The Express Checkout Topic

[jhlurie]

This topic was inspired by several things:

1.) the topic about looking in other people's baskets

2.) general comments we've made before about self-service checkout lines

3.) an experience in a supermarket checkout line I had yesterday

I figure we can talk about all kinds of "Express checkout" issues here, but let's start with this one:

What, do you suppose, is a reasonable limit beyond the marked number of items for an express line when you can justifiably get upset at some bonehead ahead of you?

Yesterday, at that temple of self-involved yuppy pretentiousness personified, Whole Foods, I ran into... surprise... an oblivious self-involved yuppie lunkhead.

Jason Perlow had asked me to pick up a few extra packages of hot dogs for his little experiment, and with a grand total of two items in my basket I headed straight for the "10 items or less" Express checkout line. In front of me is an orphaned shopping cart. You know what I'm talking about, right? Full of stuff, but with no human being in back of it. Just as I'm about to walk around this orphan cart--filled with what looks like about 25 items--it's owner shows up slips back in front of me and the crowd already gathering in back of me and drops two more items in the cart.

Then he proceeds to wait. Presumably he's on the "10 items or less" Express line with his very full shopping cart because he's in a hurry. But instead of loading up the conveyor belt behind the woman finishing up in front of him he waits for her to walk away before deigning to bend his knees and start pulling items from his cart. He loads the belt slowly, and completely ignores the comment from the hapless checkout girl than he's apparently got almost 3 times the number of allowed items. And these aren't "repeat" items which some people justify exceeding the number with. Every one of the items in his cart appears to be unique (I know the exact number before he leaves by listening to how many times the scanner beeped when the checkout girl scanned his order--27 items at a total cost of $104.97).

Almost contemptuously he swipes his credit card in the little credit/debit slot, but takes his time standing there in line reading the long receipt before he signs the credit slip. Because he's in a hurry, you know.

Now I have no idea why I didn't pipe up and say anything to this fine example of humanity. Maybe I was too filled with holiday spirit. Maybe it's that meditation I've started doing while brushing my teeth. The question is... while this is an extreme example what do you suppose is a reasonable point to pipe up to someone and ask them to get their asses off the Express line? Is it ever ANY of our business, or only some cashier who's afraid of offending a customer? How does a Supermarket enforce rules anyway? And haven't we ALL slipped an extra item or two in at times or left an empty cart in line for a minute or two? And yet... it's irritating to be on the other side of it.

My next rant will be about how much the automated checkout lines now located in many of my local stores irritate me.

[Rachel Perlow]

I think it was your right, if it is something that annoys you, which clearly it is, to say something to 'oblivious self-involved yuppie lunkhead' when he returned to the line with his extra items. You should have said, "Pardon me, but this is the express line, and you have way too many extra items to make any excuses for not moving to another line."

I think 3 is the maximum overage of express line items. But they should be multiples of items, not individuals. So there.

[Rebel Rose]

Totally agree with Rachel. Although this particular lunkhead also sounds like he was on a power trip. Some people indulge in this kind of behavior just for the petty satisfaction. We can take that away by being helpful . . . "Moving slowly today, huh? Eyesight fuzzy? Boy, that must have been some party! Need some help reading that receipt?" I guarantee it will be a while before he risks the fast lane again, whereas you'll be greeted warmly by the checker even when you have a few "extra" items!

[Mayhaw Man]

I actually count the stuff. If I am over (generally by one item or more) I tough it out with the ladies buying the week's groceries. The only exception is if there is no one else in line at the express checkout and the store is not overly busy. I will then go through the speed line.

My favorite local chain actually has express lanes designed for limited cart access-discouraging those that have a boatload of groceries. There is one with cart access, but it is for handicapped folks who cut a slightly wider wake with wheel chairs and those little electric carts.

And, even though I am an extremely polite Southern type, I would have said something to the lunkhead. Especially when he started reading his reciept. You are lucky that he didn't whip out coupons (of course he wouldn't have done it until the checker had already totaled the order )

You New Yorkers are too timid.

The question for the day:

What the hell are you supposed to do with the handbasket after you have emptied it onto the conveyor? Put it on the floor? Carry it around until you leave the store? There is never anywhere to put the damn things.

[jhlurie]

Totally agree with Rachel.  Although this particular lunkhead also sounds like he was on a power trip.  Some people indulge in this kind of behavior just for the petty satisfaction.  We can take that away by being helpful . . . "Moving slowly today, huh?  Eyesight fuzzy?  Boy, that must have been some party!  Need some help reading that receipt?"  I guarantee it will be a while before he risks the fast lane again, whereas you'll be greeted warmly by the checker even when you have a few "extra" items!

