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The Funniest Thing About Your Thanksgiving


Abra
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I had five Thai people at my table, four of whom had never had Thanksgiving before. I warned them in advance: Traditional American Food Only! So I made really nice food, trying to make the dishes a little more interesting to people who normally eat everything spicy, but still staying close to the American classics so they could get a feel for the real deal. I did make a Thai-style guacamole appetizer, and I have to admit, that was the most appreciated dish.

I decided to plate the food, since it would all be unfamiliar to my guests and they might not know what to select. After I set the food in front of them, and everyone had had a few bites, one guy, who doesn't speak English, said something that made everyone laugh. I insisted on a translation.

"Pretty good, but it would taste better with some fish sauce." I did, in fact, go get him a small pitcher of fish sauce, but I think that will become the mantra of Thanksgivings to come. "Would taste better with fish sauce."

How about you? What totally cracked you up this year?

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"Pretty good, but it would taste better with some fish sauce."

Ain't that the truth! Although we would usually do prime rib for holiday dinners, whatever meat we had was always accompanied by our version of nuoc cham (for us it was just fish sauce, lime juice, and garlic), regardless of whatever else was on the menu.

Nothing else to add, I just felt a kinship with your Thai guest. :smile:

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The turducken. I described it here. It's hard to explain why it was so funny; it's sort of one of those you-had-to-be-there things. I think it was the novelty of it, and the fact that it wasn't all that great, AND that I paid so much money for it, and the profanities that came out of our mouths as we put some of the stuffing into our mouths, but we just laughed and laughed about it as we first cut into it and as we ate it.

Life is short; eat the cheese course first.

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My eight-year-old son's Thanksgiving artwork: a colorful rendering of a turkey made from his handprint (his thumb was the head, his fingers the rainbow-colored tail feathers), with a dialogue bubble coming from the turkey's mouth proclaiming--what else?--"Eat me!"

He was a little confused as to why his father and I found this so deeply amusing.

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Oh, I wish I had brought the paper home from my mom's--all of the second grade classes published their "turkey recipes".

I remember one said to cook the turkey at 25 degrees for 58 hours. Several (this is rural Missouri, after all) said to shoot your turkey, and pull the feathers off.

My niece's recipe called for 23 eggs, one turkey, one cup of sugar and some salsa. And ketchup.

sparrowgrass
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My niece singing "Albequerque The Turkey" was DEFINITELY a highlight. And since it's to the tune of "Clementine," I had it in my head all day. And now YOU ALL HAVE IT TOO, RIGHT?!? :biggrin::wacko::laugh:

"I'm not eating it...my tongue is just looking at it!" --My then-3.5 year-old niece, who was NOT eating a piece of gum

"Wow--this is a fancy restaurant! They keep bringing us more water and we didn't even ask for it!" --My 5.75 year-old niece, about Bread Bar

"He's jumped the flounder, as you might say."

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My son going up to my husband and saying about the gentleman sitting next to him, "When did that guy get out of jail?" He had, of course never been in jail although there was that shady land deal awhile back...

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Explaining to my dad that no, he couldn't have the turkey carcass this year. "But why?" he plaintively asked. I then patiently explained that just like last year and the year before, I would be separating the dark and light meat, braising the dark and roasting the light, and using the carcass to make stock which would then braise the dark. He'd had this turkey twice before (and loved it!), had gotten this same exact explanation twice before as well. Finally, light dawned, and he answered, "oh, so you make the soup before you make up the turkey. I get it."

Exactly. And I'm waiting to repeat this again next year, and the year after that, and the year after.....sigh.

Kathy

Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. - Harriet Van Horne

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The funniest moment of our Thanksgiving was when we were all sitting around talking about chores. Since I don't have a dishwasher, the topic turned to doing dishes, and everyone with a dishwasher was remarking how now that they had one they couldn't live without it. Then my mom remarked, "The only problem with a dishwasher is emptying it. I hate emptying the dishwasher. In fact, sometimes it's so boring that I have to stop in the middle and come back later to finish it."

Somehow we all found this hilarious.

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Going out to eat and seeing 2 other eGullet people in the same place. Small town indeed.

Bruce Frigard

Quality control Taster, Château D'Eau Winery

"Free time is the engine of ingenuity, creativity and innovation"

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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My husband and I have successfully taught our two little children never to describe anybody by skin color. So when I asked someone whether they preferred light or dark meat and my five-year-old daughter said, "Uh, skin color?" as if I had slipped up, everyone cracked up laughing.

