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potluck etiquette


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Thank you, thank you all, for your condolences. I am slowly getting over the trauma, sigh.

Oh Jeeeeeeezuz! :wacko: I know there's been a lot of tongue-in-cheek going on here, but seriously. Are we that arrogant that we have to insult people who like things that are "beneath" us?

Say "No thanks" to the host and leave it at that.

A.

Well that's why I didn't say what I think of brownies in the first place. :laugh:

JOKE ALERT!

I can be reached via email chefzadi AT gmail DOT com

Dean of Culinary Arts

Ecole de Cuisine: Culinary School Los Angeles

http://ecolecuisine.com

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Much like the friend whose tact glands were removed, I have a really hard time finding the filter between my brain and my mouth when asked stupefyingly ignorant questions. And unfortunately, the stupider the question, the shorter the nanosecond between the thought and the utterance. Usually the filter just can't go up fast enough. :rolleyes:

The correct answer would have been a blank stare I think, or some variation of, "NO but do you have _______" (fill in incredibly difficult to procure or out of season garnish of your choice).

"No, but some thin shavings of fermented Madagasque Bat Guano would be just perfect! Do you have any?" :biggrin:

Katie M. Loeb
Booze Muse, Spiritual Advisor

Author: Shake, Stir, Pour:Fresh Homegrown Cocktails

Cheers!
Bartendrix,Intoxicologist, Beverage Consultant, Philadelphia, PA
Captain Liberty of the Good Varietals, Aphrodite of Alcohol

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Just thought I'd add that I don't think Cool Whip is that popular in Canada. I've never seen it in anyone's fridge, and I only know of one friend who uses it (she spoons it onto her coffee.) I've never tasted it, but I've eaten artifical whipped cream so I can imagine what Cool Whip tastes like.

Doesn't it separate if put into hot liquids?

I have no idea. I've never eaten Cool Whip before.

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I don't know if it was CoolWhip or some similar brand, but I've had Irish coffees in restaurants where the 'whipped cream' had melted in an odd way … it kind of separates

Cutting the lemon/the knife/leaves a little cathedral:/alcoves unguessed by the eye/that open acidulous glass/to the light; topazes/riding the droplets,/altars,/aromatic facades. - Ode to a Lemon, Pablo Neruda

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Isn't the Cool Whip a bit of a red herring here? (I know, I know, it's not a fish, it's a synthetic dessert topping). Suppose Hostess reached into her fridge and brought out a container of the richest, best creme fraiche, just flown over from Normandy where it was produced by the finest artisan with milk from France's happiest cows. Suppose that everyone thought this was the best accompaniment for brownies possible?

Isn't it nonetheless a bit obnoxious to want to doctor something that someone has brought to a potluck? A bit like a dinner guest going into the kitchen and correcting the seasoning in the pot bubbling on the stove.

Jonathan Day

"La cuisine, c'est quand les choses ont le go�t de ce qu'elles sont."

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Isn't it nonetheless a bit obnoxious to want to doctor something that someone has brought to a potluck?  A bit like a dinner guest going into the kitchen and correcting the seasoning in the pot bubbling on the stove.

Correct. Right-o. Spot on. I think you've got it. :smile:

Isn't the Cool Whip a bit of a red herring here?

Just a bit. Mind you, the serving of Cool Whip reinforces the previous point to a negative extreme, as posted by our fellow eGulleteers. Perhaps, the discussion of two topics (the hostess and the Cool Whip) combined in one thread could be a bit confusing, ehh??

... milk from France's happiest cows ... 

By the way, Jonathan, the happiest cows come from California. :biggrin:

Russell J. Wong aka "rjwong"

Food and I, we go way back ...

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After the hostess places the Cool Whip on the buffet table, as you have agreed to, just swipe up two fingers of "the stuff" like poi, and thank her.

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

I don't understand why rappers have to hunch over while they stomp around the stage hollering.  It hurts my back to watch them. On the other hand, I've been thinking that perhaps I should start a rap group here at the Old Folks' Home.  Most of us already walk like that.