Oh the checker and I had a nice 60 second conversation anyway while she rang me up and I paid. We agreed that our friend probably had never bothered to count the items in his cart in his entire life. Some hippie-looking dude in back of me (the other major type you get in WF besides said yuppie lunkheads) starting snorting pretty heavily at that comment.

Later, at the Food Emporium (which is still a bit frou-frou but not on the level of Whole Foods) I saw a customer helping an old lady unload her shopping cart. It made me feel a bit better, I suppose.

You are lucky that he didn't whip out coupons

Trust me, he was not the coupon type. They'd intrude on his level of self-importance. This type of person is very common in places like WF, and in a lot of the NYC-area gourmet markets. In reality, he needs to buy his own groceries, but he'd much rather have someone buy them for him.

[FaustianBargain]

(I know the exact number before he leaves by listening to how many times the scanner beeped when the checkout girl scanned his order--27 items at a total cost of $104.97).

err...you actually counted the number of beeps?

btw...this is EXACTLY why women should do all the shopping...there are some things men can do...like bring home the paycheck...let us do the dirty work..like shopping...and swatting rotten fish over yuppie lunkheads...

[jhlurie]

(I know the exact number before he leaves by listening to how many times the scanner beeped when the checkout girl scanned his order--27 items at a total cost of $104.97).

err...you actually counted the number of beeps?

The hippie and I were very bored by that point.

[NulloModo]

My grocer has two types of self-checkouts. Some are labled as express only, some are regular lines, with unlimited grocery potential. Thankfully, most people around here are still afraid of them (or too frustrated by them to use them, they have a habit of not thinking you actually placed the item in your bag after you have scanned it, but I have a way around that, more on that later) so they are generally open, and much faster than the high-school drop-out checkout clerks.

Now, after having to have a manager come over and override my checkout lane several times in a row because it wouldn't accept what I bagged was actually what I scanned, I just looked over the guy's shoulder and memorized his code to go into the bypass screen. Now if the thing gives me any trouble I just punch that in and I'm good to go. I'm sure the self-checkout supervisor person has seen me do it, but she hasn't said anything yet, and I am a master of the 'look mean and like you know what you are doing and where you are going' walk, so, I don't anticipate being hassled about it.

[winesonoma]

You New Yorkers are too timid.

The question for the day:

What the hell are you supposed to do with the handbasket after you have emptied it onto the conveyor? Put it on the floor? Carry it around until you leave the store? There is never anywhere to put the damn things.

I don't empty the basket. I think that the checkers now where they go. So I let them handle it.

[Suzanne F]

You New Yorkers are too timid.

The question for the day:

What the hell are you supposed to do with the handbasket after you have emptied it onto the conveyor? Put it on the floor? Carry it around until you leave the store? There is never anywhere to put the damn things.

No, no -- Jon is in New JERSEY. They're ever so much nicer there. Anyway, Jon is.

Re: baskets -- at the store I go where I use baskets, they have no express lane and no belts; the checkout forms a ring around the cigarette display. The clerks just ring you up as you empty the basket onto the tiny portion of counter. Then they grab the basket and stick it on top on the cigarette display, and occasionally someone comes by to grab the stack.

At the Food Emporium, the basket gets dropped onto the floor under the unloading end of the belt. That usually has enough of an overhang, since the aisle is not wide enough for the cart to fit through. At the Pathmark, however, where one can push the cart through, placing the basket at the IN end can block the cart from butting up against the belt.

(Note to self: get a life! I can't believe I just spent about 10 minutes writing about grocery carts and baskets! )

[Mayhaw Man]

btw...this is EXACTLY why women should do all the shopping...there are some things men can do...like bring home the paycheck...let us do the dirty work..like shopping...and swatting rotten fish over yuppie lunkheads...

OhhhhNooo! Hold the Phone!

If there were a World Championship for Grocery Store Shopping with Style, Grace, and Efficiency I would be a contender. I LOVE to go to the grocery. I go damn near everyday. My wife goes to the grocery store when she is forced. Once I learn the layout of a store I can sail through with no trouble and great speed. The key is to know your store. All things are possible after this.

I know plenty of men who do the same (here in the "Land of Men Who Cook Almost Every Meal"-South Louisiana). Not every man is a lunkhead shopper.

[Mayhaw Man]

(Note to self: get a life! I can't believe I just spent about 10 minutes writing about grocery carts and baskets! )

You have something more important than that in your life? You're lucky!

