potluck etiquette

[Busboy]

I'd have a hard time bringing anything to a potluck that I wouldn't serve my family, even if I was unsure as to how it would be received, and the rest of the world is bringing frozen chicken and Stove Top Stuffing. It just seems, I don't know, like you're puttin' on airs or something ("these people will never appreciate my...").

Edited February 16, 2005 by Busboy (log)

[Verjuice]

Browniebaker, your story reminds me a lot of something that happened over the holidays while I was visiting an old friend. I'm not a cheesecake fan, but I know how to cook one, and he requested that I make him one with a Christmas theme. I went with Nigella's chestnut cheesecake and substituted my own gingersnap crust and rum-caramel glaze. Totally not my thing, but it was a beauty. I left it ito chill overnight, and in the morning, I opened the fridge door and found that a huge chunk the size and shape of a man's hand had been snatched from the pie. I was stunned, then appalled but recovered quickly... and by the time my friend had wandered into the kitchen looking for breakfast, I no longer felt irritated but was hurt and -honestly- trying not to cry (the visit hadn't been going particularly well). When I asked him why he hadn't used a knife, he looked stunned and appalled himself. After all, hadn't I made it for him? And... he didn't realize... I should've told him that I might want to save a few pieces for someone else or myself if I didn't want the cake ravaged? Aha!

Come on, seriously?

Was it a complete lack of social graces? Was he being passive aggressive? Does it matter? Would knowing that his intentions were innocuous enough when he reached into the cheesecake make me feel any better about it? I still think he's callous (enormously so), rude even (though I really don't know if the above story backs that up). But I won't condemn him when, ultimately, all he actually did was inadvertently spoil some of my fun-- the fun of watching him eat it and enjoy it (with a knife and fork, dammit). How ridiculous. I was very happy baking and giving the cake to him. What else is there? He loved the damn cheesecake.

Yeah, I agree, it does suck, but this is the courage -and defenselessness- that's required in sharing and exposing oneself. And in giving gifts.

They usually end up being, well... received. And sometimes by a Cool Whip wielding silverware shirker with a big heart and bad manners.

[browniebaker]

I'd have a hard time bringing anything to a potluck that I wouldn't serve my family, even if I was unsure as to how it would be received, and the rest of the world is bringing frozen chicken and Stove Top Stuffing. It just seems, I don't know, like you're puttin' on airs or something ("these people will never appreciate my...".

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I agree, there's something presumptuous and condescending in it. Would I ever be able to put less than my best effort into a gift? Sometimes I am so tired I am tempted just to buy something from the bakery, but my heart wouldn't be in the gift.

[browniebaker]

Was it a complete lack of social graces? Was he being passive aggressive? Does it matter? Would knowing that his intentions were innocuous enough when he reached into the cheesecake make me feel any better about it? I still think he's callous (enormously so), rude even (though I really don't know if the above story backs that up). But I won't condemn him when, ultimately,  all he actually did was inadvertently spoil some of my fun-- the fun of watching him eat it and enjoy it (with a knife and fork, dammit). How ridiculous. I was very happy baking and giving the cake to him. What else is there? He loved the damn cheesecake.

Yeah, I agree, it does suck, but this is the courage -and defenselessness- that's required in sharing and exposing oneself. And in giving gifts.

They usually end up being, well... received. And sometimes by a Cool Whip wielding silverware shirker with a big heart and bad manners.

←

Wow! I'm stunned just reading about it. Yes, the reception of our baked gifts can be thoughtless sometimes. At least he loved the cheesecake, bless his heart.

My nephew was a houseguest at my house when he asked for another chocolate-chunk cookie and I had to say that my son had just eaten the last one. I offered to bake up another batch right away. He said okay, then changed his mind and asked whether I could make his favorite cookie instead. What cookie is that, I asked. He said he liked chewy molasses cookies. I had never baked any, so I quickly searched through my cookbooks and found a recipe, baked a batch, and brought them to him. He took one bite and said they were puffier and less chewy than he liked. Of course I was disappointed, especially as I was exhausted after several days of being a hostess. If I had been in his position, I wouldn't have criticized the cookies. But he's still my beloved nephew, so what can I say? Nothing. I hope that, at least, he saw it as a case of "it's the thought that counts."

