Accommodating/combating housekeeping differences in the kitchen

[Margaret Pilgrim]

On 5/3/2021 at 5:48 PM, heidih said:

Should have been in a box marked kitchen.

Husband is big on instigating purges of "communal" areas, like "the kitchen drawer", the one next to the sink that has everything in it, like corkscrews and vegetable peelers and can openers and oyster knives and...     When he comes upon something he doesn't understand, he asks when was the last time I used it.    Then accumulates a group of totally unrelated specialty tools, boxes them up, labels them "ODD KITCHEN TOOLS" and puts them in the basement.    Which may as well be in Tahiti when you reach for a singular item.  

[Tropicalsenior]

1 hour ago, Margaret Pilgrim said:

Husband is big on instigating purges of "communal" areas, like "the kitchen drawer",

My husband was such a packrat that I refused to have a 'kitchen drawer'. I have a small basket on top of the counter and at the end of the week it is gone through and everything goes back to its place. If it doesn't have a place it gets pitched.

I didn't dare let him cook anything in the kitchen because it took an act of Congress to clean up after him.

Having worked in restaurants for years, I am a person with a place for everything and everything in its place and even though things had been in the same place for 20 years he never could find them.

Then again, on the plus side, I never cooked anything, from a humble fried egg to a Sumptuous prime rib that he didn't thank me for it and compliment it. I will never again complain about his annoying little quirks without remembering all the good that overshadowed them.

[Darienne]

41 minutes ago, Tropicalsenior said:

My husband was such a packrat that I refused to have a 'kitchen drawer'. I have a small basket on top of the counter and at the end of the week it is gone through and everything goes back to its place. If it doesn't have a place it gets pitched.

I didn't dare let him cook anything in the kitchen because it took an act of Congress to clean up after him.

Having worked in restaurants for years, I am a person with a place for everything and everything in its place and even though things had been in the same place for 20 years he never could find them.

Then again, on the plus side, I never cooked anything, from a humble fried egg to a Sumptuous prime rib that he didn't thank me for it and compliment it. I will never again complain about his annoying little quirks without remembering all the good that overshadowed them.

I laughed at some parts.  Smiled at others.  Lovely story.

 

[Kim Shook]

4 hours ago, Margaret Pilgrim said:

Husband is big on instigating purges of "communal" areas, like "the kitchen drawer", the one next to the sink that has everything in it, like corkscrews and vegetable peelers and can openers and oyster knives and...     When he comes upon something he doesn't understand, he asks when was the last time I used it.    Then accumulates a group of totally unrelated specialty tools, boxes them up, labels them "ODD KITCHEN TOOLS" and puts them in the basement.    Which may as well be in Tahiti when you reach for a singular item.  

This one gets a frowny face:

😠

Having spent the last year + with him working from home, I suspect when Mr. Kim retires he is going to start trying to micro-manage my kitchen and cooking.  So far, I've been kind, understanding that when you are a manager it is hard to NOT manage.  But when it becomes full time, I will have to retaliate.  Maybe I'll get deeply involved in his smoking.  😄

[Darienne]

6 minutes ago, Kim Shook said:

This one gets a frowny face:

😠

Having spent the last year + with him working from home, I suspect when Mr. Kim retires he is going to start trying to micro-manage my kitchen and cooking.  So far, I've been kind, understanding that when you are a manager it is hard to NOT manage.  But when it becomes full time, I will have to retaliate.  Maybe I'll get deeply involved in his smoking.  😄

A year of Covid 19 would be like the first year of a husband's retirement.  A friend told me that the first year for her was heck on earth.  And when Ed retired...it was the same thing.  Mr. Kim will no doubt just get bored with the entire thing and leave you alone.   .....I hope.....  

[Margaret Pilgrim]

DH has been retired since 1998.    I was originally terrified.   But it has been remarkably easy.    Walks.   (New) grocery shopping.   Stays in the country.    Travel.    He has a "shop" in the basement where he busies himself with projects I don't understand.    I taught him about Crossword and Sudoku.   We have space to separate during the day and reunite in an instant.    I have no complaints.  

