Sandra Lee forgets to trademark "semi-homemade"

[MHarney]

Article: "Serve up some semi-homemade sweet treats"

You don't have to be a cook to dish up tasty desserts. Debra Racicot, executive pastry chef at New York's Gotham Bar and Grill, visited “Weekend Today” to show how you can combine fresh ingredients with specially selected store-bought items to create delicious desserts that taste like they were made from scratch.

One recipe calls for "whipped cream in a tub and in a canister," which seems to be rather convoluted code for non-dairy* whipped creme* topping, sometimes known as Fool Whip.

Another recipe calls for a can o' corn-syrupy, Crisco-y frosting substitute, which no doubt makes Sandra Lee's blood boil. I can hear Jaundice Woman now, sotto voce, halfway through her first bottle of tequila, eating frosting right out of the can with a big wooden spoon: "That...little...bish."

Yet another recipe says, "I want you to buy a roll of uncooked cookie dough" (okay, so I'm paraphrasing), but then doesn't use it. I suspect back-alley payoffs by the Pillsbury dough boy. "Here's your envelope. Hee hee! Please stop touching my stomach."

*When I become Potentate of the FDA, these will be among my first rulings:

• You may no longer use the kind of French "creme" if there is no cow-produced cream in your product.
  
• The phrase "non-dairy" will now be replaced in all ads and on all packaging with the phrase "laboratory-fresh."
  
• You may no longer add "-y" to a word and use it to describe your product if the substance is completely absent from the product. Witness "chocolatey," "buttery," and "creamy," amongst many others. Minimum content percentage required to use such terms will be specified and enforced, via endless needling and taunting and late at night if necessary.
  
• "Foot-long" hot dogs -- or "foot-long" anything, for that matter -- will hereafter be a minimum of 12" long and not 9" long as specified by previous regulations. Now, get your mind out of the gutter.
  
• You must now be honest and reveal that the "carrageenan" thickener used in almost all low-cal, low-whatever salad dressings and many other products is, in fact, seaweed extract or, if you prefer a fancier term, Irish Moss Juice. Use of the faux upscale indicator "essence" with respect to this ingredient is barred.
  
• Words such as "delicious," "scrumptious," "yummy," and "improved!" may not be used to describe a product unless personally approved by the Potentate.
  

[BryanZ]

I have no idea why a pastry chef in Debra Racicot's position would do something like this. I cringed as I read this, multiple times.

[srhcb]

I have no idea why a pastry chef in Debra Racicot's position would do something like this.  I cringed as I read this, multiple times.

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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

SB (would probably sell out for even less)

[Megan Blocker]

Was the recipe involving whipped creme in a can something like this?

- Pop top

- Spray onto spoon

- Eat

- Repeat

Because I would eat that.

[inny]

Let me get this straight... to make a New York Style cheesecake, I need to buy a New York Style cheesecake? I would have never thought of that.

MHarney - when you become FDA Potentate, can you add the following to the list of directives?

1. 'Thick and rick and delicious' can never be used in the same sentence when describing any food product, particularly a sweet one. (A Sandra Lee-ism that makes my head explode)

2. One is not allowed to pass off store-bought processed food as real food.

3. One is prohibited from adding "No cholesterol" (or fat or sugar or whatever the food fad of the week is) if the original product never possessed it in the first place.

Megan - save some for me! And don't bogart that whipped cream

[FoodMan]

wow...I love the cheesecake "recipe". I will have to try as soon as I can get my mind wrapped around the details of what the hell she is talking about.

Why anyone wants to "fool" their guests so much is beyond me. Buy the poor bastards some quality cake from a good pastry shop and they will be more impressed anyways.

[MomOfLittleFoodies]

[*]The phrase "non-dairy" will now be replaced in all ads and on all packaging with the phrase "laboratory-fresh."

.

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Not all non-dairy products read like something out of a laboratory. Organic soy milk, for instance, has relatively easy labels to read.

Not that soy milk tastes anything like real milk though.

[racheld]

Second recipe:

"...using a round can, cut thin, round wedges of the cake."

Something is amiss in Gotham. How does one accomplish that odd shape, exactly?

And in the cheesecake directions---press a can or round cutter into the center of cheesecake. Then pile on a tablespoon of fruit. Does one leave the old Minute Maid tin just sticking there like an errant piebird? Do you cut out pieces like cookies and serve them forth? Cut out the center to resemble a tube cake and fill THAT with the mingy tablespoon of fruit?

I'd hate to work in that kitchen if those were the only directions toward the finished product.

Take this as from someone who's not above buying a nice Eli's and gussying it up with fresh strawberries and loopings of whipped cream, then setting it out there on Mammaw's best cutglass cakestand like manna from Heaven.

But if the chef is aspiring to author a cookbook, I'd gently advise: DQYDJ.

[sabg]

i never understood the fooling part either....i had a buddy that used to say she would not share her recipes because that kept them sxpecial for her guests...everyone knew where she ordered her meatballs and eggplant parm etc...but i guess her feel good

i love to tell people when i make a make a great find

wow...I love the cheesecake "recipe". I will have to try as soon as I can get my mind wrapped around the details of what the hell she is talking about.

