Lamest Kitchen Gifts

[Tonyy13]

Every year, I ask for several things to stock my tool box at work, or my home kitchen, and my mother feels that it is necessary to get me the most inexpensive tacky things sometimes. Every year I get several potholders w/ pics of like roses or, in the case this year, a compass w/ beads. I always get dishtowels (this year no exception, I got several w/ pretty patterns on them), and it seems as though the decorative salt and pepper shaker is always under the tree lurking (this year it was a set of ceramic chefs, last year, matching plastic baseballs [i played baseball in college, my second love, but never mix the two!!]). Now, I am not complaining, I love the fact that my family has embraced what I choose to do for a profession. However, what is the point in spending the same amount of dough on a little less in quantity, with a ton more quality. Simple example... I asked my mom to get me some small stuff like Atecco offset small spatulas. Insead of getting me one or two of those, my mother decided to buy 4 of the Wal-Mart brand. I looked at them, and then pulled the metal from teh plastic handle becuase it was so cheap. Now, my mom decorates wedding cakes about three or four times a year, and she has Atecco equipment, and she recognizes the fact that that is what she wants.

So, there has to be someone else out there who is either professional or amateur, who gets these unusefull gifts. Just a chance for all of us to give a collective chuckle together....

PS. The baseball egg timer was bad, but the Chef Tony knife set (because my name is also Tony, seemingly creating a lasting culinary bond ) was even worse....

[jgm]

A few years ago a co-worker gave me a very special potholder set.

The two potholders were crocheted, and mine (others received the same gift in other colors) were sort of a burnt orange color. The "special" part was the hanger for the potholders. The hanger was a doll's face from a craft store; the hair was dark and braided and was meant to make her look like (I know this is politically incorrect, but I don't know how else to say it; the whole gift was politically incorrect, so give me a break!) an Indian squaw. Of course, she had a headband with an orange feather in it. Since the generic features of the doll face didn't make her look Native American in the least, the cliche headband had to do it.

The potholders were hung on the hanger in such a way that they became the squaw's earrings. Picture this: 3-inch doll face; 6-inch potholder earrings.

I remeber only that the silly thing never hung in my kitchen. I have no idea what I did with it.

(Edited for clarity)

Edited January 7, 2005 by jgm (log)

[FistFullaRoux]

I got not one, but TWO of these.

I actually tried them. They're fine if you aren't tring to lift anything over a couple of grams in weight. When the lock mechanism breaks, and they will, they become useless and take up a lot of room, since they are stuck in the open postition. I threw them away.

[takomabaker]

I got a microwavable ice cream scoop (the scoop end supposedly heats up in order to better penetrate hard ice cream).

I also got one of those tv advertised whisk/tongs that does not do even a mediocre job at either task.

Gee, how could I have lived without either!

[Eden]

I once got decorative pot-holders with cutesy flowers on them that were not only so thin they wouldn't protect you from the heat, they had a floral potpourrie inside so they would smell "nice" when you used them as the warmth from the pan activated the flowery gunk inside! who would want to smell that over the lovely roast chicken or fresh bread etc they were pulling from the oven???

[fiftydollars]

I got the fabulous Eggstractor.

The device is an absolutely craptastic invention that easily and conveniently mangles hard boiled eggs while keeping the shells more-or-less intact.

[jgm]

I got the fabulous Eggstractor.

The device is an absolutely craptastic invention that easily and conveniently mangles hard boiled eggs while keeping the shells more-or-less intact.

←

I was hoping that someone, somewhere, would report on this thing. I cannot understand why anyone would purchase a big contraption that performs a task that is easily done and takes no equipment at all.

[Varmint]

I've received the stupid whisk/tongs contraption, but if anyone wants this, I have an adjustable Fiddlebow Bread Knife, just let me know. Why, oh why, are these even made.

I will admit that I re-gifted an Herb Bowl with Mezzaluna Chopper, which isn't that dumb, but entirely unnecessary.

[BeJam]

Sister, "What would you like for Christmas?"

Me while pointing to a picture in a catalog, "A good eight inch chef's knife, like this wuesthoff."

Sister, "Hmmm."

The next month:

Me, "What does that say? Faberware? thanks. There sure are a lot of knives in there."

Sister, "I know. I just couldn't spend that much and only get one knife."

Edited January 7, 2005 by BeJam (log)

[ladyyoung98]

there was a time when i might have been like your sister and not have been able to spend that much money just for one knife...however my loving fiance has been very good about educating me on the good knives and how they do last longer than the cheap crap stuff...and after having used them many times now...i would never go back to the other stuff..so now if i want a decent knife...i would not be afraid te spend the bucks for just one good knife as opposed to spending bucks for a lot of crap knives

[Smithy]

I will admit that I re-gifted an Herb Bowl with Mezzaluna Chopper, which isn't that dumb, but entirely unnecessary.

←

Which: the herb bowl and mezzaluna, or re-gifting it?

I'm glad someone reported on the wire whisk tong thingies. They looked dubious to me, but this is the first report I've had on them. Over the holidays I saw many, many repetitions of an advert for a grabber spatula ("Grip n' Flip TM"?) that purported to save one from chasing sausages or eggs around the skillet because of the top prongs. For the life of me, I couldn't see how the prongs on top would help get the spatula under the objects in question. The TV demonstration didn't help make the case.

