Babies/Children in Restaurants (merged topic)

[divalasvegas]

This is a great thread and I'm glad it's been resurrected. I too wanted to address the original question of what should restaurant management do. I think Sugarella made some excellent/points and suggestions, especially letting the parents know up front that the restaurant expects them to control their children. I had the misfortune to experience the following a few months back (this is part of a post I made on restuarant pet peeves, but I think it's important here as well to allow me to explain what I would suggest restaurants do and how we as customers can help as well):

People who expect waitstaff and other customers to put up with the poor/obnoxious/sometimes hazardous behavior of their unruly clan. I had a particularly lousy dining experience at an Italian restaurant downtown. I don't know who I felt sorrier for myself and the other diners, or the waitstaff. I actually settled on feeling the most pity for the waitstaff since I could always just throw up my hands and leave; they can't. It was two families (it seemed to be two sisters and their husbands and kids).

As I recall, it was four adults and about eight kids. Now with that many children I know I won't be dining next to absolutely drop dead quiet, but the behavior of the adults and several of the children was truly revolting. Since I had already been served when they arrived and there were no more tables for a single diner available, I decided to tough it out. I'm sure you all know what's coming: loud, obnoxious parents, telling servers what they needed instead of asking, allowing their children to shout commands at the waitstaff with their darling little mouths full, tossing tableware to the floor, pushing over full glasses of water and of course, not limiting their kids choices and trying to tailor/modify each of their offspring's dish to their specific liking. On that last one, I'm afraid that I'm a bit old school especially when you have an extensive menu. I think with that many kids of different ages (the oldest was maybe 10 or 11) to make everyone's life easier, limit what they can choose from giving them a few decent of choices; kids often eat the same stuff over and over again anyway.

Also, parents, I'm really not interested in hearing the name of your child repeated 50 or 60 times during the evening. I think I can still remember the name of the worst offender, let's see, oh yeah it was:

Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart, Stuart.

I AM NOT LYING. I especially liked it when the dopey dad, trying in vain to get this little brat to behave, reminded him of what he had been taught in etiquette class. Word to dopey dad: with the way the adults behave in your family and the fact that this kid publicly and loudly showed absolutely no respect for you, there aren't enough etiquette classes in the world to correct years of your very bad example. While the waitstaff behaved admirably, I really think there have to be times when management steps in to remind idiots like this that others are around them trying to enjoy their meal as well and that certain behavior will not be tolerated. Needless to say, I asked for my food to be packed up and left with a horrendus headache.

- First of all, I've seen comments here that a lot of restaurants don't want to lose business. Well, sorry, but this establishment lost mine. Why the Hell would a restaurant want customers like that to return, yet don't seem to mind losing other patrons because of such behavior is a mystery to me. And yes I understand that restaurants have a thin profit margin, but I don't think I'll ever return and I've told this story to many people, warning them what to expect if they chose to dine there, so I've probably cost them even more money.

- Let's face it: we have great parents out there, but many leave a lot to be desired. Many are dumb as a box of rocks, so restaurant management should go the extra mile when it comes to explaining what types of behavior would absolutely not be tolerated. Be excrutiatingly clear, since your understanding of the word disruptive and their understanding might be two different things. The establishment's policy should also be prominently displayed near the entrance as well as verbally communicated.

- I know this next one is risky for some people, but sometimes you just have to say something yourself. I was in a restaurant with a steaming bowl of pho in front of me and you all know how hot that soup is usually served. Well this poor, stressed out mommy was having such a tough time with her apparently 2-3 year old--every answer was a loud "no" when she suggested/wanted him to decide on a dish, tableware tossed around, but the worst behavior was him running around the restaurant tipping chairs, climbing under tables, being underfoot with the waiters. Then he got to my table and began doing the same thing. I actually felt sorry for the mom since she obviously had no clue how to take control of this child. I looked at him sternly and said "no, you cannot play under my table; it's not safe for either you or me. You need to stop running around like that and sit down." He was quite cute actually but suddenly, those large brown eyes got larger and he actually went back to his table AND SAT DOWN! Sorry, but at that point I chose between pissing off mommy or making a visit to the local emergency room with second degree burns. I chose the former. Mom seemed to actually appreciate it.

