Varmint Exposed!

[Varmint]

In an effort for the readers of eGullet to get to know its moderators on an "up close and personal" basis, I offer you this voyeuristic thrill: Varmint's scientific, fail-safe, better than Atkins, Not-the-eGullet-Diet Weight Loss System. What is this newfangled method of shedding pounds? It's as simple as this -- through the wonders of the internet, I'm going to begin today a regular diary of my eating and exercise habits, as well as "weigh-ins" from time to time.

Why am I doing this and embarrassing myself before the world? In a word, desperation. First, it's clear that people have a strange fascination about the lives of others. More importantly, when a story is about another's weaknesses, the crowd's vulture-like appetite for dirt become too great to resist. On a constructive note, people aren't shy about offering suggestions, providing support and criticism, and going along for the ride. By starting this "diary" I can accomplish some goals while providing some fodder for the eGullet community.

Some background information: I'm 39 years old, a shade under 6 feet tall in my socks (but a giant in my boots), and currently weigh 228 pounds when butt nekkid (sorry for that mental image). I do aerobic exercise about 3 times a week – nothing heavy duty – just getting on the treadmill for a half hour to 45 minutes. I play basketball once a month. Even though I have lived in North Carolina for over 20 years, I have never smoked, chewed, or picked tobacco. I sit on my butt all day in my office, beginning at 8:00 AM. I usually get home around 7:00, tuck the Four LVs (that's "L'il Varmints" for the uninitiated) in their beds at 7:30, and begin to make dinner for Mrs. Varmint and me. We often eat a quick pasta for dinner – large portions, all too often, but always free of red meat (another story for another day). There's not a ton of variety during the week, simply because of the time restrictions. Cheap Chinese or Mexican take out occurs once a week, sometimes more frequently. Weekends can be crazy when the LVs ask for Krispy Kremes or Mrs. Varmint wants me to cook her something "good."

Oh, both my parents, all 3 of my dad's siblings, and all 4 of my grandparents have had cardiac bypass surgery at some point in their lives. All but one of them were smokers for at least 10 years of their lives.

I am not going to make a dramatic change in my life. I'm not going to go on a Subway Sandwich diet, or take a no carb approach. I will probably ignore multiple posts by users trying to shove some dogmatic diet down my throat. What I plan to do is to develop a sense of portion control, avoid snacks, and try to eat balanced meals. Thus, I'll need to go light on the country ham in my biscuits. Recognize, however, that I'm in North Carolina and will remain true to the region, so you'll hear about the barbecue or smothered chicken I had for lunch. I'll be honest. If I grab a Cheerwine or a Goo Goo Cluster for a snack, you'll hear about that, too.

This could be mundane, but it might be fun. If my weight stays the same, you can chastise me for a lack of discipline. If I drop below 200, you can take the credit.

Welcome to Varmint's Not-the-eGullet-Diet Weight Loss System thread. Feel free to start lobbing your pot shots.

Disclaimer: This unique weight loss system is not endorsed by eGullet, its affiliates, or any of the other individuals who are or may be in control of this site (or those who fantasize of being in control). Weight loss may vary from participant to participant, but seeing this is the first experiment of its kind on a food-geek website, weight gain may be highly possible, if not probable. Please consult a physician before initiating any weight loss program (I'm married to one, so I'm safe). Not to be used in conjunction with any supplements other than Goody's Headache Powder. Caveat emptor. All rights reserved. Don't run with scissors and be sure to wait an hour after eating before swimming.

[Schielke]

Good luck and God speed.

[Hopleaf]

Pot shots, eh? you know, around here, that might mean some expensive cookware flying your way. So get ready to duck.

Congratulations on your decision and best of luck.

Not to find myself in the category of the dogmatic dieters, but a suggestion (or two):

eliminate the take out. My wife and I used to eat a lot of delivery (the lazier version of take out) and once we stopped (mostly due to financial limitations) we were suprised to find our extra packaging diminish.

you're right on with portion control. Especially in regards to pasta. We rarely have pasta anymore, once in awhile thing.

Otherwise, you sound like you have a great plan. Good luck and let us know how it's going.

