Jump to content
  • Welcome to the eG Forums, a service of the eGullet Society for Culinary Arts & Letters. The Society is a 501(c)3 not-for-profit organization dedicated to the advancement of the culinary arts. These advertising-free forums are provided free of charge through donations from Society members. Anyone may read the forums, but to post you must create a free account.

Food for the (Broken) Heart


Recommended Posts

(As opposed to the other heart thread in the Dinner forum):

I've just gotten out of a year-and-a-half long relationship, and I'm getting back into my regular food routine--bananas, milk and vitamins in the morning, water throughout the day. But for a couple days, I was pretty bad (in a good way) to myself:

Monday: No breakfast. Two dogs from Gray's Papaya for lunch. Three leftover wild mushroom ravioli from Gavroche for dinner. No water.

Yesterday: No breakfast. Penne alla vodka from Rigoletto's on Arthur Ave. for lunch (I'm in NYC). Nachos with canned spicy beef from the Gin Mill, the greatest bar on the Upper West Side. Lots and lots and lots of beer. And some somethings smoked in a hookah to top it off.

So now I'm wondering: what do you folks eat when you're going through rough relationship times? And, what do you tend to cook? I hope to hit the stove again soon--I'd like to get my hands dirty with a long recipe, lots of prep, so I can take my mind off of this miserable-ness. :sad:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

my sympathies, Pumpkin Lover;

if you want to make something tasty and labour-intensive, try pierogis, a dim sum type dumpling, spring rolls--or somethingyou can make a lot of and freeze some. alternately, a big old pot of simmering chicken broth on the back burner never goes amiss.

it gets better...

gus

"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the ocean."

--Isak Dinesen

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Beef and bourbon and chocolate. In various permutations. Prepared/procured either by self or others. Repeated until it feels like my heartburn is out-hurting the heart-break. Kinda like hitting your foot with a hammer for distraction from a toothache. Not the most logical behavior, but hey, who said logic had anything to do with romance (or its aftermath)?

Feel better soon, Pumpkin Lover.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I comfort a broken heart with more wine. But I tend to drink more wine when I'm happy too. I also drink more wine when nothing extradordinary is going on in my life. Before marriage and kids it was more like " I smoke two before I smoke two more then I smoke two more." :biggrin:

As for food I go back to childhood favorites, splurge on luxury ingredients or go on a 'health kick" of sorts. It's all about ME ME ME!

To get out of the ME mode and get on with my life I cook time consuming and elaborate meals for family and friends.

Another option is a rebound or transitional relationshp. But that's not too food related...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can commiserate. I stopped cooking all together when I dumped the insignificant other for the upteen times recently. But, then I saw Ramps in the greenmarket and other signs of spring as well as other cute guys I can now feed....It's like a dark veil has lifted.

So, here are some advices:

-Cook everything you like but he/she didn't. In fact. cook everything the he/she is allergic to.

-Go out and eat and take in the scenary, go to all the restaurants he hates but you always wanted to try.

-Reconnect with all the friends you've missed by cooking and hosting dinner parties, cocktail parties or potluck.

- Celebrate your freedom by eating whatever you want whenever you want.

Ya-Roo Yang aka "Bond Girl"

The Adventures of Bond Girl

I don't ask for much, but whatever you do give me, make it of the highest quality.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I tend to cook - a lot. Stuff that takes lots of prep. Chopping and dicing. Imagine that face under your knife or pounding things like pork chops or veal cutlets. :biggrin:

To comfort myself in a situation like this, my go to food for eating is mashed potatoes and gravy. I really don't need anything else with it.

It will get better, and there'll be someone better, more worthy of you waiting when you least expect it.

Marlene

Practice. Do it over. Get it right.

Mostly, I want people to be as happy eating my food as I am cooking it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have given various recomendations on this topic before, usually ending with "eat something while naked". Although I still stand by that bit of advice :biggrin: I'll offer another option.

Soup. It can take lots of prep time, depending on the recipe, and it makes the home smell alive again. Nothing says life and comfort more than the aroma of a long simmering soup. Well, maybe bread, but it's so much more stringent in it's needs. Soup is as easy or as complicated as you want it to be, and can be as cheap or expensive as you want to get.

