Bagel or Danish?

[Fresser]

On the last day of my vacation this week, my friendly boss called and asked if perhaps I could come in and work a weekend day for overtime. It seemed like an "(O)ffer I could not refuse," so I pulled on a pair o' jeans and moseyed into the office.

All was not lost, however, as our sales manager trotted in a typical Jewish brunch, complete with bagels, cream cheese, smokefish, sable, trout and sliced tomatoes. After I cartwheeled about the office, I promptly sliced open a bagel, schmeered it with cream cheese and plopped some trout on a plate before retreating to my computer. Shortly after this, the owners all trotted in and filled their plates with bagels and sable or trout before retiring to the conference room.

Now the company where I work is heavily Jewish (hence the brunch), and a friendly co-worker occasionally asks me, "Fresser, is So-and-so Jewish?" In the case of our CIO, I wasn't sure, so I observed said CIO as he approached the brunch table. He passed on the bagels & fish and immediately hacked into a peach danish.

"Eureka!" I shouted to myself--here's my answer! All the Jewish folks head straight for the bagels, while the non-M.O.T.'s dig into the danish.

It all sounds so Seinfeldian. Am I onto something here, Blovie?

[Gifted Gourmet]

It all sounds so Seinfeldian.  Am I onto something here, Blovie?

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No, Fresser, and I am not Bloviatrix but will offer my (unrequested) opinion regardless ...

Rationale: bagels are genetically programmed into the Jewish DNA ... we head for them at a buffet table like lemmings heading for a cliff to commit suicide ...

More importantly: you can't "load" a danish with lox, cream cheese, onions .. it would be tacky and taste "ewwww" ...

maybe Bloviatrix will appear soon ... she'll offer better logic ...

more proof positive validates my conclusions ...

And danish is for after one eats the "loaded" bagel ... a snack, as it were ...

[SuzySushi]

Now if it's a cheese danish, the answer might be ambivalent. But peach danish, no contest!

[munchymom]

It may be true that all Jews would choose the bagel, but I can serve as a counterexample to the proposition that all non-Jews would choose the Danish. I like bagels way more than Danish, and I'm not Jewish.

[sparrowgrass]

What Munchymom said. I am a Lutheran born and bred athiest, but I would go for the bagels way before I would hit a peach danish.

[wesza]

Fresser:

Being Jewish from NYC with strong appreciation of Bagels, Appetizer and Danish I must explain the more mature experienced fresser's approach to this type of snack.

Most important is : Where the "Bagel's came from ?" as there are "Authentic Bagel's", or whatever Bagel's.

Again this certainly applies to the "Danish Pastry" where it was baked, how is it finished. If it calls to you by being special, of course you "GRAB" it first, since you don't want anyone who doesn't know the difference to get his hands on your Danish.

If both the Danish and Bagel's were acceptable then the decision must be based on the quality of the appetizing.

This requires one to some how manage to contrive to get enough of everything while not appearing greedy. [this is difficult since such treats are rare]

All things being equal I bet that the "Peach Danish" [one I have never seen in NYC] was likely the only one and whoever managed to get it was definitely Jewish.

If the Danish was "Blah" he was a "Goy".

Any leftovers please send them to Seattle where we covet appetizer.

Irwin

[daniellewiley]

Fresser is our very own Lenny Bruce:

click!

[Jason Perlow]

If you're REALLY Jewish, you eat the bagel, hoping someone isn't going to finish the Danishes, and you manage to pocket a Danish or two to bring home.

Or, if your family is anything like mine, you eat the bagel, and your grandmother eats a bagel, and in a moment of pure horror, you watch her shove about a dozen Danishes into her giant sized pocketbook, along with a hundred Sweet-and-Low packets and a box of napkins.

[Fresser]

If your family is anything like mine, you eat the bagel, and your grandmother eats a bagel, and in a moment of pure horror, you watch her shove about a dozen Danishes into her giant-sized pocketbook, along with a hundred Sweet-and-Low packets and a box of napkins.

