The Ultimate Spilling Food On Yourself Topic

[Schielke]

Last night I spilled a glass of water directly on my crotch. I think it was laser guided.

[tommy]

i managed once to drop a big ol' soup dumpling...on rail paul's lap.

Last night I spilled a glass of water directly on my crotch. I think it was laser guided.

...nah. too easy.

Edited August 28, 2003 by tommy (log)

[cakewalk]

Wasn't it Holly Moore who used to have that wonderful avatar of a much besplattered shirt? On a very fine-looking chest, I might add (yes, men have them too).

I usually slobber coffee all over myself at some point while reading through this site.

[JAZ]

Last night I spilled a glass of water directly on my crotch.  I think it was laser guided.

When I was in college, at a very popular bar, I picked up my (full) drink, which was served in a chimney glass, holding it only with my thumb and middle finger. It was so sweaty it slipped through my fingers, hit the edge of the table, broke in two, and fell in my lap.

[mcdowell]

My most embarassing food spill was also in college. I was hung-over from my first frat rush party, freshman year. It was a terrible drinking night; one of those ugly drunks where you wake up at 5am in the middle of the football field, campus police lightly nudging you with their boot to see if you're passed out or dead... that kind of drunk, with the corresponding hangover.

My folks decided to drop a few hours after my passing out to take me to lunch. Pancho's Mexican Buffet, just what I needed. Grease. Peppers. Oh, God.

I started to weave and, in straigtening myself, catapulted a fried corn tortilla nicely piled with melted cheese off of my plate and straight up into the air, where it rotated a few times, before landing in my lap, cheese side down.

There was no cleavage involved, sorry tommy.

Edited August 28, 2003 by mcdowell (log)

[Fat Guy]

My most recent serious food-spilling experience was a couple of weeks ago. I don't think it was totally my fault, though I'm sure I'd have to take the blame in court. We were meeting some people for dinner. They were early, and were seated by the time we arrived. We walked over the table and the guy extended his hand for me to shake it. The thing is, he positioned his hand such that there was a glass between his hand and the path my hand needed to take to shake his. But I was focused on the hand and not the glass. So I reached to shake his hand and as mine was moving towards his it encountered the glass and knocked it flying. Fortunately, it was a water glass, there was no food on the table, and 99% of it just went on the table and floor. Amazingly, the glass didn't break or even chip.

[OPJK]

I once had a boss who had a college roommate whose father was a senior guy at Brown Brothers Harriman (an old-school investment firm). His roommate's father invited these two young men to a small reception and dinner at the firm in honor of WWII hero Field Marshall Montgomery. My boss was tongue-tied, awe-struck, flabbergasted, and stymied to be in the presence of such a giant, in addition to being wowwed by the liveried-servant, wood-panelled, old boy setting of BBH.

When it got to be time for dinner, my boss was seated next to Montgomery. One of the courses was pork chops. As my boss tried to cut his chop, in his nervousness he managed to flip it off his plate and onto his lap. Horrors! He didn't think anyone saw him do this and decided that the best course of action was to pretend it didn't happen, and leave the pork chop sitting on his lap until he could figure out a way to dispose of it.

After a few moments, Montgomery leaned over and whispered into his ear, "No body noticed. Pick it up and put it back on your plate."

My boss knew at that moment that he was clearly in the presence of genius.

[guajolote]

My most recent serious food-spilling experience was a couple of weeks ago. I don't think it was totally my fault, though I'm sure I'd have to take the blame in court. We were meeting some people for dinner. They were early, and were seated by the time we arrived. We walked over the table and the guy extended his hand for me to shake it. The thing is, he positioned his hand such that there was a glass between his hand and the path my hand needed to take to shake his. But I was focused on the hand and not the glass. So I reached to shake his hand and as mine was moving towards his it encountered the glass and knocked it flying. Fortunately, it was a water glass, there was no food on the table, and 99% of it just went on the table and floor. Amazingly, the glass didn't break or even chip.

Maybe the spilling a beverage all over the table should be a seperate thread. I do it at least twice a month. When it's wine I call it alcohol abuse.

[tommy]

i'm not sure if this qualifies, but back in high school, i was having dinner at a chinese restaurant with my girlfriend and her brother. we were having a grand ol' time cracking up over various silly things. i was laughing so hard for so long, and had drank so much tea, that all of a sudden everything came right up and onto my lap, on my white shorts. the other customers were none too impressed as we walked out, with me covered in vomit, and laughing that much harder.

[Fat Guy]

Yes that counts. Thank you for your contribution to the thread.

[Marlene]

If I'm wearing white, I'll spill something on it. Everytime. I was under strict instructions from everyone not to eat or drink or even think about it, on my wedding day.

Edited August 28, 2003 by Marlene (log)

[OPJK]

On of my own worst spills was in college. I had a pair of white corduroys (!) that I managed to get massively dirtied each time I wore them they lasted three wearings). The first time, I removed the stains by soaking in bleach. The second time, seeing the success of the first time, again, bleach did the trick. The third wearing was a day when the college dining service decided to have a barbecue. Hundreds of students sitting around outside on the grass, eating burgers, hot dogs, etc. A friend approached with her tray and, as she sat, spilled most of the contents of her tray onto my lap. She had two glasses of orange soda which spilled mainly onto my crotch and thighs. For whatever reason (I assume bleach was a factor), the soda immediately began to dissolve the material. I basically was left with virtually crotchless pants, orange-tinged boxers, and a red face. I made a bee-line through the crowd to my dorm.

