Competition: Round Sixteen

[maggiethecat]

Your band's blinded by Bics, pelted with panties, buried in bouquets. You're bigger than Buddha and richer than God. After the show, your roadie's gonna phone Pizza Hut to assuage your munchies? I don't think so!

Nah, you've got a rider in your contract, legally binding the caterer to lay on your favorite fuel.

Props to Zilla 369 for suggesting this topic:

Describe the backstage catering rider of your favorite band/musician, and the resulting spread.

I spent some time over Christmas chatting with my brother and sister-in-law, who once had the coolest catering gig in Montreal. They were contracted to feed every band that a local promoter, Donald K. Donald, hired to play that Valhalla of Hockey, the Montreal Forum. My Rock Goddess Caterer Sister-in-law Hilary reminisced a bit about the good old Glam Days. Yeah, she and Ian culled the M&Ms, provided herbal tea for Prince and laid out the K-Y Jelly for Van Halen. (This last was for lubricating guitar strings, the band insisted. Yeah, right.) But an item in ZZ Top's catering rider was the one that made me blow Beefeater out my nose: "One can squeeze American cheese."

Write a rider. You can choose any old band you want ---say the Philadelphia Orchestra. I bet even Eugene Ormandy insisted on cheesesteak sandwiches and, um, cream cheese.

Or you can gather the lads in the garage, form your own band, name it, and write your beer-and-bud fantasy rider.

I can't dance like Tina Turner, don't drink diet pop like Britney, and can't jiggle like J Lo. Maybe I'll be Maggie la Magnifica, channeling Callas's eyebrows, Victoria de Los Angeles's creamy mid-range and Renee Fleming's decolletage. This Diva expects pulled pork, Bollinger and a carton of Parliament Ultralite 100s.

Be a pain in the ass here.

[Arey]

Write a rider.  You can choose any old band you want ---say the Philadelphia Orchestra.  I bet even Eugene Ormandy insisted on cheesesteak sandwiches and, um, cream cheese.

I was in line behind Eugene Ormandy one day at a German butcher's stall in the Reading Terminal Market. He was buying sausages. I don't intend to knock worse conductors or butchers, but Ormandy had the best taste in music and meat.

[FlourPower]

We brought the Foo Fighters and their crew a ton of stuff from our bakery. Taylor, the drummer, has a thing for bran muffins. Gotta stay regular on the road I guess.

[maggiethecat]

This contest is officially closed. For the next stop on the tour, check out Competition Seventeen. You're beautiful!

[Vardener]

Hold on a minute... Nobody caught the "knock worse" pun? He was buying sausages... Get it? Maybe ya'll are too quick for me and the understanding went unspoken.

Oh well, glad to be here.

[maggiethecat]

Hold on a minute... Nobody caught the "knock worse" pun? He was buying sausages... Get it? Maybe ya'll are too quick for me and the understanding went unspoken.

Oh well, glad to be here.

Um...sure I did! And welcome to eGullet, Vardener. I'm honored that the Smackdown received your first post.

Not to sound like a brat, but get your clever self to the current Smackdown and do your wurst.

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