Useless Food "Gifts" You've Received

[Arey]

I actually use my bread machine , but only for the dough cycle, and I use my George Foreman grill, to make grilled vegetables for grilled vegetables, goat cheese and balsamic vinegar salads.  However, shortly after losing 80 lbs, my brother and his wife gave me a manually operated pasta maker.  Sometime later when my brother was advising me at how poor I was at selecting appropriate gifts for him, I brought up the pasta maker and his response was "That's not my fault, I didn't even know what we were giving you".

Two years my nephew gave me a gift food basket, with a vodka infuser (but no vodka which didn't matter sinceI don't drink vodka), a bottle of artisanal marmalade  from Connecticut (typical USA marmalade, much too sweet), a big bottle of cheap evoo which I used for cooking, a box of fancy crackers (but no cheese) and a bag of German wild garlic egg noodles which I really liked.  However, he and his wife only gave me the gift basket because the gift certificate they were going to give me got held up in the mail, so I got that later. It was definitely an "it's the thought that counts" moment even if I wouldn't use half the stuff.

One year my neice gave everybody home made bottles of infused olive oil.  The bottles of oil had red peppers, herbs, citrus rinds and garlic cloves, spices and other things.  Everybody who got one had been in my neices home, so I doubt very much if any of them even got opened.  Mine didn't even make it into the house, and I washed my hands very well after handling it.
 

Edited August 28, 2014 by Arey (log)

[lindag]

One year I gave homemade limoncello which took months to age.  I can only hope it was enjoyed.

[liuzhou]

An acquaintance (not a friend) who wanted me to do some impossible favour, brought me a gift (bribe) of 8 litres of water buffalo milk and a kilo of persimmons. 

 

I never drink milk of any description (but used it to make yoghurt, which was OK) and, of all the fruits in the world, the only one I truly can't stand is ...

 

Yup. Persimmon. Disgusting things! They were rapidly binned. And no; I didn't do the favour.

Edited August 28, 2014 by liuzhou (log)

[Porthos]

The worst,  say    "AS SEEN ON TV" ... 

 

To my own shame I did buy an Eggstractor once.

[Anna N]

To my own shame I did buy an Eggstractor once.

Don't feel too bad. Somewhere in the Manitoulin topics you will find Kerry and I are playing with one!

[CeeCee]

The good thing about getting stuff I don't like, is wrapping it up around christmas in a big box and give it to my mom. She misses getting a christmas care pack, since she stopped working and she's way less snobby and more into convenience food than we are. If she doesn't like it, she hands it off to someone else or I try to find someone else for it.

I really hate seeing edible things go to waste, but have to admit that I'm a sucker for those thrift shops gadget finds...

[Allura]

Every year my in-laws give us a small bottle of homemade limoncello or another liquor (a Spanish citrus one that I forget the name of) and a big bottle of homemade coquito. I don't drink at all, I just never was interested, and DH drinks very little. And I always ask if they used pasturized eggs for the coquito, and they tell me they used egg beaters...which EXPRESSLY say not to use them raw. I don't care how much booze is in there, I'm not risking salmonella.

[Thanks for the Crepes]

An acquaintance (not a friend) who wanted me to do some impossible favour, brought me a gift (bribe) of 8 litres of water buffalo milk and a kilo of persimmons. 

 

I never drink milk of any description (but used it to make yoghurt, which was OK) and, of all the fruits in the world, the only one I truly can't stand is ...

 

Yup. Persimmon. Disgusting things! They were rapidly binned. And no; I didn't do the favour.

liuzhou,

 

I would have loved to have received your water buffalo milk and would have made mozarella di bufala with it! I even like persimmons as long as they have been hit by frost. Before that, they are pucker up, and spit it out.

 

The value of a gift is totally in the eye of the beholder (recipient).

 

I recently received a gift of muscadine wine made from grapes I had given to a neighbor in return for the use of his truck to go back to the Asian grocery (3 mile round trip) where I had walked up and found muscadines, and wanted to bring back a lot more while they still had some.

 

The guy made wine out of them, and kindly sent me about 8 oz. or so.

 

I tried it, and these were the results:

 

"I just took a tiny sip, poured into a glass of course. When I unscrewed the top, it expelled gas in a whoosh, so perhaps the yeast is still alive and producing CO2?

