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maggiethecat

Entries: The Name Game

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Good lord, this is harder than I thought. I had to mangle the english language pretty badly and cheat left and right. Feh. I'm only posting it to get the topic going. :biggrin:

As the sun set, rosie behind the Hollywood Hills, it was just another of those "Jonathan" days... where everything panned out really nicely for Jon, and he didn't feel like some blue hero needing to dodge 621 different threats to his life. Then again, he mused, Basil, dog that he was, hadn't come through yet with the "bux" he needed, and if he didn't have the cash by tonight, "Scotsman", the Scottish loanshark, would probably send some big bear of an enforcer to make girl chow out of the tissue of his face!

Here he was, just an ordinary fat guy, finishing up some of those all-natural hormone free "macro" sandwiches they served in this idiotic California health food restaurant--eating with Eddie, Maggie, the cat she was jazzed on lately, and a few others--when some little varmint runs over to the table like she's part of the NY Fire Patrol!

"Chef", he yelled into the kitchen, "is this Dave, the Cook's kid?" The chef didn't answer, and neither did Mark, Sommelier of this crappy joint.

The kid, making a nuisance of of herself, spilled the beans and said... "my name is Anna n' my daddy is going to kill you!" Jon knew at that point that this wasn't just malarkey, that the presence of the huge man walking up behind the girl, as hard as stone, meant that the damned Scotsman, who advertised hits with elegant simplicity, had hung up a sign somewhere that set a limit on his lifetime: Jon=Mark.


Edited by jhlurie (log)

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The temptation is great, Suzanne, but I know some folks here who could give even Jon a run for his money.

Like you. (I'm a Suzanne Fan.)

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"What kind of fish is this?" John asked.

"It's whiting, John. Whiting," answered Jim.

"It's good. Not too wimpy," John commented.

"Thank you. I give credit to the nonstick pan. What a joy are modern gadgets. You told me you went fishing last month, John. Where was that again?"

"Florida, Jim. I went with that New York Texan and oh, Lord, Michael Lewis. You know Lewis, right? He tried to get away again without paying for his share of the trip. He thinks I'm rich or something. He's always whining, 'You're the one with the bux!' and I think it's a load of malarkey. This is excellent pasta, by the way—perfectly al dente. My compliments to the chef."

"That's really nice of you to say. That would be my wife, Susan—she's so fast in the kitchen we call Suzi Lightning. The woman can do anything with food! She's snowangel, but I think I'll keep her," quipped the tan, 319-pounder. "Honey?" he called out. "Are you still cooped up in the kitchen? Come on out!"

The kitchen door swung open and a rosie-faced woman entered the room, a large magnolia adorning her curls. She kissed her husband on the cheek and set on the table a tray filled with food.

"My God, woman! You've outdone yourself," exclaimed John, whose eyes widened as he took in the platter before him. "Goodness, is that basil, girl? I love the stuff!"

As John loaded his plate, Jim entreated his wife, "Come here, my little dumpling. Did the children get to sleep?"

"Yes, but the bad things were quite naughty, Jim. I'm afraid you're going to have to rail Paul for his behavior. Either that or we get the boy into a special ed class. I simply can't abide the way he and his brother carry on! Do you know he did tonight?"

"No, dearest. What would that be?"

"He stood on the roof and screamed, 'I can PCircles around you any time!' "

"Well, the boys do share a special bond, girl. Boys will be boys."

Jim interjected, "I thought you told me they were all-American outdoor lovers. Sounded quite healthy to me."

"Only if you call throwing a stone at a bird 'outdoor loving,' " sighed John. "All I can say is that 'sparrow/grass' is a conjunction of bird and turf that is fatal."

John startled. "Jim? What IS this, anyway?" he asked, looking curiously at the tiny wing skewered on the tines of his fork.

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Whooooooooooops. I got my Johns and Jims confused.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea DOH!

icon5.gif


Edited by tanabutler (log)

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"I'm Dr. vmilor, how is your porkpa today?" he asks.

"ctgm, mjc, gknl," she replies.

"Bless you!"

"skchai! tjaehnigen!" she replies, with increasing melkor.

