Comforting foods, consoling foods

[denise_jer]

Watching really silly movies helps a lot, too. After my last big breakup, my sister came over and made me popcorn and margaritas, and we watched both Brady Bunch movies and Dumb and Dumber. You'll no doubt notice the lovely mixture of starch and booze! The popcorn did not keep us from getting stinko!

But it did make me feel better for one night. I really feel for you; I know it hurts. I hope you feel better soon!

[mags]

I'm all for creative revenge. Years ago I got dumped by (cringing) a Scientologist. He had given me a copy of Dianetics -- which I never read -- and I burned it (all except for the cover), scooped the cover and the ashes into a baggie, and left it on his doorknob with a note saying "You're right, it IS explosive. In fact, it just spontaneously combusted."

So if this momo left his shoes or suits at your place, I wouldn't just give'em to Goodwill. Hell, there's no fun in that. Are they nice, pricey shoes? Terrif. Fill them with honey and mail them back. Or buy a tin of the ugliest paint available in the Benjamin Moore line, and and dip them.

Then there's a line of revenge I've only ever read about...but do regard as brilliant, though it does require both time and effort. Think of the most annoying, persistent organizations you can come up with -- fanatical religious sects are good, conspiracy-theory websites, those outfits that are always calling to pitch debt-consolidations services or timeshares in Florida -- and sign him up. Be sure to tell them that he works odd hours and particularly enjoys being called, or having his doorbell rung, at 4 in the morning.

[tryska]

brilliant!

[Pan]

Remember she's in Australia, but I don't think all these suggestions of things to do for revenge are a good idea. They may sound funny, but they're not. We also have to keep in mind that while we all sympathize with Ondine, we're getting only her side of the story. Sorry to inject a bit of controversial sanity here, and please, no offense, Ondine! The guy who left you does sound like a real cad!

[JennyUptown]

<<sending you lots of happy, comforting thoughts as someone who's been there>>

I tend to lose my appetite just about completely when I am upset about my love life. Went through a rough patch recently and lost a quick ten pounds. The only foods I could tolerate were sweet - yogurt with granola, chocolate-chip banana bread (baking it was good as it took up time and kept my mind somewhat occupied) and the occasional Krispy Kreme doughnut.

The one exception: I was able to eat when I was in restaurants in the company of friends. Something about the socializing, the distraction...it was good for me.

You're going to be ok. Keep repeating to yourself "this too shall pass..."

[mags]

Remember she's in Australia, but I don't think all these suggestions of things to do for revenge are a good idea. They may sound funny, but they're not. We also have to keep in mind that while we all sympathize with Ondine, we're getting only her side of the story. Sorry to inject a bit of controversial sanity here, and please, no offense, Ondine! The guy who left you does sound like a real cad!

Tsk, Pan, you just broke Rule #16 in the International Girlfriends' Guidebook. If you'll turn to page 94 (97 in the revised edition) you'll see very clearly that it reads "There IS no other side of the story. He's a louse. Feel free to saturate his expensive handmade wingtips with sticky stuff."

And what does Ondine's being in Australia have to do with it? First of all, the International Girlfriends' Code is...international. Believe me, they have louses Down Under. And they also have sticky stuff.

[Pan]

And what does Ondine's being in Australia have to do with it?

Australia is pretty far from Florida.

And mags, in case you didn't notice, I'm not a girlfriend.

[malarkey]

The fastest way to get over an old affair is to start a new one, even a temporary one with someone less than perfect.

that's my kind of thinking jackal...

[malarkey]

Tsk, Pan, you just broke Rule #16 in the International Girlfriends' Guidebook. If you'll turn to page 94 (97 in the revised edition) you'll see very clearly that it reads "There IS no other side of the story. He's a louse. Feel free to saturate his expensive handmade wingtips with sticky stuff."

damn straight!

Ondine, honey, spoil yourself. be very, VERY good to yourself during this time. it goes a long way to making things better.

[Ondine]

Comfort Me, Gifted GOurmet:

Yup. Um, hee hee. I guess so (blush). Now I just gotta go find one.

Rachel Perlow:

I wish! I don't think they make blenders that big - ex was 6 ft 6. And I'm thinking I'll just give his stuff to some impoverished college students who, while they may not trash it, certainly will neither appreciate nor take care of it.