This is the highpoint of my day, as I seem to be the only person in the United States who is forced to work today (and I would not be working if you guys would quit ordering exercise equipment to work off all of those hot dogs you slammed down yesterday! )

[jhlurie]

I ONCE worked in a grocery store (as a stock person, not a cashier) when I was 15, for a single summer. So 20 years later, I honestly don't recall/remember if it was considered a plum job to be the Express Checkout cashier instead of the Regular line cashier.

How, do you suppose, self-checkout lines have affected this process? There's always some person monitoring all four or five of them in some distant way, but at least in the stores I've seen it always seemed like a real crap job. It's giving the same speech about where to stick your debit card, or a lecture to stop leaning on the scale underneath the shopping bags, or grilling the customer about whether or not he or she DARED to move items between bags after they scanned them.

Highjacking the override code? Seems like a good idea. We're honest! I mean... if they didn't trust us they wouldn't allow us to use self-checkout lines in the first place... right?

Maybe it's an area based thing, by the way, but I rarely see confusion about proper hand-basket procedure around here. Everyone knows they are supposed to go in that little space under the front of the conveyor belt. The problem? Too many people in a hurry, who leave the handles crossed--thus filling a space meant to hold about 50 hand baskets with about 5.

Also, and this question is hardly Express-checkout specific... does ANYONE ask Paper or Plastic anymore? I know they've got those paper bags, and I prefer them, but I've got to pester them for them.

No, no -- Jon is in New JERSEY. They're ever so much nicer there.

You have seen The Sopranos, right? Besides, my manners are more mid-state New York, at least from my upbringing.

[Mayhaw Man]

I like the do it yourself checkout.

On the other hand I have a theory that before you are able to use it one should have to take a "checkout exam". Something concerning produce, scales, codes, i.d. of vegetables, how the stupid checkout belt works (move your stuff before the belt piles up or the whole thing will come to a grinding halt! Dammit!, and how to pay. Once you have a minimal knowledge of these subjects you would be given a swipe card that would allow you to operate the machine. It is amazing how many people manage to involve the store manager in these seemingly simple transactions.

Those machines are an incredible test in honesty as well. Green bell peppers and those pricy other colored ones, for example, ring the same on the register. I don't cheat, but I have to admit that I think about it every single time.

[Rebel Rose]

Also, and this question is hardly Express-checkout specific... does ANYONE ask Paper or Plastic anymore? I know they've got those paper bags, and I prefer them, but I've got to pester them for them.

My store has stopped offering both, but a checker told me with a that the store is tightening costs, and apparently the paper costs more and takes up more storage space. However, if I pipe up I can still get paper! Since I put my groceries in the back of a Bronco and have to tote them up a hill when I get home, plastic just doesn't cut it. Ever had a burst open tub of yogurt rolling around on your SUV carpet?

[andiesenji]

I think it was your right, if it is something that annoys you, which clearly it is, to say something to 'oblivious self-involved yuppie lunkhead' when he returned to the line with his extra items. You should have said, "Pardon me, but this is the express line, and you have way too many extra items to make any excuses for not moving to another line."

I think 3 is the maximum overage of express line items. But they should be multiples of items, not individuals. So there.

I certainly have something to say when someone in front of me in the express line has a pile of items, way over the number listed.

One idiot had about 40 items in his cart and he too kept darting off and picking up additional items. I use a cane to walk and after watching this a couple of times I mentioned to him that he was in the express line. He made a rude remark to me so I loudly announced that I was so sorry that he was obviously unable to read the sign but it specifically said 10 items or less and no checks. He said something else and I again loudly said, you should be ashamed of yourself using that kind of language to me, I am old enought to be your grandmother. The store manager then came over and escorted the man out of the line. I purchased my two items and hobbled out of the store. The lady who had been in front of the man was outside and thanked me. She said that he had kept pushing his cart into her behind and when she looked around he gave her the finger.

I didn't stick around to see what happened but jerks like that shouldn't be allowed out in public with normal people.

The other thing that gets me riled is people who are obviously not handicapped using the placards and taking up the handicapped spaces. There was a chiropractor in Palmdale who was actually selling the certifications to anyone who would pony up the money. He was caught but apparently a lot of his "patients" are out there using them.

Last Friday morning at Wal-Mart I saw a guy in an SUV with the overside tires park in a handicapped space and run into the store. I mentioned it to the security officer who was driving around and he said he was going to call the sheriff. When I came out of the store there were two patrol cars and the security car parked behind and alongside the SUV and three officers talking to the guy. The fine is now very stiff for illegally parking in these spaces and having a falsified document makes it even higher. The local news stations have been doing investigations about fraud - ever since some of the UCLA football team members were caught 3 years ago, parking in handicapped spaces with placards gotten with forged documents. And LAPD has a rotating task force that is also checking on the problem. One estimate was that there were over 50,000 bogus placards just in the L.A. area.

