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Dinner II: The Gallery of Regrettable Foods (Part 1)


Grub
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I have to ask... I think I recognize the pork (?) chop, but what is the green stuff? And how is the chop white?

The green stuff looks like shaved cucumber to me...am I right?  And it looks like whatever the pork chop was coated in somehow stuck to the pan?  Hmmm...

*sigh* This dinner is what happens when two different dinners you have planned crash head on with a project you're desperately trying to finish.

Yes, that's a pork chop. I had been planning to bake chicken breasts, so I'd mixed up a pretty standard coating for them: dijon mustard, dash of ground chipotle, dash of honey, and mayonnaise. But for some reason I defrosted pork chops. Not wanting to waste the coating, I slathered it on the pork chops and stuck them in the oven. Bad idea.

The coating crusted on top, then slid off the chop. The undercoating never really solidified because the pork is somewhat fattier than chicken. Thus we have a white pork chop.

The green stuff is zucchini alfredo. It's something I've made many times before - zucchini, shaved thin with a mandoline or vegetable peeler, blanched, shocked, drained very well. Make an alfredo sauce in the pan, mix in the parmesan well, right before service toss together and serve. I love the texture of the zucchini "noodles" and they balance the rich sauce nicely.

Except for some reason I didn't blanch the zucchini, I threw it in to the sauce raw. No, I don't know what I was thinking. The raw zucchini gave up all its liquid, the sauce split, the parmesan seized and stuck to the bottom of the pan, and you see the results.

About the only good thing I can say about this dinner is that it was not so bad it had to be thrown out and dinner eaten elsewhere. (That's my standard for a bad meal - yes, I've reached those depths before!) Other than the pork chop being a little overdone, it actually tasted reasonably good. But what a train wreck on the plate!

(At least my project is done!)

Marcia.

who posted the poached pears from dessert to the dinner thread because they looked and tasted spectacular. (and who can't spell, apparently.)

Edited by purplewiz (log)

Don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he wanted...he lived happily ever after. -- Willy Wonka

eGullet foodblog

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Well, I bet it tasted good, at least! By the way, we have the exact same bowls, curtosy of my FIL :smile:

Kathy

Cooking is like love. It should be entered into with abandon or not at all. - Harriet Van Horne

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God, this thread pollutes the mind. Here, after days of preparation, is my version of cassoulet from the cook-off, a dish of which I am very proud -- which in this context looks like... well...

gallery_19804_437_1104797159.jpg

Y'know, looking at some of the other pictures people posted, I found myself thinking "gee, that doesn't look anywhere near as bad as that person fears it does." But this is the first photo I've seen in this thread that scares me almost as much as the one I posted. :biggrin:

However, I for one think rustic dishes are *supposed* to look rustic. And I'm willing to bet your cassoulet tasted just great. Unlike my disaster, which tasted pretty much the way it looked. :laugh:

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Except for some reason I didn't blanch the zucchini, I threw it in to the sauce raw. No, I don't know what I was thinking. The raw zucchini gave up all its liquid, the sauce split, the parmesan seized and stuck to the bottom of the pan, and you see the results.

Don't you just hate it when food and sauce conspire against you? :wink: Great story - thanks for the laugh!

Anna

------

"I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are." -- Marge Simpson

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I don't think I even need to add any humorous one-liner to this one, do I?

chimichurri7ka.jpg

And the charred purple phalluses are.............?????? :blink:

[/quote

Oh my. Blue balls, er, potatoes, too?

Shelley: Would you like some pie?

Gordon: MASSIVE, MASSIVE QUANTITIES AND A GLASS OF WATER, SWEETHEART. MY SOCKS ARE ON FIRE.

Twin Peaks

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:laugh::sad: I've tried really hard not to respond to this, but now it appears it is neccesary.

Phalluses? (sp?) :shock:

No, no, no. Trust me, they are not.

Mostly I must say that that plate looks like something that my cat might do after eating a small bird, a bunch of dry catfood, and perhaps an acorn or two topped off with some grass from the yard.

As a matter of fact, she has done this sort of thing before, right in the middle of the floor, to prove her extreme dieting skills to me.

I guess that might be considered "Regrettable Foods, Secondhand Division". Sigh.

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And it tasted not at all like a shit-vomit roadkill stew.

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Chris, you've outdone yourself. This description coupled with your photo and Bill's kitty-barf-purple-Freudian extravaganza have given me my belly laugh of the day.

And Bill, I have little else to say except, "My. Oh my." :blink:

Grub, thank you everso for starting this thread. Whenever I find myself getting far too serious about life in general, all I have to do is scroll through these posts and it all disintegrates into silliness again. :biggrin:

Joie Alvaro Kent

"I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2,000 of something." ~ Mitch Hedberg

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Mostly I must say that that plate looks like something that my cat might do after eating a small bird, a bunch of dry catfood, and perhaps an acorn or two topped off with some grass from the yard.

As a matter of fact, she has done this sort of thing before, right in the middle of the floor, to prove her extreme dieting skills to me.

I guess that might be considered "Regrettable Foods, Secondhand Division". Sigh.

Actually I was thinking only of the potatoes. I actually thought the steak and chimichurri looked good. :hmmm:

As a matter of fact the olive oil roasted blue fingerling potatoes with sea salt were very tasty too.

Now I'm offended. :angry:

My potatoes might look like I neutered a bunch of aliens, but my steak was good dammit. :laugh:

Edited by bilrus (log)

Bill Russell

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<hands her Freudian Food Award to Bill>

You win, man. I can't compete with that. I didn't think they actually turned blue. I stand corrected :smile:

Anna

------

"I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so much dolphin in it, and you know how smart they are." -- Marge Simpson

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Any guesses as to what this mess was?

Pork braised with mango, lime & coconut?

Yes, you are right! It's an absolutely wonderful dish that just doesn't photograph very well. I'll have to work on creative ways to make braises look like they belong in the other dinner topic!

Susan Fahning aka "snowangel"
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