"I better loosen your bloviatrix and check your wawairis," he says.

And with that, he tucks his anil torakris under his vogelap, and aliwaks away.

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That would be my wife, Susan—she's so fast in the kitchen we call Suzi Lightning. The woman can do anything with food! She's snowangel, but I think I'll keep her,"

I lost it right here.

Thank you.

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Oh, c'mon, Peeps! Write!

This is really fun. Extra points to the entry that includes bloviatrix.

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After the 2001 Florida ballot troubles, I'm surprised no one has used my name yet.

"Will the profligate 'swinging chad' ever do right by the lovelorn 'pregnant chad?' Tune in next week to find out."

Chad

(neither swinging nor pregnant)

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I would like to point out that bloviatrix is the feminized version of a real word.

A bloviator is one who speaks or writes verbosely and windily. You can also use bloviate, which is the verb. Frank Rich, of The New York Times, has been trying to reintroduce the word into everyday vocabulary.

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Thanks, bloviatrix, though I would describe you as neither windy or verbose. Great new word for me; ten times and it's mine.

And Chad, as it happens, I did try to work your name into my example, but given the SoCal setting, I thought I'd give someone else the chance to use it! I tried not to snatch up all the Good Ones.

OK: Extra points to someone who uses chad and bloviatrix in some incomparably witty way in the same sentence. Bloviate away!

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Given how slow submissions are, I fully cede the right to reuse anything I've already used. Build something nicer on my sweat! :wink: I refuse to get third place merely by default. :biggrin: I want sixth place. Tenth!


Edited by jhlurie (log)

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I refuse to get third place merely by default.  :biggrin: I want sixth place.  Tenth!

Ahhh. What a good guy. Let's give Jon his dearest wish!

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I printed out a member list and and fully intended ALL WEEK to write something. Something nasty called work kept getting in the way.

There's always next week. :raz:

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I  Something nasty called work kept getting in the way.

My lamb, get your priorities straight! :raz:

Duh. Printing out the members list! Why didn't I think of that?

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I would like to point out that I did use bloviatrix in my entry.

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I would like to point out that I did use bloviatrix in my entry.

(Hang head. Um...I read fast and retain little!)

I'm going to extend this competition because I'm so damn enamored of the topic, and I've laughed so hard at the entries that you Clever Boots have posted. Let's make it midnight, Friday September 19th.

I vant more entries. ( One from the Comrade... that would be sweet!)

Willie or won't he?


Edited by maggiethecat (log)

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There really isn't a problem re-using names, is there? I started my "story" as soon as I read the topic, but it took a while to assemble. By then, "malarkey" had already been used, but I didn't want to change stuff.

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Using only the names of the thread starters from active topics as of 2:18 pm, IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE . . .

+++

Dear eGCI Team:

"schneich" is Bill Klapp's new brand of precooked al dente pasta products, produced in Germany by Bloviatrix sabg.

hjshorter and food dwarf are competing for the smallest-user award, while charcoop has been named Overlordofpastry.

Eric_Malson has uncovered a stash of Chris Cognac. Talk about babyluck! At the same time, Jason Perlow complains that the Chris Cognac isn't even enough for his twodogs let alone Schielke.

Michael Laiskonis has calculated that the gsquared of the robert40 will yield just enough boiling oil to cook-em-all.

Meanwhile, maggiethecat hosts a Q&A with Australian porn legend donk79. Which just goes to show you, you can't get bloviatrix from a stone.

-Fat Guy

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Steven you and MatthewB such Smart Alex!

BTW, are you still on Atkins? No?

I thought 'cha d it down! Avoid carbs or your weight loss will blo, via trix and Chex!


Edited by maggiethecat (log)

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There really isn't a problem re-using names, is there? I started my "story" as soon as I read the topic, but it took a while to assemble. By then, "malarkey" had already been used, but I didn't want to change stuff.

None at all! Take anyone's name in vain as often and in any way you wish.

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Meanwhile, maggiethecat hosts a Q&A with Australian porn legend donk79. Which just goes to show you, you can't get bloviatrix from a stone.

-Fat Guy

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

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