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Round Four: Limericks


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Just a quickie....

Some friends of mine from Berl'n,

Was sent to a state of hurl'n.

When they ate Mickey-D's -

Their intestines did seize-

The commode, I can hear, still whirl'n.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. ~ F.Wilson

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I have never written one of these before. It's a first try.

There was a bartender from Manhattan

Who’s drinks resembled hot satin

He shimmied when shaking

Till his arms started aching

He ran his bar like general Patton.

A DUSTY SHAKER LEADS TO A THIRSTY LIFE

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The was once a proctologist's nurse,

said she didn't know which was the worse,

Those who gardened while nude

or wrong-ended their food,

her stories were really perverse! :shock:

SB (based on actual events) :wacko:

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  • 1 month later...

On the prairie one day Daniel Boone

Craved a spicy and hot lahmajoon

Then cried out "Oh, damn,

I'm all out of ground lamb!"

So he settled for fricaseed coon.

"Los Angeles is the only city in the world where there are two separate lines at holy communion. One line is for the regular body of Christ. One line is for the fat-free body of Christ. Our Lady of Malibu Beach serves a great free-range body of Christ over angel-hair pasta."

-Lea de Laria

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There was once a chorizo from Spain

that was delivered at 1 in the rain

with paprika as spice,

and saffron so nice,

the paella was declared quite insane!

What can I say??? the last time I had to write a limerick I was in 6th grade english class with an Irish nun for a teacher.

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There was once a chorizo from Spain

that was delivered at 1 in the rain

with paprika as spice,

and saffron so nice,

the paella was declared quite insane!

What can I say??? the last time I had to write a limerick I was in 6th grade english class with an Irish nun for a teacher.

I thought the rain in Spain fell mainly on the plain :laugh:

Judy Jones aka "moosnsqrl"

Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly.

M.F.K. Fisher

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There was once a chorizo from Spain

that was delivered at 1 in the rain

with paprika as spice,

and saffron so nice,

the paella was declared quite insane!

What can I say??? the last time I had to write a limerick I was in 6th grade english class with an Irish nun for a teacher.

I thought the rain in Spain fell mainly on the plain :laugh:

I told you I was rusty!! :biggrin:

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  • 2 weeks later...

There once was a garde manger named Jacques,

Who created magnificent stocks,

When asked for his favorite,

He replied somewhat labored,

"A pot of Sprite and a bag of Pop Rocks."

Rich Westerfield

Mt. Lebanon, PA

Drinking great coffee makes you a better lover.

There is no scientific data to support this conclusion, but try to prove otherwise. Go on. Try it. Right now.

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Skinny Tom, so verbosely a Locavore

Most people thought him Quite a Bore

Bold tales he told, repetitiously sold

As he choked down Damp Cabbage and Turnip Cores

One day his fate

Left nought on his plate (the winter had been quite hard)

Reaching the cupboard, his hand grasped his supper

Lucky he'd had some wheatgrass jarred!

But the jar was not true

No rubber to seal

For rubber, it was not local

So fermented wheatgrass left Tom poisoned dead

His bandana so gently caressing his head

As it suddenly shuddered and hit the table

The epitaph he left, it told his tale:

(He been sure everyone wanted to know)

"As I've always said,

Ten miles draws the line

For whatever it is that I choose to dine!

As I lay to rest, I've not tasted the best,

But do safely reside in my pride."

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Want to dine on authentic ragu?

Then Bologna just simply won't do!

"A Napoli, vai!"

Where they top pizza pie

With a cheese bufalese, impromptu.

"To Naples, go!"

Just lovely -- a real limerick.

Margaret McArthur

"Take it easy, but take it."

Studs Terkel

1912-2008

A sensational tennis blog from freakyfrites

margaretmcarthur.com

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Sweetbreads, I dare

not sweet nor bread

I do not care

and heavier then lead

the sweetbreads I had

I do care

in few words I'm told

they are from a mare

other things are sold

The place, I advise, please spare

Poetry, but not a limerick, unless Ferlinghetti had a stab at limericks.

Margaret McArthur

"Take it easy, but take it."

Studs Terkel

1912-2008

A sensational tennis blog from freakyfrites

margaretmcarthur.com

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Skinny Tom, so verbosely a Locavore

Most people thought him Quite a Bore

Bold tales he told, repetitiously sold

As he choked down Damp Cabbage and Turnip Cores

One day his fate

Left nought on his plate (the winter had been quite hard)

Reaching the cupboard, his hand grasped his supper

Lucky he'd had some wheatgrass jarred!

But the jar was not true

No rubber to seal

For rubber, it was not local

So fermented wheatgrass left Tom poisoned dead

His bandana so gently caressing his head

As it suddenly shuddered and hit the table

The epitaph he left, it told his tale:

(He been sure everyone wanted to know)

"As I've always said,

Ten miles draws the line

For whatever it is that I choose to dine!

As I lay to rest, I've not tasted the best,

But do safely reside in my pride."

Not a limerick, but a great Low Country Ballad.

Margaret McArthur

"Take it easy, but take it."