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This is no high dudgeon, but I am miffed. For a potluck two nights ago I baked three varieties of my signature brownies: chocolate brownies, marbled cheesecake brownies, and white-chocolate blondies. As you might guess from my online handle, I take brownies seriously.

The hostess, who had never tasted my brownies, asked me just before serving dessert, "Would it be sacrilegious if I serve Cool Whip on top of your brownies?" Yes, it would be a sacrilege! But I was caught off-guard, and I managed only to say weakly, "No."

This all sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy routine:

[Cue the Southern twang]

If you have a matching set of eight salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side...You Might Be a Redneck!"

[/twang]

Maybe the whipped topping-wielding hostess was from a region where they ladle Cool-Whip on top of everything.

Personally, I can think of better things to do with Cool-Whip. :laugh:

There are two sides to every story and one side to a Möbius band.

borschtbelt.blogspot.com

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This all sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy routine:

[Cue the Southern twang]

If you have a matching set of eight salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side...You Might Be a Redneck!"

[/twang]

Maybe the whipped topping-wielding hostess was from a region where they ladle Cool-Whip on top of everything.

Personally, I can think of better things to do with Cool-Whip.  :laugh:

That has my parents house as I was growing up written all over it, except for our random leftover dishes were mostly Country Crock, the Coop Whip containers were only brought out for the really special stuff ;).

He don't mix meat and dairy,

He don't eat humble pie,

So sing a miserere

And hang the bastard high!

- Richard Wilbur and John LaTouche from Candide

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This is no high dudgeon, but I am miffed. For a potluck two nights ago I baked three varieties of my signature brownies: chocolate brownies, marbled cheesecake brownies, and white-chocolate blondies. As you might guess from my online handle, I take brownies seriously.

The hostess, who had never tasted my brownies, asked me just before serving dessert, "Would it be sacrilegious if I serve Cool Whip on top of your brownies?" Yes, it would be a sacrilege! But I was caught off-guard, and I managed only to say weakly, "No."

This all sounds like a Jeff Foxworthy routine:

[Cue the Southern twang]

If you have a matching set of eight salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side...You Might Be a Redneck!"

[/twang]

Maybe the whipped topping-wielding hostess was from a region where they ladle Cool-Whip on top of everything.

Personally, I can think of better things to do with Cool-Whip. :laugh:

Let us not get into the X-rated stuff just yet.

:biggrin:

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!" Terry Pratchett

 

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Long, long before Cool-Whip and its imitators came onto the scene, I worked in my mom's bakery in a small village in Wisconsin.

The dairy industry was adamant that "imitation" anything could not be used in anything sold to the public and we used only the best, butter, cream, etc., (there was no such thing as "low-fat" milk). We used milk powder in baking but it was full fat milk powder.

One of the salesmen from a bakery supply place came in one day with a can of dried powder that he was trying to peddle to the independent bakeries as they had recently gotten a permit to sell in the state.

It was supposed to whip up like whipping cream and could be incorporated "safely" into pastry cream for filling cream puffs, cream horns and eclairs, filling in cakes, stacked pastries, and so on. And it was much, much cheaper than using heavy cream.......

The head baker/pastry chef, (a Hungarian who was one of the refugees resettled after the 1956 revolution) said he would try it but did so with much muttering and slamming of mixing bowls.

He mixed up a batch, pronounced it inedible and dumped it into a box of trash which I set outside the back door. He practically threw the salesman out the back door and triumphantly pointed out the platoon of cats, that routinely hung around the back door, were sniffing at the stuff and turning away.

"See!, he yelled, "Not even the damm cats will taste the stuff, it's crap." (I could understand him but the salesman probably couldn't, his English was pretty rough back then.)

Later, when my mother came in and heard the store, she said that none of us were ever to waste our time trying out something like that brought in by a salesman.