- If you've never dined at a restaurant--high end or not--then I'd call in advance and explain that you are looking for a quiet, adults only atmosphere and ask if they allow babies/small children. If they say yes, you can let them know that their establishment is not for you, unless they have a firm policy regarding out of control kids. Maybe if enough people do this, the restaurants will understand how much money these unruly families are truly costing them.

- Like fifi I believe said upthread, I too do not believe that fine dining establishments where people would expect a quiet, adult atmosphere should not allow children below a certain age (I think the age of 12 was suggested), period. To be spending several hundred dollars per person and have to put up with unruly adults or children is unacceptable.

Edited December 20, 2005 by divalasvegas (log)

[Megan Blocker]

Bump!

I was watching the Today Show this morning and they had a segment on "Other People's Kids." In his interview with Ruth Peters, a clinical psychologist, Matt mentioned the Andersonville sign in passing...you know Today, always on top of the story.

Anyhoo, thought it was worth linking the corresponding MSNBC piece. They didn't offer a lot of advice on how to deal with other people being annoying in restaurants, but did give some on how to control your kids in those kinds of situations...and how not to an enabler of bad behavior.

Click!

[JohnL]

Bump!

I was watching the Today Show this morning and they had a segment on "Other People's Kids."  In his interview with Ruth Peters, a clinical psychologist, Matt mentioned the Andersonville sign in passing...you know Today, always on top of the story.

Anyhoo, thought it was worth linking the corresponding MSNBC piece.  They didn't offer a lot of advice on how to deal with other people being annoying in restaurants, but did give some on how to control your kids in those kinds of situations...and how not to an enabler of bad behavior.

Click!

←

Unfortunately, this is not an easy issue.

It is about the parents not the kids.

We live in a self indulgent world.

As I see it, good (acceptable) behavior in a restaurant is simple--

One sits in one's seat (unless going to the bathroom)

One eats food only prepared by the restaurant

the only sounds acceptable are conversation at a level no louder than that of the general restaurant sound level.

Pretty simple--

this goes for adults and non adults.

There are exceptions--and these apply only to restaurants that cater to children.

If adults want to dine out with their kids then these places are where they need to go.

(unless their children can follow the rules above).

No exceptions.

Unfortunately, too many parents today simply do not care.

about their kids about other people.

A restaurant can't have it both ways--if anyone of any age does not follow the above guidelines then they need to be asked to leave.

or

the restaurant can provide high chairs, coloring books and jungle gyms and a clown motif for decor.

[bavila]

Bump again.

I've been speaking to Annapolis restaurateurs for a story I'm doing on family dining, and ALL of them have said that patrons of all ages are welcome, and most claim not to have any horror stories involving rambunctious tots.

I recognize that they may not want to have it in print that they don't want children in their establishments, but I wondered if the overall persona of a locale impacts how children are received in restaurants. Annapolis, preppy-heavy though it is, is still very casual (all that water seems to keep us calm).

What say ye, eGulleters?

And a belated thank you to chrisamirault for helping me find this thread.

[Megan Blocker]

Bump again.

I've been speaking to Annapolis restaurateurs for a story I'm doing on family dining, and ALL of them have said that patrons of all ages are welcome, and most claim not to have any horror stories involving rambunctious tots.

I recognize that they may not want to have it in print that they don't want children in their establishments, but I wondered if the overall persona of a locale impacts how children are received in restaurants. Annapolis, preppy-heavy though it is, is still very casual (all that water seems to keep us calm).

What say ye, eGulleters?

And a belated thank you to chrisamirault for helping me find this thread. 

←

To be fair, I have not had too many horrendous dining experiences with kids (most recent I can recall is an extended tantrum at a Greek restaurant, exacerbated by a parent who kept threatening removal and never following through). People tend to know where it is and isn't appropriate to take children.

That said, their definition of "horror story" may vary from mine - what seems incredibly irritating to the point of distraction to me may be small potatoes compared to what restaurateurs deal with on a regular basis.

[Busboy]

I've long maintained that the children in restaurant problem is exaggerated, though I have no doubt it exists. On the other hand, I was living, dining, waiting tables (sporadically) and having kids in DC long before any of that was considered desirable by most people, so maybe there just weren't any kids around (besides mine) to be disruptive.

Are you promising your restaurant owners anonymity? What you really need to do is find out where the servers hang out on Saturday nights and buy a few rounds. Then the stories will come out.