Yea, giving of yourself makes you vulnerable, truly.

[Smithy]

I'd have a hard time bringing anything to a potluck that I wouldn't serve my family, even if I was unsure as to how it would be received, and the rest of the world is bringing frozen chicken and Stove Top Stuffing. It just seems, I don't know, like you're puttin' on airs or something ("these people will never appreciate my...".

←

I agree, there's something presumptuous and condescending in it. Would I ever be able to put less than my best effort into a gift? Sometimes I am so tired I am tempted just to buy something from the bakery, but my heart wouldn't be in the gift.

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Well, I don't know about the presumptuous and condescending part. Maybe I just have a different attitude about a potluck than about a gift. A gift - that takes my heart and soul, and I'll give it my best effort within the bounds of baking/cooking something I think the recipient will like. A potluck - my office crew has very different tastes than my husband and I, and recipes around here frequently start with opening a can of cream of mushroom soup. I know from sorry experience that hummus (as with another poster) or a roasted red pepper salad will go untouched at the office potluck. I also know my husband would be appalled at the buffalo wing chicken dip (although he might well eat it with gusto, complaining all the while about the fat ) that would be a smash at the potluck. Mind you, *I* like that chicken dip, so I'm bringing something I like - even if I wouldn't serve it at home. But I like the roasted red pepper salad, too, and I know it won't go over in some circles. I don't think that's condescension or presumption so much as realism.

BTW, I was horrified at the Cool-Whip incident too...my sympathies!

[Busboy]

Was it a complete lack of social graces? Was he being passive aggressive? Does it matter? Would knowing that his intentions were innocuous enough when he reached into the cheesecake make me feel any better about it? I still think he's callous (enormously so), rude even (though I really don't know if the above story backs that up). But I won't condemn him when, ultimately,  all he actually did was inadvertently spoil some of my fun-- the fun of watching him eat it and enjoy it (with a knife and fork, dammit). How ridiculous. I was very happy baking and giving the cake to him. What else is there? He loved the damn cheesecake.

Yeah, I agree, it does suck, but this is the courage -and defenselessness- that's required in sharing and exposing oneself. And in giving gifts.

They usually end up being, well... received. And sometimes by a Cool Whip wielding silverware shirker with a big heart and bad manners.

←

Wow! I'm stunned just reading about it. Yes, the reception of our baked gifts can be thoughtless sometimes. At least he loved the cheesecake, bless his heart.

My nephew was a houseguest at my house when he asked for another chocolate-chunk cookie and I had to say that my son had just eaten the last one. I offered to bake up another batch right away. He said okay, then changed his mind and asked whether I could make his favorite cookie instead. What cookie is that, I asked. He said he liked chewy molasses cookies. I had never baked any, so I quickly searched through my cookbooks and found a recipe, baked a batch, and brought them to him. He took one bite and said they were puffier and less chewy than he liked. Of course I was disappointed, especially as I was exhausted after several days of being a hostess. If I had been in his position, I wouldn't have criticized the cookies. But he's still my beloved nephew, so what can I say? Nothing. I hope that, at least, he saw it as a case of "it's the thought that counts."

Yea, giving of yourself makes you vulnerable, truly.

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Might be a good idea not to pile too much emotional baggage on top of a cheesecake or a batch of cookies, espcially when dealing with children and single guys (OK, all guys), who tend not to to rank among the more sensitive subspecies of the human race.

[reesek]

I left it to chill overnight, and in the morning, I opened the fridge door and found that a huge chunk the size and shape of a man's hand had been snatched from the pie... When I asked him why he hadn't used a knife, he looked stunned and appalled himself. After all, hadn't I made it for him? ...Was he being passive aggressive? Does it matter? ...I won't condemn him when, ultimately,  all he actually did was inadvertently spoil some of my fun-- the fun of watching him eat it and enjoy it (with a knife and fork, dammit). How ridiculous. I was very happy baking and giving the cake to him. What else is there? He loved the damn cheesecake.

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holy crap, he defiled your cheesecake!

verjuice you're a saint in my book for turning that into something positive. personally, i think his justification was unbelievably selfish and cruel.

i'm not suggesting that you had a right to set the stage for his consumption and subsequent enjoyment - but he rewarded your careful effort on his behalf with no respect at all.