Nightmare Dinner Guests

[lesfen]

My worst dinner guest is a repeat offender yet, has never actually eaten anything that I've cooked. 

The mother of my husband's three-year-old, her husband, said three-year-old, and their 2-year-old son are always invited to our home for holidays, parties, and other special occasions.  When the invitation is extended, it is always something like this... "Hey!  We're (celebrating/hanging out/eating/etc.) this Sunday and you guys are more than welcome to come and (celebrate/hang out/eat) with us!  Dinner will be ready around (insert time here)."  This woman comes into my home at the appropriate time and will accept beverages from me, but when it comes to the meal she won't eat with us, nor will she allow her husband or children to eat with us.  "I've got something going at home."  or "We ate before we came." or "We're going to my mother's for dinner."  While my other guests are heading for the food, they pack up and leave.  Then I get upset and hubby usually has to talk me down for a while.

I don't know what the hell her deal is, but I will continue to extend the invitation until that b---h eats something at my house!  

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It sounds like you need to make something very aromatic and kid friendly, like macaroni & cheese, something that the kids will clamor for until she can't say no.

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I would make the invitation less ambiguous. Instead of "you guys are more than welcome to come hang out" I would say something straightforward like, "we would love it if you guys would come have dinner with us." I'm not that sensitive to these things, but some people are weirdly formal about accepting invitations.

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Been there, done that too! Hubby even lays out the menu for them. They're always invited to my husband's family functions as well and they always eats at those functions! I can understand if she just hates me, but damn, don't take it out on my fresh herb stuffing... or my etouffee... or my BBQ! I was brought up in an extremely loving, and food loving, family. We like nothing more than bringing the people we love together to cook, talk, eat, and enjoy each other. I really take it personally when someone that I really want to be a part of that just flat out snubs it.

[lesfen]

Actually, now that I think on it a bit, what I'm going to do is make it more formal, and just them. Just us and them, places set at the table. No buffet style.

[ruthcooks]

No mystery there, Suzy. You're talking about religious law. It's certainly reasonable for you not to invite him back, but holding his observance of religious law against him doesn't make sense to me. The law is the law.

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Yeah, but what's even more reasonable is for the dolt to tell her in advance he's not going to eat. She can hold THAT against him.

[*Deborah*]

Actually, now that I think on it a bit, what I'm going to do is make it more formal, and just them.  Just us and them, places set at the table.  No buffet style.

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Not really sure why you want to sit down to eat with this woman...let alone spend time and money making something delicious for her.

[Pan]

No mystery there, Suzy. You're talking about religious law. It's certainly reasonable for you not to invite him back, but holding his observance of religious law against him doesn't make sense to me. The law is the law.

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Yeah, but what's even more reasonable is for the dolt to tell her in advance he's not going to eat. She can hold THAT against him.

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Agreed on that.

[Behemoth]

Actually, now that I think on it a bit, what I'm going to do is make it more formal, and just them.  Just us and them, places set at the table.  No buffet style.

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Not really sure why you want to sit down to eat with this woman...let alone spend time and money making something delicious for her.

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If nothing else it'll push the issue. Nothing like a good family confrontation every once in a while.

[lesfen]

Actually, now that I think on it a bit, what I'm going to do is make it more formal, and just them.  Just us and them, places set at the table.  No buffet style.

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Not really sure why you want to sit down to eat with this woman...let alone spend time and money making something delicious for her.

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If nothing else it'll push the issue. Nothing like a good family confrontation every once in a while.

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Honestly, it's not about confrontation. I really want them to feel like they're part of our family. Cooking for them is what I know how to do.

[SuzySushi]

Yeah, but what's even more reasonable is for the dolt to tell her in advance he's not going to eat.  She can hold THAT against him.

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Agreed on that.

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Absolutely!

He's exhibited other examples of antisocial behavior. Such as, at a party (not at my house), sitting by himself in a corner for most of the evening, then standing up abruptly and shouting to his wife across the room, "It's time to go home now!"

Edited July 25, 2005 by SuzySushi (log)

[racheld]

When a military friend of my husband was being transferred, the couple asked us to move into and rent their house for the year they were gone. We were getting ready to move when he asked if I would cater a little party for a "few" friends the next week, when she would be getting her citizenship.