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The funniest thing for me happened after Thanksgiving dinner when three women, who had never before been in my kitchen, accompanied my neighbor, all loaded down with tubs of dirty dishes, to use my dishwasher.

My neighbor loaded it, turned it on and we talked for a couple of minutes and she turned around and opened the door to the dishwasher and one of the women screamed and ran outside.

She stuck her head back inside and asked if anyone was hurt.

My neighbor explained that the dishwasher worked very fast and the first batch of dishes were done. Most of this conversation was carried out in Spanish and while I got the gist of it, I missed some of it. I guess the lady thought we would be scalded from hot water and steam.

Afterward every lady who attended the party had to come over and see how the "magic" dishwasher did its job so rapidly. "Madre de Dios" and "rapido increible" was tossed around in the conversation, along with a lot of giggling.

A little later, several of the men wandered over to see just what was going on at my house. The appliance was again demonstrated but with typical Hispanic male chauvinism the men went back to the party, shaking their heads at the frivolity of women enthusing over a kitchen appliance.

One of the women remarked that if it was attached to an automobile or truck they would be figuring out how to afford one "to play with". For some reason, this seemed hilarious and we all had a good laugh at the idea of big boys and big toys.

Edited by andiesenji (log)

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!" Terry Pratchett

 

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A little later, several of the men wandered over to see just what was going on at my house.  The appliance was again demonstrated but with typical Hispanic male chauvinism the men went back to the party, shaking their heads at the frivolity of women enthusing over a kitchen appliance. 

One of the women remarked that if it was attached to an automobile or truck they would be figuring out how to afford one "to play with".  For some reason, this seemed hilarious and we all had a good laugh at the idea of big boys and big toys.

This is SO true!

On the TV show "Home Improvement," Tim Allen and his sidekick would whip up masculine versions of different appliances and rooms. Tim's favorite room was the "Man's Bathroom," complete with stainless-steel beer fridge, cupholders, magazine rack, and (say it loud) MORE POWER!!!

I can only imagine what the Man's Dishwasher would look like...

There are two sides to every story and one side to a Möbius band.

borschtbelt.blogspot.com

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A little later, several of the men wandered over to see just what was going on at my house.  The appliance was again demonstrated but with typical Hispanic male chauvinism the men went back to the party, shaking their heads at the frivolity of women enthusing over a kitchen appliance. 

One of the women remarked that if it was attached to an automobile or truck they would be figuring out how to afford one "to play with".  For some reason, this seemed hilarious and we all had a good laugh at the idea of big boys and big toys.

This is SO true!

On the TV show "Home Improvement," Tim Allen and his sidekick would whip up masculine versions of different appliances and rooms. Tim's favorite room was the "Man's Bathroom," complete with stainless-steel beer fridge, cupholders, magazine rack, and (say it loud) MORE POWER!!!

I can only imagine what the Man's Dishwasher would look like...

I recall one episode where he did "improve" a couple of kitchen appliances. That is one show I would like to see brought back, I thought it was hilarious.

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!" Terry Pratchett

 

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It's possible that you had to be there to get this, but one of the new courses slkinsey did this year in our totally gorgeous and amazing multicourse meal was arctic char tartare with chive gelee (this was actually my favorite thing next to the brussels sprouts).

First of all, try saying "arctic char tartare," then visualize a table of twelve mildly tipsy people all repeating it to each other over and over and laughing our heads off. We sounded like a cross between the "pecan piiiiiiieeee" scene in When Harry Met Sally and the aliens from "Mars Attacks!"

Then, I took one look at the bright green (delicious, btw) chive gelee and blurted out to Eric_Malson "There's always room for jell-o!" :laugh:

L

Basil endive parmesan shrimp live

Lobster hamster worchester muenster

Caviar radicchio snow pea scampi

Roquefort meat squirt blue beef red alert

Pork hocs side flank cantaloupe sheep shanks

Provolone flatbread goat's head soup

Gruyere cheese angelhair please

And a vichyssoise and a cabbage and a crawfish claws.

--"Johnny Saucep'n," by Moxy Früvous

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My family spent our Turkey Day at a good friends house- we invited ourselves because we were alone - and they had lots of family over, all different ages so many generations were represented. Kids in the family insisted on mashed sweets with mini marshmallows on top. Cut to the scene where guys are carving two turkeys - one was deep fried and the other conventionally roasted (it was a turkey taste-off!) and the kitchen is just a blur with pre-dinner activity. I should mention at this point that some wine had already been drunk. Someone mentions that they smell something burning. Oven door is opened to view two pyrex dishes completely in flames - mini marshmallows under the broiler were left too long to broil. Lots of screams - mostly from laughter - and someone grabs the mitts used with the deep fryer and calmly brings the dishes outside. Flames go out, charred mini marshmallows are discarded, and remaining mashed sweets appear on the kids table as if nothing at all happened. Kids were pissed that the dish was incomplete and said they would cook it themselves next year.

