The Ultimate Spilling Food On Yourself Topic

[suzilightning]

Speaking as a fat guy, I can say from experience that we fat people are, as a pure question of Newtonian physics, more likely to get stuff on our shirts than thin people. Assuming good posture, if a thin person drops something from his fork, it will fall into his lap and presumably napkin. A fat guy's belly, however, will intervene, resulting in a stain. This is also a problem for large-breasted women, I hasten to add.

I was just going to add that, as a large-breasted woman, I consistently have to purchase new shirts and blouses. Never, dear Fat Guy, have I ever had the problem of any sort of food falling into my lap. Nay, my ample bosom intercedes...

*sigh* ditto

that is why i am forever asking the mother-in-law for white shirts/blouses for birthday and christmas presents

[=Mark]

Why on earth do men pay so much money for ties??? 

Why do women pay so much for dry cleaning?

[enthusiast]

i have managed to cover myself and the whole kitchen in hot spinach after i put the cooked spinach in a blender and the lid flew off...fortunately i wasn't wearing a tie.

[kel]

The ample bosom only goes so far - I'm often leaning forward when eating (say, something like spaghetti) - and that's when it completely bypasses the bosom and heads straight for the black pants. It never fails.

And then there's the spring-loaded tongs that love to spring open when I'm cooking something bright red (like dipping tortillas into enchilada sauce), flinging sauce all over me, the husband, the cats, the walls, and the floor. Lovely.

[Suzanne F]

Why on earth do men pay so much money for ties??? 

Why do women pay so much for dry cleaning?

Don't ask me; if I can't wash it, I don't buy it. Besides, I only buy dresses in print fabrics with red backgrounds.

Seriously, though, pricing discrimination in dry cleaning has long since been proven.

[guajolote]

Mole sauce all over my crotch. After I tried to wipe it up it ended up looking like, uhh, you get the idea.

[Fat Guy]

Why on earth do men pay so much money for ties??? 

If you're wondering why men pay so much money for ties, just ask yourself what you notice first about a man's outfit. Specifically, businessmen (and others who are required to wear ties often) spend a lot of money on ties. Most men who don't wear suits often don't spend a lot of money on ties, because their attitude is, "Why on earth do men pay so much money for ties?" This is one of the ways you can spot someone who doesn't wear suits often. But I digress . . . The reason men who pay so much money for ties do so is that it's their only highly visible fashion choice. Suits are limited to mostly dull colors, unless you're an entertainer or in another line of work where you're expected to dress outrageously (like you're an editor at a men's fashion magazine) -- otherwise it's blue or gray (possibly with pinstripes, chalkstripes, or windowpanes), basic tweeds and mini-checks, some khaki in summer, maybe brown (brown is, amazingly, considered fashion-forward in an office context and you have to have the panache of someone like President Reagan to pull it off at an executive level). Shirts are mostly white or blue, with contrast collars, stripes, and checks offering some flexibility. It's possible to accessorize with things like cufflinks and tie pins/bars/tacks, but for the most part that's not effective. You can also die your hair purple. But the tie is this big thing right in the line of sight -- it's really the focal point of a man's outfit.

[Fat Guy]

Speaking as a fat guy, I can say from experience that we fat people are, as a pure question of Newtonian physics, more likely to get stuff on our shirts than thin people. Assuming good posture, if a thin person drops something from his fork, it will fall into his lap and presumably napkin. A fat guy's belly, however, will intervene, resulting in a stain. This is also a problem for large-breasted women, I hasten to add.

I was just going to add that, as a large-breasted woman, I consistently have to purchase new shirts and blouses. Never, dear Fat Guy, have I ever had the problem of any sort of food falling into my lap. Nay, my ample bosom intercedes...

*sigh* ditto

that is why i am forever asking the mother-in-law for white shirts/blouses for birthday and christmas presents

Any other large-breasted women on the site? Please speak up. Thanks.

(Note, pursuant to our privacy policy we will not sell this data. It is purely for our personal internal use.)

[fifi]

Any other large-breasted women on the site? Please speak up. Thanks.

(Note, pursuant to our privacy policy we will not sell this data. It is purely for our personal internal use.)

*raising hand*

Yep. Same problem.

Actually, FG, I would never have thought that you would sell the data. I do suspect a marketing ploy for eGullet branded broad bibs for big breasted women.

[Fat Guy]

Actually it's for the "Gully's Girls" calendar project.

It's times like this that make me proud of what we've built here.

[tommy]

Why on earth do men pay so much money for ties??? 