 

It didn't taste bad, like homemade scuppernong wine I've tasted. It has the beautiful floral muscadine flavor coming through, but it's very alcoholic. My neighbor friend says he estimates it's 30% alcohol, and it's very sweet. He had to have added a bunch of sugar. It's like a liqueur made from muscadines, and certainly not a bad one. If you like super sweet liqueurs, this captures the essence of the muscadine perfectly.

 

I poured an ounce into a 16 oz. water goblet, added a short shot of vodka and filled it with seltzer. I now have a very pretty lightly still medium to quite sweet fizzy drink that unfortunately is just too sweet for me, and now it tastes like it smells a little bit when I'm using shoe polish, and the muscadine flavor is gone. I'm not going to finish the rest of it.

 

I think the kindest thing to do would be to return the rest to him, explain it was too sweet for my weird palate, apologize profusely for my weirdness, and hope he enjoys it. Or throw it out and pretend I liked it? What do you think?"

 

I quoted my own words above from the Muscadines thread, because it's been placed on topic watch, and I'd really appreciate some input into how to best deal with a labor of love food gift I just don't like and won't be able to use. Hopefully, this post is more appropriate in this forum.

 

I don't want to hurt the fellow's feelings, but I definitely don't want anymore homemade wine. Muscadines specifically probably won't come up again, because this is the first time I've ever seen them commercially.

Edited September 26, 2015 by Thanks for the Crepes (log)

[Jaymes]

 I'd really appreciate some input into how to best deal with a labor of love food gift I just don't like and won't be able to use.

 

Yes, definitely something of a pickle.  You do appreciate the effort and thought, so you can focus on that with your thank-yous.  And then say, "but it was really too sweet for me."   As you're having that conversation, you should be able to get a clue as to whether or not he'd like for you to return the rest.  If he doesn't mention it, I wouldn't either.

 

And then never take him any more muscadine grapes.

 

Or any other variety for that matter - just to be on the safe side.

[Jaymes]

Those flavored oils and vinegars can be pretty tasty tossed into a green salad.  I do try to use them up that way.  Don't want to use my uber-expensive oils and vinegars in tossed salads, so those "freebees" work well for me.

[ElainaA]

 

 I'd really appreciate some input into how to best deal with a labor of love food gift I just don't like and won't be able to use. 

 

 

I agree with Jaymes - thank you's for the thought and a tactful but honest explanation of your response. I have a large family - every year my gifts involve both home made chocolates and other candies and various canned things I have put up - jams, preserves, pickles, relishes. It took my favorite sister-in-law several years to tell me (after, during a visit, I found several jars of the previous years gifts in a cupboard)  that she doesn't eat jam but loves pickles. Now every years she she asks "Could you give me just one more jar?"  I do try to tailor the gift to the person. One extremely conservative (in food choices) brother gets plain strawberry jam, blueberry preserves and dill pickles. The more exotic stuff goes to the sisters, nieces and friends that I know will enjoy it. 

I don't think I would offer to give it back though. If you trust the quality and simply don't like the taste, pass it on to someone who might enjoy it. If you question the quality (whether for food safety reasons or because it really tastes bad), toss it. 

[Thanks for the Crepes]

Thanks Jaymes and  ElainaA,

 

Sometimes I think I may have Asperger's or something, so your advice is extremely appreciated. I never mean to offend people, but it seems to happen too much inadvertently. 

 

I can honestly praise the muscadine flavor of the undiluted wine/liqueur and just tell him it was too sweet for me. I just thought if it was a sacrifice for him because he had a lot of time in it, he might want it back, but I will adhere to your wisdom. If he indicates he wants it, fine, but if not, I won't mention it. 

[liuzhou]

Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival. This is dated by the traditional Chinese lunar-solar calendar, but usually turns up in September. It doesn't turn up in mid autumn - it is a still hot, just beginning autumn day. Lovely time of year.

 

It is also sometimes referred to as the Moon Festival tonight people will be feasting and looking at the moon. I don't mind the feasting, but looking at the moon is like watching paint dry. It doesn't do anything.

 

They will also be eating mooncakes. For the last week, I have been avoiding bakeries. They drop al their usual range and only sell mooncakes. The supermarkets are rammed full of the things. And shops which normally have no connection to food suddenly become mooncake outlets. My local laundry has given up washing stuff in favour of mooncakes and one local shop which normally only sells office safes has abandoned security devices to cater to the huge market in cakery.

 

99% of the people on the street and buses etc. are carrying several carrier bags of the cakes to give as gifts. Of course, they will end up receiving as many as they give away. It is madness.

 

It is also an environmental disaster. these things are packaged lavishly to say the least. 