[Tropicalsenior]

1 hour ago, Margaret Pilgrim said:

We have space to separate during the day and reunite in an instant.

That is the whole thing in a nutshell in order to stay sane in retirement. When we retired to Costa Rica, it was our first year of living completely together. We lived in a little tiny condo and almost didn't make it. Then we got a bigger house and he had his woodshop and studio and I had my sewing room and kitchen. We had separate reading areas, separate televisions, and even separate bedrooms and we were never more together than we were from then on. It is a big mistake to downsize to a little bitty condo or apartment where you are on top of each other all the time.

[JoNorvelleWalker]

3 hours ago, Tropicalsenior said:

That is the whole thing in a nutshell in order to stay sane in retirement. When we retired to Costa Rica, it was our first year of living completely together. We lived in a little tiny condo and almost didn't make it. Then we got a bigger house and he had his woodshop and studio and I had my sewing room and kitchen. We had separate reading areas, separate televisions, and even separate bedrooms and we were never more together than we were from then on. It is a big mistake to downsize to a little bitty condo or apartment where you are on top of each other all the time.

 

I read tonight Bill and Melinda Gates are splitting up.  Sad as I am at the news of anyone getting divorced, I guess they needed a larger home.

 

[Tropicalsenior]

6 hours ago, JoNorvelleWalker said:

, I guess they needed a larger home.

Hardly, I've been in their home in Hunts Point in the Seattle area. I'm surprised that they could even find each other in it. I'm just surprised that they've stayed married as long as they did.

[liamsaunt]

The only thing my husband does "wrong" in the kitchen is misfile my favorite egg spatula.  I have two main drawers for utensils.  One is smaller and designated for the most frequently used and loved items (including said egg spatula) and the other, larger one, is for everything else.  For some reason he always puts the egg spatula in the everything drawer.  At least I know where to go looking for it now.

 

My bigger beef is with my sister.  We let her and her kids move in with us when covid started (the kids are away at college now but will be back in a few weeks).  We are all getting along swimmingly except for one thing in the kitchen: she HATES to run and empty the dishwasher!  She will cram it beyond full and still not run it for some reason.  It drives me bonkers and I have said something to her more than once but old habits die hard I guess.  She does wash all of the pots and pans I dirty making while dinner so that is the trade off.

Edited July 10, 2022 by Smithy
Adjusted title (log)

[BeeZee]

Oh, goody, gripes about the spouse and housekeeping issues. I've been waiting for this...

Husband will only put items on the very front edge of the refrigerator shelf (for quick access, of course). Sometimes not entirely on that shelf.

He assumes the French doors close themselves all the time (ie, he gives it a half hearted push and walks away) - I've found the refrig doors or freezer drawer ajar more than a few times.

I have cooking utensils (spatulas, etc) in a drawer closest to the oven/range. Preparation tools (wisk, peeler, etc) are in a drawer off to the side. He will invariably put the peeler in the spatula drawer (even after I explained the system).

Biggest gripe...not thoroughly rinsing the Dobie sponge after washing dishes, particularly egregious after he cleans peanut butter or some other spread off a knife. Gross.

[weinoo]

Bunch of complainers.

[TdeV]

14 minutes ago, BeeZee said:

Biggest gripe...not thoroughly rinsing the Dobie sponge after washing dishes, particularly egregious after he cleans peanut butter or some other spread off a knife. Gross.

 

We have separate sponges. 🙃

[kayb]

Incompatibility in the kitchen is one of the several reasons I'm single.

[Margaret Pilgrim]

1 hour ago, weinoo said:

Bunch of complainers.

Do you share your kitchen or is it essentially your domain?

[weinoo]

54 minutes ago, Margaret Pilgrim said:

Do you share your kitchen or is it essentially your domain?