The first time I tasted Cool Whip reminded me of this little episode and I called home and had a chat with my mother and we both had a bit of a chuckle. She was in the bakery at the time and reminded the baker about it also. They were still using only the "good stuff" even though by that time Wisconsin had relaxed many of their regulations and you could actually buy colored margarine in a store.

both of the Hungarian bakers that my mom sponsored, as well as giving them jobs and homes for them and their families, had trained and worked all over Europe, one had been at the Metropole in Brussels for several years and had a medallion from the hotel that he always wore on his toque.

I could never stand the stuff. It left that greasy residue in my mouth and I could always tell when it was used in a dish.

If people want to use it that is their right, but just don't ask me to eat it.

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!" Terry Pratchett

 

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Why is it no one has asked for the recipes yet? I'm especially interested in the marble cheesecake brownie! Pretty please, with no cool whip on top?

Lisa K

Lavender Sky

"No one wants black olives, sliced 2 years ago, on a sandwich, you savages!" - Jim Norton, referring to the Subway chain.

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Lisa, thanks for your interest. I certainly don't claim to have a better recipe for brownies than any other eGulleter out there. My recipe is simply the one I have honed over time to suit my own and my family's tastes (fudgy, very chewy). If people find them good, it's probably due in no small part to the tender loving care I put into baking them. You know: good chocolate, good vanilla, having the ingredients religiously at room temp, going to the trouble of wrapping wet metallic baking strips around the pan to retard the setting of the edges, and hovering around the oven close to the end of the baking period with a wooden tester.

Even if I had made my brownies for the potluck from a store-bought mix, the brownies should have been served the way I had brought them, not adulterated by the hostess with Cool Whip, whipped cream, creme fraiche, Devon clotted cream, or anything.

I've posted my Bite-Cha-Back Brownie recipe on the eGullet recipe board before, but here it is, Lisa, with the addition of a cheesecake layer that's swirled in. Enjoy!

A MARBLED BITE-CHA-BACK BROWNIE

Cheesecake Layer:

8 ounces Philadelphia cream cheese

1/3 cup sugar

2 teaspoons all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1 large egg

Chocolate Layer:

6 ounces unsweetened baking chocolate

3/4 cup unsalted butter

1-3/4 cups packed light-brown sugar

3 large eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1-1/4 cups bread flour (using dip-and-sweep method of measuring)

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1/4 teaspoon salt

Place oven-rack at center of oven. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease light-colored aluminum 8' square cheesecake pan, or line 8" square pan with a sheet of foil with overhanging edges (so that brownies can be lifted out), then grease.

To make cheesecake layer, mix together cream cheese and sugar until smooth. Blend in flour. Blend in vanilla and egg. Set aside.

To make chocolate layer, microwave chocolate and butter until melted, stirring periodically to distribute heat. Stir in sugar until no lumps remain. Stir in eggs and vanilla, just until blended. In separate bowl, whisk together flour, baking soda, and salt. Stir dry mixture into wet mixture, just until blended. Spread three-quarters of the batter evenly into pan.

Spread cheesecake batter evenly on top of chocolate layer in pan. Drop heaping tablespoons of remaining chocolate batter on top. To make marbled pattern, run sharp knife through batter without touching bottom of pan or lifting knife during its course.

Wrap soaking-wet Magi-Cake strips around walls of pan. Bake for 50 to 55 minutes (30 to 35 minutes if not using wet strips), just until center has risen and fallen and is firm to the touch and wooden tester inserted in center comes out with moist crumbs attached. Remove from oven. If center of cake subsides and is lower than edges, gently press edges down with spatula so that cake is level. Cool in pan to room temperature. Remove from pan. Cut into 16 squares with plastic knife. Let sit 24 hours before serving (a must for the chewy texture). Serve at room temperature. Makes 16 brownies.

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When we go to a potluck we usually bring something we know everyone will like and try something 'exotic', like hummus.

OK, OK, hummus is not exotic to us, but where we live it is.

And we think we make a pretty good one.

At the end of the party, the stuff is usually left virtually untouched.