Not really a tantrum story, but along the lines of "kids say the darnedest things:"

Years ago, when I was a busboy and not "Busboy" I worked at a neighborhood place in Columbia, Md. whose name now escapes me. Some kid came in with his dad and there was a modest etiquette tiff centering on the kid ordering a little rudely and mispronouncing "Delmonico," asking for a "Dalmatian" steak (interesting thought). After a little half-serious, half-affable auntie lecturing from the waitress, the kid (maybe 6 or 8) said "well, if you're mean to me I'll get the gun my daddy keeps under the seat of his car." At which point the the dad laughed nervously, shut the kid up quickly and dinner proceeded apace and without further incident. (It was a simpler, we were not worried about the kid shooting up the joint, but the look on the father's face was pretty priceless).

[DTBarton]

I tend to agree with Megan that most folks seem to understand where and when kids are appropriate. And there are plenty of places that cater to kids.

In my experience (10 nieces and nephews), we've had good luck with very young infants in restaurants. Just make sure they're warm and fed and they snooze out in the baby carrier by Mom's feet.

For the most part, the ages between about 8 months and 5 years are not good candidates for taking kids to nicer restaurants, in my opinion. Mostly it seems neither the kids or the parents have a good time. On the rare occasions someone insists, we (and usually they) agree that an early reservation is best. Go when they open and it's not crowded.

The city doesn't matter much, I think, as long as common sense prevails and parents supervise their kids.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

Bump again.

I've been speaking to Annapolis restaurateurs for a story I'm doing on family dining, and ALL of them have said that patrons of all ages are welcome, and most claim not to have any horror stories involving rambunctious tots.

I recognize that they may not want to have it in print that they don't want children in their establishments, but I wondered if the overall persona of a locale impacts how children are received in restaurants. Annapolis, preppy-heavy though it is, is still very casual (all that water seems to keep us calm).

What say ye, eGulleters?

And a belated thank you to chrisamirault for helping me find this thread. 

←

I doubt any restaurant owner is going to say they don't welcome children with open arms. Can you imagine the uproar?

In Cincinnati, way long ago, a couple of men opened a 'gourmet pizza' restaurant. It was very not-kid-friendly in both decor and menu choices (I can hear the chorus of "my child has a cultivated palate" as I write this). It was made even less kid-friendly when the owners, out of exasperation, instituted a per-seat minimum charge and refused to install high chairs. A group of Outraged Moms tried to get community support to boycott and picket the place. It was really kind of funny, when you think of it.

Back to the topic, dear bavila, I have more kid-related restaurant horror stories than you can imagine, and I have a fairly high tolerance for little kids. Child toddling by himself around of the restaurant, falling next to our table, and screaming bloody murder. Mom yells at ME -- "how could you let this happen?." White-tablecloth restaurant. Child standing at the side of our table, watching us eat, staring and staring. We ask her parents to please have her sit with them. "What's wrong? She's not doing anything. She just likes to watch." (Chauncey Jr.?) Then there's the little one who sang some Barney song loudly and screamed if his parents didn't join in.

Etc.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

as long as common sense prevails and parents supervise their kids.

←

Exactly! Too few of them do, though.

[Kouign Aman]

I watch closely as my smallone touches all the food on your plate. If a piece is missed, I point it out, so the oversight can be remedied immediately.

[markabauman]

I've got to agree with John L that the problem lies with the parents, not the kids. Recently returned from a lovely island in the sun-there are many families, lots of things for kids to do as well as couples vacationing there. Lots of restaurant choices for everyone-it is readily apparent which are appropriate for couples only and for bringing small children. Met a number of people who are parents, grandparents, etc. who love their kids, but were looking forward to a vacation/dining experience alone for a rare change at one particular restaurant that we have been to many times. It would have been obvious by many factors that this was an establishment primarily for adults and not the best place for very young uncontrollable children. It seemed quite apparent that the two nights we dined there that some selfish, self-indulgent parents of such children couldn't have cared less about disturbing the intended quiet dinners of the other diners (again, many we knew who were loving parents/grandparents themselves). There were plenty of other places on the resort or nearby where kids are often found and I know if I dine there, what to expect, and that's fine with me. I have some adult friends and alas, some family members that I won't take to certain restaurants lest they disturb the other guests due to their behavior-why don't some parents have that same consideration in their choices of dining establishments?