Since he and my husband had been working together for a while, I said I would; THEN he said we'd have to have it at our apartment (where I was in the throes of packing) because they were expecting the movers in to pack all their stuff. So we shoved all the boxes into the spare bedroom, made a nice cocktail reception type meal for 30, and they all arrived at our house after work. All the guests were male, except for the honoree, two of her friends who were also married to soldiers, and me.

The three women were all from the same country, and spent the entire party talking to each other in their own language, despite my trying to draw them into conversation quite a few times. I'd sit down, we'd say a few words; they would go right back to their own conversation, spoken very fast in a language I did not understand. They smoked constantly, despite my asking them to go out onto the patio; they put out their cigarettes in their plates of food, they talked to each other, and one of them pointed at me, said something and they all laughed.

I mingled with all the other guests as well, all of whom ate and drank and had a wonderful time, as well as being VERY complimentary on the food. The three women wandered around picking up items, commenting to each other, and drinking. I would approach, and they would glance back over their shoulders at me and go right back to their own conversation in their own language.

I mingled with the guys some more, and the last straw came when I walked by the dessert table to see one of the women standing there, tearing the green leaves out of a fresh strawberry, with several others already done and a big spatter of red drips all over my pretty white cloth, while she had a plate right in front of her. She tossed all the leaves back onto the fruit platter, picked up her plate, and walked off.

There was a very grudging "thank you" at the end of the party, and the 2x4 that REALLY broke the camel's back was that when we arrived at the house on moving day, they had taken all the appliances that they had promised to leave.

I should have been wary of something, because the week before we had had them over to lunch. I set out a nice lunch spread on the nicely-set table, then ladled the homemade turkey soup into bowls. I set one bowl on the table, went to get the others, and returned to find her already seated alone at the table, busily eating the bowl of soup.

[melonpan]

And that reminds me of the funniest "sleepover guest" story.

We were living in New Mexico.  It was winter.  We had a dinner party for about 20-30, which was pretty typical.

I made my grandmother's favorite punch.  A whiskey punch.

When asked if he'd like some punch, this one guy says, "I hate punch.  It's for sissies and women.  And ground pounders.  But not me."

So I said, "You ought to try it.  My grandmother was a pretty good time gal and she never did like a lot of fruit in her punch."

Now as I said, this was winter in New Mexico.  It was cold.  And so to save refrigerator space, I had this huge tub of this punch sitting on the hood of the car in the garage.

The guy had several helpings of the punch, and commented upon how good it was.  Along about midnight, I went to bed, as usual.  The dinner party was still going strong.

The next morning, when I stepped out to the garage to get another dozen eggs out of the fridge, there was my dinner guest.  Asleep on the hood of the car, snuggled up to the punchbowl.

Which was empty.

never had a whiskey punch before. are you willing to share the recipe?

[racheld]

And that reminds me of the funniest "sleepover guest" story.

We were living in New Mexico.  It was winter.  We had a dinner party for about 20-30, which was pretty typical.

  Along about midnight, I went to bed, as usual.  The dinner party was still going strong.

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Did your guests take your going to bed as a signal to go home, or did they just dig in and have another round? Was the other half of your "we" still vertical and playing host?

When my children were teenagers, we had sleeping space for 13--why such an odd number escapes me--and I would leave them to their hanging out and go on to bed, only to awaken to find all spaces full and myself having to step over a couple of sleeping bags on the floor.

But that was a gentler time, and they were kids. But you just left your party and went to sleep? I LONG to be that laid-back and easy with friends, but I have to see that last one out the door with a "Y'all come back!!!" And the easy camaraderie of it is that they felt welcome and free enough in your home that they stayed. Enviable.

[snowangel]

I'm having a party. Smoked pork, assortment of salads. A lot of people, including a single friend and her two daughters. I should preface this by saying that this particular mother feels that the only control her kids have over their lives is what they eat, so she regularly fixes three separate dinners. Anyway, youngest daughter announces, without tasting anything, that she doesn't like anything I'm serving. Next thing I know, the mother is rummaging around in the fridge, and has pulled out a packet of bacon, some eggs and a pan and is preparing to fix her daughter a seperate meal!

I just said that the daughter really needed to try the pork, because it was akin to bacon, and that I didn't want her having a separate meal because it would send the message that if anyone didn't like something, they could use my kitchen as a short-order joint.