The soup, while naked, is a bit of a task, fraught with the danger of scalding important bits of anatomy. If that's your thing, go for it, but I wouldn't...

Screw it. It's a Butterball.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I lost 25 pounds 1st month of separation and I WORK in food service....I remeber getting some chinese one night ... I must have cooked something because while moving out I remember throwing away a dirty pan rather than wash and pack it :wacko:

looked good, got a new guy, got married,

of course if you happen to already be thin .... I second the "eat all the things they hated"

T

The great thing about barbeque is that when you get hungry 3 hours later....you can lick your fingers

Maxine

Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

"It is the government's fault, they've eaten everything."

My Webpage

garden state motorcyle association

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Need comforting food with lots of prep? Indian. Parathas, aloo gobis, vindaloos, and chais. Delicious smells, most recipes ought to begin with, "Take four hours and.........", and it freezes well if you're too unhappy to eat it right now.

This method got me through the first Gulf War. I was dating somebody on the front lines. It's a helluva distraction.

Sorry about your heartache.

I'm a canning clean freak because there's no sorry large enough to cover the, "Oops! I gave you botulism" regrets.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My heartbreak food of choice: rice pudding, heavy on the cinnamon and vanilla. Raisins optional. (I prefer dried apricots, myself.) My heartbreak therapy: bread. A good old-fashioned white bread, which can then be eaten warm, with butter and honey. The smell itself is healing.

Above all, give yourself permission to eat/cook/buy whatever you want until resuming a new version of a normal life feels not only manageable, but necessary.

The universe is wise! Trust that all this sadness will lead you to a new and much better place.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for all your responses. You people are lovely. :smile:

It's interesting that a lot of the suggestions you all are making--soups, mashed potatoes and gravy, beef--are also associated with winter. Warm, comforting foods that take a long, therapuetic time. Neat corrolation.

He didn't like fish, and didn't drink, so maybe some salmon and white wine are in due order. :smile:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My sympathies passing your way.

I ate my way through every Ben & Jerry's flavor after my last break-up... I then bought a maker second-hand and began making my own. Ice cream is a food group, yes?

Salmon and white wine sounds lovely. Grab a few candles and your nice china too.

Thou Shalt Not Eat Food By DuPont. - Barb
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for all your responses. You people are lovely. :smile:

It's interesting that a lot of the suggestions you all are making--soups, mashed potatoes and gravy, beef--are also associated with winter. Warm, comforting foods that take a long, therapuetic time. Neat corrolation.

He didn't like fish, and didn't drink, so maybe some salmon and white wine are in due order.  :smile:

He didn't fish OR Drink? :shock: Now there you go. It was ment to be. How can you get through life without fishing or drinking? Why you would be a fish out of alcohol? Simply unacceptable that is.

The first thing I taught my girls was how to fish, then cook. At ages 5 and 7 they can learn the other stuff later.

Go ahead a grill up a nice piece of Salmon, grab a nice crisp bottle of wine and indugle in life again!

Doesn't fish....mutter .. mutter :wacko:

As if he deserved someone like you. Hah!

**************************************************

Ah, it's been way too long since I did a butt. - Susan Fahning aka "snowangel"

--------------------

One summers evening drunk to hell, I sat there nearly lifeless…Warren

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Toasted brioche and crunchy peanut butter, to start; this assumes being past the cigarettes and alcohol (and range ball) stage. Then everything they didn't like, especially if they couldn't explain why. Good fiction. Good wine: preferably a kind they didn't like. Hot sauce.

And there's comfort in chorizo omelettes, but I can't explain it.

Keep your head up and don't let the bastards grind you down, alright?

Todd McGillivray

"I still throw a few back, talk a little smack, when I'm feelin' bulletproof..."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I can report that Pumpkin Lover (my twin sister) is doing well - my chicken salad and a Spanish rosé are working wonders.

Try making chicken salad with leftover El Malecon, by the way - delicious!

I think I'll have some of that rosé as well...

:smile:

Amy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Although it never seems like it, you will shed the memory like a bad rash. After 20 years of a marriage that crashed in 3 MONTHS, I went crazy. The only reason I went for food was for my cat and Miss Lucybelle, my Basset Hound. I had a case of Vodka, and I am not a Vodka drinker. It sucked.

You can eat fish, good for the nervous system. WALK. I walked that rotten doubledealin' bastard out of my life.