 

For the last 20 years, I have received gifts of mooncakes and today has been no exception. Only problem is that I can't stand the horrible things.  Over sweet and dense. I can feel my arteries hardening when I just look at them. I immediately pass them on to someone else. (And no doubt they do the same.)

 

 

 

 

And finally one which I didn't eat last year:

 

[Thanks for the Crepes]

Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival. This is dated by the traditional Chinese lunar-solar calendar, but usually turns up in September. It doesn't turn up in mid autumn - it is a still hot, just beginning autumn day. Lovely time of year.

 

It is also sometimes referred to as the Moon Festival tonight people will be feasting and looking at the moon. I don't mind the feasting, but looking at the moon is like watching paint dry. It doesn't do anything.

 

They will also be eating mooncakes. For the last week, I have been avoiding bakeries. They drop al their usual range and only sell mooncakes. The supermarkets are rammed full of the things. And shops which normally have no connection to food suddenly become mooncake outlets. My local laundry has given up washing stuff in favour of mooncakes and one local shop which normally only sells office safes has abandoned security devices to cater to the huge market in cakery.

 

99% of the people on the street and buses etc. are carrying several carrier bags of the cakes to give as gifts. Of course, they will end up receiving as many as they give away. It is madness.

 

It is also an environmental disaster. these things are packaged lavishly to say the least. 

 

For the last 20 years, I have received gifts of mooncakes and today has been no exception. Only problem is that I can't stand the horrible things.  Over sweet and dense. I can feel my arteries hardening when I just look at them. I immediately pass them on to someone else. (And no doubt they do the same.)

 

 

 

 

And finally one which I didn't eat last year:

 

liuzhou,

 

It's ironic that in our area we will have a "harvest moon", which means the moon comes closest to the planet than at any other time; it appears larger. Also we will have a total lunar eclipse on Sunday night. It must be the opposite on your side of the world.

 

Thanks for your view on mooncakes, and because I also do not care for overly sweet and dense baked goods, I have ceased to covet them. I had done so for years.

[Arey]

Some years ago my niece gave me a basket of fancy bath soaps.All sorts of sizes , scents, and colors, one of which so closely resembled vanilla walnut fudge, that I wanted a bite of it, and I don't even like fudge. One bite and its too sweet and makes my teeth hurt. I gave it, basket and all to my neighbor across the street.  However two years before that my niece had given me a set of large bathtowels and wash cloths.  After I got the soap I asked my sister-in-law if my niece was trying to give me a hint.

[Smithy]

liuzhou, your description of moon cakes and their being passed back and forth reminds me of fruitcake in the U.S. I dislike it (fruitcake) for much the same reasons of its seasonal ubiquity and cloying sweetness. (To be fair: I have experienced a few good slices of fruitcake, but not often enough to change my wariness of the stuff.) I think the fancy tin looks like a lot of fun, however. That would be worth accepting a gift or two of mooncakes. :-)

Edited to add this note: people who wish to defend or malign fruitcake may be interested in these topics:

The Fruitcake Topic

Fruitcake -- Bake-Off IX

[cakewalk]

I think the fancy tin looks like a lot of fun, however. That would be worth accepting a gift or two of mooncakes. :-)

 

Yes, the tin and the shopping bag really caught my eye as well, they're very nice.

 

I've bought myself quite a few useless food gifts over the years.

[btbyrd]

A couple years ago, my in-laws gave me an Alaskan Ulu knife with a curved cutting "bowl." I have yet to use it because there's no task that I can think of that a chef's knife or a cleaver wouldn't do better. A possible exception is scraping blubber from the hide of a seal or whale, but I'm not planning on doing that anytime soon.

[Jaymes]

A couple years ago, my in-laws gave me an Alaskan Ulu knife with a curved cutting "bowl." I have yet to use it because there's no task that I can think of that a chef's knife or a cleaver wouldn't do better. A possible exception is scraping blubber from the hide of a seal or whale, but I'm not planning on doing that anytime soon.

 

Do you ever buy whole fish to skin & fillet?  Good for that.  Also great for cutting pizza, chopping nuts and other veggies, fresh and dried herbs.  Have you ever used an Italian mezzaluna?  Basically the same tool.

 

I used to live in Alaska and had a couple of ulus.  Used them a lot.

