fish sauce,</i> and what accounts

for its importance?

More generally, just why is it that such a large fraction of

good and strong flavors come from cases of fermentation?

E.g., are we somehow programmed to like at least <b>some</b>

of the flavors from fermentation?

<i>American Idol</i> gets some shockingly high market share,

often from singers who likely cannot read music, couldn't pass

a college course in sight singing, and would need some weeks

of singing lessons to get into a US Midwestern Protestant

church choir -- curious.

What is <i>pop</i> culture doing <i>right</i> that Juilliard

and Lincoln Center are doing wrong?


There are a lot of possible pursuits in life other than having

children, but there is a certain <i>Darwinian</i> fallacy to

them. Once again it looks like some mature, conscious,

deliberate, planned approach to having children encounters

some severe problems, more severe even than the severe

problems of the traditional approaches of foolish, young,

spontaneous, romantic emotions.


I am reminded of the remark in


Erich Fromm,

'The Art of Loving',

Harper and Row,

New York,

ISBN 0-06-080291-X, 1974.


"Men and women deserve equal respect as persons but are not

the same." Moreover, it appears to me that when a date was

really promising, across the two sides of the dinner table

there wasn't a lot of symmetry. The traditional view was that

a man was supposed to pursue finance, and his date on the

other side of the table was supposed to giggle, at least after

the <i>Champagne.</i> There is the remark in


Maggie Scarf,

'Intimate Partners:

Patterns in Love and Marriage',

Random House,

New York,

ISBN 0-394-5585-X,



that marriage was supposed to be about "offspring, security,

and care-taking". The book didn't mention either

<i>exotic</i> menu items or "toys".


Some people will be heavily interested in being good parents;

other people can be heavily interested in other things; and

Darwin will pick the winners.


One view is that traditional motherhood is where a woman gives

up the best years of her life and her career, ruins her body,

and does low grade menial scut work to care for some man's

children, that what is really important in life is a career,

not mere motherhood, and that the modern woman's approach to

motherhood is to adopt and hire a nanny.

In recent decades in the US, many women have believed this


In time we will see Darwin's view.


For some more from Fromm, the main purpose of a relationship

is supposed to be "security against the anxiety from the

realization that we are vulnerable to the hostile forces of

nature and society". In such a relationship, important

features are supposed to be "knowledge, caring, respect, and

responsibility" where by this last Fromm meant responsiveness.

So, a <i>date</i> that has a chance to lead to something

worthwhile needs to get started on such things.

Such a relationship, combined with children, could be good for

all concerned.

Exotic menu items and "toys" do not help.

Edited by project (log)

What would be the right food and wine to go with

R. Strauss's 'Ein Heldenleben'?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 months later...

You had me laughing and crying! I wish you better and a good husband this year.

But honestly. he doesn't have to be perfect. Good enough is very good and starts a lasting loving relationship that grows.

I was married to a wonderful, imperfect man for 28 1/2 years. His heart gave our last year, and I grieve for him every single day. He was Mr.-Mea-and-Potatoes when we started dating, and, well, I'm here so you can imagine... By the time we were married, he was starting to adventure, even eating calarami. He never refused to try anything. These conservative guys who are willing to follow you in the food area are great husbands. They stick with you through your imperfections--we all have them. And when you acknowledge your imperfection, you can accept a bit of it in him.

You make me realize how awful dating is these days. No wonder most widows stay widows instead of remarrying! It just sounds too scary!

Anyway, thanks for the good read. You have a gift for drawing the reader in and then pulling the twist.

Edited by Dorine (log)
Link to comment
Share on other sites


  • Create New...