 

Significant Eater has little need to do much in the kitchen; she can certainly make a cup of tea or coffee, hell even ramen or a sandwich, but that's pretty much as far as it goes.

[JeanneCake]

During the pandemic, my son has decided to cook more - which is a good thing, he's learning.  He's decided that *he* knows more about organizing a kitchen than his mother 🤦‍♀️.  You can hear me griping every time he puts something where it doesn't belong and I have hidden my Wusthof knives.

[Margaret Pilgrim]

56 minutes ago, JeanneCake said:

During the pandemic, my son has decided to cook more - which is a good thing, he's learning.  He's decided that *he* knows more about organizing a kitchen than his mother 🤦‍♀️.  You can hear me griping every time he puts something where it doesn't belong and I have hidden my Wusthof knives.

Funny.   Our adult son, who does the majority of cooking, has a lock on the "knife drawer", made particularly necessary when they started hosting au pairs.

[patti]

Oh! Where do I begin on this topic?! I’ll start with something good. We have both retired this year during the pandemic. A few months ago he decided that one of his retirement duties is to clean the kitchen every night! Yay! I don’t even mention the things I later rewash because he isn’t thorough enough. It’s worth it to remain silent. 

 

In 2009 my husband’s employer told him that if he wanted his job, it was now going to be in Houston. He wanted his job. He got an apartment in Houston and drove home on the week-ends. This lasted a year before he told the company he had another job offer and was moving back home. They suddenly decided he could do his job from home, if he was willing to go back for occasional meetings and things. He was. 
 

While in Houston, he’d been cooking for himself, probably more often than I was cooking at home, but then he’d always cooked some. On his return, he started telling me how I should cook things.  The most infuriating was when he’d start with, “Rachel Ray says,” or “Rachel Ray does...” (He was watching way too much Food Network!) UGH. If I bought a roast for Sunday dinner, I would be so annoyed when I’d walk into the kitchen and he’d already started cooking it. My roast is better! One day we actually did dueling pot roasts. The winner was our son, who took massive leftovers home with him. 

 

There will be more to come. 

Edited May 5, 2021 by patti (log)

[kayb]

I cook. Child A does not. 

 

Child A complains because the kitchen isn't neat. However, I clean the kitchen. My thought is that if I cook in it and I clean it up, she can deal with walking through it.

 

[gfweb]

I couldn't find my thermometer and a few other small items.

 

When I finally found it...after buying a new thermometer...it was in the bottom of a utensil crock, hiding amongst the ladle handles.

 

I was told..."Oh, I was just straightening up" as though that's an acceptable explanation for gross stupidity.

[lindag]

I lose things all the time.  It's only after replacing the item that I find the original.

I think it's one of Murphy's Laws.

[KennethT]

I really dislike it when people try to be helpful and "clean up" an area that only I use.  That's when I can never find anything!

[heidih]

Right - don't touch my desk, or put things in freezer/fridge, or put dishes away - it does not help me!

[Kim Shook]

2 hours ago, gfweb said:

I couldn't find my thermometer and a few other small items.

 

When I finally found it...after buying a new thermometer...it was in the bottom of a utensil crock, hiding amongst the ladle handles.

 

I was told..."Oh, I was just straightening up" as though that's an acceptable explanation for gross stupidity.

😠  This happens to me all the time.  And the response when I complain is basically "Well, if you want it done a certain way, you should do it yourself".  How about you all just learn the right way to do stuff?  From putting away the dishes that have dried wrong to putting sharp knives in the dishwasher (not the good ones - I have managed to train them not to do that) to "clearing up" after dinner but not wiping down the stove or the countertops.  So infuriating.  Just this morning, we had the refrigerator discussion.  He can't find something and when I go to look, everything is in utter chaos.  I haven't organized the fridge in a few days and he shrugs and says, "I have to put things where they'll go".  Sigh.  I assume we're out of relish if it's hiding behind the marmalade.  And if the deli ham is in the salad drawer, it goes on the shopping list.