Are You A "Regular" at NYC Places?

[Felonius]

I've lived in several smaller US cities (i.e. San Diego), have always been a good customer at my favorite places, and have enjoyed being considered a "regular" at these establishments. This status was earned by dining at a particular restaurant on a monthly or perhaps more frequent basis, getting to know the management and staff, and consistently tipping in the 20-30% percent range (even more if extra efforts were made on a special occasion, corkage fees were waved, etc.).

In return for my patronage, I was usually granted a few perks such as: getting Saturday night reservations without having to book weeks in advance, never having to be stuck at the table by the kitchen, being allowed to bring a special bottle of wine now and then, special amusees bouche or "off the menu" items, and most importantly I always new I could count on a warm welcome and flawless service when I most needed it (Parents visiting town, friend's birthday dinner, hot date, etc.).

Now I find myself in Manhattan, competing with 8 million people, including countless celebrities, a myriad of moguls, and people who can probably eat daily at Daniel without checking their bank balance. Is it possible for a mere mortal to become a "regular" at a top NYC restaurant? Have any fellow board members pulled this off? If so, where, and what did it take?

In the year I've been here, I have grown weary of dealing with bad attitudes from obnoxious reservationists, of waiting an hour for a table I supposedly had reserved, of buying an expensive bottle of wine at a restaurant only to be treated like a cheapskate when subsequently asking permission to bring a bottle from my collection for a special occasion, and being stuck at the two-top behind the bus station on a first date.

I don't harbor any secret desire to hang with the "A-list" in New York , I just want a great restaurant that I can count on, like an old friend, to come through for me when I need it.

Any thoughts or ideas would be greatly appreciated.

[Fat Guy]

There is no difference between the procedure for becoming a regular in New York and the procedure for becoming a regular anywhere else. There are more people here than in most other cities on the planet, but there are also more restaurants. There are certainly more good restaurants. Even the best restaurants in New York engage in a daily struggle for business. And even a successful restaurant is desirious of repeat customers.

The first thing you need to do to become a repeat customer is to be a repeat customer. :) That is, you have to eat at the restaurant more than once. But the key is to make every visit count: From your first visit, engage the waitstaff in conversation, learn the names of the key people serving you, and display your enthusiasm for the restaurant and its chef. I suggest making your next reservation while you're physically there.

Over time, continue cultivating your relationship. I don't think it's necessary to be a big spender to do this. It's not necessary to tip in excess of 20 percent, though nobody will object if you do. And it's not necessary to drink expensive wines. Even at the best, most popular restaurants, a repeat customer of below-average spending-power and above-average enthusiasm will be treated as a VIP.

Another important strategy: Don't spread yourself too thin. Don't try to be a regular at every restaurant. Focus on just one or two of the best places.

If your lifestyle and schedule allow it, the best place to get a foot in the door is at the lunch sitting. Pretty much every restaurant in New York is desperate for lunch business, and lunch regulars are treated very well indeed. Many chefs will tell you that, at their restaurants, the customers at the lunch sitting are on the whole more serious about food than the customers at the dinner sitting. Being a lunchtime regular will also be easier on your pocketbook. And on the occasions when you need primetime dinner reservations, your VIP status will easily transfer. Just be prepared to see the bill double or triple for the exact same meal.

It is important to be genuine when building a relationship with a restaurant. Waiters can smell poseurs a mile away. But they -- and those who labor in the kitchen -- very much appreciate genuine interest in the restaurant. You have to remember that most people dining in a given restaurant aren't there for the food. If you can identify yourself as someone who is there for the food, you will be appreciated. Over time this appreciation will show itself in many, many ways.

[Bux]

I don't know what part of the city you live in, but at a neighborhood joint that's hurting a bit for business, two or three visits in a month will endear you to them forever. If it doesn't, you can be sure they don't know how to run a restaurant and will not be there long eonugh to worry about becoming a favored diner. At a place such as Daniel, you should be prepared to sacrifice your first born.

Obviously Fat Guy has taken this subject very seriously and what he says is almost golden. I was being a little bit facetious and it's not so completely different at Daniel. The problem is that there are already so many established favorite diners and as you've noted, you're competing with some of the fattest wallets in the country. One trick, of course, is to spot a new restaurant and be among the first to go two or more times. Fat Guy is correct about lunch. Since we're speaking about Daniel, I'll tell you that Daniel Boulud once told me (at lunch) that he thought his lunch crowd was more food conscious than the dinner crowd. Unfortunately that was at his smaller first restaurant where he was more likely to meet all his guests. Even more unfortuantely, his eponymous restaurant has not been open for lunch since the WTC attack. It's also possible that a two or three hour lunch is not part of your work schedule.