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Nu, so you don't vant that the Danishes should go to waste?? Think of your zayde in Minsk--he never even TASTED a Danish!

[Jason Perlow]

If your family is anything like mine, you eat the bagel, and your grandmother eats a bagel, and in a moment of pure horror, you watch her shove about a dozen Danishes into her giant-sized pocketbook, along with a hundred Sweet-and-Low packets and a box of napkins.

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Nu, so you don't vant that the Danishes should go to waste?? Think of your zayde in Minsk--he never even TASTED a Danish!

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Warsaw and the Ukraine actually on that side, but yeah.

[wesza]

If your family is anything like mine, you eat the bagel, and your grandmother eats a bagel, and in a moment of pure horror, you watch her shove about a dozen Danishes into her giant-sized pocketbook, along with a hundred Sweet-and-Low packets and a box of napkins.

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Nu, so you don't vant that the Danishes should go to waste?? Think of your zayde in Minsk--he never even TASTED a Danish!

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Warsaw and the Ukraine actually on that side, but yeah.

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"WOW" are we lonsmen? [spelling?]

Warsaw [Mother] and Kiev [Father]. Bagels and Danish without a zayde I already commented. You east coasters always fress better then us from the Northwest.

Irwin

Edited October 17, 2005 by wesza (log)

[tsquare]

"WOW" are we lonsmen? [spelling?]

Irwin

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Lansmen or landsmen (I don't agree, but it gives you the meaning too.)

[cakewalk]

"Fresser, is So-and-so Jewish?"  In the case of our CIO, I wasn't sure, so I observed said CIO as he approached the brunch table.  He passed on the bagels & fish and immediately hacked into a peach danish.

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He passed on the bagels & fish and you wonder whether or not he's Jewish? Oy vey. And what's a peach Danish anyway? Peach? Puh-leeeeze! If he were Jewish, even if, for whatever bizarre reason, he didn't want a bagel, he'd take one anyway. For later.

[Jason Perlow]

Warsaw [Mother] and Kiev [Father]

Yep, same for my Dad's parents. My Mother's side are 2nd generation, their parents (my great grandparents) were from Belarus and Russia, respectively. My maternal grandmother wouldn't be caught dead pocketing Danishes, though. She was a Miss Brooklyn during the 1930's.

[Jmahl]

Vat, no von brot inas byolisticken pletzel? They beat bagels any day.

Get them fresh on the LES.

(Bubbly and slightly burnt on top, flour and black specks on the bottom and the soft wet minced onion in the crater in the middle -- Pure nirvana.)

Forget the Danish - but some rugela would be nice for later. What do you think paper napkins are for? For the rugela of course.

[mizducky]

If your family is anything like mine, you eat the bagel, and your grandmother eats a bagel, and in a moment of pure horror, you watch her shove about a dozen Danishes into her giant-sized pocketbook, along with a hundred Sweet-and-Low packets and a box of napkins.

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Nu, so you don't vant that the Danishes should go to waste?? Think of your zayde in Minsk--he never even TASTED a Danish!

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Bravo!

Reminds me of a story my mom told me--no longer remember if she actually witnessed the following or she got it from some comedian: a big family (grandkids, grandparents, etc.) are just exiting a restaurant. As they go out past the cashier, one of the little granddaughters scoops a huge number of mints out of the bowl there, piling them all into her little purse. "Bubbe," the kid says, "I took some mints for you too."

Bubbe responds in finest fashion: "With the prices this place charges, I can take my own mints."

On that note, I too would probably try to scarf both a bagel-and-fixin's plus a danish. Even if the danish looked a little iffy. Just on general principle, you understand. Yup, don't want that food to go to waste, y'know. But the bagel would get priority. Unless it was one of those bagels with raisins in it--or, horror of horrors, blueberries!--in which case, hell with 'em, you might as well be eating a danish in the first place.

