Half-bagel vandalism

[therese]

Guilty, guilty, guilty. I can't eat a whole bagel at once, so if I don't cut it half I either have to go without entirely or throw the other half away. You see my dilemma, right?

But I do it cross-wise, such that there's less cut surface exposed and the recipient of the remaining half still has both an intact bottom and an intact top to treat as he will.

Turns out there's very little problem with the remaining half bagel in any case---it's snarfed up immediately by one of my co-workers.

[wesza]

JUST ONE SECOND ! What is someone supposed to do if your living in "Bagel" purgatory such as Seattle. We who are living in this desolate Bagel Hell are forced to deal with:

[1] Bagels that are not baked adequately, almost colorless without any browning.

[2] Bagels that are only covered on the top side with whatever toppings are used such as Poppy seeds, Sesame, or anything else.

[3] Bagels that are delivered and kept frozen then baked by the 1/2 dozen in a Convection Oven and put on display for self service in Bakery sections of Markets.

What could one do if they want something close to the real thing but what I am forced to do by this inedible situation.

I almost always must cut the Bagels in Half since it requires in my NYC palette that both sides of my Bagel are properly coated with my exterior preference. It's true that sometimes by choice I will have a Sesame top with a Poppyseed bottom, but I also choose to do this even when visiting the "Big Apple" permitted since I am capable of eating both Bagels at one sitting.

Irwin

My solution to alleviate my guilt in Seattle is to share my Bagels with a partner who only eats Plain Bagels being a purist. I get the tops, she always covets the bottoms. Is this approved ?

[cakewalk]

And while we're bemoaning these half-bagel schnooks, what about people (you've all seen and heard them while waiting on line at the deli) who order bagel sandwiches of whatever sort with the insides taken out!! You think bagel-halvers are closet serial killers? They're nothing compared to these folks, eviscerating a perfectly innocent bagel before they've even tasted it. It breaks the heart, I tell ya. And where do those bagel-insides go? Straight to the trash. Oy!

[Luckylies]

everyone must get a dog. problem solved.

[mizducky]

JUST ONE SECOND ! What is someone supposed to do if your living in "Bagel" purgatory such as Seattle.

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You do what I did when I lived in Seattle--you get your Manhattan-based blood relatives to ship you care packages.

[wesza]

JUST ONE SECOND ! What is someone supposed to do if your living in "Bagel" purgatory such as Seattle.

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You do what I did when I lived in Seattle--you get your Manhattan-based blood relatives to ship you care packages.

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mizducky:

After living in Seattle 15 years it gets tired, but I agree must be done sometimes. I don't enjoy day old $3.00 Bagels but it's something I need a fix only combined with a order from "Russ & Daughters", or "Zabars" etc becomes a investment.

I'm sure that most will agree consolidated with Appetizing, or Deli Treats makes sending Bagels worthwhile. I do get in trouble when I require NYC Corn Bread, Pumpernickel, Bialy's, Seeded Rye, Ruggalah, Babbka and Knishes as it's becoming more difficult to find these items.

Irwin

[FistFullaRoux]

Damn. Now I'm hungry. Rasin bagel and a schmear, please...

[crinoidgirl]

After living in Seattle 15 years it gets tired, but I agree must be done sometimes. I don't enjoy day old $3.00 Bagels but it's something I need a fix only combined with a order from "Russ & Daughters", or "Zabars" etc becomes a investment.

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$3.00 bagels?!?!?

[jgm]

I sense that this problem has been aggravated, at least in part, by Creeping Bagel Growth Syndrome.

Caveat: I have been told by my Jewish friends that we live in the Land of the Pseudobagel, and that if I haven't had a bagel made in New York (or at least a location considerably east of Kansas), I haven't actually had a bagel. Apparently these pseudobagels are passed off in the Midwest as actual bagels. But I wouldn't know, since I seldom leave home and the closest thing I have had to an actual bagel is one purchased in a local shop called the New York Bagel Company, now defunct, locally at least.

Having made the aforementioned disclaimer, I would like to point out that locally, bagels are growing. Currently, the only edible bagels or pseudobagels, as the case may be, are found at Panera, and those suckers are huge. The (pseudo)bagels of my youth were nowhere near the size of the Panera bagels. This phenomenon, coupled with Creeping Fanny Girth Syndrome and Balloon Thigh Syndrome, often leads to incidents involving bagel halving.

Local authorities were investigating, but then they figured out who our serial killer is, and we've kinda forgotten about everything else. In about a year, the investigation will likely recommence.

[viva]

I am so totally guilty of this. I feel better leaving the crumbs of the bottom bagel for someone else than just pitching the thing.

I only do this with free bagels that my fat corporate employer has paid for, though.

[fyfas]

who wants to put blueberry cream cheese on an onion bialy? It's just bagels people!