[tommy]

dude, you don't sound that big at all. maybe it's the southern accent that makes you seem so slim.

[maggiethecat]

Advice from someone who's finally managed to Keep It Off:

Eat whatever you like, but serve it in Trotter-sized portions.

Remember: being a little hungry kills no one.

Park as far as you can from the buildings at the mall or the grocery store.

Give up french fries unless they are really too good to pass up.

That's it! Good luck.

[hjshorter]

Good luck!

I second all of Maggie's tips (especially the portion control) plus one more - try to up the treadmill time by one more day a week. It'll make a difference after a while.

[Varmint]

I seriously hope to make this somewhat humorous. I haven't started experiencing chest pains or shortness of breath (except when I drag my ass up and down the basketball court, that is).

Fortunately, I've started on the right foot: Day 1 -- The Strept Throat Diet. I can't talk, it hurts like hell to swallow, and I'm drinking pints of water faster than Tommy shotguns Schlitz Light. I had a banana and vanilla yogurt smoothie for breakfast and for lunch, a bowl of chicken and rice soup along with a baked potato (little bit of butter, more ranch dressing). Oh, I've had ten -- check that, 11 -- Cepacol ® Sore Throat Lozenges (Honey Lemon flavor). Glucose and sucrose are on the ingredients list. Where the hell do you find nutritional information for stuff like this???

Don't have a clue about what's for dinner, but I've drunk so much water that I haven't had a chance to be full.

[bigbear]

Varmint Exposed, huh? ..... Where's the pictures?

[Varmint]

Varmint Exposed, huh? ..... Where's the pictures?

Just like the tabloids: lots of titillation on the cover and nothing of substance inside. Any photos will be in the form of "after" pictures when we run an eGullet competition to determine who gets to oil me down for my photo shoot. If you really want to see a picture, you can find me (fully clothed and somewhat blurry, thank goodness) in one of Holly Moore's pictures here (Look for Holly's April 8 post -- I'm the one holding the food and beer, of course).

[JSD]

Good luck. I didn't see it mentioned, but one way of losing weight is to cut out alcohol. When I did this, the weight melted off without me even thinking about it.

[Varmint]

Good luck.  I didn't see it mentioned, but one way of losing weight is to cut out alcohol.  When I did this, the weight melted off without me even thinking about it.

I'm a lawyer, for god's sake! Cut out alcohol? I'd take a chef's knife and a vacuum to my abdomen for a do-it-yourself liposuction before I cut out alcohol. I guess I could reduce the number of six-packs I drink each weekend, however. . . .

[Schielke]

Varmint Exposed, huh? ..... Where's the pictures?

Just like the tabloids: lots of titillation on the cover and nothing of substance inside. Any photos will be in the form of "after" pictures when we run an eGullet competition to determine who gets to oil me down for my photo shoot. If you really want to see a picture, you can find me (fully clothed and somewhat blurry, thank goodness) in one of Holly Moore's pictures here (Look for Holly's April 8 post -- I'm the one holding the food and beer, of course).

That mariners cap takes 10 lbs right off ya!

[nerissa]

Maggie's tips are right on. My father after having Stress Tests came back with dangerously high cholesterol levels. He was able to reduce his cholestrol to normal, heathly level in 2 months without drugs. Here is what he did:

1) cut out all alcohol except red wine.

2) cut out red meat.

3) ate tons of salmon and tuna.

4) ate a lot of tofu and legumes.

5) walked to get the newspaper with the dogs and my mum every morning.

I have recently been reducing the amount of refined carbohydrates and I have noticed an improvement.

The other thing is that you cannot deprive yourself completely. Give yourself a day on the weekend (or once in a while) to eat the on thing you crave.

Good luck, Varmint! Is your wife joining you on this quest?

[Varmint]

Good luck, Varmint!  Is your wife joining you on this quest?

Mrs. Varmint?? Nah, she's a jock who still plays soccer twice a week, runs the other days, chases the L'il Varmints around the house, and manages to practice medicine 20 hours a week. Of course, she'll usually be eating what I'm eating, so there will be some side effects because she can't cook.

[Dave the Cook]

1) cut out all alcohol except red wine.

2) cut out red meat.