[BekkiM]

We've been taking our son (now 9) to restaraunts of varying levels his whole life--with pretty good success. Admittedly, we didn't do a lot of fine dining after he passed the "sleep through everything in his car seat" phase until he reached the "able to read his comic book quietly through dinner" phase, but still... Somewhere upthread (it's a looong thread), someone (probably many someones) wrote about training your children in proper public behavior, and I think that's the key. Nick's been trained from a very young age that there are certain activities (singing and wandering about spring immediately to mind) that are not allowed in a restaraunt. I think we only had to resort to carrying him out once or twice, but then we were a bit choosy about our venues.

One memorable success story about how a restaraunt chose to handle children as patrons was (unfortunately--they've since closed) Roy's here in Denver. For one thing, they had one of those dentist-office treasure chests behind the hostess stand for children who behaved well. For another, as soon as you were seated, before you'd even placed your order, the waiter would arrive with a plate of quesadilla and apple slices for the child, preventing one of the most common causes of disturbing meltdowns, waiting for someone to take and fill your order. We returned many times (although apparently not enough to keep them in business). But we appreciated the thought they had clearly put into this problem so much that I rave about them to this day. People with children are, literally, a fact of life--Roy's chose to deal with it proactively, rather than hope they would just go away.

Horror stories abound, of course. There was the time we tried to get a table for three at Little Ollies, a popular Chinese-American (semi-upscale) place in Denver and they told us 20 minutes, made us wait 60 minutes, then sat us at a table barely big enough for two (no room for crayons or Legos). We've never gone back and hiss any time someone mentions their name.

There was the time that my 7-year-old son told me he felt sick in the middle of the restaraunt. I managed to get him out the dining area before he blew, but not out of the bar. For anyone who was there (at the Hilton in the Maldives), I am SOOOOOO sorry. And to the woman who grabbed a stack of napkins from the bar and handed them to me so I could at least mop off my dripping child, bless you! The kindness of strangers indeed.

My worst meal, though, was with someone else's child--and we weren't even in that great a place, just a strip mall Mexican joint in Tuscon. My friend brought her 2-year-old and a portable DVD player to keep him occupied, which seemed like a good idea, but... He wasn't interested in Winne the Pooh--he wanted (and was allowed to) wander at will throughout the busy restaraunt, greatly endangering servers rushing around with loaded trays, yelling back and forth with his mother, and poking his fingers into all of our plates. To top it off, she left the DVD player running the whole time, at high volume, until I finally reached across her plate and pointedly turned it off. It was an awful meal and I was so stressed out at the end of it.

EDITED to correct some of my worst grammatical mistakes

Edited March 21, 2007 by BekkiM (log)

[Varmint]

The whole family recently went to dinner to a local restaurant that is a fairly nice place. Before we even took our seats, my 6-year old daughter realized that she wasn't going to sit beside her mother, and she let us know of her dissatisfaction. When we informed her that she was not going to get her way, she started crying -- whereupon I picked her up and took her outside, she screaming and kicking all the while.

After she had her tantrum for 3 minutes (and this is the first tantrum she had in the past 2 years or so), I told her she had two choices, neither of which she'd like (I had walked out without getting the keys from my wife): She could walk back into the restaurant with me quietly to get the keys so I could take her home right then, and I would give her a peanut butter sandwich at home for dinner. If she started acting up or crying when we got the keys, I would feed her nothing for dinner. She was very quiet, we retrieved the keys, she had her sandwich, and went to her room. We then went and got the rest of the family when they finished their dinner.

Of course, I missed out on dinner and we were fortunate to be eating dinner close to our house, but the point was made -- not only to the 6 year old, but all the children.

We don't give multiple warnings. We give one warning and if ignored, we act swiftly.

I can count on one hand the number of incidents we have had with our 4 children over the years, and I'm very proud of that.

[BekkiM]

Good for you, Varmint! There are not many more painful things to witness than a parent repeatedly warning/pleading with an obnoxious child and not following through on a single one. "If you don't stop RIGHT NOW I'm going to take your GameBoy away for a week... I mean it... Please stop touching your sister..." Those are parents that are not ever going to self-police or have the self/child-awareness to realize that little Veruca is no angel and way out of her depth. They're not going to do it at home, they're not going to do it at the mall, and they're not going to do it at restaraunts. But the sad thing is, they're not doing their children any favors by not teaching them limits.

