TDG: The Bitter End: The Devil's Gate

[Fat Guy]

Andy Lynes chats with Mr. Methane

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[maggiethecat]

This really cuts the cheese, Andy!

Joseph Pujol, the great French Petomane of the nineteenth century, always ended his act by extinguishing a candle. But, sadly, never knew "Da Doo Run Run."

Edited April 28, 2003 by maggiethecat (log)

[Jim Dixon]

Great story, Andy....

I remember reading about Le Petomane in the funky little magic shop deep in the bowels of Pike Place Market many years ago. When our boys we younger we took them there and they loved the story, too.

There was also a great piece in the old Coevolution Quarterly (now Whole Earth Review) about farting. The author devised a farting etiquette by taking an old Emily Post Smoker's Etiquette and substituting the word 'fart' for 'smoke....

Farting is forbidden in most museums, although some have designated areas where it is allowed.

Legitimate theaters do not allow farting in the theater proper.  It is usually allowed in the outer lobby, and those who wish to fart during the intermission go there to do so. 

It is perfectly correct for a man who wishes to fart to leave a lady who doesn't, but he should hurry back, and

not leave her too frequently.

In private situations when there may be some objection, before lighting your fart, always ask, "Do you mind if I fart?"  If there is any hesitation in the reply, do your best to refrain from farting until you leave.

A man should light a woman's fart if he is close to her, but not if he is on the other side of the table or if it would be awkward in any way.

And there was something recently in Nutrional Action Newsletter (from overzealous CSPI...I don't subscribe, but my mom does) about digestion and farting. It said, I think, that swallowing air was the primary cause of flatulence.

Jim

[jhlurie]

Thank you Andy for confirming the "downfall" of eGullet.

Not.

Pure genius, mate. Just what I needed, other than a nice long session with my own water closet.

Does M.M. read eGullet under an alias... er... I mean via his secret identity?

[Hub-UK2]

Wonderful!

I was feeling really p . . . off on arriving in work this morning. I read your article which appealed to my sense of humour. Loved it and cheered up.

[Lord Michael Lewis]

Andy, I can't believe you didn't ask him about 'follow-through'. But nice article, nonetheless.

[IrishCream]

And to think I have been trying to explain to my newly acquired 13 year old step-son that farting publicly is rude and inappropriate behavior (especially when he purposefully aims them my way). His response is that he loves his farts and, in fact, is proud of them! Times sure have changed since my childhood when silent but deadly was an art.

[wawairis]

Terrific article Andy! I enjoyed it immensely!

I never realized that there were/are fart performers. I'd be interested in seeing a performance.

[Monica Bhide]

Terrific piece Andy. Made me smile in the morning!!!

[Craig Camp]

It is wonderful to know that those expensive 3 star meals are something that we can appreciate at least twice. Kind of cuts the price in half.

[wawairis]

It is wonderful to know that those expensive 3 star meals are something that we can appreciate at least twice. Kind of cuts the price in half.

Kinda like a delayed dinner theater, eh?

[Andy Lynes]

Andy, I can't believe you didn't ask him about 'follow-through'.

I did ask actually but felt it best to leave the reply out of the article. I asked Mr Methane if he would like to respond on this thread, so hopefully you might get a direct reply.

[elyse]

Nice article Andy. Cheered me up.

[Craig Camp]

It is wonderful to know that those expensive 3 star meals are something that we can appreciate at least twice. Kind of cuts the price in half.

Kinda like a delayed dinner theater, eh?

Yeah - with surround sound.

[wawairis]

It is wonderful to know that those expensive 3 star meals are something that we can appreciate at least twice. Kind of cuts the price in half.

Kinda like a delayed dinner theater, eh?

Yeah - with surround sound.

Hahaha! And smell-o-rama!

[jhlurie]

I never realized that there were/are fart performers.  I'd be interested in seeing a performance.

Its like "Puppetry of the Penis" but with 100% less penis.

[Craig Camp]

Andy, I can't believe you didn't ask him about 'follow-through'.

I did ask actually but felt it best to leave the reply out of the article. I asked Mr Methane if he would like to respond on this thread, so hopefully you might get a direct reply.

I have turned the volume on my headphones down. I'm ready.

[Mr. Methane]

Hello Andy,

Just a short message to say that the article was very good and I enjoyed reading it immensely. In fact it came out far better than I expected it would. When I say that I mean that being such a boring Meat & 2 Veg man I didn't think it would be exotic enough for eGullet.com.

Talking about exotic I've really got a taste for a bit of Oriental just lately, I'm sure you don't want me to bore you with my sex life though so onto the questions one or two people asked.

If you'd like to see a show why not purchase my video "Mr. Methane Let's Rip!" from www.mrmethane.com or www.fartvideo.com Or if your pocket doesn't stretch that far then there are some Real Movies on the Live Show Page.

About "Catching A Bear In The Net". it hapened once at a Hen Night in the Sportsman Pub, Hyde, Cheshire, very early in my carreer. Nowadays I always take the precaution of "Clearing My throat" before a show". That said I sometimes like to leave a bit in if its solid enough as it can act as a "Wedge In The Door" and assit with the Sphincter Seperation.

Thats probably enough information for one evening so I'll sign off.

Always Wipe Thoroughly!!!

Yours flatulently,

Mr. Methane!

[Jim Dixon]

Mr.Methane,

Love those euphemisms (and plan to adopt them for regular usage). On a particularly silly trip with a couple of slightly younger friends who the share my enthusiasm for frank talk about unmentionable subjects (an enthusiasm not shared by Judith), we hit on 'taking the kids to the pool' as an excuse to visit the WC.

Jim

[elyse]

What's the line from "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" "She'd like to visit the euphemism," was it?

Edit: "Martha, won't you show her where we keep the... euphemism?"

Edited April 29, 2003 by elyse (log)

[torakris]

then there are people who find farting ... well...................

erotic.

These are videos from Japan:

http://www.bekkoame.ne.jp/ha/dins/onarafet...ish3english.htm

[Fresser]

When I was in the 3rd grade, people would always holler, "Whoever cut the cheese, pass the crackers!"

It took me years to figure that one out.

[KatieLoeb]

I've always wondered why men have so much more, how shall I say this, range, than women seem to in this regard. I've seen/heard women belch like frat boys (in fact I have a co-worker who's notorious for it) but have never seen or met a woman capable of the four octave fart quite like men seem to be. Or at least one who would admit it, perhaps. Any thoughts on this Mr. Methane?

[Jim Dixon]

Katie,

I always thought that young girls were taught to fart quietly back in grade school...you know, those times when the boys and girls are separated to watch gender-specific 'personal hygeine' films.

But boys (and we're all still boys, no matter what anybody claims) embrace the fart, glory in it, and occasionally light one up (hint: keep your pants on). Years of practice are all it takes to get the timbre, range, and volume you seek.

Jim

[Suzanne F]

Yet another case of eGullet was there first: the Spring 2003 issue of Gastronomica has a typically scholarly and fascinating article titled "Somdel Squaymous," by Mark Morton. He begins:

WARNING: this column is about flatulence.  If you find such a subject too cheeky, or if you (like my mother) think I'm full of beans, then turn the page now.  On the other hand, if you recognize that it's an ill wind that blows nobody good, then read on and discover some curious etymological tidbits.