For a long while, we would try some other 'extra' dishes (Asian salads, home made wild boar sausage with Cumberland sauce, you name it) with the same result.

Now we just go with the standards.

If I spent all the time required to make those fantastic brownies browniebaker kindly gave us her recipe for, and someone wanted to toss on CoolWhip, I would smile and say fine.

And then make a note that the next time I go that potluck, I will just go the store and buy the box.

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I agree, Auntdot. Some people are worth the effort of making good hummus for, and some people are not. If I think about it, it's clear that my friends and family members each fall clearly into one or the other category. Stuff straight off the grocery-store shelf or freezer is good enough for the latter.

The fact that a certain friend obviously does not appreciate the effort you put in your cooking or the quality of your food, does that make you feel less close to that friend? I think it can drive a wedge, just as lack of sympathy for one's deep interests can make one less good a friend. Cooking or baking for someone is a major way I show I care, and if my gesture is scorned, well, I can't help feeling less close.

How about you? What do you all feel?

Edited by browniebaker (log)
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I agree, Auntdot. Some people are worth the effort of making good hummus for, and some people are not. If I think about it, it's clear that my friends and family members each fall clearly into one or the other category. Stuff straight off the grocery-store shelf or freezer is good enough for the latter.

The fact that a certain friend obviously does not appreciate the effort you put in your cooking or the quality of your food, does that make you feel less close to that friend? I think it can drive a wedge, just as lack of sympathy for one's deep interests can make one less good a friend. Cooking or baking for someone is a major way I show I care, and if my gesture is scorned, well, I can't help feeling less close.

How about you? What do you all feel?

I'm pretty old and, as a result, have been in this "friendship" business for some time.

Sorry to say this to you (but one luxury us old gals allow ourselves is honesty); however, truly "showing someone you care" involves figuring out what they would like and doing that. Not doing what you like, and wanting them to appreciate it. And certainly not doing what you like and think they ought to like. As if you're trying to improve them.

Some of your friends may really appreciate home cooking. Go one step further here and learn exactly which dishes they'd like and make those. Maybe they don't like ethnic food, but love casseroles. So make them one, if you're really trying to please them.

Other friends may long for lunch in a nice restaurant. So for them, do that, instead of trying to get them to understand it took you hours to prepare something.

Other friends may just not be food oriented at all. So find out what they do like. And give them a book, or a CD, or take them to a movie, or concert, or mow their lawn, or wash their car. And all of my friends are "worth the effort," or they wouldn't be my friends.

True kindness and compassion and generosity and thoughtfulness isn't giving somebody something that you like, and then getting your feelings hurt when they don't appreciate it as much as you think they should.

Save your best home-cooking efforts for people that you know understand and appreciate them.

I mean, the lady with the Cool Whip has the exact same problem you do. She was trying to be helpful, thoughtful, kind, generous. And you didn't appreciate it.

The problem was that she didn't take the time to figure out what you would like. She just barged ahead with what she liked.

That's the lesson there.

Edited by Jaymes (log)

I don't understand why rappers have to hunch over while they stomp around the stage hollering.  It hurts my back to watch them. On the other hand, I've been thinking that perhaps I should start a rap group here at the Old Folks' Home.  Most of us already walk like that.

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I agree, Auntdot. Some people are worth the effort of making good hummus for, and some people are not. If I think about it, it's clear that my friends and family members each fall clearly into one or the other category. Stuff straight off the grocery-store shelf or freezer is good enough for the latter.

The fact that a certain friend obviously does not appreciate the effort you put in your cooking or the quality of your food, does that make you feel less close to that friend? I think it can drive a wedge, just as lack of sympathy for one's deep interests can make one less good a friend. Cooking or baking for someone is a major way I show I care, and if my gesture is scorned, well, I can't help feeling less close.

How about you? What do you all feel?

I'm pretty old and, as a result, have been in this "friendship" business for some time.