3) ate tons of salmon and tuna.

4) ate a lot of tofu and legumes.

5) walked to get the newspaper with the dogs and my mum every morning.

I don't think this will work at all. I'll bet Varmint doesn't even know your Mum, let alone the dogs.

[KatieLoeb]

Varmint:

Best of luck with the lifestyle changes (I absolutely LOATHE the word "diet") related to your eating habits. Since I'm no shining example of sveltitude myself, you can take this advice with a grain of salt (or a handful of sugar) as you see fit.

I'd cut down on the high glycemic carbohydrates, generally anything white like bread, white rice, white potatoes, pasta, etc. and try to get more carbs in your diet from whole grain sources, legumes and vegetables. It cuts down on the wild swings in blood sugar that lead to binging and cravings for sweets. Cutting out the beer and substituting wine wouldn't hurt either. You should ask Dr. Mrs. Varmint if I'm correct about this.

Keep us posted on your progress.

[Basildog]

We are cooking up a batch of walnuts next week, but as i have seen this thread, i won't be telling you about them, cos that would be evil MUHAHAHAHAHAH

best of luck

[torakris]

Good Luck Varmint!!

We are cheering for you and remember tofu is your friend!

[Varmint]

Cutting out the beer and substituting wine wouldn't hurt either.  You should ask Dr. Mrs. Varmint if I'm correct about this.

Actually, despite my efforts to demonstrate a Joe Six Pack redneck mentality, I usually drink wine, unless I'm drinking beer, of course.

As far as Dr. Mrs. Varmint is concerned, I just don't ask her anymore. She's brutal with the doctoring of her husband, as she gives me no sympathy, even with a throat that's en fuego.

[Varmint]

Good Luck Varmint!!

We are cheering for you and remember tofu is your friend!

Thanks, Kristin, but remember, this is the South. However, I'll start working on a chicken-fried tofu with a soy milk gravy dish. Yeah, that might work well. Or not.

[KatieLoeb]

Cutting out the beer and substituting wine wouldn't hurt either.  You should ask Dr. Mrs. Varmint if I'm correct about this.

Actually, despite my efforts to demonstrate a Joe Six Pack redneck mentality, I usually drink wine, unless I'm drinking beer, of course.

Actually, I was talking about whether I was correct about the glycemic index stuff, not about subbing wine for beer exclusively.

As far as Dr. Mrs. Varmint is concerned, I just don't ask her anymore.  She's brutal with the doctoring of her husband, as she gives me no sympathy, even with a throat that's en fuego.

I'm not sure if she's being cruel, or if perhaps you've given her some reason to hope that you develop a case of laryngitis. Only you know that for sure...

[Varmint]

We are cooking up a batch of walnuts next week, but as i have seen this thread, i won't be telling you about them, cos that would be evil MUHAHAHAHAHAH

best of luck

You gotta love that support I get from friends on the other side of the pond.

However, after the shameless way I begged for those walnuts the first time around, I probably deserve it.

Throat is still very sore. Looks like more soup for dinner. I think I have plenty of stock in the freezer.

[EJRothman]

Try adding some weight training to your exercise reoutine. Cardio may burn calories, but weight training builds muscle, and muscle boosts your metabolism.

Also, all pasta dinners aren't very balanced, make sure to get your protein (esp. if lifting weights).

And I second the no refined carbs suggestion. Complex carbs don't reek havoc with your glycemic levels, have more nutrients, and (in my opinion) generally taste better.

-Eric

[Varmint]

Try adding some weight training to your exercise reoutine.

Try lifting up my bruiser of a 4 year old as much as I do -- there's your weight training!!

Thanks for the good info.

[suzilightning]

Oh, I've had ten -- check that, 11 -- Cepacol ® Sore Throat Lozenges (Honey Lemon flavor).  Glucose and sucrose are on the ingredients list.  Where the hell do you find nutritional information for stuff like this???

.

closest i could come is between 9 and 15 kcal and 2-3.7 mg cho(carbohydrates). these are for Listerine Throat Lozenges and Halls cough tablets.

source is Bowe's & Chruch's Food Values of Portions Commonly Used

or call your local reference librarian goddess