If you're wondering why men pay so much money for ties, just ask yourself what you notice first about a man's outfit. Specifically, businessmen (and others who are required to wear ties often) spend a lot of money on ties. Most men who don't wear suits often don't spend a lot of money on ties, because their attitude is, "Why on earth do men pay so much money for ties?" This is one of the ways you can spot someone who doesn't wear suits often. But I digress . . . The reason men who pay so much money for ties do so is that it's their only highly visible fashion choice. Suits are limited to mostly dull colors, unless you're an entertainer or in another line of work where you're expected to dress outrageously (like you're an editor at a men's fashion magazine) -- otherwise it's blue or gray (possibly with pinstripes, chalkstripes, or windowpanes), basic tweeds and mini-checks, some khaki in summer, maybe brown (brown is, amazingly, considered fashion-forward in an office context and you have to have the panache of someone like President Reagan to pull it off at an executive level). Shirts are mostly white or blue, with contrast collars, stripes, and checks offering some flexibility. It's possible to accessorize with things like cufflinks and tie pins/bars/tacks, but for the most part that's not effective. You can also die your hair purple. But the tie is this big thing right in the line of sight -- it's really the focal point of a man's outfit.

clothes make the man.

but please, let's get back on topic. discussing the size of our users' breasts.

thank you.

[KateW]

Whenever I'm drinking something out of a can I tend to dribble on the first couple sips. I guess I underestimate how full the can is, or something.

I really have to start remembering to wear my apron when I cook at home. Whenever I don't, I splash something all over.

Yes, long pasta is an issue for me too, but I can twirl it much better than some people I know...

[sparrowgrass]

Salsa. I always drip salsa on my ample bosom.

I also remember that all of my maternity shirts were stained--that belly works even better than an ample bosom for keeping napkins pristine.

[guajolote]

Whenever I'm drinking something out of a can I tend to dribble on the first couple sips.  I guess I underestimate how full the can is, or something.

I really have to start remembering to wear my apron when I cook at home.  Whenever I don't, I splash something all over.

Yes, long pasta is an issue for me too, but I can twirl it much better than some people I know...

Fine, but how big are your breasts?

[Fat Guy]

I love the scene in The Jerk when Steve Martin develops a "drinking problem." The misdirection is meant to get you thinking that he has become an alcoholic, but then the visual is that whenever he goes to take a sip of something he misses his mouth.

[MatthewB]

I love the scene in The Jerk when Steve Martin develops a "drinking problem." The misdirection is meant to get you thinking that he has become an alcoholic, but then the visual is that whenever he goes to take a sip of something he misses his mouth.

And that has what to do with female breasts?

[NVNVGirl]

My husband, no matter where we are or what we are eating, rarely puts the napkin on his lap...occasionally he puts it over one leg....and EVERY SINGLE TIME, he spills or drops something on his pants or his shirt....then gets totally pissed off as if it's the most unlikely thing that could have possibly happened to him. OH...sorry....how'd I get on that subject?....you were talking about women's breasts

[enthusiast]

is there NO political correctness on this site?

thank god

[Fat Guy]

I'm wondering if it is some sort of psychological issue. I mean, if you spill food on yourself once in awhile, that's just entropy taking its toll -- in fact if you're so uptight and methodical that you've never spilled anything you're probably crazier than people who do it every day. But if you repeat the same spilling behavior incessantly, what does that mean? I guess it could be anything along a range of issues, from basic lack of focus to some kind of perverse self-destructiveness. Is there any literature on "chronic stain syndrome"?

[KateW]

Whenever I'm drinking something out of a can I tend to dribble on the first couple sips.  I guess I underestimate how full the can is, or something.

I really have to start remembering to wear my apron when I cook at home.  Whenever I don't, I splash something all over.

Yes, long pasta is an issue for me too, but I can twirl it much better than some people I know...

Fine, but how big are your breasts?

ROFL

This big (o)(o)

[mcdowell]

but please, let's get back on topic.  discussing the size of our users' breasts.

48 B, though I'm usually sans bra. That help the mental image, tommy?

Oh, and I usually keep my cleavage hidden, so no food drops in there. My trousers, however, usually carry stains from where my hands miss my napkin. Pesky bbq sauce.

Edited August 28, 2003 by mcdowell (log)

[Fat Guy]

50A here.

[MatthewB]

Is there any literature on "chronic stain syndrome"?

Lots of literature. But more importantly, lots of solutions.

[sieve]

isn't it time to merge this thread with the one on gary arabia's "body sushi"?

i think that may solve some issues.

[JAZ]

I've had many a spill into the cleavage area as well. Let's just say having a napkin in my lap doesn't help much 

That's nothing. I was at lunch once, eating a salad with a vinaigrette dressing. I was attempting to spear a rather recalcitrant piece of lettuce when it flipped off my fork and sprayed dressing so that two drops landed, with perfect aim and symmetry, right on...well, let's just say that for the rest of the day I looked like a nursing mother who'd leaked. Of course my dress was a dark solid silk so it really showed.

Another time I was eating at an outside patio on a windy day. The waitress walked by our table with someone else's order and a piece of lettuce from a caesar salad actually flew off the tray and landed on my chest.

I haven't eaten a salad since.