Some other suggestions to add to Fat Guy's advice. If you can't have lunch, accept a very early or very late reservation. Unlike first class Parisian restaurants, the better NYC restaurants will reuse most tables at least once, if not twice in the evening. Almost no one gets to reserve a table at the precise prime time. Weekends are worse than most weekdays. Some days are particularly easy to reserve or even walk in and eat. Yom Kippur eve is a light night at NY restaurants. Any night there's a championship ball game involving a NY team, tables are often suddenly available. Look for easier reservations if the Yankees make the World Series.

A note on the importance of making your genuine enthusiasm known. I've heard from people who have claimed their service improved measureably during a single dinner as the waiter(s) picked up on their appreciation of the food. Most of the great restaurants in NY are full of tourists and locals who are there for reasons other than the food. Forget whatever you may have heard about front of the house staff not getting along with the kitchen. In the top NY restaurants there is mutual respect.

[861728]

Be patient.

The restaurant that treats you like a regular on your 1st visit, that feels comfortable, that welcomes you with service and wows you with the food. THAT is the one to keep.

Shaw is right, of course, we (I'm a server) can spot the disingenuous guest at 50 paces. I know when you're trying to set up gimme reservations for corporate showing off and when you really dig what's going on.

Some regulars do drink big ticket wines but mainly MY regulars are tremendously nice people. I know their kids, their jobs, and I serve in their homes sometimes. My regulars and I called and emailed each other on the 11th.  

Which is to say, we have a relationship. So just wait and it will click for you. And, ask yourself, why you would want to be a regular at a restaurant that treats you so poorly?

[Fat Guy]

Felonius, how goes your quest?

[glenn]

I wonder how many restaurants even know who their frequent diners are. If one is not assertive and does not make a point of engaging staff members in conversation, then there is a good chance of remaining anonymous. Most places do not have a computerized reservation system (and might not utilize it properly if they do). Additionally, in an industry where staff turnover is very high, it is likely that the manager, waiter or hostess that got to know you might not be there when you return.

[Fat Guy]

I wonder how many restaurants even know who their frequent diners are.

It's probably similar to the percentage of restaurants that are any good!

[Rachel Perlow]

I just wanted to emphasize & comment on some points from above. Fat Guy said to try to become a lunchtime regular, if that is not possible because of working hours, you should try to become a weeknight regular. The restaurants aren't as busy, therefore your business more appreciated, and the staff will have more time to note your enthusiasm.

[Bux]

Felonius, how goes your quest?

Fat Guy, I hope you've PMed Felonius and alerted him to your question. From reading his posts elsewhere we may have an inkling of his answer, but it would be interesting to read what he has to say after another year and a half in New York. It's not so much if or where he's found his place as a regular, but the trials and tribulations that may be interesting.

[Fat Guy]

Felonius, how goes your quest?

Fat Guy, I hope you've PMed Felonius and alerted him to your question. From reading his posts elsewhere we may have an inkling of his answer, but it would be interesting to read what he has to say after another year and a half in New York. It's not so much if or where he's found his place as a regular, but the trials and tribulations that may be interesting.

No I'm passive-aggressively waiting for him to discover this thread, and I'm resenting him more every minute.

[Felonius]

Steven, were you pursuing a new interest in archaeology when you dug up this ancient thread?

Now that you've asked.....

As some may have noticed from my other posts, I guess one could say I've become a "regular" at Cafe Boulud. I also frequent a few other places where I am recognized as such (thanks to "Sunny" at Grand Sichuan, and to the folks on the lunch shift at Lutece).

Cafe Boulud is my favorite restaurant in NYC, and perhaps the United States, so my repeated visits were motivated by a genuine love of Andrew Carmellini's cooking. I suppose the fact that I've dropped enough money in that place to buy a second home in Alabama didn't hurt in getting on the good side of the folks at Cafe Boulud, but in the process I've also become friends with the staff. Now it's more a matter of a friend wanting to do their best for a friend, and one who really appreciates their efforts, than it is about commerce.

While the food at CB has always been a model of consistent excellence in my opinion, I do think that the quality of the food has improved since I've become a "regular". I think that there is just that extra bit of attention to detail, or perhaps some extra creative effort (i.e. when ordering a tasting menu). Everyone in the dining room and kitchen knows how much I love their food and service, and how thrilled I am when they are at the top of their game - and what genuine artist wouldn't give their all for a standing ovation? So I guess it's sort of a symbiotic relationship.

There are other perks such as never worrying about getting a last-minute reservation or a good table, but these are still secondary to the effort that is put into the food. Sometimes I wish I had found my regular place at a less expensive restaurant, but then again "if you wanna play, you gotta pay" in New York . At least I have Grand Sichuan at the ready when I need to feel the love at a lower price (which is about once a week, due to the addictive qualities of their dumplings and Kung Pao chicken).

Another side note to my Cafe Boulud experience, is having struck up friendships outside the restaurant with a few of the staff members. One in particular now joins me with his wife on a regular basis for food and wine dinners either at home or out on the town. This has been a lot of fun, and a great chance to expand my knowledge of food and wine with people equally passionate about it all.

Does that adequately answer your question Steven?