We had a proud moment last night at Rioja here in Denver. Took hubbie and Nick (aged 9) to dinner for hubbie's 40th. The hostess looked a little skeptically at us when we arrived for our (early) reservation, but we'd brought our own books and paper. Nick was definitely the only child in the place. Not only did Nick sit quietly through all 2 1/2 hours of our leisurely dinner, he spoke clearly and politely to our waitress, asked questions about the menu, and ended up discussing the various uses of creme fraiche and how they use pigs to locate truffles with our lovely waitress. He tried a little of everything that we ordered (pronounced the chorizo lovely, insisted on trying the pink salt on his bread, adored the black-truffle and potato amuse bouche, and thought the Vermont blue cheese was nasty--but then, so did hubbie) and was generally a fabulous dinner companion.

Know your kids, know their limitations (and yours), and teach your children how to behave by modeling good behavior. It's not rocket science.

[porkpa]

I believe that we should not take young children to high end places where they generally do not appreciate the experience or perhaps more importantly their presence is not appreciated.

However there are times when its unavoidable. When this situation occurs I have two rules which I believe make the experience more enjoyable.

(1)Eat early.

(2)Tip well.

Porkpa

[caroled]

The whole family recently went to dinner to a local restaurant that is a fairly nice place.  Before we even took our seats, my 6-year old daughter realized that she wasn't going to sit beside her mother, and she let us know of her dissatisfaction.  When we informed her that she was not going to get her way, she started crying -- whereupon I picked her up and took her outside, she screaming and kicking all the while.

After she had her tantrum for 3 minutes (and this is the first tantrum she had in the past 2 years or so), I told her she had two choices, neither of which she'd like (I had walked out without getting the keys from my wife): She could walk back into the restaurant with me quietly to get the keys so I could take her home right then, and I would give her a peanut butter sandwich at home for dinner.  If she started acting up or crying when we got the keys, I would feed her nothing for dinner.  She was very quiet, we retrieved the keys, she had her sandwich, and went to her room.  We then went and got the rest of the family when they finished their dinner.

Of course, I missed out on dinner and we were fortunate to be eating dinner close to our house, but the point was made -- not only to the 6 year old, but all the children.e don't give multiple warnings.  We give one warning and if ignored, we act swiftly.

I can count on one hand the number of incidents we have had with our 4 children over the years, and I'm very proud of that.

←

Wow! way to nip it in the bud! Color me impressed.

I have heard so many parents in such situations try to rationalize with a completely irrational child, and have sat there thinking, why not just take them out of here. ( Many a time I saw parents do that same thing if a child acted up in church)

On a positive note, one time I was dining out at a family style buffet restaurant with a friend. In the booth directly behind us ( but in my line of vision)was a family of six. The oldest of the 4 children was probably no more than 8 and the youngest maybe 2 1/2. The parents took turns going though the line and fixing the plates for the kids, none of whom got up or even saw what was on the buffet. As the mother she knew what her children would or would not eat, or at least what she wanted them to try.One by one she came back to the table with their plates and after she and the Dad had each taken a turn getting their meal and had sat down then they all began to eat.

I didn't see any of the kids take a bite until the parents had taken their seat and had blessed the meal. No one at that table was loud or rude or complained about what was given to them. I have never seen such well behaved children in a restaurant in my life( granted I've never had the opportunity to dine with any of you

So as some of you have already said, It all comes back to the parents and the example that they have set and the behavior that they will tolerate from their kids.

Varmit, you have my utmost respect and admiration for raising your children to behave in such a way that they will be welcomed wherever they go, now and as they get older.

[bavila]

So does anyone notice any difference in tolerance for kids in restaurants indifferent locations? Say US v Europe, left coast v right, inland v coastal towns?

One of my interviewees is a restaurateur originally from Australia and well-travelled. He pointed out that families are at all types of restaurants in Europe, that the US restaurant market is much more divisive by age group. Is it just an artifact of marketing toward a particular demographic?

[rconnelly]

Teach your children well!

If kids are going to learn how to eat out - at a uptown place or a downhome joint - they need to experience it.