Why anyone wants to "fool" their guests so much is beyond me. Buy the poor bastards some quality cake from a good pastry shop and they will be more impressed anyways.

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[divalasvegas]

I have no idea why a pastry chef in Debra Racicot's position would do something like this.  I cringed as I read this, multiple times.

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I agree BryanZ, doesn't make a lot of sense to me either. But as srhcb said $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and the fact that, sad to say, there are so many people today who can't taste the difference.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

Mike Harney, you kill me! I will vote for you for Potentate, any old day.

I think this thing with Debra Racicot may be another sign that the apocalypse is upon us (apologies to SI). And as Diva said, there are a lot of people who can't tell the difference, which is yet another sign that the apocalypse is upon us.

Fun Fact: Non-dairy whipped *creme* topping has a half-life of 250,000 years.

[MHarney]

I will vote for you for Potentate, any old day.

Oh, there'll be no voting. Please see my Master Plan, Rev. B.

Fun Fact:  Non-dairy whipped *creme* topping has a half-life of 250,000 years.  

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Ahem...that's laboratory-fresh whipped topping, please.

Edited to add: Note that googling Debra Racicot produces almost nothing. However, it appears that either clever obfuscation or a lazy reporter/editor is involved: Her name is actually Deborah Racicot.

Edited October 17, 2005 by MHarney (log)

[inny]

Edited to add: Note that googling Debra Racicot produces almost nothing. However, it appears that either clever obfuscation or a lazy reporter/editor is involved: Her name is actually Deborah Racicot.

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Given this...

Strawberry Shortcake

Ingredients

2 pints fresh local strawberries or bag of frozen strawberries

1 Sara Lee brand frozen pound cake

1 box wafer cookies

whipped cream in a tub and in a canister

... I'd change my name too. But I think I'd do a better job

[lcdm]

I must admit to making those "recipes" at one time or another. I mean they weren't really recipes, more like top the store bought pound cake with fresh berries and whipped cream or add chocolate chips and nuts to the brownie mix. It wasn't to "fool" friends/guests. It was because I was too lazy or didn't have enough time to make something, so I doctored up store bought to make it passable.

For the life of me I don't know why anyone would watch or even pay for these "recipies".

Edited October 17, 2005 by lcdm (log)

[MHarney]

I'd change my name too. But I think I'd do a better job.

Yeah...maybe something silly like "Emeril Lagasse."

For the life of me I don't know why anyone would watch or even pay for these "recipies".

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Sandra Lee's devotees would like a word with you. (Hint: To distract them, simply toss a shiny object down the hall. A bottle of booze would probably do nicely.)

PB&J Supreme

by Sandra Lee

Makes 1 serving

Ingredients:

Two slices Wonder® bread

Peanut butter

Jelly, grape or some other type

Sprig of mint

Equipment: Countertop, butter knife, table for tablescape

Place first slice of bread on countertop. Using a butter knife, spread some peanut butter on top of first slice. Spread some jelly on top of the peanut butter. Place second slice on top of jelly. Decorate second slice (the top!) with sprig of mint, or parsley if you don't have any mint, or a cut-out picture of some mint. Now I want you to spend 2-4 hours shopping for tablescape items and setting them up. Place PB&J's in the middle.

N.B.: For a lovely dessert that all my girlfriends love, substitute half a can of chocolate frosting for the peanut butter. I like to call it F&J Supreme!

[inny]

Sandra Lee's devotees would like a word with you. (Hint: To distract them, simply toss a shiny object down the hall. A bottle of booze would probably do nicely.)

PB&J Supreme

by Sandra Lee

Makes 1 serving

Ingredients:

Two slices Wonder® bread

Peanut butter

Jelly, grape or some other type

Sprig of mint

Equipment: Countertop, butter knife, table for tablescape

Place first slice of bread on countertop. Using a butter knife, spread some peanut butter on top of first slice. Spread some jelly on top of the peanut butter. Place second slice on top of jelly. Decorate second slice (the top!) with sprig of mint, or parsley if you don't have any mint, or a cut-out picture of some mint. Now I want you to spend 2-4 hours shopping for tablescape items and setting them up. Place PB&J's in the middle.

N.B.: For a lovely dessert that all my girlfriends love, substitute half a can of chocolate frosting for the peanut butter. I like to call it F&J Supreme!

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Please tell me that you hang out in the semi-ho TWoP forum.

[MHarney]

Please tell me that you hang out in the semi-ho TWoP forum.

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Nope. Looks fun, but holy moley, there's a skadillion messages in there.

So much vitriol, so little time...

[scordelia]

The irony of Sandra Lee's life is that her husband, Bruce Karatz, while divorcing Wal-Martha, is going into business with the real Matha.

Now, you can live the semi-Martha life!

Live Like Martha--sort of

The homes will feature amenities that are important to Martha, like extra large laundry rooms and dining rooms. Does that mean that I get an Aga too?

[Kris]

I see that Sandra Lee has an equally evil twin.