[Gifted Gourmet]

It may be true that all Jews would choose the bagel

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Puhleeze! There is most decidedly nothing that all Jews could ever do as a cohesive unit ..

General rule here: nobody ever agrees 100% when it comes to food... some would want one kind of bagel, another another kind, another a bialy which tastes like a bagel, a bagel on a plate but separate from the cream cheese, a plain bagel instead of a toasted bagel, and a bagel but to sit near the window to eat it ...

Help me! I am channelling Jackie Mason! No two Jews can decide on bagel versus danish ... there would invariably be something like 5 opinions ...

[tryska]

well i'm not jewish, but i would dive straight for the everything bagel, and snag a cheese danish for later. no other danish need apply.

[jhlurie]

This is just your classic sweet/savory divide. Substitute wheat toast for the bagels and see if it proves out. Okay, maybe that's not a great idea, since in that case the savory people may instead opt to have nothing.

[tryska]

yeah - toast definitely does not = bagels.

well unless it's lender's bagels.

if the choice is thomas's english muffins vs lender's bagels

i'm sorry - the english muffin wins.

[purplewiz]

It all depends. Are the bagels fresh? What kinds of cream cheese are there? Are there onion or garlic bagels? Or are they - gasp - those frozen Lender's bread donuts that have the effrontery to call themselves bagels?

And the danish - are they cheese? Are they the good kind with the dry, crumbly cheese that's not too sweet but melts in your mouth, or is it that runny stuff that always tastes a bit off? Are they glazed shiny on top? Or are they those prepackaged things you can get in a vending machine? Worse - are they those prepackaged almond danish, which I won't eat on a bet?

If we have fresh bagels and the good kind of cheese danish, one of each. If we have Lender's bagels and prepackaged danish, I'll just go out for something to eat.

And yes, I'm with you, tryska - English muffins trump both. Especially toasted with all that butter dripping everywhere.

Marcia.

who likes edit because spelling errors happen in between proofreading and hitting "add reply"

Edited October 18, 2005 by purplewiz (log)

[Chris Amirault]

A nice cheese danish v. Au Bon Pain cinnamon crisp "bagels." Discuss amongst yourselves.

[jo-mel]

This Catholic is a bagel-eater.

Fruit Danish? Fugeddaboudit.

Cheese Danish? For dessert. (After all, ----all those fixins for the bagel amount to a meal.)

[AmyDaniel]

Or, if your family is anything like mine, you eat the bagel, and your grandmother eats a bagel, and in a moment of pure horror, you watch her shove about a dozen Danishes into her giant sized pocketbook, along with a hundred Sweet-and-Low packets and a box of napkins.

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We're Indian, but my mom does that. In fact, we all do. Don't invite my family to any event with free snackies; we'll wrap 'em all up in napkins and whisk them away!

We're all the same in the end.

[spaghetttti]

Or, if your family is anything like mine, you eat the bagel, and your grandmother eats a bagel, and in a moment of pure horror, you watch her shove about a dozen Danishes into her giant sized pocketbook, along with a hundred Sweet-and-Low packets and a box of napkins.

←

We're Indian, but my mom does that. In fact, we all do. Don't invite my family to any event with free snackies; we'll wrap 'em all up in napkins and whisk them away!

We're all the same in the end.

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Here in my part of the world, we call that operasi plastik which is a play on words...the term usually refers to plastic surgery, but in the case of food, operasi plastik is endearingly used to describe a scene where the rush to bring out the little baggies and Tupperware containers to grab and snap up all the goodies to take home is total madness. It's hilarious to watch the race to the finish to see who's the fastest with the mostest!

Anyway, more OT...I'd head straight for the bagel, applying more than a healthy

schmear of butter/cream cheese. Unless we're talking a true NY cheese danish, which I can't find here, well then, in that case I'm all verklempt, oy!