[andiesenji]

Well, mine doesn't seem so bad. One of the doctors at work gave me one of the Pizza "Pizazz" cookers that is intended only for baking commerical frozen pizza, 12 inch size.

I was really flabbergasted. She knows I have a commercial oven, do a lot of baking and make my own pizza. I have discussed having a brick, wood-fired pizza oven built onto my kitchen.

I guess she meant well, but it really floored me. I think I will keep it in the office and the girls can use it to bake pizza for lunch. That is about the only way it will ever be used. Even my housekeeper thought it was an odd gift for a dedicated "from scratch" baker or cook.

[FistFullaRoux]

My guess is that you may have been regifted.....

[wnissen]

My sainted mother saw fit to buy me an apron and potholders in vivid yellow that say "San Francisco" on them. These are the seriously ugly ones they have at the airport, with a cartoon drawing of a crab, cable car, etc. Plus, we live an hour from San Francisco, so it's not as if they make a good souvenir or a "hometown" present. On the other hand, she did give us a very nice brushed aluminum plate rack that exactly matches our sideboard, so she clearly has a sense of taste... :)

Walt

[andiesenji]

My guess is that you may have been regifted.....

←

No, she gave me a gift receipt so I could exchange it if I wanted to but she bought it at Macy's and the store is just not handy for me to get to.

Also, one of her patients is manager of that department so it would probably get back to her that I exchanged it and I would rather just keep it in the office. She also gave me a check, the gift was something she just happened to see while in the store. (Why she was in that department is a mystery to me, she doesn't cook at all.)

[Rachel Perlow]

I once got decorative pot-holders with cutesy flowers on them that were not only so thin they wouldn't protect you from the heat, they had a floral potpourrie inside so they would smell "nice" when you used them as the warmth from the pan activated the flowery gunk inside!  who would want to smell that over the lovely roast chicken or fresh bread etc they were pulling from the oven??? 

←

Are you sure it wasn't a trivet? I once had a cloth potpourri (peach scented) trivet, you're supposed to put the tea kettle down on it or something. Why you wouldn't want to just smell the tea, I don't know.

[Mabelline]

Last year my dear little olelandlady gave me two superb Lewis and Clark cookbooks. But this year has been fairly hard on her; however, I was still surprised to get a Publisher's Clearing House Set of very obnoxious and useless knives, including some weird thing with what looks like wings on either side of a knife that closely resembles one that is sold as a martial arts throwing device. I still haven't figured it out. It can be detached from the wingy things, but I reckon it is supposed to help you cut things uniformly.

I will now be keeping a much closer eye on her.

[McDuff]

I got the fabulous Eggstractor.

←

There was one of these floating around the family swap, and on the way out I was soo tempted to steal it, just to add another line to the family legend...remember the Christmas Uncle David stole the egg peeler?

[fifi]

I always wondered about the Eggstractor ? A cousin that should know better fessed up that she almost ordered me that grip and flip thingy. I escaped this year.

[sladeums]

My MIL always gets me/us something of a culinary bent each year since she knows of my interest. Usually small electrics (griddle, low volume chopper, ice cream maker) - several have actually been ok, but due to limited counter space we rarely use them.

Then last year she apparently was running out of ideas and we got a quesadilla maker. Who the hell needs an additional counter-top utensil to make quesadillas?

For the past year my cats have been using the box for a scratching post...not sure if the appliance works well or not.

[Mabelline]

Oh, my god...Big Lots had a big ole section of quesadilla makers, salsa mixers, and some kind of margarita makers, all of which had the ubiquitous chile pepper design all over them. I looked them over and thought to myself at the time, why would someone buy this stuff when you've got the makings at home?

[snowangel]

How about a deviled egg holder -- a pressed "cut glass one" that held four halves? Who in the hell only devils two eggs?

[Kim WB]

an bottle opener decorated w. the Philly Eagles logo, makes a GOOOOO EEEAAAAGGGGGLLLLEEEESSSS cheer when pressed upon a bottle lid

[Varmint]

OK, I'm taking this slightly off topic, but I have to do it. Maybe I'll create a new thread.

Anyhow, we vacationed in Maine this year, and after a week, the rest of the Varmint family headed west, eventually ending up in Niagara Falls, while I headed to NYC for a conference. I told my children that they had a job: to find the single tackiest gift at Niagara Falls that cost less than $5.

This is what they brought back with them:

I'd have to say they succeeded with their job!

[dawnie2u]

Oh please start a new thread. One year, when we were young and starving, a friend of ours came to visit us. He had gone corporate, and was making so much more money than us. While I was on a trip to Tijuana, waiting to get back into San Diego, I saw this ceramic chimpanze with a Snidley Whiplash mustach on it, being offered from one of the many, trying to sell to the gringos, vendors. I bought it. I didn't know why, I just knew I had to. So, when our friend came to visit us, I sent him home with him his very special gift. I told him over and over again, he had to make sure it wasn't jostled. He carefully carried it home with him, cradling it in his lap ala first class. And that picture alone, gets me throught dark and lonely nights. He arrives home and puts it under their beautiful gigantic, perfectly decorated tree. The next day I get a phone call...lol. Sorry, I hate that acronym, but I cannot help it. I am laughing now. First, I hear a very long string of profanities, and then I hear laughing. Said chimp has now become the envy of all that come to their annual xmas white elephant party. I hear they bribe in order to receive it. You just gotta love the East Coast.