[Rebel Rose]

Good for you, andie! Perhaps if you'd known about the other shopper you could have goosed him with your cane!

[andiesenji]

Good for you, andie! Perhaps if you'd known about the other shopper you could have goosed him with your cane!

More like used it to hook his feet out from under him. Too often these young jerks have the idea that women are easily intimidated by such as him. They are always shocked when someone like me strikes back.

Oh yeah, he was one of these jerks who wears his pants hanging very low. Looks like a toddler waddling around with a full diaper to me. Why do they think it looks so cool?

[CompassRose]

Looks like a toddler waddling around with a full diaper to me.

This has nothing to do with grocery checkouts but BWAH HAH HO HOO HAHAHAHAH HEEE!

Ahem. Back on topic.

As a shopper, I lurve the self-checkouts. As a human, though, they make me anxious. You realise what they are, don't you? Like instantellers, they are going to eliminate yet another round of nonspecialised jobs. More profit for the big boys, less employment for the little people.

I dunno; is it worth cheaper arugula?

[jgarner53]

I like the self-checkout, as long as the people ahead of me aren't abjectly clueless about how to use them.

This morning, though, I was waiting at the self-checkout (with my 6 or so items), and a clerk came up and offered to ring me up at the express line (which was closed until then.

Three cheers to Andy for showing up the lout for what he was!

Most of the time, I am only in the supermarket for things I can't get elsewhere, so I can frequently go through the express lane. And I am very careful to count my items. Though I tend to think that the express line is given to the slowest checkers (at least at my super). How is it that ringing up a 20-oz. Pepsi and a Big Grab of HotStuffXtreme Cheetos can take 10 minutes?

[winesonoma]

Oh yeah, he was one of these jerks who wears his pants hanging very low. Looks like a toddler waddling around with a full diaper to me. Why do they think it looks so cool?

Didn't you think that it was cool when you had just started walking? What's that 2 or 3 years old? Always got you lot's of attention didn't it?

[dougery]

About a year ago my wife and I were shopping at a grocery store we both had never visited before. After filling my cart, I noticed that a lane had just opened. I quickly headed over to the vacant lane and started to unload my cart. Since the store was busy, people started lining up behind us almost immediately.

While unloading my cart of groceries, I noticed evil looks and muted words coming from the cashier and everyone in line. Then my wife tapped me on my shoulder and pointed out a sign which I had overlooked,

"8 items or less"...

I felt sooooo very bad. I started to apologize to everyone, but half of the folks looked at me with a "whatever" type of look.

My god, I had turned into one of "them", I had committed the cardinal sin of grocery shopping, I had crossed over to the dark side and will forever be scarred by this horrendous mistake. My family will carry this badge of dishonor for generations to come.

Can all of you forgive me?

[tommy]

i don't get wrapped up in exact numbers. i'm confident that i'll get out of the line with my 10 + 4 items just as fast if not faster than the average person with 10 items. i don't dig in my purse for exact change. i don't stand there waiting for the cashier to bag my stuff. i get out of the way as my transaction is being completed so that the next person can load up the belt. the difference in time btwn 10 items and 14 items, for me, is not measurable by the average human being.

these assumptions, of course, are not based on scientific studies, but rather on common sense and experience.

[chickenlady]

I always make sure I count before I use one of the express lanes. But sometimes if the regular checkout lines are long and the express lane is empty, the cashier will come over and pull you into her lane, regardless of how many items are in your cart. Great... Unless, of course, while the cashier is checking out your mountain of food some "real" express customers show up. You just know what everyone is thinking about you (unless Andie is in line behind you and she just tells you! ). Now I make sure I don't get in line next to the express lane if I have a huge cart. I know, I'm way too sensitive to "THE RULES."

[glenn]

Golden rule - never go shopping if you need more than 15 items - send the wife

Top 5 or so

Check Out Time - Mudhoney

Abominable Snowman in the Supermarket - Modern Lovers

Supermarket Checkout Queen - Plotz & the Registers

Super Market - Iggy Pop

Check it Out - John Mellencamp

Rockin' Shopping Center - Jonathan Richman

Abominable snowman in the market,

That's right, you heard me right, gang.

And the housewives, they all remarking,

"Looks like a dirty marshmallow with fangs."

Well, there's an abominable snowman in the market,

Now he's down by the peas and carrots.

Abominable snowman in the market.

And they cannot chase him away