Blueberry cream cheese ?!?

Good God, woman... Get thee to a nunery !

[BeJam]

This sounds more like a social problem to me. Maybe it's because I work without the benefit of co-workers or maybe its because I don't mind a slightly stale half-bagel bathed in butter and pan-fried or pannini-grilled.

[SobaAddict70]

You know what's worse than a half-bagel vandal: the low-carb bagel.

Soba

[sadistick]

Hahaha, this is too funny...

It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine only eats the top half of the muffins, tells the guy she knows of her idea, and he opens "Top o' the muffin" store and she freaks...

I must admit though, most times I will easily eat the whole bagel (MMmmm warm Grifes bagels) but when I only want half, its ALWAYS the bottom...this bakery's bagels have a CRISP bottom, dont know how they do it, but its soooooo good.

[Brithack]

cocktail mini-bagels?

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Only in morally inferior countries like the UK, Jack.

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What? We don't even HAVE cocktail mini-bagels here.

[andiesenji]

My favorite bagels in southern California are found at Brooklyn Bagel Bakery.

I first met the two guys who started it in 1960 and have been making the trek down to L.A. a few times a year even since.

They are the best, in my opinion and I have tried the bagels in a lot of places.

They have added the ones with non-traditional additives to the line to remain competitive but when I first knew them they had plain, egg and pumpernickle.... Bialys came with salt and onion or salt and seeds and that was it.

They are good for one day only, meant to be consumed within hours, if not minutes of finishing. They are made the way bagles are supposed to be made. I had a tour of the bakery back in the early '60s, which was the first time I had seen bagles prepared. It was a revelation. I had gone to baking school but we never touched on bagels.

I have a friend (non eG) who lives in Palo Alto and when I have visited her, she gets bagels at Izzy's on California Avenue, two blocks from her home. They are also excellent. They are the traditional size (no wider than my palm) and also do not keep beyond a few hours. As I recall, they are strictly kosher.

I do not like the huge, soft bagels that do not have the substance of the real bagel. Cutting into one with loose crumb and a porus texture is not my idea of perfection.

Close, fine crumb with no bubbles is my ideal.

Edited March 21, 2005 by andiesenji (log)

[jgm]

. . .I do not like the huge, soft bagels that do not have the substance of the real bagel.  Cutting into one with loose crumb and a porus texture is not my idea of perfection. 

Close, fine crumb with no bubbles is my ideal.

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The worst bagel I've ever had, I bought at a local grocery a couple of weeks ago. They had obviously taken their regular white bread recipe, shaped it somewhat bagel-like, baked it, and passed it off as a bagel. Absolutely horrible.

[Rebel Rose]

Its somewhat okay to be a bagel and a halfer IF you can find a willing partner to take the other half . . .

Ah, faint redemption. With two perpetually hungry men in my household, a halved bagel is a treat one step closer to consumption.

I can't stand the blueberry bagels we find in our market. I swear, those are not real blueberries. They are some kind of rejected, inferior raisin permeated with blueberry essence, and when the Kid toasts them, the aroma makes me gag. I tried to stop buying them, but if He only finds real, dense bagels topped with poppy seeds, onion and salt, He's grossed out.

[Mayhaw Man]

you totally destroy most of its bagel-like qualities and most people would never bother to pick up a bagel quarter,

"Bagel like qualities"

Definition please.

[SobaAddict70]

bagel

round

hard exterior

soft interior

toppings vary wildly

contents vary wildly

stuffings vary wildly

does not bounce

doughnut

round

soft exterior

soft interior

toppings vary wildly

contents vary wildly

very rarely stuffed or spread

does not bounce

Soba

[Busboy]

A tragedy that I suspect is somewhat related to the decline in bagel quality is the ubiquitousness of pre-sliced lox. Can't anybody use a salmon knife any more? Pre-sliced lox is too thick, dries out quickly and just looks wrong drapped over a red onion and dotted with capers. I think one of the Kashruth councils needs to step in and put an end to this suspect practice, before it spreads to the bagels themselves.

[Pam R]

bagel 

round

hard exterior

soft interior

toppings vary wildly

contents vary wildly

stuffings vary wildly

does not bounce

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you forgot chewy.. they should be chewy

and yer all crazy

[SobaAddict70]

Don't forget the fragel...aka the deep-fried bagel.

probably not as bad as a half-bagler but close.

Soba

[bloviatrix]

And then there's the flagel - which is a bagel which is just crust. No doughy center.

[Jason Perlow]

And then there's the flagel - which is a bagel which is just crust.  No doughy center.

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I'm actually okay with the flagel, because it makes a good medium for panini-like sandwiches. But its a different animal entirely, and I treat it somewhat like I do a bialy.