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Starbucks instruction manual


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Apparently, Starbucks is now promoting the radical idea that you can order coffee any way you want it, but is afraid that we won't know how to order it and has supplied an instruction manual.

There's an article about it here.

"I think it's a matter of principle that one should always try to avoid eating one's friends."--Doctor Dolittle

blog: The Institute for Impure Science

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I picked up one of those little brochures at Starbucks last week. It's a brilliant marketing strategy - teach people correct "barista-speak" so they don't suffer the horrible shame of ordering incorrectly. I'm sure fear of such embarassment has inhibited some Latte Lemmings from ordering more complex, expensive, and therefore higher margin drinks.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself. - Johnny Carson
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I like (and enjoy ordering) coffee in Starbucks. Here is how it goes-

"I would like a large coffee please"

"Excuse Me" responds the overwhelmed barista.

"Coffee, black, in a large cup. To go. Please."

"Americano?" she says, hoping I will run up the tab by adding a cool name and cutting my beverage in half with hot water and slyly adding a shot or two.

"No, Coffee. That stuff you have in that large vacuum container with the dust on it."

"Oh, you mean like just coffee? Like regular drip? Wow. Nobody ever ordered that before." marvels the stunned, but secretly impressed by my obvious indifference to fashion, barista.

"Exactly. Black coffee in a large go cup. Thank you."

This is a recreation of a conversation I have had about a zillion times. I swear that if you stand in line behind ten people NONE of them ever order regular old, but very delicious and refreshing, black coffee. I really like the stuff. When made properly it is a damn fine beverage.

Brooks Hamaker, aka "Mayhaw Man"

There's a train everyday, leaving either way...

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I have had conversations very much like that in other places (I won't go to Charbucks). I am old enough to remember the places were practically all you had to do was sit down and you'd get a cup of plain old coffee. Though, at least in New England, "regular coffee" often meant with cream (or more likely half-and-half); if you wanted black you had to say black. None of this skim milk crap. What's the point of skim milk in coffee anyway? You might as well just be adding water.

"I think it's a matter of principle that one should always try to avoid eating one's friends."--Doctor Dolittle

blog: The Institute for Impure Science

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I like (and enjoy ordering) coffee in Starbucks. Here is how it goes-

"I would like a large coffee please"

"Excuse Me" responds the overwhelmed barista.

"Coffee, black, in a large cup. To go. Please."

"Americano?" she says, hoping I will run up the tab by adding a cool name and cutting my beverage in half with hot water and slyly adding a shot or two.

"No, Coffee. That stuff you have in that large vacuum container with the dust on it."

"Oh, you mean like just coffee? Like regular drip? Wow. Nobody ever ordered that before." marvels the stunned, but secretly impressed by my obvious indifference to fashion, barista.

"Exactly. Black coffee in a large go cup. Thank you."

This is a recreation of a conversation I have had about a zillion times. I swear that if you stand in line behind ten people NONE of them ever order regular old, but very delicious and refreshing, black coffee. I really like the stuff. When made properly it is a damn fine beverage.

I'm with you. Here's how my order goes: "Medium coffee please."

The counter person usually tries to hide a smile, but I absolutely refuse to to play along by calling the thing a "venti."

"All humans are out of their f*cking minds -- every single one of them."

-- Albert Ellis

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I have a coworker who is thrilled to have the guide.

I receive a good number of Starbucks gift cards so I get a drink there about once a month. My regular starf*%k has given up traslating my order from small or medium. (I don't want to imagine me after a large.)

True Heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic.

It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost,

but the urge to serve others at whatever cost. -Arthur Ashe

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I sometimes get coffee in Starbucks (I prefer the "mild" b/c it has less of a burnt flavor) and have never once been corrected or given any sort of attitude for ordering it "small, black" (I refuse to say "tall") - or had any attempts at up-selling. I dislike the chain as much as the next guy - and find their coffee over-roasted and their terminology annoying, but the people working in the stores seem reasonable enough to me.

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My first real job was at Coffee People, the local alternative (well in Portland, OR anyways) to Starf**ks...and we always used to laugh at the starbucks regulars that would wander into our store, used to ordering a grande or what have you, since we served small, medium and large like normal people.

I personally refuse to Starmuck any more, because they don't have a way for me to tip their employees if I'm using my card (ah the electronic age) and have no actual cash or change on me (I hate carrying it)....as many times as I've suggested it, they haven't changed. And as someone who knows what it's like to live off of tips (see above job..I'd sock away my actual paychecks and eat my daily dinner off of my tips) , I can't in conscience give my money to an orginization that screws it's employess out of my chance to pay them for their service (by the way, did you know at the Starbucks inside safeways and other supermarkets,they are supermarket employess and are not allowed to accept tips? So they are now outsourcing baristas?).

Now fortified with extra Riboflavins!
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  • 4 weeks later...