Pan: I see what you mean. I have thought long and hard about it all. Having been to a lot of sessions I do know how to make allowances for my own bias. Having said all that, it is quite obvious that it was way more his fault than mine. I think it's time to go shopping for a BIG tub of honey.

Mags: Where do I get a copy of this Guidebook? Obviously my copy got lost in the mail somehow!

Gonna try to cook some today. I have a kilo of organic lamb chops defrosting. Hm. garlic, lemon, walnut oil and Grey Goose?

And my gay friends want to take me out dancing. Hope I'll have the energy!

[Pan]

Ondine, you don't need to make allowances for your bias; just don't do any of the rash things some of your ill-advised "girlfriends" are suggesting.

[Katherine]

At this point it really doesn't matter whose fault it might be. When you walk out, especially if you intend to try to hurt the person walked out on, you'd better take your stuff right away, or it's fair game. Like yard sale.

[jschyun]

Ondine, you don't need to make allowances for your bias; just don't do any of the rash things some of your ill-advised "girlfriends" are suggesting.

Pan is right. All that revenge stuff just keeps him in your system. He's gone, you're still alive, time to move on to bigger and better things. Happiness is just around the corner, but you have to keep walking...

I had a really bad, horrible relationship, but once we broke up, I found the man of my dreams.

Just don't give back the Grey Goose. That would be truly insane.

Edited February 28, 2004 by jschyun (log)

[Marlene]

There's a difference between thinking about revenge and actually doing the deed. Thinking about it can have all sorts of cleansing properties

Comfort food. Cooking it, not necessarily eating it is wonderful. When i'm down, or depressed etc, I bake all the time, but I never eat it. If my boys don't eat the stuff, I'll take it to the school and put it in the staff room, where the teachers devour it.

[suzilightning]

Oh, and speaking of physical activity, orgasm often.  Makes you feel alive again. 

Heh. Would love to but there's a slight hitch. I currently don't want anyone else, or even a fling.

sigh

obviously you did not pay attention to the previous suggestions - or i was too subtle

hang in there and remember the purple pony is your friend.

[mags]

Pan, you clearly take me much too literally.

[Pan]

If I'm taking you too literally, that doesn't seem like much of a problem to me. The problem would be if anyone took some of the various revenge schemes to heart and tried them. But fortunately, Ondine seems not to have as much desire for revenge as some other people who've been posting in this thread. What that says to me is that she may have less trouble coping with breakups than some other people.

But in all seriousness, perhaps we should get back to food and leave the unsolicited revenge schemes and other non-food stuff behind?

[gus_tatory]

But in all seriousness, perhaps we should get back to food and leave the unsolicited revenge schemes and other non-food stuff behind?

i'm with Pan this time. revenge doesn't get you further ahead, and just earns you bad karma. sorry.

on the bright side, i was at an oyster bar tonight, and they had all sorts of oyster shells nailed to the walls that had been written on (with Sharpie markers) by famous people who had eaten there (ok, Quebec-famous people, like Anne-Marie Cadieux, whom i adore), and right by our table there was an oyster shell upon which the person had simply written "breathe."

i would say, take the advice of that oyster shell.

oysters = back to food...

[Ondine]

I'm breathing, I am! I'm sure if I stopped I'd notice.

Pan: I do feel like I'm a very lucky girl with this breakup. I have lots of friends and family, both online and off, who are showering me with support. And I have one of the very best therapists ever. He agreed today that I needed more intensive sessions, and when I told him I couldn't afford it, told me he'd charge only $5 more than the Medicare rebate, which is about $130 - I'd get $125 back from the government!

Apparently part of the problem was the fact that I've been going to therapy in the first place It seems to happen in a lot of relationships - when one person starts to change, heal and become more confident and centred, the other person often cannot cope with the changes. I guess now he needs the therapy!

On another note, I got myself to get back into food today - I'm starting to do the whole comfort food thing, but slowly, so my shrivelled stomach can cope with the new workload.

What did I eat today? Over the course of today, aside from many pots of tea, I had two grapes, a childsized cone of stracciatella gelato, with the tiny chocolate shavings in.

And I had dinner tonight. It was kinda like JennyUptown - I could eat if I was across the table from someone at a restaurant. I had rare grilled pink snapper with a suppli risotto cake and tomato concasse with lemon basil oil, and a shared side of tiny sauteed garlic and parsley mushrooms.