Studs Terkel

1912-2008

A sensational tennis blog from freakyfrites

margaretmcarthur.com

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There was once a chorizo from Spain

that was delivered at 1 in the rain

with paprika as spice,

and saffron so nice,

the paella was declared quite insane!

What can I say??? the last time I had to write a limerick I was in 6th grade english class with an Irish nun for a teacher.

Sister Mary Margaret taught you well -- doesn't scan perfectly, but it's a true limerick.

Margaret McArthur

"Take it easy, but take it."

Studs Terkel

1912-2008

A sensational tennis blog from freakyfrites

margaretmcarthur.com

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On the prairie one day Daniel Boone

Craved a spicy and hot lahmajoon

Then cried out "Oh, damn,

I'm all out of ground lamb!"

So he settled for fricaseed coon.

First class -- scans perfectly. Um, start a lahmajoon thread -- I'm clueless.

Margaret McArthur

"Take it easy, but take it."

Studs Terkel

1912-2008

A sensational tennis blog from freakyfrites

margaretmcarthur.com

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Our cats demand petting, those two

So we've nicknamed them Kobe and Wagyu

When they're fattened and tender

We think they will render

A gourmet, upscale feline stew :shock:

Sorry.  Needless to say, I'm kidding.  Please address complaints to Fat Guy - he started it :biggrin:

Edited to make sense.

!!!!!

(If you'd dropped the "So" in the second line it would have scanned better. But you've got Limerick Love, I can tell.)

Margaret McArthur

"Take it easy, but take it."

Studs Terkel

1912-2008

A sensational tennis blog from freakyfrites

margaretmcarthur.com

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A chef by the name of John Reid

Was entranced by the thought of sous vide

So he slow braised some snails

Then chopped off their tails

And served them with pea foam and mead

Meanwhile back in culinary school

The students were playing the fool

With the liquid N2

And a pound of wagyu

They made something terribly cool

:biggrin:

Website: http://cookingdownunder.com

Blog: http://cookingdownunder.com/blog

Twitter: @patinoz

The floggings will continue until morale improves

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In case you you haven't seen it, Maggie started another thread to gather entries for a new literary smackdown...

You can submit your limericks from 2006, including those in this thread, in this new smackdown. (link below).

My favorites so far...

Our cats demand petting, those two...

and

A nouveau Chinese chef from St. Louis...

This is the Smackdown that won't die: I swear I've seen more entries on the Limerick thread after the old competition closed than before. Limericks just rattle around in your head -- Isaac Asimov published a book of Limericks while he was doing serious reseach and writing books and columns. My father wrote two hundred in two days.  It's just fun.

I'm (re?) publishing the hoary and perfect culinary Limerick here to remind you about scan and rhyme scheme.  I'll take points off for sloppy.

A gentleman dining in Crewe

Found a rather large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter: "Don't shout!

Or wave it about

Or the rest will be wanting one too."

Please don't post your entries on this topic --  please use this thread. Anything you've contirubuted since the long-ago awarding of prizes can be copied and pasted there.

This is a fun interim Smackdown -- watch this space in the next few weeks for the new model.

Deadline poets: November 1, 2006.

Edited by ludja (log)

"Under the dusty almond trees, ... stalls were set up which sold banana liquor, rolls, blood puddings, chopped fried meat, meat pies, sausage, yucca breads, crullers, buns, corn breads, puff pastes, longanizas, tripes, coconut nougats, rum toddies, along with all sorts of trifles, gewgaws, trinkets, and knickknacks, and cockfights and lottery tickets."

-- Gabriel Garcia Marquez, 1962 "Big Mama's Funeral"

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On the prairie one day Daniel Boone

Craved a spicy and hot lahmajoon

Then cried out "Oh, damn,

I'm all out of ground lamb!"

So he settled for fricaseed coon.

First class -- scans perfectly. Um, start a lahmajoon thread -- I'm clueless.

Tanks. :) I've got lots and lots of them, but they mostly have nothing to do with food, and they are also more or less foul. (A limerick almost has to be really, doesn't it?) ;)

Lahmajoon/lahmacun is a very thin flat bread topped with ground lamb, pepper, onion, pepper paste. It's E. Turkihsh/Armenian. The Syrian version, lahma bi ajin, is quite different, with pine nuts and allspice in the meat. There's lots of recipes around.

"Los Angeles is the only city in the world where there are two separate lines at holy communion. One line is for the regular body of Christ. One line is for the fat-free body of Christ. Our Lady of Malibu Beach serves a great free-range body of Christ over angel-hair pasta."

-Lea de Laria

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Our cats demand petting, those two

So we've nicknamed them Kobe and Wagyu

When they're fattened and tender

We think they will render

A gourmet, upscale feline stew :shock:

Sorry.  Needless to say, I'm kidding.  Please address complaints to Fat Guy - he started it :biggrin:

Edited to make sense.

!!!!!

(If you'd dropped the "So" in the second line it would have scanned better. But you've got Limerick Love, I can tell.)

Or drop the "nick" of "nicknamed." I love it :)

"Los Angeles is the only city in the world where there are two separate lines at holy communion. One line is for the regular body of Christ. One line is for the fat-free body of Christ. Our Lady of Malibu Beach serves a great free-range body of Christ over angel-hair pasta."

-Lea de Laria

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