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I have two. Well, it happened in previous years, but it's funny anyway.

Years ago, before my time, my dad made my mom throw out a Thanksgiving turkey that mom got for free from the store where she worked. Mind you, it is VERY unusual for my parents to waste food--particularly free food. Apparently, his brother got sick the year before from eating a turkey, so my dad, who was very old world and very superstitious, got it into his head that turkeys are bad for you. So in the garbage it went.

OK, more sad than funny, but here's another one. Dad must have changed his mind a few years later, because we've had turkeys since that incident. I must have been five when I looked at the turkey in the oven and I said in a loud voice "TURKEY DEAD!" Dad was furious--he didn't like us to mention death in the house, even when we were referring to our dinner. (I don't think we had turkey the year after that either.)

Edited by I_call_the_duck (log)

Karen C.

"Oh, suddenly life’s fun, suddenly there’s a reason to get up in the morning – it’s called bacon!" - Sookie St. James

Travelogue: Ten days in Tuscany

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hmm..the funniest thing i saw this thanksgiving had nothing to do with food.

I was on the porch with my hostess's son, daughter-in-law and their 3 year old. Well the little girl starts ringing the doorbell.

Finally grandma answers the door and says "Who is it?" (knowing full well it was her granddaughter). her Grand-daughter then proceeded to grab her breast and give it a good squeeze.

needless to say we were all too stunned to say anything, and then proceeded to crack up laughing.

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I'm not sure of how funny this is but it certainly is unusual. We went up to a neighbor's house and

had an incredible meal with so many things that everyone had brought, maybe 50 or so people.

After dinner we went back to sit around the bar area and people kept filtering out of the area and

going downstairs. One of the guests said to me "It's all happening downstairs, come on!" So

eventually I made my way down the stairs rather than using their elevator (it's a 3 story house),

and saw smoke coming from a room. As I walked closer to the room I could see inside it was

pitch black with the exception of hundreds of laser beams, lights, a mirror spinning ball, a wall

of lights flashing, the floor covered with moving stars, beams, etc. and music pounding away.

This guy has put in a full disco club in part of his lower level the smoke was a fog machine that

kept blasting out steam every few minutes. It was just incredible, so rather than sit around and

think about how full we were we danced for a couple hours to all that music that made the 70's

what they were, I actually danced about jumping wildly to "Rebel Yell" which I probably shouldn't

admit to now.........The host was in his professional sound booth cranking out number after

number looking like a mad scientist or something behind the glass. Apparently this is only

60% completed but it rivals any club I've seen or heard about. So unexpected disco dancing

was the highlight of my night and certainly not an ordinary activity for us! :smile: A hui hou

and my ears have finally stopped ringing! :biggrin:

"You can't miss with a ham 'n' egger......"

Ervin D. Williams 9/1/1921 - 6/8/2004

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We sounded like a cross between the "pecan piiiiiiieeee" scene in When Harry Met Sally and the aliens from "Mars Attacks!"

Then, I took one look at the bright green (delicious, btw) chive gelee and blurted out to Eric_Malson "There's always room for jell-o!"  :laugh:

L

SHUT UP!!!! :laugh::laugh::laugh: I hope this chair dries by morning.

We've had some hilarious family times, but one of the above posts reminded me: Our local second grade always "published" a cookbook at Thanksgiving. The recipes were composed and written down by the children, sent to the little local weekly paper, and were a highlight of Thanksgiving week for all subscribers.

1000 degree ovens, five minute or 12-hour cooking times, 50 lb. turkeys---they all made an appearance at one time or another, most coming year after year from the local KROGRE store. Our very favorite, which entered our family's store of cooking language, still used every time we bake anything, was:

"Poot it in the aven."

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My 8 year old "nephew" being thankful for his house, his family, his friends, the food and his dogs and cats. :laugh:

Katie M. Loeb
Booze Muse, Spiritual Advisor

Author: Shake, Stir, Pour:Fresh Homegrown Cocktails

Cheers!
Bartendrix,Intoxicologist, Beverage Consultant, Philadelphia, PA
Captain Liberty of the Good Varietals, Aphrodite of Alcohol

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