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A Mad Cook is a Bad Cook


mklynch
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"Don't fry with your pants down."

You do remember when Jamie Oliver did this exact kind of thing and wound up in hospital (as the Brits say) on Valentine's Day... and made it up to Jools, his wife, by taking her to Paris ... :wink: we had a thread here on it .. I couldn't make this up if I tried ( see below .. no, not that below!! ) ... :laugh:

From Ananova when it occured: 4/6/04

Jamie Oliver burns penis while cooking roast: Jamie Oliver burnt his penis while cooking a St Valentine's Day meal for his wife - naked. He stripped off to treat wife Jools, but wound up in agony when he got too close to the oven.Oliver said: "It was on Valentine's Day. I was naked in the kitchen and burnt my penis. I really ruined my evening - and my night."He was apparently preparing a roast when the unfortunate incident happened.He later treated Jools to a Paris break to make up for their ruined Valentine's dinner, says The Sun
Edited by Gifted Gourmet (log)

Melissa Goodman aka "Gifted Gourmet"

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Russian saying:

"Never trust a man who salts his food before he tastes it."

German saying: "Hunger is the best cook." (That would apply to me: I'd have to be starving to death to crave German food.)

From The Quotable Cook, some proverbs from around the world:

Russian: "Better bread with water than cake with trouble."

Danish: "For a good dinner and a gentle wife you can afford to wait."

Scottish: "All that is said in the kitchen should not be heard in the parlor."

Irish: "Laughter is brightest where food is best."

Jewish: "Everything revolves around bread and death."

Ghanian: "Good soup draws the chair to it."

Spanish: "A melon and a woman are hard to know."

Italian: "Eggs of an hour, bread of a day, wine of a year, a friend of thirty years."

Chinese: "Talk doesn't cook rice."

Swedish: "A forbidden meal is quickly eaten."

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that wont get the cabbage cooked
all is not cream that comes ftom a cow
worries go down better with soup than without

Spam in my pantry at home.

Think of expiration, better read the label now.

Spam breakfast, dinner or lunch.

Think about how it's been pre-cooked, wonder if I'll just eat it cold.

wierd al ~ spam

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No matter where I serve my guests, they seem to like my kitchen best.

A favorite:

Fish, to taste right, must swim three times -- in water, in butter and in wine.

Polish Proverb

Another:

“Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon.”

Doug Larson

And...

"A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety."

Aesop

One more for now:

Never eat yellow snow! from Peanuts, I think?

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One more for now:

Never eat yellow snow! from Peanuts, I think?

I thought it was Frank Zappa. :smile:

Thank God for tea! What would the world do without tea? How did it exist? I am glad I was not born before tea!

- Sydney Smith, English clergyman & essayist, 1771-1845

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Never eat yellow snow! from Peanuts, I think?

Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh

Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh

Well I turned around and I said ho, ho

And the northern lights commenced to glow

And she said, with a tear in her eye

Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow

Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow

DON’T EAT THE YELLOW SNOW

Frank Zappa

(approx 1969)

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This is supposed to be a Cossack saying, but this is the only place I can use it, unless on a diet thread--which I am allergic to---

Eat your breakfast for yourself;Share your dinner with your friends; Give your supper to your enemies.

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This is supposed to be a Cossack saying, but this is the only place I can use it, unless on a diet thread--which I am allergic to---

Eat your breakfast for yourself;Share your dinner with your friends; Give your supper to your enemies.

Interesting! My Norwegian friend says her family's philosophy for good health is:

A man should eat like a king at breakfast, a prince at lunchtime, and a pauper at dinner.

(Note the regional differences in the meaning of the word 'dinner' :biggrin: )

Nancy Smith, aka "Smithy"
HosteG Forumsnsmith@egstaff.org

"Every day should be filled with something delicious, because life is too short not to spoil yourself. " -- Ling (with permission)

"There comes a time in every project when you have to shoot the engineer and start production." -- author unknown

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'Allways eat the meat first'

From an inmate who once lost his dinner in a prison riot.

Martial.2,500 Years ago:

If pale beans bubble for you in a red earthenware pot, you can often decline the dinners of sumptuous hosts.

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Some more of my favorites:

“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.”

Jim Davis, 'Garfield'

"Happy and successful cooking doesn't rely only on know-how; it comes from the heart, makes great demands on the palate and needs enthusiasm and a deep love of food to bring it to life."

Georges Blanc, Ma Cuisine des Saisons

“A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do.”

P. J. O'Rourke.

“Bread is the king of the table and all else is merely the court that surrounds the king. The countries are the soup, the meat, the vegetables, the salad but bread is king.”

Louis Bromfield, American novelist.

"There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!" Terry Pratchett

 

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Never eat yellow snow! from Peanuts, I think?

Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh

Well I turned around and I said oh, oh oh

Well I turned around and I said ho, ho

And the northern lights commenced to glow

And she said, with a tear in her eye

Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow

Watch out where the huskies go, and don’t you eat that yellow snow

DON’T EAT THE YELLOW SNOW

Frank Zappa

(approx 1969)

Frank Zappa and the mothers of invention. One of his kids has a cooking show on Food Network.

Dwizelle or something like that

Bruce Frigard

Quality control Taster, Château D'Eau Winery

"Free time is the engine of ingenuity, creativity and innovation"

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

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"Eggs of an hour, bread of a day, wine of a year, a friend of thirty years."

Italian Proverb

"Omelettes are not made without breaking eggs."

Robespierre

"The rule is jam tomorrow and jam yesterday, but never jam today."

Lewis Carroll

"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."

Mark Twain

and...

"How long does getting thin take? Pooh asked anxiously.

A. S. Milne

:laugh:

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What some call health, if purchased by perpetual anxiety about diet, isn't much better than tedious disease.

- George Dennison Prentice

Music with dinner is an insult both to the cook and the violinist.

- G. K. Chesterton (1874 - 1936)

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)

If music be the food of love, play on.

- William Shakespeare

Katie M. Loeb
Booze Muse, Spiritual Advisor

Author: Shake, Stir, Pour:Fresh Homegrown Cocktails

Cheers!
Bartendrix,Intoxicologist, Beverage Consultant, Philadelphia, PA
Captain Liberty of the Good Varietals, Aphrodite of Alcohol

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I heard this a couple of years ago from a server that I thought was quite a serious young man.

Me: Need anything Jonathon?

J: No. But thanks for the martini for Marv. Basil [our Russian service bartender] was in the weeds.

Me: No prob cutie pie.

J: Here's your tip.... Never cook bacon in the nude.

He had a most charming, impish grin and I nearly spit my hot coffee I just gulped all over the bartop. My guests seated at the bar that overheard him and giggled too.

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Frank Zappa and the mothers of invention. One of his kids has a cooking show on Food Network.

Dwizelle or something like that

"Don't Eat the Yellow Snow" leads directly into "Nanook Rubs It" and then into "St. Alfonzo's Pancake Breakfast", another Zappa food-related tune. All three songs are from 1974's Apostrophe. Frank Zappa recording, not Frank with the Mothers of Invention (if one were a stickler, which i'm not, about much else - except...Zappa).

Do yourself a favor and pick up a cheap copy of Apostrophe, for "St. Alfonzo's", if nothing else:

I saw a handsome parish lady

Make her entrance like a queen

Why, she was totally chenille

And her old man was a Marine!

As she abused a sausage patty;

And said "why don't you treat me mean?"

Marsha Lynch aka "zilla369"

Has anyone ever actually seen a bandit making out?

Uh-huh: just as I thought. Stereotyping.

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