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Bacon Aphorisms

Fat Guy

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"Beliefs are what divide people. Bacon unites them."

"Bacon is simply a funny way of being serious."

"If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of someone asking for bacon."

after the late Sir Peter Ustinov

"I've caught you Richardson, stuffing spit-backs in your vile maw. 'Let tomorrow's omelets go empty,' is that your fucking attitude?" -E. B. Farnum

"Behold, I teach you the ubermunch. The ubermunch is the meaning of the earth. Let your will say: the ubermunch shall be the meaning of the earth!" -Fritzy N.

"It's okay to like celery more than yogurt, but it's not okay to think that batter is yogurt."

Serving fine and fresh gratuitous comments since Oct 5 2001, 09:53 PM

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  • 5 months later...
  • 3 weeks later...
"I only eat one piece of bacon,

two at the most --

After three I'm under the table,

after four I'm under the host."

** apologies to Dorothy Parker**


bacon wont pain you

bacons not damp

bacon wont stain you

it wont cause cramps...etc

might as well live

*again sorry dorthy parker.

does this come in pork?

My name's Emma Feigenbaum.

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Heard in the car this morning the indelible words of the English poet George Harrison:

Everywhere there's lots of piggies

Living piggy lives

You can see them out for dinner

With their piggy wives

Clutching forks and knives

To eat the bacon!

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  • 3 years later...

I often think of this old thread. Truly, it is a classic to be remembered. I ate some delicious bacon today and realised this truth:

There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who love bacon, and those who are lying to themselves.

Wow... what a bump though, eh? 4 years ago! Sheesh!

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Homage to Elizabeth Bacon Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the slab and slice and bite

My smoke can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Bacon and ideal Glaze.

I love thee to the level of every day's

Most crispy shard, by noon and breakfast-time.

I love thee freely, as men strive for rind;

I love thee purely, as they tamp the blaze.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my cast iron, and with my Le Creuset.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost beef. I love thee with the breath,

Scents, tastes of all my life. And if God chews,

He shall but love thee better than the resth.

Edited by racheld (log)
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Forget everything

Yearn, yearn, yearn

Bacon's sizzling

Turn, turn, turn

There's bacon for every puropse under heaven

A rind to deep fry

A slice just to brown

Crumbled to toss

One to wrap around

Fresh side, yes please

Streak-o-lean in my beans

God bless porcine

It's my very favorite thing.

Sung to "Turn! Turn! Turn! (To Everything There Is a Season)"

Edited by Susie Q (log)
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Some ask: "Is there life after death?"

Others, perhaps more cynical ask "Is there life after birth?"

Gastronomes, the most realistic of all people ask "Is there life without bacon?"

With regard to the first, my opinion is "almost certainly not"

With regard to the second, "depends on the life"

With regard to the third, "most certainly not!"

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I own one precious box of bacon mints. Yes, bacon flavored mints. I give them to the kids when they have behaved. Or to friends when they are drunk.

Oh, go put on your big girl panties and just DEAL with it!

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