Also, I've only had the pleasure of meeting with one fellow egullet member for a few dinners (Mao, where are you these days?) If anyone cares to join me for a full sampling of Andrew Carmellini's cooking, say the word...

[Felonius]

From reading his posts elsewhere we may have an inkling of his answer, but it would be interesting to read what he has to say after another year and a half in New York. It's not so much if or where he's found his place as a regular, but the trials and tribulations that may be interesting.

Oh yes, the trials and tribulations.....

I have come to realize that there are some places in NYC that will never treat anyone other than a supermodel or media mogul with respect (Bond St., Babbo, etc.), and I tend to visit them now only if I have a specific craving. Some other places always treat me well though I'm not a particularly regular customer (Blue Ribbon, Blue Hill are two examples) and they will continue to be on my short list when I need a break from Cafe Boulud. Others seem wholly indifferent no matter how often I dine there. Jean Georges comes to mind, as I have eaten there MANY times and never been recognized once. Then again, I tend to eat there more for its close proximity to my apartment than because it's my favorite cuisine, and haven't been particularly gregarious with the waitstaff.

Another "regular" place for me is Smith and Wollensky's back grill. I like their steaks, and though I tend to think Sparks has the best steak in town, I prefer the atmosphere (and side dishes) at S&W. A good friend of mine has now dined there so regularly that he has been given a plaque with his name on it at the bar. There are other nice perks involved with "regular" status there, but I won't get into these in detail. I don't want to get any of those fine folks in trouble with the corporate-types who own the S&W franchise.

I'm also somewhat of a regular at Hatsuhana. I followed Steven's sage advice about sticking with one sushi chef, and became friends with Masa Seki. He takes good care of me with the best fish on offer that particular day. Now if only I could get in good with Yasuda! (Although Yasuda-San did make me sushi the other day, and had some very humorous gossip to offer about his rivals at other NYC establishments).

Overall, I am happy to report that my bitterness over poor treatment in NYC restaurants when I first arrived has subsided. I have found my regular places where I am welcomed as a friend, and never have any hassles. I dine out at my own risk at other places when an exploratory mood strikes me, but find myself returning more often than not to my "regular" places. These days I tend to be more adventurous when looking for a cheap meal, as the expectations are low and there's not much at stake. However, when I am going to lay down some serious cash for a meal, why subject myself to the inconsistencies (and at times outright snobbery) at a place like Bouley, when I know that Cafe Boulud is going to go out of their way to hit a home run for me every time?

So I suppose one could say my dining out saga has a happy ending....

Edited July 6, 2003 by Felonius (log)

[Fat Guy]

Specifically, what kinds of things did you do to make yourself known at the places where you're now a regular? Did you take proactive steps, or did the restaurants just start recognizing you and ratcheting up your level of treatment?

[Felonius]

Specifically, what kinds of things did you do to make yourself known at the places where you're now a regular? Did you take proactive steps, or did the restaurants just start recognizing you and ratcheting up your level of treatment?

I did take some active steps, many of which were suggested by you and fellow egulleteers. They included:

- Dining multiple times over short time span (easier for them to remember you)

- Making lunch and weeknight reservations rather than at "peak" times

- Getting to know the names of the waitstaff (as soon as I knew their names, they remembered mine)

- Engaging the staff with questions or comments about the food/wine (this was not contrived in any way, as I am always eager to hear what a good waitstaff has to say about their favorite dishes, wine pairings, etc.)

- Thanking everyone personally for their service and food when appropriate

- Offering a glass of wine (when my bottle was of sufficient quality to merit this) to the waitstaff or chef

- Giving a bit of Christmas bonus and a nice bottle of wine to key staff (though this may sound pretentious or even like bribery to some of you, by this time I was already a "regular" and I did it out of genuine thanks rather than for more dubious reasons)

I also try to show them the same respect and consideration shown to me. If a maitre-d' doesn't flinch at giving me a prime-time table at the last minute, I am gracious if the service occasionally slips at rush-hour (though it very seldom does in my experience). In other words, I don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Another good inroads to "regular" status might be attending special events when offered by a given restaurant. For example, the sommelier at Cafe Boulud began inviting me to special Monday night wine tasting dinners. These were not only an opportunity to sample some of the best food/wine that CB had to offer, they also brought me and my fellow diners (mostly regulars) into closer contact with the chef. Andrew had put a lot of work into preparing these special menus, and I think he was eager to hear what we thought of the food. These have proven to be some of the most enjoyable dinners I've had in New York, and a great chance to see what a chef can do when he/she pulls out all the stops.

And if all of this sounds contrived - it really wasn't. I returned over and over again because I especially craved their food. The rest was just a matter of courtesy and sharing my enthusiasm for food with the staff. Oh yeah, and spending more than I care to admit on dining out.

At Grand Sichuan the process was a bit simpler. I merely became addicted to their food and ate there 2-3 times a week. When a guy shows up on their doorstep 3 days in a row for a dumpling fix, they've gotta give him some respect!