TDG: Cell Block Cuisine, Part I

[Ron Johnson]

If you're offered nine months in the county lock-up you should plea-bargain for a year in state custody.

I'd take 5 years in a federal penitentiary over 1 in state lock-up anyday. I regularly visit clients in both. Its not even a close call.

This should be an interesting column.

[tsquare]

In May 2003, we in Seattle had the opportunity to hear a prison food storyteller live. She was released from federal lock-up (a murder conviction (?), but she was surprised to be released after 10 years.) I think she spoke for 10 or 15 minutes.

To quote myself, she spoke on "Prison food - from a ten year victim of the institutional and the forbidden (the high fat and salt treats the women managed to make out of this and that.) She told about the joys of top ramen burritos!"

She also told some fairly disgusting tales of the mistake she made by declaring herself a vegetarian. I don't recall the specifics.

[foodie52]

Is Sam allowed to receive care packages? (Or is this a really stupid question?)

[Holly Moore]

Most facilities I'm familiar with only permit packages ordered through an authorized third party. You order food from their catalog, pay for it, and they send it to the inmate. Done for security reasons. Nothing very interesting.

Or you can deposit money in the inmate's commissary account.

[Al_Dente]

I can't believe no one has suggested this, but perhaps we should approach Martha Stewart about reporting on the big house dining scene?

[fresco]

She would certainly be able to provide some "insider stuff"--even if she never goes inside.

[ConCuisinier]

Hullo Board Members;

As many of seem to question "Sam's" authenticity or at least the accuracy of his reporting, allow me to weigh in with the "ayes" on this . I've just been released from the Federal Corrections Institiution at Florence. I've made the man's acquaintance in the Sonora desserts of Arizona. He's not your average jailbird, for sure. He's not your average Chef, either. And yes, he makes chicken soup weekly, though our NAFTA trading partners to the South who make up the bulk of the CCA/CADC gen pop seem more amused than confused these days. They even BRING him their chicken bones unsolicited like. He's making the best of what for him is a hard time, pardon the obvivous pun. Wish him well, and know he's a damn good cook. Weird, but a damn good cook. He's too old, too new at the life, and way too New York for a jailbird, but after a couple of weeks you get used to him, you might even like him. I showed him how to bake a cake. I'm checking his email for him (no internet in US Marshall facilities) so keep the cards and letters coming. Stay strong Sammy. Cindi's waiting for you dude.

[fishmansam]

Hello.

I am currently a free man, living in the "Valley" in LA. I'd like to thank all of you for your support and kind words while i was incarcerated. Additionally, i'd like to thank my lifelong friend Anthony Bourdain and his lovely wife Nancy for reading my babbling letters, taking my complaining phone calls, and getting me "published."

I'd like to answer several questions that were posed by readers, and with luck my possesions and notebooks left behind in prison will eventually find me.

Just for the record, prison sucks. The food is just the tip of a large iceberg of suck-dom. At age 49, i was locked up for the first time in my life, once is more than enough. I didn't rob or cheat or hurt anyone, nor were drugs involved. Suffice to say i hurt only myself, and i say with some confidence that i learned my lesson.

Thanks again. Stay tuned.

Chef Sam

[Holly Moore]

Welcome back Chef Sam.

Out of curiosity what was your first meal in the free world? And thanks for sharing your insights in TDG.

[Pan]

Sam, I enjoyed your letters from prison. They were well-written, colorful, and informative. Congratulations on your release, and may you never again see the four walls of a prison cell.

[fishmansam]

Thanks still again for your support. Its a Sally Fields at the Oscars thing for me:

"They LIKE me !! They REALLY LIKE me." Viz my first meal: I was released from the Federal Building in Phoenix, and there's a Hyatt virtually across the street. (I could've gone back to CCA/CADC FLorence to pick up my stuff and spend another night, but the decision was a no brainer). I had a couple of club sodas at the bar, and checked in. Lay down on a very comfy bed that didn't have a bunk above me, looked out a window more than four inches wide for the first time in months, and called room service. Had a beautiful 2" thick pork chop with mashed potatoes and fresh vegetables (what a treat those veggies were!!!). a salad with watercress and mesclun and great olive oil and lemon, fresh pepper and roquefort. In schmoozing the guy on the phone i mentioned that i was a chef, and the room service guys sent me a big dessert dealy and a basket of fresh fruit (also unknown in prison, its too easily turned into alchohol.)

I ate very slowly. About an hour later i started REALLY ordering some food.

Sam