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BENARES

Simon Majumdar
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Simon Majumdar

Simon Majumdar

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BENARES

It’s a good job Circeplum is going to be indoors tonight watching Celtic get thrashed as it is probably not safe for her to be on the streets after sending me to this travesty of a place.

To be fair it is not her fault at all, I wanted to try Benares since it opened about a month ago and last night persuaded KikuJ to join me in a jaunt to Berkley Square .

We managed to do a full circumnavigation of the square before we found the entrance to the restaurant and K had it exactly right when he remarked that the lobby was like the entrance to a very chic boutique hotel. Our coats were taken by a very pleasant young scandanavian girl and we were shown upstairs to the main restaurant

A huge amount of money has obviously been spent on designing the room, but quite what they had in mind, I am not sure. The bar area looks like the United Airlines Red Carpet Club without the free nuts and the dining room has the most hideous white tiles arrangement on the walls. Quite off putting.

The restaurant must have room for about 100 covers. I think there were about 10 people in during the whole time we were there and given the food, I am not sure they are ever going to get much busier than this. They don’t deserve to.

The menu is the worst kind of hybrid ersatz Indian mish mash imaginable. The reason offered for this on the menu is that Benares is a city that attracts people from all over India and so they have food from all over India. Er?? I am pretty certain that their food was brought in direct from planet crappy.

Things started OK with some well made papads served with decent chutneys made with those well known Indian ingredients Kumquats and Goosberries.

We shared three starters. ( all at c£4-6 )

Kekdae Ki Chat ( to all intents and purposes a crab timbale ) which was not bad.

Shammi Kebab ( lamb patties ) which had the right texture but were woefully bland

Murg Masala ( chicken breast and livers ) which lacked any significant flavour. The Raita which came with these was thick and creamy and actually quite good.

We then shared three main courses ( all at c£10-12 )

Achari Gosht ( Lamb curry )

Desi Tandoori murg ( actually they used guinea fowl not chicken )

Jhinga Tawa Masal ( prawn curry )

With a Makhni dal and a Lachna Paratha

This is where the meal really plumbed the depths. This is not good Indian food. It was not even a close approximation of good Indian food, hell it was not even a good approximation of Indian food. It was curry house food. The sauces were dreadful mass prepared rubbish and the main ingredients had been thrown in at the last moment in the time honoured method of every post pub curry house in history. The lamb particularly was a disgrace chunks of tough meat grey in the middle.

The tandoori guinea fowl was better but dry as hell and the prawn dish, while having a good number of large prawns was tooth rottingly sweet.

The dal was made with the right black lentils but not milk as it should be and was no where near buttery enough.

The bread was pretty risible too

This is the sort of food that makes people think that Indian food is not a cuisine worthy of serious merit and if they ate this, they would be right.

The wine list is hideously over priced and not well matched to the food. In the end we ordered a South African Cab Sav for £24. ( to you at Waitrose - £4.99 tops )

We did not bother with desserts so finished with some mint tea ( they could at least ace that part of the meal )

The service throughout was efficient if charmless.

Bill for two inc service was £96 which for this part of town is pretty good but for this kind of meal is about £70 too much

I am not one of those people who think that Indian food cannot be given the high end treatment. But at Benares they had patently spent enormous sums of money shoehorning an Indian restaurant into a generic international style without any reference to the quality of the food

One to avoid

Oh, and they failed the napkin test.

3/10 ( for papads, raita and crab)

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circeplum

circeplum

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aargh. i'm scandalised.

i know i can never begin to have the background in indian food that you have, but we (me and very picky date) had a truly brilliant meal (apart from the chicken). the 'kebabs' were fabulous.

i might not know authentic, but i do know delicious. and what we ate (including gooseberry and kumquat solecisms) was just that.

i'll be running in the opposite direction next time i see you, then :blink:

m

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Tonyfinch

Tonyfinch

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Bloody shame. I had hopes that this might be THE one. Isn't the chef the guy that took Tamarind to a Michelin star? Or am I mixed up? What we need is an Indian chef to name an Indian restaurant after himself. It's a shame Cyrus Todiwalla doesn't do it, its such a great name.

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MobyP

MobyP

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SM - fantastic review.

Circeplum - bold rebuttal.

MobyP - stupid comentary. :smile:

"Gimme a pig's foot, and a bottle of beer..." Bessie Smith

Flickr Food

"111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321" Bruce Frigard 'Winesonoma' - RIP

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Mrs Woman

Mrs Woman

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Bloody shame. I had hopes that this might be THE one. Isn't the chef the guy that took Tamarind to a Michelin star? Or am I mixed up?

Tony, you are right, it is the Tamarind guy. Benares is all Atul Kocchar's fault :biggrin:

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circeplum

circeplum

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Bloody shame. I had hopes that this might be THE one. Isn't the chef the guy that took Tamarind to a Michelin star? Or am I mixed up?

Tony, you are right, it is the Tamarind guy. Benares is all Atul Kocchar's fault :biggrin:

have you been? really interested in another opinion.

m

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Tonyfinch

Tonyfinch

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Bloody shame.

What is? You don't know that you will agree with Majumdar's assessment until you try it our for yourself surely?

I meant more bloody shame he hated it so much. You're right it, doesn't mean I will.

I usually agree with him about Indian food, the India club excepted.

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Suzi Edwards

Suzi Edwards

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positive review in time out today for benares. does anyone know where they get their food critics from?

i still can't get over their "championing" of song que. the results of their eating and drinking awards and the at-least-two-as-far-as-i-can-remember reviews make me wonder if they have shares in them :wink:

Suzi Edwards aka "Tarka"

"the only thing larger than her bum is her ego"

Blogito ergo sum

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