Dessert was a tasting plate: a saucedish-sized serving of passionfruit creme brulee, a 70% cocoa truffle, 2 thumbsized chunks of panforte, and two tiny, penny-sized tarts - one caramel and pinenut, the other lemon curd.

Having starved for so long, the flavours today were larger than anything I'd ever imagined. That creme brulee nearly blew my head off. It was scarily intense!

[Pan]

Thanks for the progress report. I'm very happy to hear that you are nourishing yourself with some good food.

[slyaspie]

Hey Ondine, I haven't posted here very much, but his thread hit a nerve considering that i'm only four weeks out of a horrible breakup myself. Believe me i know how terrible it feels and i too are sending you healing vibes.

i've been eating strangely the last few weeks as well. i have access to in season mandarin trees and i think because it is such a mind numbing activity, i sit on the couch and peel them for hours eating wedge by wedge as i go while listening to "When you were my baby" by the Magnetic Fields. the Magnetic Fields song is great cuz it has a line in it that goes "everybody began to hate you when you were my baby" and that is so true my friends hate him now.

anyway, back to food. well the first two days i didn't eat, i just closed the blinds, got in bed and subsisted on pain medication i still had from injuring my knee. yes i know it's terrible, but it was either that or Cypriot brandy, and i wasn't really prepared to puke, so...plus it made me sleep like a baby, which besides a rebound as stated in this thread, sleep is the best medicine.

besides the mandarins, also nectarines cuz they take a long time to eat while i stare off into space thinking (i carve pieces off with a knife and transfer them to my mouth), and also for some reason Quaker Oats Instant Oatmeal in raisin, date and walnut flavor. Another staring off into space thing i guess. Then of course there are the gigantic bags of potato chips with dip while reading brain candy type magazines from the corner store. Or eating cream of broccoli soup in a bread bowl. Also taking out my snoopy sno cone machine and making rose flavored icees so that i could feel like i am in cyprus again (my island).

anyway, i've been getting out a lot more now, i'm a grad student and i've been spending time at my coffee place again, lo and behold, he "stopped" by, and of course an interesting (read, horrible) discussion ensued about the new ho in his life (he left me for her on a whim). let's just say the rose flavored icees and the brandy (and cigarettes this time...i don't recommend this) made a return for another day and a half after that. but my sister and friends have helped immensely. they are the funniest bunch of people ever and have made me bust a gut laughing, even in the middle of a crying fit. also going to my parents house and having my mother fuss over me while making me avgolemono soup and mushroom and caramelized onion filled pita type pockets on the grill (manitaropites) was lovely medicine.

so my advice is eat, girl, cuz food is too good to pass up for such a loser.

[yellow truffle]

Ondine

I do not have a specific item that I focus on when a relationship goes sour (no pun intended). I would eat everything that she did not like. A great oppurtunity to try new and interesting flavors. My problem is overdoing it. I need to remember to move into it slowly and do it in moderation.

BTW, the stracciatella gelato, sounds just wonderful.

A new day, a new flavour.

There are many fish in the sea (sorry I had to do it).

[NeroW]

When my boyfriend and I broke up (10 or so months later he came back, like they all do ), I used the sudden infusion of spare time as an excuse to cook my ass off. After the first few weeks of eating not much more than Xanax, wine, and tortilla chips, I got in the kitchen and stayed there. I worked on my pizzas, my pie crusts, my souffles, my sauces. I again started plodding my way through Julia Child. It was exhilarating to suddenly be able to indulge what I KNEW was my true love, with no thought to what my ex would have liked to eat, or what time I promised him I'd have dinner on the fucking table, know what I'm sayin'? It was MY game and MY rules. Even if no one ate what I was cooking, it didn't matter. What mattered was that I was cooking.

Then, a few months after the break-up, I enrolled in culinary school. I'd wanted to do it for so long, but didn't see how I could and still keep up a relationship with him. And I kept on going--picking one item and cranking it out ad nauseum. It wasn't so that I could eat, it was so that I could stay away from the phone, the computer, the bars I knew he would be at. Plus, there were plenty of single men (and women) around town who were more than happy to share in the fruits of my kitchen labor.

Looking back on this mostly very dark time, I know it was the fevered cooking and following my put-off dream that got me through it. It wasn't so much that I was eating, but that I was producing, and producing without him.