That said children also must be taught how to behave and what is expected of them. This means the parents have to do some work and modeling, but honestly it pays off in the long run. Too many parents are too lazy or selfish to do so.

I've been in restaurants where parents let their kids do any thing they want, including running around which scares the shit out of me. Hot food, little body, big disaster ( and a law suit, no doubt). That was never allowed when we took our daughter out to dinner. Never! she knew what was expected of her, we never got all nervous and edgy about it and in all the hundreds of times she ate out with us, there was only one time she flipped out. My husband went to the care with her and she fell asleep. He did too and all was well.

Today, thanks to all her experiences she has worked at some of the nicest restaurants on the East Coast. And she is extremely patient with the little ones who come into wherever she has worked.

The sad part is that it isn't only in restaurants that these parents let the kids misbehave. The kids don't know how to behave at stores, at church, at friend's homes, in school etc. And God forbid, anyone say anything to wither parent or child. We wouldn't want to "hurt anyone's feelings" would we.

The parents are not in touch with reality and sadly we all pay for it.

Yes, kids should experience all kinds of dining out but they must learn how to do so from Mom & Dad.

[Busboy]

So does anyone notice any difference in tolerance for kids in restaurants indifferent locations? Say US v Europe, left coast v right, inland v coastal towns?

One of my interviewees is a restaurateur originally from Australia and well-travelled. He pointed out that families are at all types of restaurants in Europe, that the US restaurant market is much more divisive by age group. Is it just an artifact of marketing toward a particular demographic?

←

Best Places: Ethnic restaurants are definitely more kid-friendly. We used to eat at places where the waitress would crowd around and coo when we came in and take the baby to play with while we ate. (Any other DCers remember Katmandu?) Two smallish Anglo kids enjoying Ethiopian food always brought the owner by the table and even now, at 14, my daughter will usually drag a smile out of the server with the way she knows her wats from her tibs. A birthday party that brought six ten-year-old (including, appropos of nothing except the previous sentence, two Ethiopian girls) got excellent service. And so on...

Worst places: trendoid yuppie places staffed by sneering punk (not fahion "punks," just punk) faux-sophisto 26 year-olds. It's hard to teach your kids to polite in restaurants when your entire being wants to scream "take the stick out of your ass and bring me a beer, my kid will be fine" at the waiter.

Favorite place: A bar where we went twice when I was unemployed, my girlfriend was on maternity leave, and the Museum of American Art was a free way to kill an afternoon with a tiny baby. DC Space saw so many weirdos every night night that a daylight drop-in by a couple of frazzled parents looking like a cross between urban hispters and lost tourists attracted no attention at all, save chatty conversation from the bartender (though we chose a table over the bar, so we weren't complete degenerates) about how tough it was for her to get used to her first kid, too. Bartender, by the way, last seen at Lucky Bar, and still fun.

[FabulousFoodBabe]

First -- Varmint. Word! You and your daughter? That was me and my younger son. (Mr. FB and I were the behavior Nazis as well, and it's paid off handsomely. I can't count the number of times we've been complimented by staff and other guests for their behavior -- even a few comps here and there. Our sons handle themselves well and with confidence, which has come in handy for interviews and dates.)

So does anyone notice any difference in tolerance for kids in restaurants indifferent locations? Say US v Europe, left coast v right, inland v coastal towns?

One of my interviewees is a restaurateur originally from Australia and well-travelled. He pointed out that families are at all types of restaurants in Europe, that the US restaurant market is much more divisive by age group. Is it just an artifact of marketing toward a particular demographic?

←

I don't see it as a function of marketing -- while I've seen numerous restaurants in resort/island areas advertise themselves as "no children under 12 at any time" and "no kids' menus, no high chairs, no strollers," I can't recall any US restaurant flat-out saying that. I don't think it's divisive at all -- some places are not made for kids.

In my experience, in U.S. coastal towns during tourist season, restaurants seem more geared to dealing with families of all ages traveling together. The atmosphere lends itself to more noise and chaos, which is a good thing. When we first married (Ohio), it was considered very bad form to bring children into a restaurant who did not behave. Here, though, behavior that had people begging an acquaintance of mine to "just name the price -- we'll pay for your dinner if you get that horrible child out of here!" is tolerated, by staff and parents alike.

so, maybe it's just me.