My favorite part of the little instruction manual/advertising campaign is the part about "leave room." There are ads all over NYC exhorting possible Starbucks customers to say to the barista, "Not only do I want to pay $1.55 for your 12-oz., burnt-tasting coffee, but I actually want you to put less of it in the cup, as well."

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I'm with you. Here's how my order goes: "Medium coffee please."

The counter person usually tries to hide a smile, but I absolutely refuse to to play along by calling the thing a "venti."

I also can't stand having to call a particular size of cup by a pseudo-Italian name.

I do, however, benefit from the Starbucks marketing machine. When travelling for business I can usually count on Starbucks saving me from having to drink 'office coffee'. Not as good as the stuff I make at home, but worth a stop by the nearest strip mall.

Stephen Bunge

St Paul, MN

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I guess Starbucks is all about "educating" its customers — and its employees. Here's an article on how it's going to create "coffee masters."

Starting this month, all employees at Starbucks' approximately 4,200 company-operated North American stores will be required to complete four hours of paid training, dubbed "continuing the coffee journey," on top of the already mandated 24 hours. Shift supervisors and higher level employees can sign on for four hours more and become "coffee masters."

You can tell who the "masters" are by their black aprons. So ever since I read this, I've been harrassing all the Starbucks patrons I know with "So, have the black aprons arrived yet?"

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Only 4 hours to become a master. Nice... Why have I been wasting so much time trying to learn as much as I can about coffee when I could just take some training from them?

Further proof that we will all be able to do our jobs better if we just had a big corporation looking out for us.

Wait. Oh. The government? Nah. Never mind.

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You can tell who the "masters" are by their black aprons. So ever since I read this, I've been harrassing all the Starbucks patrons I know with "So, have the black aprons arrived yet?"

Also, nonmasters will have to bow before the Black Aprons and refer to them as "sensei".

"I think it's a matter of principle that one should always try to avoid eating one's friends."--Doctor Dolittle

blog: The Institute for Impure Science

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I like (and enjoy ordering) coffee in Starbucks. Here is how it goes-

"I would like a large coffee please"

"Excuse Me" responds the overwhelmed barista.

"Coffee, black, in a large cup. To go. Please."

"Americano?" she says, hoping I will run up the tab by adding a cool name and cutting my beverage in half with hot water and slyly adding a shot or two.

"No, Coffee. That stuff you have in that large vacuum container with the dust on it."

"Oh, you mean like just coffee? Like regular drip? Wow. Nobody ever ordered that before." marvels the stunned, but secretly impressed by my obvious indifference to fashion, barista.

"Exactly. Black coffee in a large go cup. Thank you."

This is a recreation of a conversation I have had about a zillion times. I swear that if you stand in line behind ten people NONE of them ever order regular old, but very delicious and refreshing, black coffee. I really like the stuff. When made properly it is a damn fine beverage.

I love confusing the F*&% out of them.

Thanks :biggrin:

True Heroism is remarkably sober, very undramatic.

It is not the urge to surpass all others at whatever cost,

but the urge to serve others at whatever cost. -Arthur Ashe

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Well, the deal about "leave room" is a way to keep them from adding such a huge quantity of milk to the shots of espresso in a latte. The only drawback is that their espresso needs all that milk to cover up the fact that it is poorly made. If they made a good shot of espresso I would have no problem asking them to leave the cup half full--quality not quantity works for me, but Starbucks doesn't have the quality.

Fred Bramhall

A professor is one who talk's in someone else's sleep

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Check this link and laugh your ass of at Starbucks' expense.

http://www.illwillpress.com/sml.html

It's funny 'cause it's true...

Note: Not work safe.

"You can take a venti-sized razor and shove it up your tall-brained a$$!"

Priceless!!

SML

"When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!" --Ralph Wiggum

"I don't support the black arts: magic, fortune telling and oriental cookery." --Flanders

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I guess Starbucks is all about "educating" its customers — and its employees. Here's an article on how it's going to create "coffee masters."
Starting this month, all employees at Starbucks' approximately 4,200 company-operated North American stores will be required to complete four hours of paid training, dubbed "continuing the coffee journey," on top of the already mandated 24 hours. Shift supervisors and higher level employees can sign on for four hours more and become "coffee masters."

You can tell who the "masters" are by their black aprons. So ever since I read this, I've been harrassing all the Starbucks patrons I know with "So, have the black aprons arrived yet?"

4 hours? geez had I known it only took 4 hours, I would've gone and worked there... our coffee origins training took a lot longer

Now fortified with extra Riboflavins!
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The counter person usually tries to hide a smile, but I absolutely refuse to to play along by calling the thing a "venti."

I follow my 'english' order- medium for example, with an apologetic- I'm saving the Italian terms for when I actually order coffee in Italy. It'll make it more special."

The kids appreciate it. They know it's bogus.

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