[Suzy]

Eww, back to the breasts after tommy's last post

I'm extremely large breasted and I'm always wearing food. There is no way a dropped piece of food could get past them. I do not wear white when we're going out to eat, as I will wear the food in spectacular ways, should I tempt fate.

The worst spill was at our wedding rehearsal dinner. I was wearing a cream colored sweater which was tight across my chest, we were eating something with a sauce and bam right on my chest, in front of 40 people. I wiped it up and moved my scarf so it was covering the spot. What can you do?

I did not spill on my dress the next day, though. I ate very little and was extremely careful as I did not want food on my wedding dress.

[tommy]

eGullet: the most well-endowed food site on the web.

[=Mark]

Last weekend was eating a alfresco lunch wearing a white tee shirt. I still can't figure out how I managed to get a drop of Buffalo wing sauce on the top of my shoulder.

[Lady T]

All the Midwestern eGulls know that I can't get through a dinner with them (or a lunch either, for that matter) without wearing some of it once I get up. It might be wine, it might be adobado, it might be chocolate -- it doesn't matter. Some of it inevitably comes home on my (respectable size/no details, thank you, Tommy) front.

Ah, souvenirs.

I should buy stock in Spray 'n' Wash.

[Fat Guy]

I'm extremely large breasted and I'm always wearing food.

Okay, now I have to stop and ask: is there a correlation between endowment and gourmandise? I can tell you for sure, having seen every eGullet moderator naked on multiple occasions, that it's not true of men. But maybe it's true of women. One can hope.

[davidthomas8779]

I'm extremely large breasted and I'm always wearing food.

Okay, now I have to stop and ask: is there a correlation between endowment and gourmandise? I can tell you for sure, having seen every eGullet moderator naked on multiple occasions, that it's not true of men. But maybe it's true of women. One can hope.

Definitely. The positive correlation has prevented me from ever being declared a gourmet by the Gourmet Institute.* Then again, is it really being a runner-up to be called a well-endowed guy who likes food rather than a gourmet?

*Note that this is a joke.

Edited August 28, 2003 by davidthomas8779 (log)

[fifi]

Yes, long pasta is an issue for me too, but I can twirl it much better than some people I know...

twirl... twirl.. twirl...

*lifting fork to mouth*

*almost there*

flop... flop... flop...

[enthusiast]

not sure endowment was the right word (or was it?). perhaps embonpoint is nearer the mark.

[moira27]

First trip to visit what are now my in-laws. Walking to the patio holding a piece of cherry-topped cheesecake. My FIL stepped to the side of the doorway, I thought to let me through, I walked into the screen, popped it and had the entire piece of cake in the middle of my chest. Next day at the farmes market wearing a white shirt and pale shorts, I was eating a chicken pita wrappped in foil. As I get rid of the wrapper i realize the bottom was leakin and there is juice and greas from my chest down to the shorts. From the on the joke has always been the joke is on me. I carefully look for dark or printed clothes when I know i will be eating standing or outdoors.

[zilla369]

Just today, i picked up my black shoulder bag in a hurry from the kitchen table on my way to fill out tax forms for my new job that starts in a couple weeks. I was wearing a blindingly white freshly laundered t-shirt and checks.

Got to the restaurant, threw the straps of the bag up on my shoulder, went in and met the chef. We sat down to fill out paperwork, i took the bag off my shoulder to set it aside, and...somehow, and i KNOW this was not me, because i hadn't eaten any... apparently a wad of raspberry preserves had been dripped onto the inside of the black shoulder strap of my purse, and hung on all during the car ride until i carried the bag into the restaurant on my shoulder. So when i set the bag down, there was a big, sticky purple smear all over the front of the armpit section of my white t-shirt.

And i don't even have any children. Just a roommate that must have eaten jam for breakfast.

edited becuase i remember once getting into a friend's car with a triple-scoop ice-cream cone and not realizing he had the automatic shoulder-strap restraints. bzzzzzzzzz..."OH MY GOD!"

Edited August 28, 2003 by zilla369 (log)

[Toliver]

I have a dear friend who is a spill magnet. Whenever we dine out, she now uses the tuck-the-napkin-into-the-neckline method to stay clean....and the finer the restaurant, the better since the napkins tend to be larger at the more upscale places. It's like dining with Jethro....but you gotta love her anyway.

[suzilightning]

Okay, now I have to stop and ask: is there a correlation between endowment and gourmandise? I can tell you for sure, having seen every eGullet moderator naked on multiple occasions, that it's not true of men. But maybe it's true of women. One can hope.

you saw rosie nekkid?!

[denise_jer]

As someone who's breasts have caught more than their fair share of falling food, I have to admit that when I'm home, I've resorted to just tucking the napkin in my shirt. There's no shame in that!

Of course, for stain removal, I use the stain stick from spray n' wash - you can put it on and not worry about it for a week. If that doesn't work, then I rub in a paste of Oxyclean and let it soak. I haven't had to demote to many clothes to "cleaning duty" with these two! :

Sorry! I meant, Whose breasts! It was kind of meant as a joke, but the proofreading goes out the window when I'm in a hurry...

Edited August 28, 2003 by denise_jer (log)