But a quick fix for me--and MS Lucy and Sneaker: a top-drawer Porterhouse, good Scotch, and the most suave companion of your persuasion. It's very hard to think about that s%$t if you are with company who makes you feel like the top of the world.

Best wishes, darlin, I know you'll be alright.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

First of all, this is a completely un-food-related suggestion....but I tend to find it quite peaceful just to walk around NYC, Central Park perhaps, either with a friend or alone, and just enjoy the beauty of springtime in New York.

And hey, if you just happen to run into any necessary food stops along the way, even better :wink:

For me, nothing says comfort like pasta, and no place does pasta like Babbo :wub: . But, hey, if you want something to do in the kitchen for a few hours, why not make your own pasta? I've always found that to be a fun and relaxing (and tasty!) experience.

And why not top it all off with a nice pumpkin pie for dessert. You are a Pumpkin Lover, are you not? :laugh:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

At first, I couldn't have been less interested in food, and the image of my swollen body stagnating in front of the tv with a pint of ice cream between my legs and a bottle of scotch balanced on one thigh was repulsive and terrifying to me.

I spent a few nights a week sobbing at the kitchen table of a supportive, wonderful old friend. Afterwards, I would smoke cigarettes in silence. I sometimes managed to eat a bite or two of whatever she was having. I craved acrid black coffee. I lost a pound a day for three weeks, and I wasn't overweight to begin with.

A few weeks later, this approach was no longer helping me, so I started forcing myself, one or twice a week, to clean myself up, get my hair in order, slip into something ravishing, and start re-gaining some self-respect (and some weight) in the sexiest and most imaginative way possible. I took myself out on long dates. I walked to restaurants; all of the movement felt counter-intuitive but I knew I needed it. I luxuriated over food that I didn't really have an appetite for, before I realized that it was the light-hearted and celebratory aspects of life (and food) that my body was starved for. Sometimes, I ended up going out to dinner at an upscale restaurant only to realize that all I wanted was scotch and dessert. So I'd sit at the bar and order just that; whatever I wanted to eat. I don't know if this "eat whatever" approach is as beneficial for the self-esteem of someone who is inclined to binge on junk food day in and day out, but for me, it worked well. It wasn't an expensive ritual, either; I usually ordered only one or two things off the menu (either two appetizers, or an appetizer and a dessert, or perhaps just an entree) and one, sometimes two, drinks (I'm a big lightweight). Highly recommended. Along the lines of the old Woody Allen quote, "Don't knock masturbation! It's sex with someone I love."

Oh- and I avoided attention from men in the beginning, but eventually the occasional smile starting making me feel better, too.

Edited by Verjuice (log)
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Try making chicken salad with leftover El Malecon, by the way - delicious!

Now that sounds like healing food! Gotta try it. Amy, what did you put in your chicken salad?

After drinking and smoking my head off, I began eating Broken Heart salads, which is a base of romain, purple cabbage, red onions, shredded carrots, and then any vegetable you want to add, topped with water packed white tuna. Dressed with a vinagrette (sometimes I added garlic and honey) followed by Gallons of water, lots of TV and good books. Makes for a new body and great skin. This is not a diet; who has an appetite when their heart is broken?

edited to say: I forgot about long walks in the rain to cover the tears... Don't worry Pumpkin, it fades away.

Edited by emmapeel (log)

Emma Peel

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pumpkin Lover, I feel for you. I think we've all been there at one time or another and it always sucks.

Well, for my last big break up, I spent a night at my dad's eating and eating and eating and consuming more wine than one liver can handle in an evening. That was the week before the end. The first night it was over I went over to my mom's for her comfort, which again was wine, a pack of cigarettes and I think she had a steak waiting for me (it's all kind of a blur). The next night I was home and feeling great. (surprisingly) He was still in the house and I think I came in and cooked some really elaborate meal just for myself while he was packing. It was my last jab of "you're never getting this again! Haha!" Felt so good.

He didn't drink and he couldn't stand seafood. I bought a lot of wine and various liquers after he moved out and I also had fresh lobster again. It was all about treating myself and doing things and eating things that made me feel good. Some nights all I wanted to do (and did do) was sit on the couch, smoke and drink.

I hope you feel better soon.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...