 

 

[Rainycatcooks]

In the town near me we have one of those stores that sells all types of vinegars, oils and flavored salt. I go there because they carry some local Lamb. While I was in there getting some lamb I noticed a very pretty locally made box that had five small bottles of vinegar and five olive oils. I thought to myself that it was cute but very overpriced and full of what the store owner wants to get rid of. I felt sorry for the cook who would receive this from a well meaning non cook of a friend. Well, you guessed it, I was the receiver of the gift. I do like the box but do not know what I will use it for one I get to using the product. Now that I am writing this I realize I have enjoyed it more than I thought I would. I have used and enjoyed several of the flavored oils (the blood orange was my favorite) but I have no idea what the heck to use coconut or espresso balsamic for. Maybe as a drinking vinegar? A dessert?  It is much better than the eight bottles of flavored salt I got the year before. Not that they are bad but the mark-up on these types of things is crazy.

[Thanks for the Crepes]

Rainycatcooks,

 

Welcome to eGullet!

 

I think I would try your coconut vinegar (or oil?) in a salad I favor with canned mandarin oranges, thinly sliced red onion and crisp, fresh Romaine lettuce.

 

Sorry, no clue on the espresso balsamic, although someone more creative than I might try it as a garnish with a cheesecake and strawberries.

[andiesenji]

I have received so many useless food gifts over the years that it is difficult to choose just one but probably the oddest, from someone who had been a recipient of one of my goodie baskets, which included candied ginger, glacé fruits, spiced nuts, homemade preserves and some of my baked goods, was a gift box with some preserves, jams in tiny jars and a container of cyrstallized ginger!

At first I thought it might be a sort of slap in the face but then I realized it was just from a person who hasn't a clue about how to choose a gift for a foodie and probably picked up the first box of stuff they saw in a "gourmet" store.

 

I have received many of these "coals to Newcastle" type gifts from people who are non-cooks and don't think that much about food, other than as fuel for them to do whatever it is they do.

 

I have received gifts of booze, hard liquor and wine from people who KNOW I am allergic to alcohol - at least I can use that in cooking or in the case of a very old and extremely expensive Scotch - take it to my son-in-law who loves it. 

I have used tequilla (also aged and expensive) to make vanilla extract.

I can use the wine in cooking if it is cooked long enough  and I often reduce them in a slow cooker to make sauce bases.

 

And the most incomprehensible was a gift basket of odd little crackers with tins of smoked oysters, various seafood "delicacies" and a gift certificat to a sushi restaurant from a person who knows I am horribly allergic to seafood/idone and will absolutely NEVER EAT RAW STUFF!  And especially not stuff that is wrapped in seaweed which I can't even touch without breaking out in hives...

Edited October 2, 2015 by andiesenji (log)

[chileheadmike]

I got not one but THREE of those flavored olive oils from my well-intentioned (but utterly clueless) cousin. Making matters worse, they're odd infusions like raspberry.

 

 

I got some of those from my former SIL. Cool bottles, I displayed them on top of my cabinets but never tried the oil. I suspect it was mostly canola oil with a drop or two of olive. 

[Thanks for the Crepes]

Wow, andie!

 

They say it's the thought that counts, right? Unfortunately it sounds like there was little thought put into the gifts you mentioned.

 

As for my gift of muscadine wine, I poured it out today and put the container through the dishwasher to be returned to the donor with a nice little thank you note. My husband sees this gentleman much more than I do.

 

It expelled another burp of gas when I opened it, and when I emptied the jar I noticed that there was not only grape must in the bottom, but quite a bit of a beige substance that resembled what I see when proofing bread yeast. I think I may have failed to mention that this wine was gifted only a week after my initial gift of the grapes.

 

Oh well, we cannot all be master wine makers, and this guy has a really good heart. There was thought behind his gift, and I really appreciate it. He's a sweetheart, and a true southern gentleman. I also found out he's a scientist, and that's where his doctor title comes from. The more I get to know him, the more I like him, so I'm not making fun of the wine in any way. I just didn't like it, but I really liked that he thought of me and spent the time and effort to share it.

 

I brought him and my husband a couple of of freshly brewed iced teas last week when they were working in the heat to level out a place for a greenhouse he asked my husband for help in erecting. He seemed to really appreciate it and asked for more the next day and advice on brewing good clear iced tea.

[Norm Matthews]

My son gave me an "as seen on TV" gift one year. I don't remember what it was called but it was a round grate and solid plate that fit over your stove burner.  You were supposed to add a flavored liquid that would steam flavor your food while cooking on the flat-ish part.  The directions, however said not to heat it so high the liquid would boil so it did nothing, not that steaming chicken broth or anything else would actually add much flavor in any case.