[monavano]

I guess you have to pick your battles wisely, but I'd close my fridge and give mom directions to the nearest McDonalds. That's beyond rude.

[lcdm]

I'm having a party.  Smoked pork, assortment of salads.  A lot of people, including a single friend and her two daughters.  I should preface this by saying that this particular mother feels that the only control her kids have over their lives is what they eat, so she regularly fixes three separate dinners.  Anyway, youngest daughter announces, without tasting anything, that she doesn't like anything I'm serving.  Next thing I know, the mother is rummaging around in the fridge, and has pulled out a packet of bacon, some eggs and a pan and is preparing to fix her daughter a seperate meal!

I just said that the daughter really needed to try the pork, because it was akin to bacon, and that I didn't want her having a separate meal because it would send the message that if anyone didn't like something, they could use my kitchen as a short-order joint.

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I have friends with kids like that but they will usually bring food with them for the kids. Never understood until I had kids of my own .

[lesfen]

I'm having a party.  Smoked pork, assortment of salads.  A lot of people, including a single friend and her two daughters.  I should preface this by saying that this particular mother feels that the only control her kids have over their lives is what they eat, so she regularly fixes three separate dinners.  Anyway, youngest daughter announces, without tasting anything, that she doesn't like anything I'm serving.  Next thing I know, the mother is rummaging around in the fridge, and has pulled out a packet of bacon, some eggs and a pan and is preparing to fix her daughter a seperate meal!

I just said that the daughter really needed to try the pork, because it was akin to bacon, and that I didn't want her having a separate meal because it would send the message that if anyone didn't like something, they could use my kitchen as a short-order joint.

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I have friends with kids like that but they will usually bring food with them for the kids. Never understood until I had kids of my own .

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Me too. I have a 20 month old and the majority of the space in her diaper bag is occupied with tupperware containers of stuff I KNOW she'll eat... but like most kids, eventually she wants to try what's on my plate.

[sazji]

An old thread but a fun one.

I have no trouble with vegetarians or anybody else who chooses to limit their diet; people should be able to eat or not eat whatever they like. But I do get tired who feel the need to announce the fact every five minutes, or less. I went to a Cambodian party once with just such a person (who otherwise is a wonderful person); there were giant bowls of amazing different foods. The friend in question had said "bla bla bla ...because I'm a vegetarian" about 8 or 9 times to us as we went through the line. She found a dish she really liked - looked like noodles, and it had ground fish (she ate fish) in it. It also had little bits of pork here and there, which I pointed out to her; she said "oh, I am just pushing them to one side, no problem." As I look at these "noodles," it appears increasingly clearer to me that they are...not noodles, and I mention this to my friend. She said "of course they're noodles, what else could they be?" Convinced by the odd "ridging" on one side that they were just a bit more protein-packed than we originally thought, I decided to ask our hostess.

Me: Ros, this dish is wonderful, what is it?"

Ros: Oh...you like that one?"

Me: Yes, it's great! What's it made out of?

Ros: [with the definite look of a person who would love to change the subject]

Ah...you like that one?

Me: Yes....I really like it. What is it?

Ros: Oh...that's make from pig skin!

The reaction wasn't nearly as spectacular as I'd sort of hoped, though there was a bit of "ulp" in her voice as she said ".....pig skin? Oh well, I didn't know, never mind!"

[scubadoo97]

I enjoy the drunken guests.

My husband's ex came to dinner, drank half a bottle of vodka and passed out in our bed before the meal was served. She came out a while later and remarked that the dog had been humping her. I told her she could have pick of the litter.

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OMG, I'm laughing so hard. That was funny

I can't think of any home dinner nightmares but on the eve of my son's Bar Mitzvah weekend we had a large Shabbat dinner at our synagogue with many family and friends. My wife's uncle who is orthodox arrived half way through the dinner from out of town with his large family and made a big fuss over not being able to make kiddish because the wine was blackberry which isn't the fruit of the vine and so not kosher for kiddush. Hey it was Mogen David wine??

The only thing that gets me is when you have several guests who are on many different diets. This one doesn't eat red meat, no carbs for this one, no fish for this one. Please.......I try to be considerate to the needs of my guests but sometimes it can get out of hand.