Sorry to say this to you (but one luxury us old gals allow ourselves is honesty); however, truly "showing someone you care" involves figuring out what they would like and doing that. Not doing what you like, and wanting them to appreciate it. And certainly not doing what you like and think they ought to like. As if you're trying to improve them.

Some of your friends may really appreciate home cooking. Go one step further here and learn exactly which dishes they'd like and make those. Maybe they don't like ethnic food, but love casseroles. So make them one, if you're really trying to please them.

Other friends may long for lunch in a nice restaurant. So for them, do that, instead of trying to get them to understand it took you hours to prepare something.

Other friends may just not be food oriented at all. So find out what they do like. And give them a book, or a CD, or take them to a movie, or concert, or mow their lawn, or wash their car. And all of my friends are "worth the effort," or they wouldn't be my friends.

True kindness and compassion and generosity and thoughtfulness isn't giving somebody something that you like, and then getting your feelings hurt when they don't appreciate it as much as you think they should.

Save your best home-cooking efforts for people that you know understand and appreciate them.

I mean, the lady with the Cool Whip has the exact same problem you do. She was trying to be helpful, thoughtful, kind, generous. And you didn't appreciate it.

The problem was that she didn't take the time to figure out what you would like. She just barged ahead with what she liked.

That's the lesson there.

Good points here. Indeed, in this case the Cool-Whip lady and I have known each other only two months (raising the question of how well you should know someone before asking him or her to your potluck), and she and I are just learning each other's likes and preferences. What I have learned is that I might not need to expend so much effort for her potlucks in future. I'll show her "I care" in other ways.

As far as your point that I made what I, not she, liked for the potluck, I have to point out that she asked me to bring a dessert, and I cleared the brownies with her beforehand after offering her several choices.

Edited by browniebaker (log)
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As far as your point that I made what I, not she, liked for the potluck, I have to point out that she asked me to bring a dessert, and I cleared the brownies with her beforehand after offering her several choices.

Golly, that wasn't my intended point at all. If that's what you thought I meant, clearly I didn't explain it well.

Someone, in this case an acquaintance that you've only known for a few months, asks you to bring a dessert. You bring brownies, which you have worked hard on. That's obviously terrific.

I was commenting on your earlier post and the sentiments you expressed when you said this:

Some people are worth the effort of making good hummus for, and some people are not. If I think about it, it's clear that my friends and family members each fall clearly into one or the other category. Stuff straight off the grocery-store shelf or freezer is good enough for the latter.

The fact that a certain friend obviously does not appreciate the effort you put in your cooking or the quality of your food, does that make you feel less close to that friend? I think it can drive a wedge, just as lack of sympathy for one's deep interests can make one less good a friend. Cooking or baking for someone is a major way I show I care, and if my gesture is scorned, well, I can't help feeling less close.

Attempting to "show someone you care" isn't the same thing, to me anyway, as taking something to a potluck at the home of someone you just met.

I completely agree with your pride in your brownies, your decision to take them, and being annoyed that she chose to dump Cool Whip on them. What I was trying to point out to you is only in reference to the above-quoted post. About how you get so upset that it can even "drive a wedge" between you and a friend when you offer them a time-consuming, home-prepared dish, and they don't properly appreciate it.

Edited by Jaymes (log)

I don't understand why rappers have to hunch over while they stomp around the stage hollering.  It hurts my back to watch them. On the other hand, I've been thinking that perhaps I should start a rap group here at the Old Folks' Home.  Most of us already walk like that.

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It's not so much a lack of appreciation for my dessert that I am talking about. In fact, the Cool-Whip lady did appreciate my brownies in her own way, which is with the Cool Whip dessert topping that she adores.

What I am talking about is more abstract: the feeling of someone not being simpatico, which I think cannot help but make two persons less close. The friends I like most are the ones who are considerate of others' feelings. I was being considerate when I answered that I would not object to her putting Cool Whip on the brownies. But I think a considerate person would know not to ask. The fact that she asked whether it "would be a sacrilege" indicates that she knew she was asking A LOT.

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