[JoRic]

I have a "family friendly" restaurant and have probably seen it all (or close to it). While we welcome children, we also try to provide a welcoming and comfortable environment for everyone. It's always tricky to address a situation where the kids are out of control, since parents who allow this kind of behavbior are often easily offended- really, they sometimes aren't the most rational.

Here's what I do:

My servers are told to get the kids' meals out asap. If the adults order appetizers, then the childrens' meals should come then. If not, then we ask the parents if they would like the meals as soon as they are ready- then we get them out fast.

If kids are running around, I will usually say something along the lines of "Careful honey, I don't want you to get hurt" Once the parent hears this, they will usually take over.

If a child is loud, I will either ask if I can do something to help, or in an extreme case, I may have to let the parent know that other patrons are complaining.

If the kids are just making a mess (my pet peeve), I instruct the busboys to just keep cleaning the area around them. Sometimes they get the hint.

The trick is to try to address the situation in such a way that no one looses face. Sometimes not so easy to do, but better than confrontations that could be misinterpreted.

[slkinsey]

We don't give multiple warnings.  We give one warning and if ignored, we act swiftly.

Great job, dude. What I find is often the case is that tha parents simply aren't willing to give up that dinner you gave up in order to take the kid home in the car for acting up at a restaurant. Indeed, they'll tolerate a certain amount (sometimes a lot!) of misbehavior in order to have that restaurant meal. And once the kids learn that there aren't any meaningful consequences... Well, at that age kids are nothing if not little manipulation machines (which, I should hasten to point out to any potentially horrified parents, is exactly what they should be at that age of psychological development).

[Carrot Top]

As a single parent with two children (that's two against one on the manipulation scale )(and sometimes one against the other as siblings close in age, too ) who dines out fairly often, I learned a long time ago that if trouble is brewing the best thing to do is to ask to have the food packed up "to go". Quickly packed up to go at certain times, particularly when the day has been long and the sugar levels low. I take the kids out to the car while handing my credit card to the host while saying "Be right back." This does not happen often, but it does happen. One of my children has a high sensitivity to noise and crowds, and many restaurants seem to try to develop the sense of both these things in their atmosphere.

Personally in my situation (i.e. solo) I would not risk taking the children to a haute level sort of place, feeling the potential challenge not worth the eagle-eye soldierly rigor of demeanor I'd have to develop in order to sally forth into it. I am sure they will learn to dine well at the "hautest" of spots, as I have learned myself, without being taught as children, but as part of being young adults on their own.

Plus then they can pay for it themselves.

[munchymom]

Here's what I do:

My servers are told to get the kids' meals out asap. If the adults order appetizers, then the childrens' meals should come then. If not, then we ask the parents if they would like the meals as soon as they are ready- then we get them out fast.

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This particular practice doesn't work well for me. If the kid's meal comes out first, then he's finished eating by the time our meals come out, leaving him unoccupied at just the moment we want to be sitting at the table and eating. Before the food's arrived, we can distract him by taking him for walks outside, writing sentences for him to read, playing 20 questions - but once the food's in front of us, we want to eat it! It's easier if his comes out at the same time, so we're all eating at once. We do tend to order an appetizer to share if we're not in the kind of place that puts bread on the table as soon as you sit down. Also we try to go to places where the meal tends to be fast-paced (and save the leisurely meals for babysitter nights.)

[JoRic]

Here's what I do:

My servers are told to get the kids' meals out asap. If the adults order appetizers, then the childrens' meals should come then. If not, then we ask the parents if they would like the meals as soon as they are ready- then we get them out fast.

←

This particular practice doesn't work well for me. If the kid's meal comes out first, then he's finished eating by the time our meals come out, leaving him unoccupied at just the moment we want to be sitting at the table and eating. Before the food's arrived, we can distract him by taking him for walks outside, writing sentences for him to read, playing 20 questions - but once the food's in front of us, we want to eat it! It's easier if his comes out at the same time, so we're all eating at once. We do tend to order an appetizer to share if we're not in the kind of place that puts bread on the table as soon as you sit down. Also we try to go to places where the meal tends to be fast-paced (and save the leisurely meals for babysitter nights.)

←

That's why we ask first. Often if the parents opt to have the childrens' food first, then they will get a scoop of ice cream or other dessert for the child while they are having their dinner. I guess it all comes down to the parents knowing what will work best for their particular situation.