[Eden]

The only thing that gets me is when you have several guests who are on many different diets.  This one doesn't eat red meat, no carbs for this one, no fish for this one. Please.......I try to be considerate to the needs of my guests but sometimes it can get out of hand.

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That's what you make cooking charts for

My friend Holly was allergic to All nightshades (tomato potato eggplant) all capsicums, strawberries, mangoes and a bunch of other things I forget now. Our friend Carol is allergic to wheat, eggs, dairy, soy, sulfites and chocolate. My friend Laura is a pescatarian allergic to honey, and I can't eat fish or seafood.

You can imagine that planning dinners for this group was a bit of a challenge, but we did it and had some wonderful meals I might add! Indian , Greek, French, you name it, we made it work, with a lot of creativity, and seperate versions of many of the dishes. What I wouldn't give to have Holly and all her allergies back to work around!

Now for nightmares, I have a host of them. One of my faves is the woman who when I bought overpriced artichokes for a dinner because she hated rich food and this way she could just have her vegetable straight while the rest of us dipped them in aioli gave a lengthy discourse about how she disapproved of artichokes because they're such a "wasteful" plant (you throw away most of the leaves) and yet I've seen her eat & serve corn happily without a peep!

[Kouign Aman]

One year, we decided to invite a whole buncho folks to Thanksgiving dinner. Two of the guests (my aunt visiting from Austalia and my sister's MIL) dont drink regular wine. They like really sweet wine (sweeter than white zinfandel). So for them, I had a bottle of berry wine from Whidby Island. I put it down next to the MIL, who was sitting 2 seats from my Aunt, and told her it was for the two of them. She drank the entire freaking bottle without ever offering it to my aunt.

[SundaySous]

I like when guests use my chefs knife for anything but a knife. Saw, prybar etc.. "Hey thanks that only costs $70 so it's not a good one anyway." The bread knife seems to be another favorite victim.

[Meanderer]

A nephew spent a good half hour deconstructing the fish on his plate to make certain there were no bones in it. When he finally got around to his first bite, he complained because it wasn't hot.

[Dianabanana]

So what is the consensus on how a guest should handle their special dietary needs? Reading through these posts, I see complaints about 1) people who have special dietary needs and let their hosts know beforehand, 2) people who have special dietary needs and don't let their hosts know beforehand but simply decline to eat the things they oughtn't, and 3) people who have special dietary needs and bring food that meets their needs. My own approach is to tell my host beforehand that I have a special need, but then I say "but please just go ahead and make whatever you had planned to make, I'll be perfectly happy eating the other items and am quite used to it--just didn't want you to be surprised, that's all." Is this the right way to handle it? Any suggestions for a better approach?

[Kouign Aman]

Dianabanana, that works for me. Tho I would then beg you to tell me your requirements, so I could determine whether meeting them would be a problem or not. If it would be, I would accept your gracious offer to be low key.

I've cooked for those who eat everything, and those who cant. Sometimes, as in my kosher-keeping friend, the menu options were limited due to inability to render my pans suitable for cooking. In other cases, it just meant a little extra thought (no eggs, no peanuts).

But please dont show up with your own ingredients and try to take over the kitchen while I'm trying to get the planned meal on the table. (more than one guest, but one in particular).

And dont do what one of my beloved family members does, over and over. Dont bring a super filling appetizer. Please. I beg you. It makes me sad when a guest brings an appetizer that makes everyone too full for the meal.

Edited August 8, 2007 by Kouign Aman (log)

[SundaySous]

But please dont show up with your own ingredients and try to take over the kitchen while I'm trying to get the planned meal on the table. (more than one guest, but one in particular).

LOL are we related?

I was warming plates in a cooling oven, thought I had it planned perfectly. Shot for 100 degrees. Should of seen the look on my face when I opened a 350 degree oven someone was preheating for those oh so special dinner rolls they brought.

Or I have to feed 15 of you. I have our four top stove and an oven and usually my neighbors too. But sure go right ahead take three of the burners.

[zeffer81]

As a vegetarian, I sit down at the dinner table with the expectation that I will fill up on sides and salads. My friends and family are all aware of my dietary preferences and plan accordingly. However, I still usually sit down to a "traditional" dinner based on a protein (the exception being my future mother-in-law who always goes above and beyond to make a special entree just for me.) It always works well--I like sides best anyway! Perhaps I'm just easy-going but it seems to work well for everyone.